With the arrival of the second child era, how should we work and raise children? How to work and raise children is what I brought to you, and I hope it will help you.
First of all, the help of working mothers
? I need help badly here. ? One day more than a month ago, I was preparing for a business trip and received an urgent call from my assistant.
On the phone, my assistant told me that this visitor was special because she was in a hurry to make a decision and would talk to the leader in a few days.
I read the basic information of the inquirer. This is a working mother who is eager to grow up. She was confused, anxious and helpless, so she made an agreement with her assistant to provide the inquirer with the first consultation.
Background information: Ms. Zhang, female, aged 38, holds a master's degree in civil engineering. After graduation, she worked as a project assistant in a foreign company. After working for three years, she went to a state-owned enterprise through a friend's introduction. Because of her outstanding performance, she was promoted to the director of the company's project department five years later, and her income was good. She has a 4-year-old son who is pregnant with a second child, and suddenly she finds her career development in trouble again.
At work, Ms. Zhang has found it difficult to feel the sense of value and existence since she became pregnant again, and she can't help feeling inferior because she stayed in the comfort zone for too long. She wants to change, but she doesn't know how.
Career evaluation results: Dutch code ARS, MBTI:ISFP.
After receiving this consultation, I made a preliminary consultation and reflection on Ms. Zhang's situation together with other teachers in the studio:
On the surface, the visitor is dissatisfied with his current professional status, but in fact, he may be dissatisfied with his current living conditions. Therefore, in the first consultation process, we focused on the need to clarify the specific factors that hinder her from getting an ideal life, and then analyze and explore these specific information.
In view of this situation, first of all, we need to know what kind of specific dilemma the inquirer has encountered, and we need to further clarify and diagnose the problem; Secondly, we need to see clearly the needs of visitors and make clear the value behind her current job; Next, we can further explore through vision to help visitors see the future; Finally, for some of her beliefs, see if it is necessary to further debug.
After clarifying these points, I divided my work with another consultant and consulted this working mother.
Second, after giving birth to a second child, the familiar career dilemma strikes again!
? Can you tell me about your current work difficulties? At the beginning of consultation, we need to know the consultant's problems in detail.
? Is that right, teacher? Ms. Zhang said: I am a project manager, and now I am pregnant with a second child. I am an elderly pregnant woman. When the leader learned about my situation, he promoted my deputy to take over the job. Now I'm anxious. I wonder if there will be any position for me when I come back from maternity leave.
? Well, is this the first time you have encountered such a dilemma?
? No, this dilemma is very similar to what happened when I was pregnant for the first time. ? Ms. Zhang will talk.
Ms. Zhang said that her first pregnancy was in the third year of the first enterprise. In the past few years, she has worked very hard and the leaders are very satisfied with her. But after she got pregnant, the leader arranged another deputy for her, and gradually, she handed over the important things to the deputy. When she returned to work after maternity leave, she was told that her deputy had taken her place. If she needs to go back to work, she will have to face the adjustment of work place.
At that time, Ms. Zhang, who wanted to be strong, hated being passive. On second thought, she chose to resign.
Unexpectedly, this time, that kind of familiar feeling welled up in her mind again.
Consultant:? I can see that you are a professional with high salary and high IQ. Judging from your current position and treatment, it is also far behind many women of the same age. ?
Ms. Zhang:? You don't know something, teacher. My eldest daughter is in kindergarten now, isn't she? You don't know that there are outsiders outside the mountain, and there are many people who are better than me. Take my daughter's class as an example. Many children have very good family conditions, and I feel more and more urgent. What kind of life will my daughter and Bauer face in the future if I don't work hard?
? No better than not knowing, no better than surprised? Ms. Zhang went on to say: For example, after working for so many years, I suddenly found that I had not made progress for many years. For example, my senior title has not been taken down because of my thesis. I'm thinking about whether I should continue to take the senior professional title, go to MBA, jump ship or start a business. It seems that there are many roads in front of me, but I don't think it's that simple. As for what I will become in the future, I am really at a loss. ?
Let's start with what she wants to change and continue to discuss what Ms. Zhang wants to change.
After combing, Ms. Zhang put forward the following points: First, I feel that my time management ability is very poor; Second, her husband is very busy at work, and she needs to share more things at home in the future; Third, she hopes to further study in her career and further improve her ability.
Consultant:? What is the problem you want to solve most at present?
Ms. Zhang:? I feel that time is not enough, and I hope it can be used effectively. ?
At this point, we further explore and find that the factors that hinder her from using her time effectively at present include: 1, limited physical strength and energy, 2, occasional short circuit in her mind, not clear enough, and 3, not good at dealing with housework.
