"Five minutes have passed, and my boyfriend hasn't returned my message. It's so irritating!" If you tell this sentence to most friends or predecessors around you, it is estimated that the answer you get is nothing more than:
You are too idle! Always thinking about this.
Come back later. What happened? Do we have to be tired of being together all the time?
If you are angry, just ignore him. Why don't you go back to him later?
……
It seems reasonable, but girls who are really in it will know that this is not very helpful to themselves. I have always been very concerned about the speed at which the other party replies to the information. The other party has his own free space and may be busy. They can understand this, but they don't know why, so they care.
Maybe I can help you today if you like.
First, my boyfriend is very slow and angry in replying to messages, which has nothing to do with your idleness.
According to the degree of demand, this mentality of being angry with late information can be divided into two situations:
1, girls want each other to answer in seconds.
In the pursuit period or love period, in order to win the heart of the goddess, boys generally pay more emotional attention than usual. When playing games, I will put my mobile phone on the side of the computer or on my lap, and set a special message prompt for the goddess, for fear that I will miss or reply to the other party's message too late.
Of course, girls know this mentality of boys, so they use this to satisfy their teenage hearts and hope that the other party can return to their side in a second. This proves that the other person likes himself very much, proves that the other person loves me, and is immersed in and enjoying this satisfaction.
Girls with this mentality are extremely insecure and will be accompanied by self-doubt and negative inertia thinking. (Emotional counseling can add a mentor \/letter:)
Once in an intimate relationship, the demands on the other party are very high, and the second return is the ultimate performance of high demands. But they don't realize that what they need may not be each other. They may just need a second robot, Komori and siri. ......
The satisfaction of this kind of emotional value is bubble-like, generally speaking, it will drop sharply after the love period. If two people maintain such intimacy for a long time, the pressure on each other will be very great, and it is easy to avoid problems and not solve them.
2. Girls want each other to come back soon.
Compared with the second reply, the quick reply is slightly less harsh. You don't need to say a word to send it, and the other party will soon show "entering". Or just reply an expression, or a short response, you can be satisfied.
Of course, there is a time limit for girls to expect each other to come back early. Once the other party doesn't reply for more than 10 minutes, 30 minutes or even 60 minutes, then they enter the chain of suspicion.
What is he doing? You're not with anyone else, are you?
What's so busy that you don't even have time to look at your mobile phone?
And I will continue to think that he doesn't love me as much as before, and our feelings are slowly fading ... If this continues, it will only get colder and colder and eventually separate.
The chain of doubt amplifies negative emotions, and when the other party is busy replying, this emotion has grown into a bomb, and then questioning, quarreling and the Cold War will break out.
Girls with this mentality generally lack self-judgment, are subjective and have no objective perspective on people and things, so they need some external factors or evidence to help them judge. (Emotional counseling can add a mentor \/letter:)
Come to think of it, have you ever had a similar situation of self-amplifying negative emotions?
The above two kinds of mentality are the common mentality that "girls will get angry if they reply to the information late", and they all have a * * * nature, that is, "they all hope that the other party can reply." In this mood, they are concerned about:
Can the other party return my message?
If I can't do it, or I'm not in time, that means I'm not noticed, loved or seen. ......
My boyfriend replied to the message late. What they really expect and are interested in is not "What will he reply to me?" Not exactly. "What will he think when he sees the message I sent?" But "will he call me back?" "Why didn't he call me back?" "Why can't he come back to me quickly? ! "
So, why are you angry?
Not because you have nothing to do, but because you don't trust each other and you think he ignores you; At the same time, you don't trust yourself. You feel worthless.
Second, you can't help being angry when the other party comes back late. What should you do?
1, balance your own needs
In communication, we should adjust our mentality and reduce our needs. Separate each other's thoughts and control, and balance the needs to the extent that the other party can complete. Understand each other's work rules, schedules and habits in depth, and judge whether to "come home late" according to the well-known information.
For example, the other person works from nine to five, usually taking a lunch break at noon, while you work at night and start work at noon. Then you send a message to the other party before going to work, expecting the other party to reply quickly. Then your needs are obviously beyond the scope that the other party can easily complete.
Take care of your emotions first, and then understand the reasons.
Boyfriends are slow to reply to messages, and many girls get angry when the other party replies to messages beyond their expectations. At this time, if you contact with the other party, you will vent your dissatisfaction, or hold it in your heart and express your dissatisfaction in various ways. This is often the reason why boys sometimes look embarrassed.
Therefore, if you feel that the other party has not returned your message and is already emotional, it is recommended to deal with your emotions first, then patiently understand the reasons and give the other party a chance to explain. Then decide whether you can accept it or not according to the reasons given by the other party.
If you can, ask for some language comfort and emotional value. If you can't, put forward compensation and settle it through consultation, give the other party a chance to make up and let him realize how much we care about this matter.
3. Be yourself
There is another kind of girl in life who knows that she has herself in her heart and will reply when she sees the information. It is very satisfying that the other person can take time to chat with himself during the day. Girls with this mentality have a high degree of self-satisfaction and relatively stable emotions, and they have an objective grasp of their needs and positioning in a relationship.
If you are in the state mentioned above, you can try to shift your energy to something that can make your mood more stable and calm. It is your choice to cultivate a hobby that can be stable for a long time and read more books and articles about emotional management.
In intimate relationships, it is normal to have needs for each other. But if you ask for it like a baby, you must always ask the other person to meet it in time, otherwise there will be emotions, just like an energy black hole. Over time, the other party will be under great pressure and will instinctively stay away from you.
Therefore, in intimate relationships, we should learn to trust each other and believe that they have themselves in their hearts; Also learn to believe in yourself and believe that you deserve to be loved. This is every woman who expects to be full of love and warmth.