The film is based on the divorce agreement signed by Xu Yiwan and Zhang Lu and the contradiction between some patents and intellectual property rights. Xu Yiwan wanted to fly to the United States to ruin Zhang Lu's business cooperation in the American market, but because of the passport problem? By mistake? Slowly set foot on the long-distance train from Beijing to Moscow that my mother took. During the train journey with my mother for a few days, the mother and son never stopped quarreling, controlling and fleeing, and finally returned to their families, and the mother and son made up.
China's parents' love for their children contains too many expectations, and too much desire for control has brought invisible harm and bondage to their children, resulting in cracks in the parent-child relationship, and quarrels are inevitable. But what lies beneath all these differences and contradictions? Blood is thicker than water? The essence of.
It seems difficult to realize the process of returning to the essence of the phenomenon, but there is a way to achieve it: maybe a game lost in Russia is needed between children and parents? By mistake? .
Parents are often self-righteous because of the expectation gap to convey their love to their children 1. Children imagined by parents often have an expectation gap with reality.
The accurate portrayal of the role of mother Lu Xiaohua in the film made young audiences sing:? One world, one mother? .
Mom thinks you are hungry, even when you call for work, she will always believe that there is a small tomato in your mouth; Mom thinks you are fat, even if you eat a box of braised pork, she won't let you eat the last piece; Mom thinks your bladder should be emptied at the right time. Even if you are not thirsty, she will let you drink water. Mom thinks that marriage should give birth to children, even sons and daughters-in-law? In this respect? Things, will also ask.
This is the contradiction between parents and children: parents have an imaginary child in their hearts, and children will inevitably have their own independent will, personality and lifestyle in the process of growing up. If there is a gap between parents' expectations and parents' expectations, then parents will persist in reforming their children.
And China's parents call this unique way of getting along with their children? Love? They set a good growth trajectory and a fixed lifestyle for their children in the name of "". While giving love to children, it not only restricts their growth, but also loses themselves.
When the child wants to escape from maternal love with shackles, the mother will stand on the moral high ground and say: How come you are not good at all! ? When children express different opinions, tell their mothers? I don't care, okay? Sometimes, my mother will blurt out: I am your mother, and I don't care who cares about you! ?
2. with what? Filial piety? Meaning, in parent-child relationship? Paste logic?
Wu Zhihong, a famous psychological counselor, wrote in "The Origin of Family":
China people have private virtue, because the core of private virtue is filial piety, and children should unconditionally obey their parents' rules. What is this? Do we have to do this? What must be done. In the eyes of parents, what about children? Be obedient? , equivalent to unfilial. This is parents' moral infatuation with their children.
This kind of tie between parents and children can't tell each other's relationship. What is this in China's family? Paste logic? . Why can't parents, as independent individuals, respect and accept their children and let them control their own lives instead of controlling and binding them?
There is no distance and boundary between parents and children, which will inevitably affect children's independent personality and thoughts, weaken children's self-care ability, stifle children's potential in growth, and form an obstacle personality.
Parents' love for their children will only hurt both sides.
The mother of actress zhuyuchen is a mother who takes good care of her son. In her own words, she will take care of everything? I can handle two Filipino maids by myself. . Zhuyuchen is 40 years old and is out acting, but her 70-year-old mother still insists on cooking and making soup for her son with the cast. Why? Wherever your son goes, give him a warm kitchen. .
In order not to make her son angry, mother Zhu got up at four o'clock every morning to cook and squeeze pear juice for her son, which lasted at least 10 years. And zhuyuchen, no matter where he goes every day, takes these motherly juices with him, so that he can't drink a few mouthfuls of pure water every day.
Not only the elaborate arrangements in life, but also the feelings of her son, mother Zhu must also ask. Mother Zhu knows that any relationship will interfere. In other words, a son can't marry a girl his mother doesn't like.
It seems that zhuyuchen's failure to be together with his first girlfriend Tang Wei and another girlfriend Jiang Yan who is openly in love is also influenced by his mother.
In the face of mother's strong demands and regulations, where is zhuyuchen? Filial piety? Unable to resist in the face of moral standards, I can only helplessly say that this kind of love pressure is too great!
This kind of motherly love for children in cages is actually a kind of control and bondage, which makes children feel depressed and helpless and really suffocates them. The result of this, or the child's cowardly obedience, has since lost self; Or lead to endless quarrels between parents and children, hurting parent-child relationship.
This is indeed a kind of love, but it is a kind of love that hurts both sides.
4. Expectation gap and psychological gap stem from separation anxiety.
In fact, a little analysis can understand the parents' practice: parents give their children life and raise them, and children rely on their parents since childhood. However, as children grow up and have their own will and life, they no longer need the care of their parents, and parents will also have psychological gaps and separation anxiety. They don't want to be so far away from their children, so they can only take care of their children in another tough way to prove that they are needed. Call me for your own good. After all, you are my child!
British psychologist Sylvia said:
All love in this world is for the purpose of aggregation, and there is only one kind of love that points to separation, and that is the love of parents for their children. Yes, the relationship between parents and children, from the birth of the child, is from the countdown to the moment of separation.
However, children are not the private property of their parents, nor are they copies of their parents. Parents' truly successful love for their children is not rigid control and cold orders, but should cultivate their children to become independent self, confident, optimistic, brave and healthy as soon as possible, divorced from their parents' lives.
