Everyone has his own forest. Those who are lost are lost, and those who meet will meet again.
? --Haruki Murakami
? The weekend that I have been looking forward to for a week is finally here. After working overtime and taking a shower, it was already half past eight. I have been wondering for a week whether to write something. When everything is uncertain, I really don’t dare to look back at the days that I have forced myself to forget. Next Tuesday will be my 22nd birthday. Although I haven’t had the concept of birthdays for a long time, I always feel that I should stop and summarize the past two years at this point in time. The past two years have been turbulent, no matter whether I am happy or sad, I have never stopped tossing it. From the excitement and nervousness when preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination to the anxiety and nervousness in the first test, from the confidence during the re-examination to the sadness and desolation when I failed the postgraduate entrance examination, from the entangled conflicts before work to the despair and persistence at the beginning of the job, I have experienced a lot in the past two years, and I have lost a lot. A lot and got a lot.
? My good friend Ding Qi once said that I deserve everything I receive because I have been making choices that go against my own nature. I thought about it for a moment, and it was indeed the case. A person's life is sometimes determined by important choices in several important periods. People's choices are trapped in their own family and social environment. If it were to happen again, I would still listen to my father's advice and apply to the Public Security University; I would still take the postgraduate entrance examination at Peking University; and in the face of work and World War II, I would still choose a way to reassure my family and ensure a safe job first. But if I could go to college again for four years, I would not choose to join some departments just to enrich my resume, I would not stay up late writing those briefings, I would not take exams just to improve my grades, and I would not like people who make me sad. However, these seemingly wrong choices now have accumulated into who I am at this time. Fu Lei said, don't be afraid of sinking and falling, as long as you can constantly extricate yourself and renew yourself. So I have to soothe my heart that has been uneasy for a long time, although it is still uneasy now, fearing that the future that was once so close will slip away again, taking away the dream self and distant confidants.
? I spent the summer vacation before my junior year in Wuhan. Ding Qi is a top student in college and has to prepare for mathematical modeling competitions in school during the summer vacation; Ding Congcong rushes from Wuhan University to Central China Normal University every day to study for a second degree in psychology; and his cousin, a graduate student at Peking University who just started working, was sent to work in Wuhan for a year. Is there any reason why I don’t want to go to Wuhan? At that time, I was debating whether to take the LL.M. degree from Renmin University or Peking University. Every morning I get up at six o'clock, take the subway, and cross the Yangtze River to read textbooks on civil law, criminal law, and economic law in Ding Qi's laboratory at Wuhan Institute of Technology. At that time, there was no clear goal for reading, it was just a simple reading of textbooks. During the day, I was basically alone in the laboratory. At noon, I went to Central China Normal University to meet Cong Cong for lunch. In the evening, I waited for Da Qizi to come back from get out of class and took me to the subway station. The summer in Wuhan is unbearable, but with the company of my good friends and sister, I am very happy. When I left Wuhan on the last day, I told Da Qizi that I wanted to take the Master of Laws exam at Peking University. Daqizi just said that now that she has decided, she will work hard. He always felt that my goals were too lofty. But I never made it clear to him that Peking University’s “independent spirit and free thinking” are my belief and my nature.
? The first semester of my junior year was relatively easy, and I turned down all the work in the department. The final exam has nothing to do with me. After my sophomore year, I didn’t have any teachers I liked, so I stopped attending classes. I didn't endorse the exams well in the final exam. I was too young and headstrong at the time. I felt that the teacher's grades were unfair and unscientific, so I used my own inaction to express my unreasonable anger about the school's grades. But my willful habits also affected my poor study methods during the postgraduate entrance examination. There are many top academics in our major. Although I am usually called a top academic, I really am not. Others started memorizing a month before the exam, but I started memorizing almost three days before the exam. For subjects that I have no interest in, like management, I stayed up late the day before the exam and memorized for three hours. So I was lucky enough to win the national award in my freshman year. The other three years have nothing to do with the Inspirational National Award. Naturally, in the end, there is no advantage in protecting the research. I read two books for the postgraduate entrance exam this semester, the Master's Guide and the Big Green Book of New Oriental Postgraduate Entrance Exam Vocabulary. At that time, preparation was too early and inefficient. It was basically a waste of time. It was better to read other books. During the four years of college, I basically didn’t have any learning methods or memorization methods of my own.
