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1 heinous child abuse case
When writing parenting articles, I always avoid particularly negative news, especially child abuse.
I am afraid that watching this kind of news will affect my mood, and I hope that what I pass can be more sunny.
However, when I saw this rare child abuse case in recent years, I couldn't help saying something.
Although this case is extreme, reflecting on the whole case, the child's forbearance is silent, and the silence of relatives is not realized. These key points are very worthy of our warning in the daily parenting process.
A girl from Fushun, Liaoning, whose parents divorced, has been raised by her father.
At the beginning of 2020, because her father was too busy to take care of the big truck, the girl was sent to her biological mother for raising.
I didn't expect my biological mother's boyfriend to abuse the girl in an inhuman way.
In just three months, the girls slept on the floor tiles without being covered, and were forced to swallow cigarette butts, eat cat food and cat excrement, and the children's body surfaces and bones were repeatedly abused for a long time.
What is even more irritating is that the child's biological mother not only did not stop it, but colluded with it.
It was not until the child was tortured to death that the mother and boyfriend worried about their lives and sent the child to the hospital for treatment.
When the girl was taken to the hospital, she had a high fever of 39.6 degrees and severe anemia, and all the examination indexes were lower than normal.
There were many burns and stab wounds all over the body, 9 rib fractures, many fractures of pelvis, thoracic vertebra, humerus, femur and ulna, and some wounds had festered during the operation.
In the follow-up treatment, the doctor also found three steel needles from the girl's leg.
When the truth of the matter surfaced one by one, we were moved again and again.
More cruel forms of abuse, I don't want to describe them any more.
The attending doctor and nurse couldn't help crying after seeing it, saying, "The pain of these injuries is unbearable for normal adults."
The aid lawyer in this case said: "This is the most cruel case I have seen in my 24 years of employment."
Looking at the whole case, there are three points that deserve our deep reflection.
2 Reflection 1: Why should children bear it?
/kloc-for more than 0/00 days, a 6-year-old child suffered unimaginable torture day and night, but never thought of asking for help or exposing his parents.
Why?
Many media reported that it was because children were afraid.
Because mom threatened her, if she told grandma, she would die, and so would her grandparents.
The child is so kind that he fights death every day and doesn't forget to protect his family.
However, as we all know, no matter how afraid an ordinary person is, it is hard for him to endure this inhuman torture.
What power or emotion is supporting the child's mind?
This has to mention children's attachment to their parents, especially their mothers.
Judith Viorst, the most famous American psychotherapist, once mentioned a story in the book Necessary Loss.
A child was badly burned, only to find that his mother threw him into the fire.
But when the child faces such great physical pain, his mouth still shouts "I want my mother, I want my mother".
Judith Viorst said: In a child's infancy (before the age of 6), no matter how unkind his mother is to him, it is better for her to leave him alone and abandon him.
Attachment to the plot makes the child subconsciously want to please his mother.
To this end, he would rather be abused by his mother, as long as her mother is still there.
Give a more common example in life to feel it.
I'm sure everyone has seen street mothers teach their children a lesson.
The child may make the mother angry, and the mother will beat the child impatiently, or throw it into the street and walk alone, pretending not to have children.
At this time, no matter who is right or wrong, children usually cry and chase their mothers and start to compromise.
In the adult world, do you apologize to someone who slapped you in the face?
Adults may never understand how a child feels about his parents.
The child is still young, and there may be many things that have not been done well.
But we, as people who should give our children the most love, really have no reason to hurt a child with our strength and authority.
3 Reflection 2: Why didn't anyone notice the abuse of 100 days?
An incredible key point of this case is: why didn't anyone around you find it?
Don't children go to kindergarten? Didn't the teacher find out? What about father and grandmother?
Grandma said that at the end of March, she found a plaster cast on her arm.
But the child said that he fell down the stairs by himself.
The child's biological father said that he had never heard of the child asking for help. Later, his biological mother refused to let the child and his father video, only to feel a little different.
They didn't realize that their children might be threatened.
