What should children do if they don't eat hard and don't listen?

Hao Hao was brought into the psychological counseling studio of China Normal University by her parents. As a first-grade primary school student, he looks thin, but his small face has a pair of sensitive and smart eyes. As soon as she entered the sandbox game room, her mother quickly asked Hao to play with sand and set sand tools, but strangely, Hao Hao refused. Mother began to use kindness and kindness, even coaxing and cheating, but Hao Hao refused. At this time, the father on the side also joined the persuasion, but the child remained unmoved. Later, Hao Hao simply showed off his gyro and announced loudly: "I only play with my gyro!" In the end, this little "war" between parents and children ended in the compromise of parents. I look very interesting, because this is the first child who is not interested in the dazzling array of sand tools. In the past, not only children, but many adults couldn't help being deeply attracted when they entered the sandbox and couldn't wait to start work. Looking at the sad mother and helpless father, I decided to talk to my parents first and let the children play by themselves. In the conversation, Hao Hao's father and mother seem to have many complaints about Hao Hao, so I asked them to summarize them on paper. Soon, they swept away several big problems that caused them headaches. I found that there are many problems that other parents often encounter. Hao Hao doesn't like the discipline of his family, and he always feels that it is unnecessary to care. Because Hao Hao's father is busy with work, he only has time to spend with his children on weekends. Usually, it is grandma and mom who are disciplining Hao Hao. For this task, grandma and mom feel very tired, especially tired. Haohao was disobedient and asked adults to educate him by yelling all the time. Sometimes it's not good to try to communicate with him in a gentle and positive tone. Anyway, Hao Hao just doesn't eat hard or soft. ■ Elite consultants suggest that when we examine our children, we might as well focus on ourselves first. As parents, our generation is very different from the parents of the previous generation. In the past, parents didn't have much time to bargain with their children and didn't have the energy to pay attention to their children's mood. Parents' words are orders and authority, and there is nothing to discuss except execution. There is a lack of communication between parents and children. At that time, parents could enjoy the majesty above, but they could not enjoy intimate emotional communication and interaction. The times are advancing, and the family environment has the most profound influence on a person. You know, the current family structure and model have changed dramatically. Rudolph Drake, a famous psychologist, pointed out: "When the father loses control of his mother, both parents lose control of their children." This means that mothers in the family no longer set an example of obedience to their children, which is actually the progress of society. Nowadays, most young parents have accepted modern educational concepts such as equality, independence and respect for individuality. They are more willing to squat down and have emotional communication with their children, hoping to get along with them as friends one day. Now that you have chosen to put down your airs and look straight ahead, you have taught your children more power to say "no". Sometimes, paradoxically, when we teach children the right to say "no", we are frustrated that children violate their authority. In the consulting room, I observed that my father was seriously ordering the children to "put the toys back", but then he changed his tone and added "OK?" The original imperative sentence becomes a request sentence, and the smart child will immediately realize that there is an opportunity in this sentence! ■ Question 2: I have no sense of time, like procrastination, and can't listen to Hao Hao's parents' criticism. They complain that children have no sense of time and do their homework slowly. They always like to put off their homework until late at night. Speaking of the weak concept of time, it may be because our nation prefers to use vague psychological time rather than accurate physical time. I also often see many parents and children design a perfect timetable, accurate to a few minutes, and then let the children abide by it, hoping to cultivate their good sense of time. But the result is that after a few days, most children can't persist, even have disgust and disgust, and are unwilling to cooperate with their parents. If parents push and scold, it will cause contradictions between them and eventually give up halfway. ■ The so-called concept of time suggested by elite consultants is both a quality and an attitude towards life. The cultivation of this concept of time depends not on training or discipline, but on life. In a family life with a sense of time, children will unconsciously establish the rules of life in their words and deeds and become their own life mode. There is no need to entangle in a "timetable". While letting children cultivate the concept of time, should parents also ask themselves how to establish the family concept of time? The writer Tolstoy put it very well: "The essence of educating children lies in educating themselves, and self-education is the most powerful way for parents to influence their children." ■ Question 3: I am indifferent to my family. If my family doesn't know how to care about people after illness, in fact, children are very sensitive inside and will accurately capture the changes in adults' faces and moods. His mother also said that the child did well in school. The teacher's evaluation of Hao Hao is "there is no such child!" ■ The elite consultant suggested that I don't think that Hao Hao lacks emotion and love, but that the inner feelings of children are too complicated and even have many conflicts, so that they can only be covered up by indifference. Just like many parents' feelings for their children, they have selfless love and gnashing their teeth when they hate iron. We don't have to be too picky about the child's inability to express pure love, because what he gets from adults is also a contradictory and complicated feeling, and the child has not learned how to express his love. There are many languages of love. In fact, we adults also need to learn how to express our love. Psychologists tell us that people usually express their love in five ways: first, affirmative words; Second, careful moments (not only remembering important days, but more importantly giving each other full attention); Third, accept a gift (a symbolic thing); Fourth, the action of service (doing what the other party wants you to do); Fifth, physical contact. We must first master the language of love by ourselves, so as to teach children to learn and understand the language of love and fully feel and convey love. ■ Question 4: I don't pursue things very much, unlike ordinary children who wear high hats and eat neither hard nor soft. I played with my children in the sand table room for a while and talked with him about gyro soldiers. The children gave me a gyro show happily. Later we talked about his school, his life, his troubles and so on. In such an unrestrained atmosphere, the children started to catch sand in the sand table while chatting. Later, he found a car on the sand display cabinet. Fortunately, he packed the sand in the lower left corner of the sand table and piled it in the lower right corner (see left picture). He never tires of telling me again and again that his goal is to pile up a hill in the lower right corner! That seriousness touched my heart, because I know that Haohao is "working" enthusiastically for his own goals and working hard! ■ Suggestions of elite consultants ■ Conclusion: Children's problems are actually parents' problems most of the time. As parents, we need to give our children more patience, more companionship, not more demands, set an example and learn to express love and support, then children can naturally become a complete and healthy person. Elite International Education Group is one of the largest foreign-funded education chains in China. Founded by educational experts from Harvard University and Peking University, it has established long-term strategic cooperative relations with three top universities in the world: Yale, Stanford and Princeton.