Before my daughter was two and a half years old, she was just like you described. People not only don't like to say hello, but she even hides behind me at once. At that time, many people told me that children lacked exercise and should often take them out to adapt. Some friends even told me that it was because the children didn't attend early education. But I don't agree with these statements, because I will take her around the nearby children's circle every day, and there is no lack of environment. Later, I slowly guided in my own way. When the child was two and a half years old, something suddenly changed. Suddenly, she began to be very enthusiastic about the people around her. Sometimes when my classmates come to my house, she will take the initiative to take out her own snacks.
In fact, I think the change of children is not all the result of my education, but more the development degree of children's own mind. But I think parents should pay attention to "can do" and "can't do" in the process of guidance.
Some behaviors can help children develop faster. Let me summarize three points:
A. Parents' correct demonstration
Compared with constantly demanding children, the first thing parents should do is to be friendly and polite.
An important factor that children don't do is that they don't know how to do it, so parents should make a correct demonstration. Although children will not imitate for the time being, they will observe carefully until they are sure that they have mastered the correct norms.
In those years when my daughter was silent, I would put down my demands on her. Every time I meet children, I will take the initiative to say hello to them. Sometimes I will bring some small toys and snacks, and I will take them out to play and eat with my children. Although my daughter didn't say anything, I could see that her eyes were always staring at me. Habit is a process of accumulation, and it is very important to help children realize the accumulation of etiquette.
2. Help children solve problems.
I think this is more important to children than the first one. If the first parent plays the role of a mentor, then this one is the process of making children feel love.
When some parents see that their children don't say hello to acquaintances, they immediately feel humiliated, reprimanded and gouged out with their eyes, but these are not only beneficial to their children, but also harmful to them.
At this time, the best way is to help the children and resolve the embarrassment of both sides. For example, if I meet an acquaintance outside and the child doesn't say hello, I will say to her, "This is XXX. When you meet a stranger for the first time, you will know him next time, so that you can say hello to your mother, right? " If she goes to someone's house without saying hello, I will say to her again, "You have never been to this place, are you unfamiliar?" I'll show you around first, so you can play with your uncles and aunts when you get familiar with them, right? "
These words are not only for the children, but also to tell her that I understand her hesitation; It is also said to the other party, hoping that he can understand the child's inner struggle at this time.
Three. Prompt encouragement
In fact, children often do things according to their own mood. If one day your child suddenly greets one of your friends, don't give up this opportunity, and be sure to give it a severe praise.
"Wow, honey, what did I just hear? Did you just say hello to my friend? I think you did a good job today and were very polite. You make mom very proud! " Sometimes children's behavior is only tentative. If you don't respond, then he will think that he is not doing well. But if you seize the opportunity to amplify this behavior, then the child will think that his attempt is successful and he will take the initiative to do it next time.
In addition to these worthwhile behaviors, there are also some behaviors that are minefields for guiding children. Once contacted, it is easy to hinder the child's development.
1. Don't force children.
In the concept of "acquaintance", there is information asymmetry between parents and children. The acquaintances we know may be the first time the child meets them, or they may only stay in the child's short memory. At this time, it is obviously inappropriate to use the word "acquaintance" to accuse children.
Another thing that parents easily overlook is that children like to judge people by their appearances. When my daughter was young, as soon as I put on sunglasses, she would look at me with a serious face. For a while, she would be more afraid of people wearing hats. Sometimes you will see that children are still timid when they meet people they used to know, which may be the reason.
So don't push the child, the tighter you push, the stronger the rebound.
2. Don't label children.
Some parents will attack their children with words like "cowardice" as soon as they see their children lose face. This is a very objective evaluation. This will not only make children more disgusted with your requirements, but also make children have a distorted understanding of "courage".
When my daughter is not good at words, some people will describe her as timid. Whenever this happens, I will help her retort that "she is just more defensive." We want children to be enthusiastic about acquaintances and wary of strangers, which is a difficult learning task for them, so we need to give him enough time to form the concepts of acquaintances and strangers.