But at the same time, it also shows that relatives around them lack concern for their children, or lack the necessary awareness.
Counting the previous cases, similar situations have occurred.
Xiao Kai, a 5-year-old from Quanzhou, Fujian, was abused for several years.
During this period, neighbors, grandparents and parents all knew about the abuse, but they didn't stop it in time until the child died unfortunately.
Peng Peng, a 6-year-old girl from Xi, Shaanxi Province, has been abused by her stepmother for a long time. She went to the police station twice for help, but was finally sent home by the police.
In the meantime, the police called the child's biological mother. But my mother didn't pick him up because it was more than 60 kilometers away. By the time we meet again, the child has become a vegetable.
This time, what will happen if the doctor fails to find out and alert the police in time?
The wicked are already wicked. It is impossible to get rid of all the wicked people in this world.
As better beings, what should we do?
That is to be vigilant enough, whether for your own children or for the children who are being persecuted and abused around you.
If each of us can be more conscious, the wicked in this world will have fewer opportunities to commit crimes and children will be less hurt.
In the long run, there will be fewer villains in the world.
4 Reflection 3: It is more important to teach children to "dare to express" than to "learn to be strong"
Fushun's child abuse incident has been widely concerned by the society, and many non-profit organizations are also helping children spontaneously and giving them psychological help.
The child's body needs a long recovery process, and it is also the scar in the child's heart that needs a process.
In daily parenting, parents can't lack psychological attention to their children.
Do you think most children are happy now? Is this just an extreme event?
A survey jointly conducted by UNICEF and Peking University Institute of Child and Adolescent Health found that as many as 74.8% of children in China (before 16 years old) have been abused in different forms, and the number of potential abused children in China has reached100000.
What is abuse?
Parents take their anger out on their children, and beating and scolding children is the most common abuse.
Children who are bullied by their peers outside are also called abuse, such as school bullying.
Is it only physical injury that is called abuse?
In fact, mental abuse is more lasting and has a deeper impact.
For example, I have been treated unfairly at school for a long time, and I have been subjected to verbal violence from my parents at home for a long time.
Douban has a smash hit "anti-parents are evil" group, and the members of the group are mostly young people who have been hurt by their parents, up to 654.38+0.2 million.
In the group, someone made a survey. Under the answer to the question "Parents can't bear the most harm", the first place is to belittle, attack and ridicule children.
Children can't escape these ubiquitous injuries every day.
Gradually, they learned to be numb and patient.
Just as the child said when the reporter interviewed the abused child: "If you get used to it, you won't feel pain."
Even some parents don't even know that their children have been hurt.
How to prevent more children from being hurt?
Here, I want to share a point with you: teaching children to dare to express is a hundred times more important than letting them learn to obey.
Whether at home or outside, we should educate our children to express their inner feelings bravely and express their grievances and injuries.
When children express themselves, what our parents should do is to see, affirm, comfort and accompany them in time.
In our education, sometimes children are too stressed and not strong enough when they encounter difficulties, emphasizing the ability to resist pressure and setbacks, but often ignoring their feelings.
In fact, 3-and 4-year-old children already know to consider external feelings, because considering external feelings, if children are repeatedly asked to be sensible and obedient, they will ignore their own feelings.
If parents ignore their children's feelings for a long time, children may be afraid to express and call for help after encountering some injuries, so some small injuries will accumulate into big injuries.
The significance of extreme event exposure is not only extra talk after a meal, but also more positive energy.
Just like there are so many good people who take the initiative to help this girl.
Throughout our lives, we only want our children to be sunny, confident, strong and brave.
Let's start from ourselves, pay enough attention to our children in our hearts, give them enough encouragement emotionally, and give them enough demonstrations in expression!
One more parent who knows how to look after children, affirm children and encourage them, and one more child who is brave and confident and dares to say no to injustice.
?
When there are enough such parents in society, we will have the power to influence the ecology of education, improve the quality of education and enhance the growth environment of the next generation.
Our children should get a better education if they follow the past, live like travelers and sail with reeds.
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