Because I majored in science in high school, solving complex physics problems is what I enjoy most. But all the things about public security are liberal arts, and the exams are basically memorized by rote. I saw that top students in the same major started to endorse at the end. Since I didn’t care about test scores, I just followed the example. As for how to read and endorse, I didn’t have any system or method at all. This chaotic state lasted until the end of the postgraduate entrance examination re-examination. When I reflected on the whole process of my postgraduate entrance examination, I discovered that the previous lack of effort would accumulate bit by bit and be reflected in the final result. The reason why the final score was one point lower was due to my four years of accumulation, and I don’t blame anyone.
? The second semester of junior year is the stage of hard internship. I was assigned to one of the busiest police stations in Beijing, the Chengshousi Police Station in Fengtai District. Within the jurisdiction is the largest urban village within the Third Ring Road of Beijing, Minutes Temple. It is normal for 100 110 police calls to be made every day. When there were not enough people, the deputy director was also pulled out to dispatch the police, leaving me and the political commissar to stay on duty in the duty room all night. As for being called up in the middle of the night to interrogate people, it was a common occurrence, not to mention the bitter history of applying for hundreds of temporary residence permits in the household registration office every day. At that time, I met a very good senior brother, Senior Brother Wang Chen. After the results came out, I always wanted to treat him to dinner to thank him, but I was embarrassed to see him and always felt that I had let down my senior brother. He took the master's degree in law in 2014 and scored 38, but he gave up studying political science and law in China and chose to stay and work in Beijing. During that period, he often answered my questions and tested my learning effect, which lasted until the end of the first test. But my state during the internship was really scattered, and I couldn't guarantee regular review. Moreover, I was inexplicably anxious at that time and suffered from insomnia for a month. I was still awake after three o'clock every night. Later I had to buy sleeping pills to adjust. Interning at a busy police station, I finally got exposed to some actual public security work. The most important thing is that I found that I couldn't stand the constraints of public security work, so I became more determined to study at Peking University. At that time, I was often scolded by Daqizi. He was always opposed to my decisions since I entered college. But when I encountered difficulties and felt helpless and depressed, he would call me at any time to comfort me and tell me the solution.
The internship is over, and I’m going home to prepare for summer vacation review. During the summer vacation, I studied at Texas College with my good friend Xiuxiu from high school. Now she has fulfilled her wish to study for graduate school at Beijing University of Chemical Technology. At that time, I was very grateful to her and her boyfriend for taking care of me. The time I lived in their dormitory was the hottest period of summer. When I slept with the fan on at night, I would blow open the mosquito net and get bitten by mosquitoes. It's very hot without the fan on. The classroom was also very hot, and the fans above our heads didn't do much, they just blew the heat waves back and forth. I don’t remember how I got through it. I just remember to read analysis in the morning, do real English questions in the afternoon, and read politics in the evening. Sometimes I would be lazy, stay at my brother's house and watch American TV series, and skip self-study for a day. The students at Texas College are very diligent and are on campus at six o'clock in the morning memorizing English. I couldn't review properly at that time. For professional courses, I just had to read the book over and over again without paying attention to summarizing. English only cares about a few mistakes in a reading. Now that I think about it, I really didn’t know how to learn at that time.