3. Don't compare with others.
Every child has a unique personality formation process. As parents, we should respect this uniqueness and help our children form a correct personality. As long as you give your child love and patience, I believe that one day you will find that your child suddenly becomes a small diplomat.
Children don't like to say hello to others, and even dare not say hello to others. Will this affect their psychological development in the future?
It's normal that children don't like to say hello to people, especially familiar people. This is impolite, not to mention the psychological development in the future. For young children, a single caregiver is more resistant to greeting strangers than many caregivers, and the active acceptance of the external environment is very low.
Studies have shown that when children under 10 are in contact with strangers, their left brain will produce resistance signals, and they will subconsciously "retreat", hiding behind adults or flashing their eyes. Therefore, when children don't want to say hello, parents don't have to blame them, let alone label them on the spot, saying they are timid, shy and ignorant. This will make the child hate greeting more and affect his future interpersonal communication.
Adults will take the initiative to greet others, but not necessarily out of sincerity, and some are just polite behaviors of "having to do it". What's more, children have different personalities, some are extroverted, willing to take the initiative to say hello, and some are introverted and unwilling to communicate with unfamiliar people.
But if the other person also takes care of the children, the two children can play together soon. I think this is the true nature of children, and there is no need to force them to change into the polite mode that parents want.
1, communicate with children privately, why don't you want to say hello?
My baby is a lively and cheerful child, but the unfamiliar person is just an ice surface or standing far away. Although I accept that children don't say hello, this behavior still makes me feel embarrassed.
Later, when I saw the opportunity, when I held a "children's party" at my house, I deliberately kept a straight face and didn't talk to her little friends.
The child was anxious and dragged me to the bedroom. "Mom, you can't treat my friend like this."
I said, "You are so cold to my friends that you never say hello. Of course I can do the same thing to your friend. "
"Now smile at my friend," said the child. "I will smile at your friends in the future."
With this contrast, children will know how their actions make others feel. Then, they will lead the children to play "Hello" games. Think about how to say hello when they travel with their families and meet friends. What should they do when they don't want to say hello? By pretending to play games and simulating scenes, children will soon learn how to greet unfamiliar people.
Parents should "say hello" and set an example for their children.
Parents are children's social reference, and parents' behaviors are children's role models. On weekdays, parents should greet their children warmly and generously when they meet acquaintances. When they meet strangers, they should be polite and smile.
Parents' behaviors and attitudes will be seen by children and kept in mind. Polite and educated parents will bring up children who are not bad. Allow children to say hello without words, but learn to smile and be friendly.
I teach my children to say hello. At first, it's not about people, but about nature.
Go to kindergarten in the morning, say hello to the birds you meet, and say hello to the flowers that attract you. Good morning, flowers. Children are naturally close to animals and plants. Naturally, you won't open your mouth to comment on your child, which will make your child completely stress-free.
Then say hello to familiar people around you, such as kindergarten teachers and classmates, school bus drivers, relatives and friends, etc. Familiar people usually respond to children more positively, making them feel that greeting is a beautiful thing.
One day, I met a friend with my child, and the child took the initiative to call "Hello Aunt", which surprised me.
When I got home, I told a white lie:
"Today, the aunt you greeted called me. She said you were the most polite child she had ever seen. She took the initiative to say "hello" and felt very warm. She had good luck all day and everything went well ... "
Once children find that they can bring such a great influence to others, they will be proud. Slowly, they will not dodge when they meet unfamiliar people.
In short, it is normal for children not to say hello to others. Parents don't have to be too nervous and don't have to intervene. Based on the principle of respecting children, children can naturally face "unfamiliar people" by letting nature take its course or taking the initiative to guide them.
