The content of these two classes is the whole process of teacher Zeng Qifeng guiding a female consultant. Since I had the privilege of contacting Mr. Zeng Qifeng's psychoanalysis last year, I have enjoyed his class very much.
First, the consultant briefly introduced a case she consulted. In this case, the visitor is 35 years old, a college student, a company employee, and has two children, a daughter, six years old, and a son, three years old.
Her husband also works in the company. After they got married, they have been living with their parents-in-law. The purpose of this woman is that she suffers from depression, hates her present life and wants to divorce her husband.
The reason why she wants a divorce is that her father-in-law often beats her mother-in-law. She is worried that such a family life will affect the healthy growth of her two children, and her husband is also very indifferent to her, which makes her very disappointed with her present marriage.
Her father-in-law is the boss of business and has a rough personality. My mother-in-law is a housewife, and she has no job since she was a child, but she is very nagging. Every fight is because my mother-in-law nagged first, and my father-in-law began to hit people.
Whenever my father-in-law hits my mother-in-law, her husband will slam the door and go out for a drink, regardless of the child or wife. The whole family lives in a villa, and the two children are mainly the husband's little aunt who helps at home, and the child's grandmother only helps a little.
The woman came to visit and said that her home was warm and her parents never quarreled. She has a good brother and now works in a Fortune 500 company.
When I was a child, my grades were average. My mother always praised my brother. Mother's childhood education is more traditional, thinking that women should be able to do housework, so they are more capable of visiting.
Visiting feels that her husband is somewhat indifferent, often drinking and playing cards outside, and does not take much care of the children.
I want to divorce my husband, but I don't want my two children to grow up in a single-parent family. But now she has no ability to change anyone in this big family, so she feels that life is very painful, so she seeks the help of a consultant. At present, visitors and consultants have generated 19 consultation.
After the consultant introduced all the information of this visit, Mr. Zeng Qifeng began to comment on this case.
Ceng Laoshi: "We can help family of origin. She is exploring her own growth. She has a very good brother at home. Her mother has been constantly strengthening her brother's Excellence. She has never caught up with her brother. In fact, she has jealousy and hatred for her brother. Therefore, her complaints and attacks on her husband are actually her attacks on her brother when she was a child. "
Counselor: "Although she consulted 19 times, I can't find out his family background. She has always stressed that she has a good relationship with her brother, and his parents are also very enthusiastic. Father also played jokes on her and teased her. She never felt depressed when she was a child. "
Ceng Laoshi: "This kind of visitor consultation 19 times is far from enough. It may take 190 times to really achieve the purpose of consultation. We can start by analyzing the marriage of her parents-in-law. This mother-in-law has been nagging. Every time my father-in-law hits my mother-in-law, it's because her mother-in-law nags first. In fact, this mother-in-law is a victim on the surface, but actually a controller. It means that when one day, this mother-in-law stops nagging, no longer appears as a victim, and she has the strength, then her husband will not hit him. "
Ceng Laoshi: "If the visitor understands the mode of getting along with her parents-in-law, it will help her to see herself clearly. In fact, visiting yourself is a victim role. The reason why she is depressed is to remind her husband to care about her and care about her children. "
Ceng Laoshi said that the victim was actually the real criminal. When I first heard this view before, I couldn't understand it. This time, when Ceng Laoshi talks about it again, I can react immediately.
Psychoanalysis is really interesting, it will subvert many of our usual cognitive habits. As for the family situation of this case, I have some understanding in my heart. In fact, condensed into one sentence, whoever loses in family relations will change.
If this visit is not the victim role, she will not be troubled by the personality struggle between her parents-in-law and her husband. For example, aunts with children are very powerful. In this messy family, her aunt will not change anyone. She will take good care of the child and take good care of the child. Nobody will bully her.
Because of her family background, the visit made her a victim, but she was unable to change the current environment, so she was very painful, anxious and depressed.
Finally, I think we should insist on consulting after this visit, explore ourselves deeply under the guidance of consultants, truly understand ourselves, and finally make ourselves stronger and stronger. Finally, like my husband and aunt, don't change anyone, just be yourself. However, no one wants to bully me because I have my own aura and strength.
People as powerful as my aunt are basically the result of family background, and they bring their own energy without consulting. When people who are hurt by their families suffer, they can only grow up again through various ways such as counseling or learning.
Ceng Laoshi also mentioned the aspect of psychological immaturity. I understand that all the victim characters may show mental immaturity, so it should be the ultimate goal of our consultation.
Qi 202 1 Annual Reading and Writing Camp
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