In psychological counseling, Kobayashi complained to me. He said that in advertising marketing, a partner became a temporary partner. In Kobayashi's concept, two people are partners, related, cooperative and supportive.
But the partner obviously regarded Kobayashi as a subordinate. Not only in Kobayashi's work, but also after supervision, he is like a leader and even discouraged.
In the workplace, colleagues are dealt with and they can express their dignity.
In order not to affect the progress of work, Kobayashi will not affect the cooperative relationship between the two, but he feels very uncomfortable inside, just like an unbearable person.
I believe many people have this experience, but they are bound by colleagues or partners around them. It turns out that two people are equal and cooperative, so they are just like them. That feeling, in a word.
During the consultation, Kobayashi asked: How to get along with yourself and be allergic to other people's partners? What psychological skills did you exchange?
2. I can't stand it
Xiao Lin's strategy is tolerance. As the saying goes, I will take the wind and calm down. But not being true is not the best strategy. Obviously, he didn't care about his feelings. Helping each other doesn't help you realize your behavior.
Many times, when we can't take care of your feelings, we will find a suitable reason for ourselves. For example, Kobayashi's original intention is not to affect the progress of work; In order to take care of work; In order not to hurt the feelings of other parties. These reasons are very expensive.
However, with an uncomfortable feeling, it won't be long.
So Kobayashi seeks psychological counseling and communication, that is, to express himself. I don't want to hurt, and I can't stand it.
Step 3 express your feelings
Because you can't stand it, and then you will go back to:
"You think you are the leader, then I will!"
Kobayashi said it was too straightforward to say. Can you keep it simple? So I taught him to express my feelings and thoughts.
"In our cooperation, I have a feeling of being used as a subordinate, which is very good and uncomfortable. I think this is not an equal partnership, but a non-contradictory leadership relationship, but in fact, I am not a subordinate or a subordinate. "
This kind of expression really expresses their feelings and thoughts. It's also very simple.
But Xiao Lin asked, there is still a feeling of pursuit. It will also make the other person uncomfortable. The other party seems to have no malice and is improving work efficiency. Direct expression, a little rushed. I agree with Xiao Lin's feelings. Because direct expression only takes care of Xiao Lin's feelings. Proper communication should consider both sides.
So how to consider two aspects? Make both sides feel comfortable. Do you have eight communication skills?
4. See each other and take care of the scene
I asked Xiao Lin to draw a circle and divide the circle into three departments, writing: myself, others, and the situation. It is meaningful to divide things into three parts in order to make things into things.
Kobayashi agrees very much. What should I do?
I listed four steps.
1, objectively state what happened. I saw this phenomenon. For example, I have seen a lot of work assigned to me, and you can confirm or comment after it is completed.
2. Express your feelings. My feelings. For example, I feel a little upset and uncomfortable.
3. Express your opinion and have a look. For example, I think we are cooperative, not superior, but you arrange your work as if I were your subordinate.
4. Express your expectations and hopes. For example, I hope everyone will discuss and put forward their opinions first. But you arranged it directly for me. Besides, our work needs to be involved, not arranged by you.
Kobayashi said that these four steps expressed themselves. If you become more, then there is an element of cooperative politeness, but you don't take care of each other and the situation.
I said yes, the above four steps are more responsible for expressing myself. We should be responsible for our feelings and our thoughts first, so we have no intention of putting the blame on others.
In other words, we won't force others to do what we do for us. Do not attack each other. Expressing yourself is a relative purpose.
Therefore, you need to add something.
This is to understand each other's feelings and expectations. At least confirm each other's positive motives.