Before my daughter took piano lessons, I told the piano teacher that there would be no exams during the summer vacation and I planned to take her out to play more. Ask the teacher to teach some music that is not for grade examination, mainly for entertainment, just to arouse the children's interest.
This is the result after my husband and I communicated.
I decided not to be a "chicken baby" anymore. I am tired, and so are the children.
I practice piano for about an hour every day. I have no special love or talent in this area. When I grow up, I will most likely perform at company annual meetings and family gatherings. I will not feel the connection between piano and music. It's fun, but it doesn't bring much value to myself. Is it worth the large amount of time invested and the lost happy time?
Wang Weixin, the first generation of "Chicken Babies" in Beijing, expressed his emotion on the Internet: School district housing, private foreign language, cram school, Antarctic study tour, overseas exchange... "Chicken Babies Education Plans" You Can Imagine ”, I have experienced it all. I've been fucked like this, and I still can't stand out!
After graduating from high school, she was admitted to the Directing Department of Beijing Film Academy. Her current career is as a screenwriter and author. The annual income is slightly higher than that of ordinary white-collar workers in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen. I can afford a car, but I still can’t afford a house in Beijing on my own.
Her friends are in a similar situation. After being cooped up for twenty years, they still didn’t have the opportunity to slash and burn and expand their territory. They could only cultivate intensively on the small piece of soil originally opened by their parents.
She said that many of her Jiwa friends have already thought about it: some started baking as a side job, some quit their jobs and became bartenders, some worked as UP hosts at station B, and some actually went to Worked as a fitness instructor and food delivery person.
Now they have taken out loans.
We have been to so many countries, learned so much knowledge, have master’s and doctorate diplomas, and a lot of patented works... In the end, are we still just doing 996, or living a idle life without even having a job?
My daughter is not as powerful as Wang Yixin, and my husband and I don’t have as high an IQ or as much wealth as Wang Yixin’s parents.
So, if we continue to join involution, what will we gain except making ourselves and our children extra anxious and hard?
Counterattack?
When I look at the two children in front of me (Haozi is 11 years old and Yueyue is 8 years old), I have to admit: the children are as ordinary as me.
Starting from kindergarten, I have tried more than ten specialty classes such as Go, hosting, dance, piano, painting, martial arts, calligraphy, etc., but I have neither found anything that the children particularly like, nor have I seen any. Children are particularly good at it.
How to counterattack if you have no passion or talent?
Even those high-end “chicken babies” failed to counterattack, so what confidence do ordinary “chicken babies” like us have?
I am really worried that my daughter is immersed in things that she is not very passionate about every day. Just because of our so-called "persistence" itself, she consumes a lot of time and energy, but in the end she cannot do it. What a positive role it plays in your life.
At that time, how should I face this reality? Will the child regret the time she missed?
If "chicken" still cannot escape the fate of ordinary people in the end, is there any meaning to "chicken"?
I watched a few episodes of "Growing Up With You" yesterday. The beginning was about the "recommendation quota" for key primary schools that everyone imagined. Some parents did their best to hope that their children could enter key primary schools. Whether it's a talent show, looking for a job through connections, or instigating others to cause trouble... In short, the child is full of anxiety, as if the child's life will be ruined if he can't go to that elementary school.
Su Xing, played by Liu Tao, is a woman with a successful career who has never cared about early education for her children.
Then, through interactions with mothers and the earnest indoctrination of my friends, I was successfully brainwashed by these mothers and became increasingly anxious. I believe that children must go to key primary schools, and parents must not let their children lose at the starting line. Therefore, she arranged many tasks for her husband and made many study plans for her children, which made her husband helpless, her children resisted, and she was exhausted both physically and mentally.
Lin Yunyun, played by Ying Er, is a full-time wife. All her sense of value comes from serving her husband well and raising a good daughter. As long as the daughter fails to take the first place in the exam, she will be criticized by her husband. In the eyes of her husband, he is responsible for making money to support the family, and she is responsible for raising their daughter Chengfeng.
The child must be first in the exam, must be the best, must...
This little girl has very good acting skills. Sitting there quietly without any words aroused people's heartache.
The little girl living in the villa has no trace of leisure and cannot feel the vitality of a child at home. He travels to various counseling institutions every day and bears his father's high expectations.
TV dramas come from life, but they are not necessarily higher than life.
When I was taking a children's SEL social and emotional class, I once met a little girl. She said that she scored 99 points on the exam and was beaten by her mother when she came home. Because her mother thought she shouldn’t lose that 1 point, and because there were three people in the class with 100 points, and she was not among them.
How much impact will this 99 points have on the child’s future development? I think it's probably minimal. But because her mother beat her because she scored 99 points, how much impact did this behavior have on the child's psychology? I think it will definitely be heavier than the 1 point lost.
If we have been "chicken babies" for more than ten years and find that our children still cannot escape the fate of ordinary people, will we regret not letting our children have fun and experience the world when they were young?
