Do you know what personality mask counseling is? The following is the basic process of psychological counseling with personality mask that I brought.
The application of personality mask technology in psychological counseling is mainly reflected in the following aspects:
1, look at the mask
From the moment the visitor walks into the consulting room, the consultant will adopt it? See the mask? Techniques for identifying visitors' personality masks. Visitors' personality masks can be roughly divided into four categories: dependence, dominance, challenge and neglect.
Dependence is also called obedience. He met a psychological problem and couldn't solve it by himself, so he came to do psychological counseling. He regards the consultant as a lifesaver and does whatever the consultant says. So? Compliance? Better, but more passive.
Dominators are used to giving orders to others, like telling others what to do, and will impose their will on consultants, hoping that consultants will cooperate with him.
Challengers are usually dragged over by others for psychological counseling, so they are in conflict with psychological counseling, not pleasing to the eye, and even openly provocative.
Neglect is also very resistant to psychological counseling, but it will not be openly provocative, but passive resistance and passive attack. The most typical performance is three questions and I don't know.
2. Relationship technology
To identify the personality mask of visitors, counselors should use the corresponding personality mask to deal with it. The mask of authority (spiritual teacher) is most suitable for the dependent. The consultant must be very confident and assure the visitor in time that his problem will be solved as long as he cooperates seriously. Family members like to ask questions, and counselors should answer them appropriately. Many dependent people want to get solutions from consultants, who should give them appropriate guidance.
If the visitor uses the mask of dominator, the consultant should respond with the mask of waiter (love ambassador), respect the opinions of the visitor and provide services enthusiastically. If the visitor's opinion is reasonable, do not hesitate to adopt it; If it is unreasonable, you should accept it first, but not for the time being, waiting for a suitable opportunity to explain it to the visitors.
If visitors use the challenger mask, many psychological counselors will involuntarily use the defender mask, showing fear, rejection, helplessness, indifference and confrontation. Consultants must be aware of this and change masks in time. Psychological counselors can put on a mask of sympathy, feel that visitors are misunderstood by people around them, and are forced to come to consult, so that visitors can explain their dissatisfaction with people around them. The challenger didn't bear a grudge against the consultant, but took it out on him. If the consultant still stands on the side of the people around the visitor and helps them speak and thinks that the visitor has a problem, the visitor will upgrade the consultant to the first goal.
If the visitor uses a nose mask, the counselor can use a companion mask.
It is not easy to identify the personality mask of visitors, and the personality mask of visitors will change during the consultation process, so consultants should always observe and adjust their personality mask at any time. With the progress of consultation, visitors will gradually change their masks and put on the masks of their collaborators. The characteristic of the collaborator mask is that you know that only you can help yourself, and the consultant only plays an auxiliary role, so your autonomy is improved. Self-growth? . Consultants should also switch masks in time, take off the masks of authority, waiters, sympathizers and companions, and put them on? Soul mate? Mask.
3. Plot analysis
Think of psychological problems as a story with plots, and analyze which personality masks visitors use in the story.
The visitor, a 33-year-old married woman with an 8-year-old daughter, has repeatedly suspected her husband of cheating for three years. Although there was no evidence every time, she became suspicious, so the husband and wife often quarreled. Her doubts are sometimes ridiculous. For example, if something is lost at home, the first reaction is to suspect that her husband gave it to another woman. The women she suspects are mainly her sister and best friend, so she doesn't associate with them now. When watching TV series, I saw the plot about cheating, so I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I stopped watching such TV series for several years. She knew she was wrong, but she couldn't help herself.
For the first time, I suspected that my husband was on a business trip and came home at the wrong time. My husband explained that the plane was late. But a few days later, my husband chatted with others and said that he had a traffic accident when he came back from a business trip, so he came home late. I asked my husband what was going on. Husband said there was a traffic jam. She asked her husband, then why did you tell her that the plane was late? Husband said that she was afraid that she would not believe it. One day, my sister came to persuade her that she suspected that her sister had something to do with her husband. Did her husband go to her sister's house first when he got off the plane? At the same time, she felt so suspicious that she tried to tell herself that this was not the case.
Up there? Plot? Visitors used the following masks: 1, married female; 2. mom; 3. Skeptic (suspecting that her husband is cheating); 4. Investigator; 5. quarrel; 6. Avoidance type (no contact with suspects, no TV series); 7. Critics (self-criticism, self-feeling? Pervert? ); 8, the controller (control yourself not to doubt); 9. Denier (denying one's own doubts and her husband's infidelity).
The above masks are divided into two categories, one is led by skeptics, including investigators and quarrelers; One is headed by deniers, including evaders, critics and controllers.
