1
You are the boss, take care of your sister!
A week or two before I was pregnant with my second child, it was summer vacation. I went for a walk in the community at a fixed time every day, and I could see my neighbor’s sister downstairs playing with her younger sister.
The elder sister rides a big scooter, and the younger sister rides a smaller one; the elder sister jumps with a rope, and the younger sister also learns to jump with a children's rope; the elder sister walks around, and the younger sister also toddles behind. Toddler.
My elder sister is 12 years old and is in the sixth grade of elementary school. My younger sister is 3 years old and is about to go to kindergarten.
There are many children playing in the community. Although my sister is older, she is still a child. She often runs to play games with her friends, such as duck hunting and long rope jumping. We are all wooden people. I accidentally forgot about my sister.
The little guy rushed to catch up and fell down. He lay on the ground and cried loudly. He had to wait for his sister to come and hug him.
My sister had no choice but to let out a long sigh, quit the game she was playing passionately, ran over and picked up her sister, and then went back to watch helplessly as the game changed to someone else.
Where is their mother? I've only seen it once.
It doesn’t seem to be a problem. Both children need to play, so let’s go together. They will both be happy and the adults will also have a good time.
This is not the case.
What if something goes wrong? The younger one fell and cried, and the older one didn’t want to study or did his homework. Will the parents criticize the older one?
"What do you think of your sister?"
"You are really a sister, and you are not responsible at all."
"I What’s going on with you? It’s been a day and you haven’t finished your homework yet?”
My parents are so partial!
Even though the eldest daughter is still a child, she is asked to assume obligations that do not belong to her. I am a parent, but I throw my child away and have the nerve to say that my child is irresponsible. Let the eldest child help take care of the second child, not leaving time for the children to study, and then criticize them later for not doing their homework.
Some people may be envious: "Look, it's great to have a sister who can help take care of the children!"
But I really feel sad for my sister: I am still a little princess, so You have to learn to be a mother!
2
I don’t want to be a sensible child!
I remembered seeing a question on Zhihu about "The harm caused to oneself by favoring sons over daughters." One person mentioned that her parents did not favor sons over daughters, but they were still affected by the birth of their younger brother. , and had no time to take care of her. From then on, she did everything by herself.
Wash your clothes by yourself; do your homework by yourself; inquire about tutoring classes by yourself, pay for registration by yourself, go to class by yourself; communicate with teachers by yourself.
It’s good that her parents didn’t deduct money from her.
She said: Others envy my parents, your daughter is so sensible and capable! But I just want to be a naive kid.
I also want to have a father to take me to school. I also want to eat the hot breakfast made by my mother. I also want to get into my mother’s arms and act like a baby...
However, I could only transfer to several buses to go to class. I could only make breakfast by myself and eat bread when I got up late. I watched my classmates’ parents come to pick them up after school and communicated with the teachers about their studies, but I was always confused. is a person.
Actually, I am just a child!
This is not favoring boys over girls, this is just favoring the second child.
Having a second child will make you a lot busier, but why can’t you cook for the eldest child? As for being unable to pick up the child? As for not having time to communicate with the teacher?
Due to the partiality of her parents, the psychological shadow of the eldest child lasted until adulthood. She wanted to complain online. When I saw it, I really wanted to crawl over to the phone and hug her to comfort her.
3
Mom and Dad, you only love your sister but not me!
After my second child was born, my eldest son also gradually developed emotions.
We always buy toys for my sister, play with her and sleep with her. We are extremely patient with her and never criticize her. Even when she poops, we praise her, "Awesome baby! Good poop!"
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And what about him? It's learning learning learning, it's about holding on, holding on, holding on.
"Why are you playing again?"
"I said, can't you be more conscious?"
"Child, can you save us Have a snack and go do your homework!"
"Come on, let me help you with your homework when I'm free now."
So, the big one said: "You always accompany me. Sister, you won’t accompany me either!” I was so angry that I locked myself in my room to play, but I forgot that I still had an assignment to do, and when I found out, I was criticized again.
How miserable!
Why do mom and dad always accompany my sister? Why do my parents only care about my studies? Why can't Mom and Dad play with me for a while? It wasn't like this before! It’s all because I have a younger sister, my parents are too partial!
So the boss felt unbalanced and unhappy. Full of resentment, he finally couldn't help it and issued his accusation!
This kind of venting is actually to call for the love of parents, to prove one's status, and to give oneself an answer: Mom and Dad still love me and love me, not just my sister.
4
I know how to treat people fairly, but I can’t do it.
Therefore, as parents, we all know that when there is a second child in the family, we must treat them fairly and not be partial.
However, it really can’t be done because the situation is different.