? In the second semester of my junior year at school, with Meng Xi’s company and the mutual encouragement of other classmates who were taking the postgraduate entrance examination together, time passed quickly and efficiently. But at that time I fell into a ridiculous misunderstanding. Just compare your study time with others. After finishing a day's study, I didn't pay attention to reviewing and summarizing what I learned during the day. Instead, I continued to squeeze out my physical and mental energy from nowhere. I stayed up until one or two o'clock before going to bed, and drank an unknown amount of coffee. Because the pressure to take the Peking University exam is increasing, it is always easy to collapse in the end. When I collapse, I go to chat with Zipeng. I remember that the most talked about thing was what to do if you failed to pass the exam. He said that he would go even if he was transferred to Guangxi. I said that I would rather go to World War II than be transferred. In the end, he went to the party school with high scores, but I really didn't adjust. As fate would have it, when he failed to pass the postgraduate entrance examination, I sat with him lamenting on the chair on the east side of the library. When I failed the reexamination, he accompanied me on the chair on the west side of the library in silence. Then there was less contact, which can be considered one of the important things I lost.
The most unforgettable thing is my nervousness during the first test. I have never been nervous about exams since I was a child. I even played around in the first two days of the college entrance examination. But the postgraduate entrance examination is like a devil, making me become unlike myself. During the two days of the exam, I only slept four hours in total. My mother forced me to go to bed early, but after I lay down, the knowledge I had memorized was floating around in my head, and my consciousness was sometimes blurred and sometimes awake. During the two days of the first test, I got up at four o'clock every morning to endorse.
During the politics test, my head was dizzy when I had to answer multiple-choice questions. It was even worse during the English test. The girl sitting next to me was a whole lot faster than me on the big reading question, and the essay template I prepared was useless. My English reading is messy and my mind is completely unclear. The next day, because I didn’t memorize the last legal theory essay question well in the comprehensive course for Master of Laws, I didn’t dare to go back at noon. I ate two slices of whole-wheat bread outside the examination room of Peking University in the middle of winter, and read until the exam started. In the afternoon, with a piece of Snickers Hold on until the end of the exam. After the exam, I felt like it was over. I cried when I saw my sister and mother at the subway station, and I lost my temper with my mother on the way back. I really hated myself at that time, as if my soul had been absorbed by Peking University. The results in this state are naturally unsatisfactory. After more than a month of decadent and corrupt waiting for results, I was not surprised at all when I saw the results. I saw that my English score was extremely poor despite the score line of Peking University.
When the results of Peking University come out, the ranking will be attached, so I already knew that I could take the re-examination and be among the last dozen or so. I was given a chance to make up for my initial mistakes. When I returned to my grandma's house during the Chinese New Year, my relatives didn't react much to the news that I had passed the preliminary examination. In their eyes, I seemed to have always been the pampered child. Learning this thing well is the patent of two cousins. But I have long been accustomed to having these two cousins ??who have always been role models. However, my sister, who had not been very supportive of me before, was very happy and kept asking me to prepare well for the re-examination. On the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, I followed my sister from the Chinese Academy of Sciences to her dormitory to review for the Peking University re-examination. Listen, do logic, and read Su Li's papers. I was very happy doing it, because these are what I like to do, and it is simply too technical compared to memorizing analysis. I didn't realize that my dangerous score actually needed to be carefully considered. Back at school, after everyone had gone through the national and Beijing exams and were playing, I went to the eighth floor of the library at 7 o'clock every day with my computer on my back to read and do logic questions. Fellow Pan Yueqiang, who had already been recommended to Peking University for his master's degree, also sent Ma Yihao and me a lot of information on how he was preparing for the re-examination. Perhaps due to the change of principal at Peking