If you are scientific, stop some adults in the street and ask them, "Do you love children?" The answers are surprisingly consistent. "Of course I love you." Then ask him, "What is love?" The answers are varied and strange, and more people are at a loss and don't know how to answer them. Bo Ruizhi has been engaged in family education for 20 years and has seen tens of thousands of classic cases. He has never met anyone who says he doesn't love his children. However, among these parents who say they love their children, there are many people who beat and scold their children, and some even say they love their children after driving them to suicide.
So what is love?
CCTV reported that a father in Qingdao made a low-voltage electrical circuit with a little circuit knowledge he mastered. In order to educate his son, he tied him up and electrocuted him. Finally, his son was as unconscious as a wooden chicken. The reporter asked the father, "Why did you do this?" He replied, "I love my child to educate him." A young couple in Xi 'an stole a dollar from their first-grade daughter and beat her to death. The reporter asked them why, and they said, "Because we love her, we should educate her." . Another rural father hanged his son to educate him, and finally killed him. The reporter asked him, "Why did you do this?" He replied, "I love him".
Many people are doing things that hurt their loved ones under the banner of love.
Confucius, a master of Chinese studies, emphasized "benevolence, courtesy, wisdom and faithfulness", but love did not enter the mainstream cultural system of China. The main values of China people emphasize "kindness" and "benevolence", but there is no narration about love in the voluminous ancient books. Ancient people in China studied the problem of "love" and told stories. How to interpret it is your business. Etymologically, the word "love" began in the Qing Dynasty, and the annotation of "love" is about equal to "interest transmission". No book can explain what "love" is. Why? Because the core field of "love" mainly exists between men and women, marriage and family, but China culture emphasizes that men and women are not close, and "close" is roughly equal to "love", that is, "men and women are not close". In ancient China, families were arranged according to levels, with parents at the top and children at the bottom. There was once a hierarchical society, the top of which was called "grace" and the bottom was called "filial piety", and the word "love" was not used in this field. The May 4th Movement broke out in China. People of insight, represented by He Xiangning and Soong Ching Ling, advocated freedom of marriage, monogamy and the abolition of concubinage, which was a landmark event. After that, "love" began to enter today's China society and become the protagonist of life. Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory points out that love is an essential need after people have satisfied basic needs such as food, clothing, housing, transportation, sex and safety. Today, love has entered the center of the social stage in China, especially in the field of education. Whether you like it or not, you must face this problem seriously. Love is the biggest problem in life. It is impossible to get happiness unless this problem is solved. If you don't understand love in education, you will never get into the door of education.
? When people talk about education, nothing is valuable except love.
? So, what is love?
? Philosophical interpretation language. Wittgenstein said that language is the cage of human beings. The problem lies in the misunderstanding of language. Language vocabulary is a container, and the contents are different for everyone. When we first started learning languages in Native House, our parents taught us to speak, which was limited by their knowledge level. Their understanding of this word has taught us, so everyone has a different understanding of the same word. Compare language to a wine bottle, and the contents vary from person to person. We all say the same thing, thinking that the other side has the same meaning as us, but the real understanding of the other side is quite different from ours. If we don't cross the fog barrier of language, we will never see the truth clearly. Similarly, everyone's understanding of the word "love" is also biased. Comparing the word "love" to a wine bottle, everyone can put all kinds of wine into it at will. Many people put the word "love" into all kinds of things, which even leads to problems in marriage and parent-child relationship, but they are at a loss.
There are seven misunderstandings about love in contemporary China.
? 1. As long as my purpose is for your own good, all my actions are to love you. This mistake is too outrageous, which is equivalent to opening Pandora's box, the devil comes out from it, all evil deeds come out from it, and so many appalling things have happened.
? 2. Understand love as material giving. Providing material for children is only your legal responsibility as a parent, and it is a way of love, not love itself.
? 3. Understand love as equivalent exchange, thinking that if you love others, others should love you.
? 4. Understand love as an inner thought and think that as long as you have him in your heart. what do you think? Who knows? Love must be expressed before others can receive it. Love is the relationship between people, and the inner thoughts are nothing.
? 5. Take the expression of love as love, and think that washing clothes and cooking for you is love. Sex is the way to express love, love is the cause of sex, love is psychological behavior, and sex is physiological behavior. They are not the same thing.
? 6. I always want to prove love with evidence. Women are especially serious. The most famous example is van Gogh, a Dutch writer. He lives with a prostitute he loves because of financial difficulties. The woman asked him, "Do you love me?" Van Gogh said, "Love", "Then marry me", "I have no money" and "Then cut off your ear to prove that you love me", so Van Gogh really cut off his ear and gave it to this woman, so Van Gogh's self-portrait was missing an ear. This is so wrong. Love needs no proof.
? 7. Simply understand love as a linguistic thing. If you just say that word empty, without the emotion of true love, the other person will not feel love, and love will be truly obtained. If there is no real emotion, no amount of expression can be more than rhetoric.
? So, what exactly is love we are talking about? It is difficult to define love. Before the concept was defined, love here refers to the most beautiful feelings between people, and the concept of set gives a descriptive definition of love.
? 1, love is a good feeling that one person likes another person. Especially between people. There is no love between people and animals, but love at most. It's emotion, not material. If there is no emotion, no matter how many things you buy for your child, the child will not feel love.
? Love is an equal relationship and must be respected. There is no equality without respect, and there is no love without equality. In this sense, the French say "love is sons of liberty". Love can only happen between two equal people. Their independent personalities must be respected and they cannot control or possess each other.
? 3, love is unconditional, this is the essential feature of love, love is a unilateral act, you love a person, is to express your inner feelings to him, do not need to return. If love needs to be returned, it is exchange. If there is an exchange, it is to deny love. Love is not an equivalent exchange.
? Love is completely accepted, which is the most profound. Loving someone means not being picky, not blaming, not complaining, being active and blind, infinitely magnifying each other's advantages and turning a blind eye to each other's shortcomings. The deeper meaning is that love is a natural transcendence of human beings. If we love a person, we will not judge the value of this person. Only in this way can we relax in front of our lover, be true to ourselves and not be afraid to expose our shortcomings. It is love that makes us find our spiritual home.
Whether love exists or not is up to the other party. Love must be expressed, and feelings from the inside out should be based on what the other person can feel.
? True love must be cultivated and purified before it can be expressed. There is true love in everyone's heart, only the difference between more and less. Need to work hard to remove impurities and show love. About the cultivation of love, it is an examination question given by the creator. You must answer by yourself and through your life practice. In the parent-child relationship, the child is the examiner, and in the love relationship, the other party is the examiner, not you.
? The role of true love in children's growth.
? There is a jingle-as long as the parent-child relationship is normal, the child will not become a hooligan, and as long as the parents have true love, the child will not learn badly.
? 1, love is the core nutrition for children's spiritual personality growth.
? Love is the only key to open a child's heart.
? 3. Love is the motivation for children to learn knowledge and train skills.
? 4. Love is the core driving force for children to develop towards goodness.
? Love is a nuclear weapon to solve the conflict between parents and children.
? 6. Love is the premise of communication between parents and children. Only when parents show true love can children open their hearts, and love is the premise of understanding.
As long as there is true love, there is no one in the world who doesn't love you, because no one on earth can refuse true love. Love is the secret of educating children.