Huang Lei did this very well. He once said: Even if his daughter's diary is not locked on the table, he will never read it. Similarly, children's mobile phones will never be seen.
Everyone should have their own space, and so should children. There should be a clear boundary between children's space and parents' space.
The communication between parents and children seems endless, but real blood is thicker than water. In the movie "Lost Russia", Xu 10,000 and his mother Lu Xiaohua had many heated arguments, but we also saw the instinctive love transmission between mother and child.
The train arrived at Jining Station. Although Xu Yiwan didn't get along well with his mother on the train, before getting off the train, he said to his mother uneasily? Why don't you watch yourself? . When I got off the train, I accidentally took out three pieces of white rabbit toffee that my mother put in my pocket. I looked back and saw my mother quietly watching her distant back in the window. While feeling my mother's love for me, I was worried about my mother's long journey, so I went back to the train driven by my family.
After another fierce quarrel, Lu Xiaohua and her son were heartbroken. They got off the bus in a rage at Vladimir station, and Xu Yifan looked for his mother anxiously and blankly in this strange city, crying helplessly in the forest farm in the snow? Mom, mom. The taste of leaving his mother angry in a foreign country will definitely make him blame himself for a lifetime.
When the bear was about to pounce on his son, Lu Xiaohua was facing an emergency. Full of energy? His posture is to jump down from the tree and shout with open arms. Don't eat my son, come and eat me! ? Although this battle between man and bear seems a bit exaggerated, this lens makes my eyes moist. In times of crisis, the great power of maternal love never needs to hesitate.
There are many such scenes. This is the essence of family relationship under the appearance of differences, quarrels and mutual incomprehension between mother and son, and it is the return and reconciliation of love.
It is because of strong feelings that parents and children have quarrels. This kind of quarrel actually expresses parents' care and love for their children. It's not a decisive quarrel, it's just an outlet to express your heart and vent it on the person you like. But in the bottom of my heart, in the face of right and wrong, the affection between parents and children can burst into infinite power and win everything possible.
Parents and children love each other very much, but they have to love each other? Hurt? . But this is just a question of expression, which is not difficult to solve.
Parents should realize that everyone is an independent individual and each individual should be complete. Love is not to control and take, but to accept and respect. ? The love that parents impose on their children is selfish love. Please let go of your hands and let the children run alone and enjoy a free life. Children's health and happiness is what parents want to see most, isn't it? As children, we should deeply understand the parents' good intentions. Parents always love their children more than they love them. In their years of life, they have formed an inherent mindset and lifestyle, perhaps not keeping pace with the times, so they need children's tolerance and understanding more. But no one can replace parents' love for their children. What children need to do is to spend more time with their parents and often go home to see if there is anything to do. ? By mistake? The test of the crisis is an unexpected joy, bridging the love gap between parents and children. At the beginning of the film, Zhang Lu, as his soon-to-be-divorced wife, gave Yi Xu Wan a hug, but Xu Yiwan felt that a man in his 40 s hugged his mother inexplicably, and he always had differences and quarrels with his mother, lacking care and love for her. However, in the end, I can reconcile with my mother, bridge the gap of love and feel my mother's love. Why is this?
Xu Yiwan said that the six days with his mother was the longest time with his mother since he left home in college for more than 20 years.
If not, this time to get my passport back? By mistake? There was no thrilling escape experience for mother and son during the train trip. Perhaps Xu Yiwan and his mother will always maintain this state of generation gap, endless quarrel and mutual incomprehension. Because they are used to it, this way of getting along has become their inherent way of getting along.
The change of parent-child relationship needs a suitable opportunity. Because in the ordinary life, everyone has become accustomed to the step-by-step life. In inertia, few people will think of improving the status quo by changing themselves. Therefore, the generation gap between parents and children seems insurmountable.
And inadvertently in life? By mistake? And may become a catalyst for self-improvement and life change. These accidental and uncertain events in life can inspire the purest true feelings in a person's soul, which will drive you to discover a brand-new self, make peace with the years, and turn the page quickly.
Between parents and children, because blood is thicker than water, because flesh and blood are connected, there is no problem that cannot be solved, just a problem that is willing to be solved.
Maybe everyone should be inspired by Lost in Russia, and we should try our best to change ourselves and the way we get along with our parents and children. Perhaps inadvertently, it will bring you unexpected and unimaginable joy!
Nothing can't be solved by a child giving his parents a big hug. If you can't do it once, just hug it a few more times.
Conclusion Because of parents' anxiety and expectation gap about children's separation, parents often adopt? Love? In the name of, for? Filial piety? Meaning, through compulsory control and excessive demand, etc. It hinders children's independent growth, which is actually a disrespect for children's independent life. This will inevitably lead to mutual incomprehension and endless quarrels between parents and children, which will eventually lead to the escalation of contradictions.
On the surface, parents and children hold their own words, but in fact they are both people they like. This love was not lost because of the quarrel. After all, blood is thicker than water.
And the solution to bridge the love gap is to learn from what you can meet in life? By mistake? Take the initiative to change the way we get along with each other, express love, and let hugs resolve conflicts.
Maybe children can understand their parents better when they become parents and play the role of parents when they are old enough.