We took her to organize an action plan to improve the current time efficiency, and asked her to give us concrete feedback after practice.
Third, let go of perfection, you are not superman.
In the second consultation, we reviewed and gave feedback on Ms. Zhang's homework and the implementation of the last consultation. Next, we need to take her for cognitive adjustment.
Because in the feedback, we found that Ms. Zhang tried many ways to control time, but every time she was anticlimactic, with little effect.
Consultant:? Can you be specific, if one day, you completely control your time, to what extent do you want to do it most?
Ms. Zhang:? I hope to reach an ideal state. ?
Consultant:? Oh? Ideal state? So, is there any specific standard about this ideal state?
Ms. Zhang:? I hope everything will be as I wish: the eldest daughter in kindergarten is clever and obedient enough, so I can write a paper and publish it in core journals as soon as possible, and get a senior title as scheduled. It's better for the replacement deputy to make mistakes often, so that the leader can realize that the company can't live without me, and I can also handle things properly at home. ? Ms. Zhang said.
Consultant:? If one day, you really reach this ideal state, what kind of scene do you think it will be?
Ms. Zhang:? I think if I can handle it well, it will be a refreshing and energetic feeling. I can get along with my children easily and happily, without interference from others, and I don't have so much fear and anxiety about this job, at least in my heart. ? Ms. Zhang said.
Consultant:? So what do you think you can do besides time management?
Ms. Zhang:? I think I should be less emotional first. Secondly, I think my income is not bad. I am more interested in making money than housework. Why can't I ask a professional nanny to help me share the housework? Finally, I will spare my energy to improve, such as further improving my major and increasing my chips for my future career development. ?
After the second consultation, we reached the following understanding with Ms. Zhang:
1, don't push yourself? The perfect mother?
In the information age, as long as we are willing, we can find a huge amount of parenting information, but if we use this parenting information to demand ourselves, there is no doubt that we can't get away from it, because no one can guarantee that children will grow up without any mistakes.
At the same time, it is precisely because many second-born mothers are not mothers for the first time that their families will have higher expectations for her.
In fact, every child is different, which is a brand-new process for every woman. Therefore, we need to liberate ourselves first. There is no standard as to whether children need to breastfeed regularly and how much to breastfeed. So, if parenting information brings you enough trouble, just ignore it and do it by instinct. Under the premise of economic permission, we can consider asking a professional baby-sitter for help. ?
2, improve the quality of companionship, rather than blindly wasting time.
For many mothers, after having a child, if they put all their energy into the child, they often can't find a sense of accomplishment and are in a state of anxiety all day, so they will not be in a good state when taking care of the child. You may play with your mobile phone while taking care of your children, or you may be distracted while taking care of your children, which will affect the quality of companionship.
Instead of this, it is better to entrust some trivial matters to others. For example, if you feel that taking care of children can't take care of housework, please ask the hourly worker to be responsible for cooking and cleaning at home; If you have family members to help you, you can also work with them. You don't have to work full-time 24 hours a day. You needn't be so tired at all.
Remember, your husband is the father of the child and your mother-in-law is the grandmother of the child. At the right time, it is also a way to adjust your mood and come back to accompany your children and family.
3. Balance is not a time balance, but also a short-term trade-off.
For the managers of the company, pregnant female employees usually arrange others to take over their jobs for the needs of their posts and the overall operation of the company. If the other party is competent, female employees will face job adjustment when they come back from maternity leave.
So from this perspective, you can't have your cake and eat it. If you decide to have a second child, you have to bear the corresponding price.
When you run fast enough, you will achieve it? Dynamic balance?
In the third consultation, Ms. Zhang's cognition was further improved.
She realized that even though she was not pregnant, she still felt powerless in her current position. At the same time, she suffered from scapulohumeral periarthritis because of her previous workload, which means that it may be an excellent opportunity to recuperate on the one hand and adjust her mood on the other, and at the same time, she can calm down and read some professional books to improve her professional level and ability.
We feel very happy to see that Ms. Zhang has such knowledge, and at the same time take her back to the previous two consultation processes, including the puzzles she faced, the problems she found, the ideas she combed, the choices she faced, the actions she took and the phased results she achieved.
After the consultation, Ms. Zhang felt much clearer.
A month later, Ms. Zhang told me that after discussing with us, she had a frank conversation with the leader, saying that she could understand the arrangement of the leader and was willing to do something within her power during maternity leave to train the deputy to avoid the company from suffering losses because of her pregnancy. The leaders also said that they also know that women have to face these pressures now, but after years of getting along, they still recognized Ms. Zhang's working ability and arranged her next work priorities. ?
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