Greeting is the first step for people to communicate and an important step for being polite to others. It's really worrying that children are afraid to say hello. Parents can try the following methods:
1. When children don't respond to others' greetings, help them respond and give them a step down. Never label your child as introverted and timid.
When the child does not respond to the greetings of acquaintances, in fact, the child is also very anxious. He doesn't know or dare to say hello. We adults can help him respond and apologize: the baby likes his aunt very much, and he is a little embarrassed. Or, you come less, and the children are still a little unfamiliar. Come and play more in the future! Remember not to scold the child, let alone say "this child is introverted and timid", and avoid labeling the child negatively.
2. Ask the child why he doesn't say hello.
Children over 3 years old can communicate with their parents and ask why they don't want to say hello when they are alone. When children can't say clearly, they can choose: they don't like each other's unprepared, they are a little shy, and they don't know how to say they are afraid of each other. Be careful not to be picky, it is important to understand the inner thoughts of children.
3. When with children, parents take the initiative to greet strangers and demonstrate in person.
On weekdays, when getting on and off the elevator, on the way to pick up and drop off the children, when shopping in the supermarket, and when taking the children out to eat, parents take the initiative to say hello to strangers, and pay attention to the tone. It is more natural to greet strangers calmly and politely, and it is easier for children to see. Greeting makes strangers in the same space more pleasant.
4. Help children expand their social circle and create opportunities for contact with strangers.
Children who are afraid of greeting have a small social circle in most cases and need to spend more time on psychological construction and integrate into new social groups. Parents can take their children to the activities downstairs in the community from the beginning, and bring a toy such as football that can be participated by many people, which will naturally attract more children to participate. Parents can also invite interested children around them to play together, and create a scene of contacting strange children from their play, so that children can see that greeting can bring more partners.
Parents can also take their children to public places such as libraries, science and technology museums, parks and parent-child reading clubs. You can also take your children to their parents' social circles, participate in parent-child activities organized by the unit, invite friends to be guests at home, take your children to relatives and friends' homes, and create opportunities for your children to meet strangers.
5. Reduce the time children spend watching TV and mobile phones, and take children to exercise more. Sports will bring children a better emotional state and more social skills.
Children who watch TV and play mobile phones for a long time are used to receiving information in one direction and have insufficient motivation to communicate with others. It is good to take children out for sports, playing ball games and running. Exercise has magical effects and can make people feel happy. This is because after exercise, the brain and body will secrete a chemical substance-endorphin, which makes children excited. Exercise can also exercise some physical abilities of children, such as improving speed, strength and endurance, and improving sensitivity and coordination. During the practice, there may be other children involved. In this process, children learn interpersonal skills such as understanding, sharing and cooperation. Taking children outdoors to do sports with other children not only exercises the body but also develops their social skills, killing two birds with one stone.
6. Change the "slow fever" children's understanding of the role of greetings.
After trying the above methods, some introverted children still can't greet them warmly. Parents should not be discouraged, and don't think that children are naturally introverted and give up guiding their children to say hello.
Jung, the psychologist who first put forward the "introverted" character, once mentioned in his book that there is no pure introversion or extroversion in human character. Introverts may not like talking, but they can talk about their favorite topics in Kan Kan. Slow and introverted children are more willing to devote their energy to what they really like. They think it's not important to say hello to others, not to say it, not to say it. Therefore, recognizing the important role of greeting, it is possible for children with slow fever to seriously consider greeting.
When children no longer respond to other people's greetings, parents try to go home. The child calls his parents and doesn't respond to the child, so that the child feels embarrassed and sad that others don't respond to him. After that, actively communicate with your child: Are you sad because your mother doesn't respond to you? So in the morning, my aunt called you and you didn't respond. Will my aunt be sad? Besides, when you first called your mother, she didn't respond. As a matter of fact, mom is very sad herself. I'm sure you felt a little uncomfortable when your aunt greeted you, didn't you respond? Greeting is the first step for people to get along with each other in a friendly and polite way. So, do you think it is necessary to say hello to people? Do you want to say hello to someone? At least respond politely to people's greetings. Mom looks forward to your next performance.