University, the retest at Peking University was delayed by two weeks, and the content of the retest was also greatly changed. The logic that had historically been the easiest to score was deleted, and the TOEFL listening test in the listening question bank was also replaced. Before the re-examination, I was in a relaxed mood. At that time, I considered whether to take the adjustment re-examination of the Academy of Social Sciences. Later, I thought about it and decided not to go. Now that I think about it, I don’t regret it. I am still young and still have time to stick to my original intention. The retest is 3 hours, including half an hour of English listening, 2 and a half hours to write three articles, two case studies of about 800 words, and a 2,000-word essay. Before the exam, I had a premonition that I would take the Haze exam, and I had a general framework in mind, but I didn’t think about the ending. It turned out to be a big essay for the smog test, but my first two case studies took up too much time, and I wasted another 15 minutes on conceiving the essay, which ended up being a mess. Not to mention the terrible English listening skills. The listening material is a recording of a lecture given by a foreign professor, with 10 blank words filled in and the recording played three times. But having never prepared for this type of question, I only filled in 4 blanks correctly. More than half of the candidates who took the Master of Laws degree at Peking University were English majors, and they were able to fill in 8 or 9 blanks correctly. The re-examination at Peking University accounts for a large proportion, and English in the re-examination is calculated solely, that is, 1 point for English listening = 7 points for the initial test = 3 points for the written test in the re-examination. As you can imagine, my final result was a total score of 116. However, last year Peking University did not follow the previous trend of recruiting around 117 students and only recruited 111 students. When I learned the results, it happened to be the day before Zipeng went to the party school to take the re-examination. I went to the library to give him a hair dryer. I called my mother on the way, cried loudly on the path behind the lecture theater, and informed my cousin and Ding Qi of the news. In the end, he sat on the chair on the west side of the library and waited for Ye Zipeng. He came over on his bicycle and didn't know what to say. The two of them just stayed silent, which was a way of ending the two years of taking the postgraduate entrance examination together. I went back to the dormitory and talked on the phone with Ding Qi for an hour, crying from beginning to end. In short, my eyes were swollen in the days after I first learned about my results. I don't have the time to think about adjustments. At that time, Xiamen University had a quota, and I thought about whether to transfer to Xiamen University. Finally, thinking about Peking University that made me sad, I gave up. After all, Peking University is my belief. During that time, thanks to the company of my roommates, I didn’t want to go out and face the seemingly sympathetic eyes of my classmates, I just pretended to be relaxed. A few days after I learned the results, fellow villagers Zhang Tianpeng and Xu Xiao invited me to dinner to comfort me. I was really touched at the time and thanked them for remembering me when I was down and out. They were all confident about admission at that time.
? Then I will start to struggle with my future choices, whether to just fight in World War II or to take the postgraduate entrance examination while working. The process of struggling with choices is painful. The more and deeper the fetters are, the more constraints there will be. At that time, my father sent me a long text message, telling me that I could make my choice freely and that there would be no pressure on me from home. But facing my parents who are already older and my sister who is always worried about me, I really don’t dare to be a pampered child all the time. At that time, almost all my good friends advised me not to work, but to study hard for one year, and I would definitely be able to pass the exam in the second year. During that time, I was like being divided into two. During the day, I made the decision to take the postgraduate entrance examination while working, and at night, I wanted to give up the idea of ????working. But in the end, I could only choose a way to reassure my family, guarantee a stable job first, and then do what I want after work. Fortunately, I successfully obtained the position in Weihai through Shandong's policies. I have never been to Weihai before, but I have always had a close feeling for Weihai. In order to resign in the future so as not to affect my sister, I did not return to the Dezhou Municipal Bureau. I thought of going to the seaside town alone to work hard for what I wanted.
