The so-called separation means: I know my parents have hurt me and I know their limitations, but it won't affect me anymore.
I can live a good life in live high and fight for my happy future, instead of indulging in the wounds of the past with hatred.
We can't deny that being born in a family has a great influence on children, and even causes a series of problems such as inferiority, ingratiation and depression when children grow up. But family background is not the only factor that really determines a person's success and achievement.
0 1 The change starts from itself.
It's not surprising that the word "born in a family" blows up. According to statistics, 80% people think they have been hurt by their family background.
Alice, the protagonist of The Storm on Harvard Road, was born in a slum in new york. Her parents took drugs and couldn't take care of their children at all, so Alice spent her childhood in an environment full of drugs, hunger and AIDS.
/kloc-at the age of 0/5, Liz's family was broken, her mother died of AIDS infection, and her father went to a shelter. The fate of her parents made Alice reflect and decided not to maintain such a life. She wants to change her destiny.
Back in high school, Alice, who had nowhere to live, often studied and slept in subway stations and corridors. It took her two years to complete the four-year course, and she entered Harvard University with honors and won the first-class scholarship in The New York Times.
Later, Alice made her story into a film "The Storm on Harvard Road", which won three Emmy nominations and was praised as "miracle girl" and "outstanding young women in contemporary America".
Alice's terrible family background didn't bother her life. On the contrary, it made Alice change her mind and even wake up.
After all, only a few people can get rid of the torture of their families and get a new life, but this does not prevent us from learning from them.
What influence will a family with a bad background bring besides harm?
Born into a poisonous family, temper your will.
The book Native Home mentioned that the biggest difference between a healthy family system and a toxic family system lies in how much freedom family members have as individuals to express their thoughts.
Valis, a model known as the "African feminist fighter", has brought the poison system to the extreme with her family background.
Wallis was born in the desert of Somalia and was raped by his friend's father when he was 4 years old. At the age of five, she was forced to undergo female circumcision. The so-called circumcision is to cut off the female genitals. Wallis' sister died of circumcision infection. /kloc-When she was 0/2 years old, her father sold her to a 60-year-old man for five camels. She ran barefoot and almost became food in the lion's mouth
/kloc-When she was 0/8 years old, with the help of her grandmother, she went to the home of the London Embassy in Somalia for menstruation. There Wallis saw the outside world for the first time.
Wallis, who left her hometown, met a great friend who took her in and helped her find a job in a fast food restaurant. Later, Wallis became a supermodel because of her unique temperament.
Wallis's unique temperament is precisely the result of his bad childhood experience.
In her career, she has stronger willpower than ordinary people, which is also brought to her by her family, because she has no choice.
Wallis's willpower made her a top model in the world. She also launched a campaign against African circumcision with her own strength and became an African Union peace ambassador.
We don't think it is commendable to come from a toxic family, but the injured child must have extraordinary explosive power.
Extraordinary experiences make different abilities.
Is there anything extraordinary about children who have been hurt by their families? Yes, that's sensitivity.
Dr Meg Jay, an American psychologist, mentioned a girl named Jessie in her book "We have all been hurt, but we have a better life".
Jesse has a horrible sister who often beats Jesse even in front of her mother, but Jesse's mother ignored Jesse's call for help, neither stopped nor comforted her, and condoned her eldest daughter's violence.
My sister began to beat her mother when she reached puberty, and she became a nightmare for everyone in the family.
However, when my sister is in a good mood, she and Jessie are like sisters, very close. Sister's violence will only appear when you turn your face.
As a result, Jesse became better at reading people's words and feelings than others, and more able to understand the subtle changes of others. From the moment my sister walked in the door, Jesse knew whether her sister would hit anyone today.
Jessie became very sensitive and learned to quickly perceive her sister's anger.
This family background is terrible, but Jessie's sensitivity in this situation finally made her a very strong business consultant. She can quickly observe the needs of customers, just like the room in "settling down", and the extraordinary sensitivity gives them super business ability.
Psychologist Victor and his wife concluded through research that success often comes not from being in the right place at the right time, but from being able to recognize being in the right place at the right time.
Jesse's sensitivity to the room not only made them notice the danger, but also the opportunity. When others are still ignorant, they realize that they should be in the normal place at the right time. When others found out, they would have done it.
Therefore, in addition to complaining about the harm of being born in a family, we should also regard these experiences as a kind of resource and soil. What these soils can cultivate for us is worth exploring.
Don't give up, everything can be used by me.
The world and I love you.