Many articles and books have discussed the advantages and disadvantages or necessity of parents and children sleeping in separate rooms. The biggest benefit is nothing more than "helping children to become independent as soon as possible", and the most common objection is that "children will feel insecure in the future." In the discussion from the viewpoint of "independence and security", there are many rich materials for reference. Parents who want to know more can search related articles online.
However, regarding "Should parents and children sleep in separate rooms? There is another dimension that is extremely obscure in our culture. People are used to avoiding talking about it, but it is very important: if the children who share the same room with their parents "repeatedly" witness their parents' sexual behavior, what impact will it have on them?
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The influence of witnessing parents' sexual behavior in childhood
Xiao Qi (a pseudonym) is a boy in Grade Two, and his appearance is relatively thin among his peers. Monitor the arrest of female teachers in schools, and set up a gender equality Committee on campus.
After the school began to investigate, the "extra-case case" snowballed. It turned out that Xiao Qi began to peep from the senior grade of primary school, but because the other party chose to forgive, the grade teacher gently put it down and the two sides reconciled privately. Until junior high school, in a new environment, relapse. Before this incident, many people had been victimized without being discovered, and it was not discovered until this time.
On the one hand, the resolution of the Gender Equality Committee requires children to receive psychological counseling, on the other hand, it also invites tutors and counseling rooms to strengthen parent education. When the tutor took the tutor to visit his home, the tutor was surprised to find that due to the family's financial difficulties, a family of four only rented a larger student suite with a big bed (parents slept) and a small bed (the case owner slept with the sister of the primary school) in order to save money. The environment is messy and obscene. The real problem is that there are no compartments in the room, only two beds are simply separated by translucent mosquito nets.
The counselor pulled up a cordon in his heart, and his intuition was wrong. After in-depth discussion with the child and seeking professional supervision, he further determined the crux of the child's sexual deviation problem, and then asked the psychologist to intervene and assist. Xiao Qi recalled that since he could remember, he had woken up at night many times and witnessed his parents having sex. When his parents found out, they only reprimanded him and did nothing more. He went from "accidentally bumping into" and "occasionally seeing" to "deliberately pretending to sleep and expecting to see". Moreover, even if the child has obviously deviated from the sexual concept and may have violated the law, parents are not alert and just severely beat and scold.
Psychologists and tutors are shocked by the seriousness of the situation, and tell their children to protect social workers less, and ask their parents to improve their indoor space and ensure that they are separated. At the same time, please ask the consulting room of Xiao Qi's sister school to actively and synchronously intervene to reduce the negative impact on her sister.
The difference between "single occurrence" and "multiple repetition"
At present, most of the existing articles discuss and share the situation of "single occurrence and witness". According to the research, compared with Europe and America, parents of China families are influenced by the culture that "when talking about sex, they can avoid or leave it to the teacher to teach", and most of them lack the ability to educate their children about sex. Many parents find it difficult to talk about it and don't know how to tell their children, so they simply don't talk about it. Families and parents in Europe and America are better, because sex education in many countries is initiated earlier and implemented more.
This is based on the influence of national conditions and culture, so the difference is obvious.
However, if you witness it repeatedly, no matter the national conditions and culture, no matter the research results or actual observation, it will point to "easily lead to sexual deviation (including ideas and behaviors) of children or adolescents", and it will often involve sexual crimes in the future. The main reason for the formation of "repeated witness" is "lack of space", that is, "parents and children share the same room" is the most likely to lead to the state that "children repeatedly witness their parents having sex".
Including, in consulting practice and supervision work, similar examples are common, so it is not a special case, nor a few.
Based on sex education, when is the best time for parents and children to separate rooms?
From the perspective of developmental psychology, it is generally believed that "3 ~ 6 years old" is the enlightenment stage when a person begins to have "gender consciousness" and "sexual psychological development". Parents in the process of education, it is easy to observe:
1. At this stage, children gradually change from "unconsciously touching their sexual organs" to "consciously touching" to seek touch.
2. At first, when children take a bath with their parents or brothers, they will be curious about the difference between others and their own sexual organs, and will further ask, "Why do you have it and I don't?" "This kind of problem.
Therefore, at the age of 3-6, parents should gradually plan to let their children sleep in separate rooms from their parents, which is not only to cultivate children's independent ability, but also a better consideration in family sex education, and helps to provide a positive environment for children's "sexual psychological development."
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