7. Affirm children's occasional greetings.
Occasionally, I found that my child responded to others' greetings, and even when I timidly followed my mother, I affirmed my child's progress in time. On the way to send the children to school, the children take the initiative to call their classmates' names and tell them that this is a greeting, praising their initiative to greet. Yan Yuan, an educator in Qing Dynasty, said in Si Cun pian: It is better to win a prize than to win one. If you don't change after teaching, it will only harm you, and winning the prize will be easy and full of gratitude. Affirming children's small progress in time, children gain confidence and motivation in every correct behavior that is affirmed, and greeting is no exception.
When our child comes into this world, no matter what job he will do in the future, he must communicate and cooperate with others. Greeting is not only the requirement of civilized etiquette, but also the first step for children to communicate with others. Our parents need to guide their children to live in harmony with society. Of course, every child's acceptance process is different and needs more love and patience to change. Parents who are troubled in this area can also try these methods, hoping to help you.
Many children don't like to say hello, which is a normal phenomenon and will not affect their psychological development in the future. Our children were like this when they were young, and now they are completely fine.
In this case, parents need to reflect on these issues:
1. Do parents expect too much?
We can't expect children to greet others naturally like adults. It is completely normal for children to let go of people they know and like when they are young. In addition, children also have different personalities. Some children are outgoing, cheerful and lively, while others are introverted and quiet. Different personalities have their advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, parents fully accept their children, don't expect too much from them, don't think about "correcting" personality problems, and don't put pressure on them. Children will learn these things slowly.
Second, do parents like socializing?
If we, as parents, don't like to socialize by ourselves, if we don't meet others happily and enjoy communication, it's normal for our children not to like to say hello. Children will imitate their parents' behavior, so if we want our children to say hello politely, as parents, we must first do it and give them some guidance. For example, if you meet an acquaintance, say hello yourself, and then teach your child to say, "This is Aunt Wang, come and say hello to your aunt." The child will know what to do next time. If the child still doesn't say hello, explain it to others. Don't force children to say hello.
Third, provide opportunities for children to communicate.
Our children didn't like to say hello when they were young. I think one of the main reasons is that there are too few opportunities for communication. When she was young, I was busy and didn't have time to take her out to play, so I stayed at home with her. Later, I realized the problem and took the initiative to invite some parents of their kindergarten to go out to play with their children. I also created opportunities for her to interact with other children. I will stay with her and find children to play with. Slowly, the problem will be solved.
Children are always shy in the face of strangers and always refuse to say hello. Parents can't face it, but it also adds a little worry to their children's future. How to make children cheerful and say hello? The following methods can be used for reference.
Methods/Steps Step by Step Reading
Let children get in touch with peers. Create more platforms for children to communicate with the outside world. For example, there are many self-organized parent-child groups and regular parent-child activities. Children can participate more. Children see more people, broaden their horizons, and their shyness will disappear unconsciously.
Let children have more contact with adults. When you are in contact with your peers, don't forget to contact with adults. Children are teased. Let children have more contact with cheerful and lively adults, more Doby, more jokes and more smiles, and children will naturally be strangers.
Let dad get more. If it's a boy, let dad take it out to play. Because they are all of the same sex, their hobbies will be more the same. My mother is a girl and likes dolls and other toys, so I let my children play with my father. Dad can take his children to climb mountains, play ball, run, play with guns and other games, and their hearts will be wider and wider.
Know more and be reasonable. When the child is older and can understand what his parents say, you can tell him that it is polite to say hello to people. Only in this way can children become real young pioneers. Once the child says hello once, it should be greatly encouraged and the child will be more confident.
