No matter how busy and fast the pace of life is, everyone's work and life are inseparable from communication with others. Discussion on problems at work, communication between departments and small talk among colleagues are all talking to others. Can you listen carefully when you speak? I think most people's answer is "no".
The book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People tells us that you should get to know others before expressing your personal opinions. Communication requires skill; Skills should be principled; Principles are the basis of communication; The foundation is empathy listening, and knowing yourself and yourself is effective communication.
Nowadays, apart from material things, people's greatest need for survival comes from psychology, that is, to be understood, affirmed, recognized and appreciated. How can we know ourselves?
? 0 1. Empathy listening
? Empathy listening is listening for the purpose of understanding, which requires the listener to understand his own way of thinking and feelings from the speaker's point of view.
Five common levels of listening in communication:
? First, turn a deaf ear (not listening to others at all)
Second, pretend (yes, well! That's right! )
? Third, selective reception (only listen to what you think is useful)
Fourth, concentrate (try to hear every word clearly) Fifth, empathetic listening, that is, the highest level of listening (stand in the other person's perspective and feel the other person's speech with your heart)
Colleague Xiao Zhang is a hothead. Every time she talks to her, she is afraid, because she never listens to others' speeches and starts to interrupt others and reply out of context. She speaks very fast, with few pauses, so it is difficult to interrupt and explain. It's like fighting her.
Yesterday I went to check the data with her and just said, "There is something wrong with the watch you gave me yesterday. Let's change it." She immediately said, "No way, I checked, and the data must be accurate. You must be mistaken. Please think about the problem yourself and come to me again. " While she was still panting, I quickly said, "It's not that your data is wrong. You should adjust the order." She is a typical deaf+selective hearing.
02. Four autobiographical reactions after listening
? First, value judgment-only accept or not accept other people's opinions.
Second, get to the bottom of it-explore the privacy of others according to your own values.
? Third, be a good teacher-give advice with your own experience.
Fourth, self-righteousness-measure the behavior and motivation of others according to your own behavior and motivation.
Colleague Lingling bought a coat that she liked for a long time. As soon as the courier arrived, she couldn't wait to open the parcel and come to the bathroom to try on the clothes. When Xiao Zhao saw it, she immediately said, "Lingling, this coat is very good. Which store is it? " how much is it? Lingling was unhappy and didn't answer the phone. Xiao Zhao continued to ask: "Tell the price quickly? I will also go and have a look. " Lingling wiped her face and said, only to hear Xiao Zhao look at her mobile phone and say, "Oh dear! You bought it very expensive. "The response to the inquiry made the atmosphere awkward in an instant.
03. Effective communication
Xiao Hao saw that the atmosphere was wrong and immediately came out to clear the air and communicate effectively.
? The first stage is to repeat the sentence: Does the new coat look good?
Supplementary explanation in the second stage: online shopping is convenient, the coat is very suitable for your figure and skin color, and your temperament is great.
In the third stage, I take my personal feelings into account: I want to buy one when I see your coat, and I will ask you for a link when I get paid next month, so I must start with one.
? The fourth stage is to explain, but also to help each other understand themselves with emotion and dare to express: if you walk down the street in this coat, you will definitely have a high rate of turning around.
Lingling smiled and said, "Xiao Hao, is this coat really nice?" Xiao Zhao said that what I bought was too expensive. "Xiao Hao said:" The coat is really beautiful, and the price is related to the quality and channel. I just like it. "
Xiao Zhao and Xiao Hao have different reactions to Lingling's coat. From Lingling's reaction, we can see which way is more pleasant and more willing to talk to you.
Everyone longs for a bosom friend, and needs others' understanding most when they are in a bad mood. The ancient Greeks had a classic philosophy, that is, morality first, emotion second and reason third. Three words embody the essence of letting others understand themselves and express themselves effectively. Knowing yourself is the first step for people to achieve a win-win situation.