? In the remaining days of school, except for the happy days with my roommates, everything else was torture to me. The sadness of separation after graduation was completely overshadowed by the pain of failure in the postgraduate entrance examination. I can't relate to the sentimentality of my classmates' graduation season at all, so I'd better leave school early and go home to prepare for the postgraduate entrance exams in the second year. During this period, I came into contact with scallops. Because I basically failed in English in the first and second exams of the postgraduate entrance examination, so when I was preparing for the second postgraduate entrance examination, I spent most of my time on English. Checking in every day became an important part of my life. part. Basically all of my friends who took the postgraduate entrance examination were admitted, and my life had no intersection with them at all. It's better for me not to disturb other people's lives. Before graduation, many procedures were not completed, so I hid back home early. Stay at home every day and close yourself in a cocoon to heal. Later, I really didn’t want to stay at home and waste time every day, so I made an appointment with Xu Xiao to read books at the Dezhou Library. That day I mustered up the courage to reopen the torn analysis book, while Xu Xiao started studying political science. Opposite the library is the Municipal Bureau. I go to the Municipal Bureau cafeteria to have dinner with my sister every day at noon, and I have become familiar with her colleagues. Twice, my sister was too busy with work and forgot about me, so I had no choice but to take advantage of her director. Stuck for food. The days of reading with Xu Xiao are very peaceful. I don’t have to worry about how much I have to accomplish every day, I just do everything I can do well. I was actually not very diligent about World War II. I only read it for a few hours every day and didn't do many questions. I just kept summarizing and summarizing. I checked in English non-stop every day to cultivate my sense of language and English thinking. I didn't feel much at first, but gradually, day by day, I actually started to like English, which had been my weakness for more than ten years. I listen to English every day on the bus, and I read the English foreign magazine very intensively without much effort. Later, school started. My mother had to be home alone at noon. I was worried that she would have to make do with eating alone, so I went home to be with her. The days of reading at home are very relaxing. I read for a few hours during the day and watch American TV series at night. During that time, I watched Modern Family again and Friends again. During this period, all the work procedures were completed, so I stayed at home and waited for the notification of the report. I locked myself in the house every day, feeling lonely and pitiful. My classmates have all started new lives, but I am the only one who is still treading water. This feeling is really bad. Only Ding Qi and Xu Xiao often contact me to supervise my studies. I don’t know where the confidence came from to support me. My mentality became very peaceful. I no longer thought about “what to do if I fail the exam”. I just tried my best to live every day to my satisfaction. There was an episode during this period. Due to my negligence, there was a problem at the postgraduate entrance exam site. In early November, my sister asked people to help me apply for a residence permit in Weihai, otherwise I would not be able to pass the exam. At that time, almost everyone looked for it, but the network for applying for the certificate was always unavailable. For three days, I was basically in despair, crying during the day and sleeping. My sister helped me ask questions every day, and finally it was done the day before the confirmation. At this time, the report notification also came, so after I got the certificate from the provincial office, I carried my luggage and came to Weihai to report, and started A formal stage of studying while working.
? In the past two years, I have been obsessed with my goals and brought a lot of trouble to my family, especially my sister. Basically, she helped me solve all the troubles I got into. So how dare I let them worry about me.
I had long known that I would be assigned to the traffic police, but I did not expect that I would be unlucky enough to catch up with the lower-level policies, so I had to train in the traffic police brigade for a year without a fixed position. If nothing goes wrong in the first year, you will have to stand guard on the road to direct traffic. My sister couldn’t help but sigh that she was also standing guard on the road at that time. There is no way, many things develop beyond my imagination. I have no time to complain at this time. You can only arrange your review within the limited three or four hours a day. I was assigned to a very strange unit. I got up at 5:30 every morning, went downstairs for training at 6:00, had breakfast at 6:20, officially arrived at work at 7:00, and stayed until the end of the evening rush hour at 6:00 in the evening. I had always thought of going to work at 8:30 in the morning and at 5:30 in the evening, but I didn't expect there to be such a big gap. I can only accept it without reservation and not think too much about anything. At the beginning of the training, it was comparable to military training. I practiced traffic police command gestures. My whole body ached from the practice. When I returned to the dormitory, I lay on the bed unable to move. In the evening, the leaders often hold meetings until 8 or 9 o'clock. I