Give children more confidence. Can cultivate children's hobbies. Once a child is better than other children in a certain respect, his self-confidence will be established and enhanced, and he will gradually change from "passive greeting" to "active greeting".
Mothers are anxious about their children's fear of greeting others. What should we do?
We do three yes and three no!
Don't be the first. Don't suddenly interrupt your child when he is playing with toys or doing something seriously, and forcibly pull him over to let him say hello. The child's mood can't change at once, and it will also produce rebellious psychology.
Second, don't, don't force children to say hello. Many mothers see other people's children take the initiative to say hello to themselves, but their children are like dust bags and don't want to talk, so they will force their children to say hello to their aunts quickly, otherwise their mothers don't like you or don't want you, so their children are even more reluctant to say hello.
Third, don't, don't hit the child, say something like "You're not a good boy if you don't say hello", or someone will tease the child "You don't say hello, are you dumb?" This will have an impact on the child's psychology and make the child even more afraid to speak!
What are the "three essentials" to be achieved?
First of all, we should set an example. When we go out, parents should first take the initiative to say hello to people, so that children can feel that greeting is a very simple and common thing, and it is not that difficult.
Then, create opportunities for children and encourage them to actively communicate with others. At first, you can invite friends of the same age to play at home. In a familiar environment, children can be more relaxed and actively communicate with others.
Finally, give children full affirmation. When you see your child's progress, you should affirm the child in time and tell the child that you have done a great job and that your mother is very happy.
In a word, Ma Bao should not be anxious. It is normal for children not to say hello. Many children behave like this. We should be more patient, encourage and change with our children.
Children don't call people outside, love to call names, hit people and call names, go to children's homes to grab toys, cry loudly in public, and make trouble at school. This is the trouble of many parents.
Children being impolite outside and making trouble in class are the top two "impolite behaviors that parents have a headache".
I have two neighbors. In terms of manners, the children's performance is a world of difference. When a boy grows up, he just goes out to see us. Without waiting for his parents to remind him, he always said, "Grandpa, grandma, uncle and aunt are good." Nothing else, but this innocent child's greeting is a kind of enjoyment. As adults, we feel very comfortable, immediately softened and got along more harmoniously with our neighbors.
However, another six-year-old girl, not only won't take the initiative to call people, but her parents taught her how to call, and she didn't even think about it. She even said "Stop fighting" from time to time. She is always fighting outside. Do you think she is shy? No. Gee, why do we say there is such a big difference between the two children?
A rude, rude and disrespectful person can hardly gain the respect and friendly cooperation of his colleagues in his work. In life, the relationship with relatives and friends will also be tense, and it is difficult to get happiness. In order to make children grow into successful people, parents should let their children be polite and stress quality from an early age.
Let children form a habit and use polite language actively. At the earliest, let children learn to say hello to their relatives, friends, elders and neighbors. Parents should give timely praise and set an example to achieve twice the result with half the effort. Don't speak ill of your neighbor in front of your children, so they will misunderstand. If the child still does not cooperate, pay attention to character cultivation, do a good job of guidance, and intervene in mental health when necessary.
Distant relatives and close neighbors don't even have the minimum courtesy, and they don't think much of their families. I hope families with children who have this problem can realize it, because no outsiders will tell you that your children are impolite.
My baby is three years old, slow and shy. Let him never say hello to anyone. After going to kindergarten, it will be better. Familiar people will shout out, but unfamiliar people still don't talk. Personally, I don't think it is necessary to force children. Every child has his own personality, so there is no need to force it. I feel that adults will affect children, and asking others to communicate with others will also affect children. You can try to get the child to talk, but if the child doesn't talk, you should say it doesn't matter. Say or not is second. If there is a shadow, it will be in trouble.
Put yourself in the child's shoes and you will understand.
I have encountered this problem before. The child's father is away all the year round, and the child I brought out is a little timid. Adults should take the initiative to say hello, and children will take the initiative to say hello when they see it, rather than forcing them.