Deal with the doubters first. I asked her what she would do if her suspicions were right and her husband did cheat. She said divorce. I asked her why she was so sure. Did she want a divorce long ago, just for one reason? She asked me, if my husband cheated, what can I do except divorce? I asked her what she would say to her best friend if her husband cheated. She said she would persuade her best friend to divorce (not the answer I expected). I asked her if she loved her husband. She said she was very dependent, but she didn't know if it was love. They run a mom-and-pop shop, and they are inseparable all day except the husband who buys goods. However, two people together, in addition to entertaining customers, have nothing to say, playing computer in their spare time. She scored 55 points for the marriage and failed.
I said, it's time to find a reason for divorce. I discussed with her how to divorce. She said, first, the economy should be independent; Second, emotions should be independent; Third, we must grasp the evidence. She hired a private detective to investigate her husband.
Then deal with the deniers. The less she watches TV dramas about cheating, the less she associates with her sister's girlfriends, and the more sensitive she is to this problem. The more she criticizes herself, controls herself from doubting and denies her doubts, the stronger the energy of doubts (suppressed and unable to be released). If the husband is really derailed, denial is self-deception; If your husband is not cheating, you don't have to deny your suspicion. Just investigate carefully. Therefore, negation is not undesirable.
After investigation, my husband didn't cheat. She stopped doubting for a while.
4. Growth history
By reviewing the growth history, we can understand how the personality mask of visitors is formed and why there are psychological problems now.
She recalled that when she was five years old, one day her mother cried in her arms, crying very sadly, saying that there was someone outside her father and she didn't want it. Later, the matter went away. But in her impression, her father was nicer to her. While she was at school, her father picked her up. My mother is a strong woman. She is very busy at work.
Five years ago, my mother died of intestinal cancer. Three years ago, dad remarried. She suddenly felt that she had no home. She began to worry about her husband's infidelity. If her husband cheated, would she? Homeless? Yes
When she was 5 years old, her mother told her father that she had an affair. Three years ago, when her daughter was five years old, she began to suspect that her husband was cheating. This shows that the suspect mask comes from the mother mask and is a variant of the mother mask.
Her mother has a strong mask. She is as capable as her mother. At the same time, she doesn't like it very much. She wants to be a good wife and mother. But her husband is very passive, lazy, happy-go-lucky, and business has been very light, which makes her feel insecure. She often can't help criticizing her husband, and her mother-in-law and aunt say that she is strong. The more so, the more she suppressed herself.
She found that her husband was more and more like her father and took care of her in life. She was in despair when she found herself repeating her parents' marriage. Her ideal marriage is that the man is outside and the woman is inside.
I asked her to imagine, if her husband is very capable and works hard outside alone, will she feel more insecure? She said yes. So she intentionally or unintentionally turned her husband into her father, and she didn't like her husband becoming too capable.
It is not difficult to see that on the issue of marriage, she has two masks, one is a strong woman, from her mother, and the other is a good wife and mother, which is a reverse cognition of her mother. The mask of a strong woman feels too tired and wants to give way to a good wife and mother, while the mask of a good wife and mother is insecure, worried about being abandoned by her husband and trying to control her husband. Doubt is a kind of control. Now that she has figured it out, she can only be a strong woman.
To be a strong woman, you have to manage the store well. She admits that her business is much better than her husband's, and her husband's help is better. My husband has no definite view and dedication, but he is obedient and can complete all the tasks assigned to him well. Business was bad a few years ago, mainly because she deliberately stayed out of it. Business is good, she is rich, what is she afraid of? Even if my husband cheats, there is nothing to be afraid of. As soon as she shouts, he will run back obediently.
5, consultant mask
She came to me to gain my admiration, and I was an authority in her mind. However, I used the mask of love ambassador to deal with her from the beginning. I believe her suspicions are justified and her fears are understandable. I even supported her to hire a private investigator. She wanted to give her husband satellite positioning, so I supported her and told her to ask her husband's permission. Her husband actually agreed. After her husband agreed, she felt it was unnecessary.
The biggest role of love ambassadors is to improve the self-confidence and autonomy of visitors. Self-confidence and autonomy are improved, and potential will be stimulated. She found that she was capable of running a good shop and marriage, and should work hard instead of looking at the faces of her mother-in-law and aunt. If she manages her shop and marriage well, others will obey her. When she is strong enough, she can also turn herself into a good wife and mother. I don't object to her being a good wife and mother, just let her know that it is necessary to be a good wife and mother? Strength? Yes
When dealing with the mask of the negator, I used the mask of the exposer to expose the intention of the negator. I often make such a metaphor in consultation: suppose there is a pit on the road, and people will accidentally fall into it. If you cover it with newspaper, it looks safe, but it's actually easier to fall in. If you put it there and build another one? Is there a pit here? Sign, pedestrians will bypass.
Of course, this is not enough. When the visitor's cognition is a little loose, she should be given homework: deal with the emotions brought by the pit, not cover it up. How to deal with the emotion brought by the pit? Is to face it, accept it, and accompany it to fade away. Tourists accepted my guidance, chatted with sisters and girlfriends, and began to watch TV dramas again. Slowly, she became less sensitive to cheating. At this time, I used a psychological counselor mask.
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