The older ones have to study, and their parents have high requirements. The little ones are growing up, and their parents have low requirements. The stages are different, the tasks are different, so the requirements are different
This is what the boss and I said:
For my sister, she needs to grow up now, she needs to be fed, her mother needs to take care of her, and she needs to be put to sleep. , she cannot be independent on her own. For you, the most important thing now is studying, so we find time to tutor you on your homework. I don’t have that much time to play with you.
However, it has little effect.
It is one thing to understand the truth, and another thing to do it. From the eldest's point of view, his feeling is that his parents are treating him differently. What he cares about is not necessarily toys, coaxing to sleep, or playing with, but treating them equally.
Someone on Zhihu said that he was the eldest son and his family was poor. When he got married, his wife only asked for a bride price of 10,000 yuan. A few years later, now that the younger brother is getting married, the woman wants a bride price of 200,000 yuan.
My parents had no choice but to spend their savings over the years and borrow 100,000 yuan in foreign debt. The eldest daughter-in-law was dissatisfied and always had troubles at home.
The eldest son was in a dilemma. He didn’t want to blame his wife, his parents, and he couldn’t blame his younger brother. He was so distressed that he was about to become depressed.
Everyone blames their parents for being unfair, being too partial, and not being honest.
Only one netizen hit the nail on the head: In fact, what you care about is not money, but your parents’ equal attitude, attention, and fair treatment.
Another netizen shared what his relatives did.
The old man prepared 100,000 yuan for each of his two sons to get married, but the second son insisted on 200,000 yuan. The old man didn't want to delay his second son's marriage and let his children complain all their lives, but he still ended up with an extra 100,000 yuan.
However, the old man made it clear to his two children that he would help the eldest child with the children, and would also supplement the elder's family by continuing to work.
In the final analysis, it depends on the attitude of the parents and their wisdom in dealing with things.
5
Favor the boss, there are many benefits!
Therefore, the correct approach is to give the child what he needs, and treat the two children differently.
For example, my family has adjusted its thinking.
Don’t just care about the boss’s studies, but also care about his spiritual needs. Try to find time to play sports with your boss. He likes to play chess, so play chess with him more often. If I really don’t have time, I will negotiate with him and clarify when to wait, then I will accompany him.
In the beginning, I always slept with my second child. Later, when the second child fell asleep, I let my family watch while I went to study with the eldest child. When he needs it, he will give him guidance. When he doesn't need it, he will read and write articles and accompany him.
The whole family goes to the supermarket to buy things. If the eldest child likes it, he will choose it by himself. The second child is ignorant and can play with anything for a long time. There are many toys in the house, so he may not necessarily buy it.
The second child is still young. He should be sucked and sucked when he should be fed, hugged when he should be hugged, and watched and played when he should be played with.
After a while, the boss became more angry.
I am walking my baby in the community every day recently, and I often see a young mother who always accompanies her 2-year-old eldest son and leaves her 3-month-old second child with the elderly or a nanny.
When I chatted with her, she said: "I did this on purpose."
The second child doesn't know anything now, and his needs are not that many. He only needs to take care of food, drink and diarrhea. Just let it go.
And it is when the eldest daughter needs her mother to play with her, talk to her, and exercise with her. If she needs to do nothing, I will try my best to accompany her. , while there is still time.
Save that when the children get older, they will think that we will not care about her if we have a younger brother. The gain outweighs the loss."
I nodded repeatedly, admiring her thoughtfulness.
I remember chatting with an old teacher. I mentioned that there are more and more second-child families and there are many new problems and how to deal with them.
The old teacher’s words have stuck with me to this day.
She said: "Little
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If you ask like this, it is equivalent to encouraging the second child's arrogance. I have seen many times where the second child bullied the boss to the point where there was no room for reasoning. The boss hated the second child and was very annoyed. , I said that I have to go to the farthest place to get into college, and I will never come back!
If we change our thinking, we are partial to the eldest son.
The eldest son is already sensible and has been the sole owner of his parents for many years. With his younger brother and sister, he is afraid that someone will take away his love. If his parents take care of his emotions and still care about him, he will feel safe.
You have the confidence to love your younger brothers and sisters, the consciousness of working hard, and the calmness to grow up.
Also, you care about the eldest brother, his emotions, life, and study, and cultivate the eldest brother into a talented person. . In the process of raising the eldest child, you are giving early education to the second child!
Children are the best at imitating. When the eldest brother reads, he also reads, and when the eldest brother learns, he also learns.
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You think, this is a killing two birds with one stone, why not do it?
If you always feel that the second child is younger and prefer the second child, the boss will feel aggrieved all day long. If there is trouble, the atmosphere at home is not good, the relationship between the two children is not good, and it is not good for the child's growth.
Therefore, whenever parents come to me and ask me for advice, they say that the eldest child is not good at studying, and there is something wrong with the family! If you can’t take care of the second child, I will teach them to favor the boss!
Are you right? ”
Friends, what do you think?