usually start reading at 9:30 pm and stay there until 12 o'clock. At that time, the physical fatigue was huge, but with a firm goal in life, the will played a powerful role. I don’t know how I managed to hold on for that month and a half. At noon, I have to squeeze in about an hour to memorize the composition and write it silently. In the evening, you should forget about the fatigue of the day and use the only three hours to maintain your study status. I wrote all the unfamiliar knowledge points on palm-sized cards during the weekend, and used the rest time during the day to repeat and consolidate them. My mentality at that time was pretty good, I wasn't nervous or anxious, I was just making use of the time I had available. Of course, there are also times when you slack off, such as wasting precious weekend time. During this time, I would like to thank my good friend, Zhang Xiangyu, who is studying at Harbin Institute of Technology. Every weekend when I go to Harbin Institute of Technology to study, I use his meal card. The final exam fell on Christmas, and he also canceled his activities to concentrate on serving me. So, I am really grateful to my friends. The second time I was preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination, my mentality was obviously better than the first time, and the number of collapses was much less. When there was still a week before the exam, I planned to take two days off in advance to adjust my condition, but unfortunately, I encountered a general suspension and the leader canceled my leave approval. I collapsed at that time and could only call Xu Xiao. He still advised me to maintain a good attitude. The exam was on December 26. I stood on the road for eight hours on December 25. My whole body was numb and my consciousness was in a trance. I only rested for 20 minutes in the morning. In order to save time, I did not go to the rest point. I went to the public toilet on the side of the road and consolidated my English composition on haze in the hut of the public toilet cleaner. I don’t get off work until 6:30 in the evening. I returned to my workplace, packed my things, took a taxi to Harbin Institute of Technology, printed out the prediction information of the Masters and Masters Alliance, confirmed the examination room, bought a cup of soy milk and breakfast for two days, rode the bicycle borrowed by my classmates, and rode on the seaside. Gale, carrying an overweight schoolbag, arrived at the booked youth hostel and settled down at eight o'clock. I started to look at Xiao Si while eating. Before ten o'clock, I was already too tired to open my eyes. I could only set the alarm clock for 6 o'clock in the morning and had no dreams all night. Get up in the morning and read Xiao Si, and go through the unfamiliar content again. After drinking coffee and eating bread, I went directly to the examination room. There was no feeling in the process of the exam. I just did the questions in a bland way and poured out the knowledge that was about to become my instinct. I took the English test in the afternoon. The composition was not the haze I had always expected. Fortunately, I wrote relatively smoothly. The next day I took the professional course exam. In the morning's criminal examination, the multiple-choice questions continued to be more vague than last year, and the big questions were more serious anti-extension questions. I finished writing the paper, checked it and handed it in half an hour early. I rushed back to prepare for the afternoon. comprehensive course. As expected, I didn’t take the test at all at noon, and I still took the anti-betting questions. I had a phone call with Xu Xiao after the exam in the evening, which was extremely relaxing. I invited Zhang Xiangyu to dinner in the evening, and the two of them chatted happily. It has been almost a month since the exam ended. I have slacked off a lot during this month. As the announcement of the preliminary exam results approaches, I feel more and more uneasy.
In the past two years, I have been obsessed with Peking University. It seems that this exam can define my whole self. Now I am stuck in this circle and cannot get out, and I cannot concentrate on my work. Xu Xiao and Ding Qi asked me more than once, what are my plans if it still doesn't work this year. I was thinking about it too, but I couldn't figure it out. Peking University is like a sponge, sucking up all my time and energy in the past two years. But Peking University also gave me a lot. My cousin told me that it is better to fail early than to fail late. The low point in 2015 gave me time to thoroughly reflect on my four years in college and live more in the present.
This failure also made me see the people around me clearly and the principles of interaction between people. I no longer have to blindly cater to or reject people I like or hate, but slowly have my own principles and bottom lines, and will no longer waste my time and energy on many unnecessary things. I have learned to relax at the right time and know that relaxation is also a part of my life. Now, when everything is still undecided, I write this with an equal amount of calmness and uneasiness in my heart. However, I cannot guarantee that fate will always favor me. All I can do is to accept the current situation with peace of mind and be positive for the future. ground to prepare. It starts with Haruki Murakami’s words and ends with his words: “Don’t be too entangled in the present, and don’t worry too much about the future. When you experience something, the scenery in front of you is different from before.”
This long article encourages 22-year-old Xiao Qingzi to seize the day.