If a child in the era of "involution" has worked hard for more than ten years with tutoring classes and problem solving, but in the end finds that these efforts have had little impact on his life, will he feel regretful? ?
What would you think if you saw your child saying "Don't give birth to me" in the comments on this hot search in February?
I think I will shed tears.
Because this means that the child has denied the meaning of his existence and his life.
He doesn't see much sunshine and happiness in this world, and he doesn't have any love or interest in many things. He doesn't want to face the boring and monotonous ups and downs, and would rather never have been there.
My daughter Yueyue is a very curious child. She will be happy when she sees a dandelion on the road and ask me why dandelions fly when I blow them. She would try to grow flowers and vegetables by herself, and she would go home and make a sundial by hand because of what she learned in science class. She was curious about the birth of life, and told me that she wanted to hatch chicks... She was full of curiosity about everything in the world.
She would look at the various flowers and vegetables growing on the balcony for ten or twenty minutes. She writes in her diary and I talk to them.
And I knew that she was slow in doing homework, and that she might stay up late, but I still couldn't tell her when she was in high spirits: "Let's go, stop doing it, and do your homework quickly!" ”
If all that is left in a child’s world is subject study and homework, how much of the child’s curiosity and enthusiasm will be left? If a child has no curiosity and love for the world, where will his future happiness come from?
Is it wealth? Or status? Or the envious looks of others?
What if your abilities are limited and you don’t get the wealth and status you expected? Do you feel that you are a failure and deny your life?
Of course, the economic base determines the superstructure. There is no doubt about this.
But in modern society, there are too many ways for people to develop. You don't have to live a happy life only by climbing into the ivory towers such as 985 and 211. You can do business, run an enterprise, make short videos, write articles/novel, or open a milk tea shop...
Passion is what makes the years go by.
The stock god Buffett said: "If you do what you like, success will follow."
Buffett was born in an ordinary family, and his first toy was his childhood. Also one of his favorite toys is a "metal money changer" strapped to his wrist. He is very fascinated by the process of exchanging change and the feeling of owning money. Calculating compound interest at an extremely fast speed is a form of entertainment that he likes to devote himself to as a child.
When he was a child, he was very sensitive to numbers. He would look down at a busy intersection and write down the license plate numbers of oncoming vehicles. Then when he returned home, he would open the World Herald and count the occurrences of each letter. number of times.
Putting aside his talent, how many parents in China would allow their children to stand at the intersection every day and observe the license plate numbers of passing vehicles? If you have that time, it would be more practical to take more tutoring classes and do more sets of papers.
I always feel that some parents focus too much on short-term results (I fall into this trap occasionally). What they want is the test score, not the child's continued interest in learning, the child's mental state, and the child's ideals and dreams.
Many people think that the college entrance examination is a milestone. When the college entrance examination is over, parenting/education is over. A child's success in the college entrance examination represents the success of his parents.
Is this really so?
Some time ago, the death of Zhang Yide, a student studying in the United States, shocked many people. He was once the child that everyone admired, and his father was the object of everyone's admiration. A child with a high-level resume should have unlimited sunshine ahead, but he chose the end of his life.
Is this a success story? Or a case of failure?
It cannot be classified at all.
"Chicken baby anxiety" is actually more of a middle-class anxiety.
Shen Xiaoyan in the play does not have too much anxiety as a chicken baby, because she is not qualified to be anxious. She neither has the money to develop her expertise or tutoring nor the time to spend time with her. She works hard at various jobs all day long just to earn more tuition money for her son.
I am also an ordinary person, only a little better than Shen Xiaoyan, and still far from the middle class.
I have no unrealistic expectations for my children. I only hope that they can have a healthy body and mind, have one or two hobbies, and have curiosity and love for the world. Every day you can look forward to the sun rising and embrace the sunshine. That's enough.
A "positive" attitude is far better than any academic qualifications.
Because a person with a positive attitude must be a person who has made achievements. He is not afraid of difficulties, does not flinch, does not escape, has the courage to face setbacks and difficulties, and studies and lives with heart. He holds hope and grows toward the sun.
Moreover, don’t think that “no chickens” means “herding sheep”.
The opposite of "chicken baby" is not "neglect", but guidance on outlook on life, values, and world view, and the cultivation of children's mentality. ——This is difficult. If we don’t know how to do it, we can start with ourselves. If we do it well, our children will naturally be influenced by it.
——END——
Author: Haoyue Changge Positive Discipline, family education lecturer. With two mythical beasts at home, there are constant challenges and constant growth. The words written are all based on personal study and practice, and may have limitations. Please refer to them constructively. If you like it, please follow me @Haoyue Changge Positive Discipline, so that we can have a better parent-child relationship and become a better version of ourselves.
Original works, plagiarism will be investigated.
The pictures are from the Internet and have been deleted or deleted.