Love is a wonderful thing, the most beautiful thing in the world, because only love can make you go to heaven and hell because of the same person. If you can open your heart a little more, anyone and anything can leave you with different special memories.
Question: Is there true love in today's society? Why does love have to be related to interests and material things?
Xuan Si: There is still true love in today's society. When you focus on true love, you will find that there are many touching stories in this society.
Question: How can insecure people control their sense of proportion in love so as not to make lovers feel stressed?
Xuan Si: When you want to control an emotion or a state, it must be that emotion or state that controls you. Therefore, what an insecure person needs to learn most is not how to control it, but to look back at his inner world and see what is the most serious part of his lack, clean up traumatic experiences, release emotions and get new energy support, and your behavior will naturally change.
Problem: When you are drunk, you always call someone. Sometimes she will answer, listen to my nonsense silently, and say softly, I see, you should go home early. Sometimes she doesn't answer, and I know it's inconvenient for her.
Xuan Si: You met a kind woman. My new book, The Magic of Love in 33 Days, links 33 interesting psychological exercises with a beautiful love story. Through these exercises, different people can experience different feelings, but in any case, it can help you know yourself better, know your life better and solve problems better.
Question: People say that the best time for love is secret love. Do you think so?
Xuan Si: No, I don't think so. I think the best time in love is when two people create beautiful experiences together.
Question: Some people say that we should keep a correct attitude when falling in love, so let me ask: Some people say that a toad with three legs doesn't crawl all over the street like a man with two legs, so we don't have to put one heart on the same person all the time! Is this mentality right or wrong?
Xuan Si: There are many men with two legs, but not many people can move you. So, if you meet someone who makes your heart beat, try to cherish it.
Question: Do you agree that "extending the romance and shyness in love to the future marriage life, our marriage is an unbreakable wall?" This sentence.
Xuan Si: I believe that if we can start from the wedding, the long March of emotional relationship has just begun here, and the stability of emotional relationship will be greatly improved.
Question: Does online dating belong to love?
Xuan Si: Why doesn't online dating belong to love? What is your definition of love?
Question: Hello, teacher, in the face of right and wrong in love, must the man admit his mistake?
Xuan Si: Except for the principle, no one is right or wrong. If it's a matter of principle, then break up. If it's not a matter of principle, why can't women admit their mistakes first?
Question: once love is related to material things, it will become embarrassing, but love without material things is like castles in the air. How does Mr. Tao Sixuan handle the relationship between the two?
Xuan Si: Matter is also a part of ourselves. When you think that matter will embarrass you, it just shows that matter has controlled you, so you should face the topic of matter first.
Question: Love is beautiful! But true love may be doomed to future pain! In this society where everything is fast food, does love also represent experience? The more you love, the more humble you are. What does the teacher think?
Xuan Si: Love is definitely not just a sexual experience, but sex is a very important part of love.
Problem: Sometimes, we know clearly that the other person is not suitable for us. But I am reluctant to give up. On the one hand, I am afraid of being hurt, on the other hand, I am reluctant to leave the person I love. Should we fall in love regardless of the outcome, or should we immediately cut off our relationship with a sword?
Xuan Si: What would happen if you were desperate to love once? What are you afraid of? If you can do it with a sword, then why did you come here to ask me this question? Since you can't cut it, what's wrong with loving once?
Q: I often pay attention to your Sina blog and value your wisdom. I'm afraid I'll need it again now. The question just now may be quite deep, because I believe that soul mates exist, and I think there may be more than one. Is this true love? There is no stage of injury and betrayal in the definition of true love, is there? The person who betrayed you must not be true love, right?
Xuan Si: Betrayal is not necessarily true love. We are all human beings, and we all make mistakes. Soul mates do exist, but that's the result of practicing together for many years.
Question: It is said that love without marriage purpose is hooliganism. what do you think?
Xuan Si: In a chaotic environment, this sentence can protect women to some extent.
Question: A friend is struggling with his marriage and feels depressed. She wants to get rid of it, but for the sake of the children, she can't bear it. Another man appeared in her life and took care of her. She was moved, too. Does she know what to do?
Xuan Si: The so-called "no divorce is for children" usually hides other real reasons for refusing or unwilling to divorce, which is exactly what your friends really want to explore and find.
Question: Can you fall in love without money?
Xuan Si: There is no direct relationship between love and money. It's just that people are more sensitive and anxious under economic pressure, and they are more likely to have conflicts in intimate relationships.
Question: Hello, teacher. Many people think that first love is easy to die. But there are always some exceptions. But after the smooth first love was directly promoted to marriage, the feelings gradually cooled down. Do you think this marriage will last?
Xuan Si: We don't know what first love is. First love is relatively easy to die, but it is definitely not absolute. It is a common phenomenon that the smooth first love enters the marriage, and the marriage life leads to the emotional cooling, not just for the first love. But some people can keep their marriage full of happiness and sweetness. When feelings cool down, first check where the problem is and how to adjust it. If the two cannot be reconciled at all, breaking up may be a better choice.
Question: Hello, teacher! What do you think of long-distance love?
Xuan Si: Long-distance relationships are hard to talk about. The stability of the relationship is largely a habit, which is to let the other party get used to your existence in life and some of your habits. It is quite difficult to cultivate this habit in long-distance love. But it doesn't mean that a long-distance relationship must be bad. Long-distance love can also avoid too many subtle frictions. A distance can make each other look more beautiful.
Question: Hello, teacher, I am a strange person in the eyes of others. I have many same-sex friends and few opposite-sex friends. I just want to live a good life according to my own ideas. Others don't understand or understand, saying that I have too many ideas. Should I see a psychiatrist?
Xuan Si: If it doesn't affect your daily life, and you won't live in pain because of it, it belongs to the normal range.
Question: If you can't have both substance and spirit when you are in love, what will you give up? Choose what?
Xuan Si: If you ask me, I will choose love without hesitation. Spiritual wealth can never be taken away by others, but matter will belong to others sooner or later.
Question: Many people want to talk about a love that will never break up. This dream has been followed by many people. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, what is the highest state of love?
Xuan Si: The highest state of love is to let us see the divinity in our hearts and radiate the divine light.
Question: Hello, teacher! Is college love reliable? The end of love is marriage, but many college students break up after graduation. what do you think?
Xuan Si: What do you mean by reliable? If you mean marriage, what I want to say is that love is not for marriage, but because you like that person and want to be with him/her, you begin to fall in love with him/her. No one is directly mature without experience, and no one is born knowing who is best for him and how to get along with his intimate relationship to grow and nourish each other. Breaking up is also a life experience.
Question: Teacher Tao: How to treat "when love and money PK, love becomes a lonely loner." This sentence.
Xuan Si: It's a pity for the person who said this, because he/she has never experienced what love is.
Question: Hello, Mr. Tao, when love is in a dull period, how can we get along better?
Xuan Si: There are also beautiful places in the plains. Try to appreciate the plain beauty, and then the plain will become special and extraordinary.
Question: Why are you more insecure about yourself or your partner when you are in love?
Xuan Si: Because you always expect to feel safe from your partner. When you try to get another person to give you a sense of security, you will often end up disappointed, because the sense of security can only come from your own heart. I suggest you read my new book "Love Magic 33 Days", which contains 33 psychological exercises, any of which can help you better understand your inner world and learn how to satisfy yourself.
Question: Hello, Mr. Tao, what do you think of the love of the elderly? Now most children are skeptical about romantic love. What kind of mentality are they? How can the elderly get normal emotional needs and do they still need to fall in love? Or just find a company?
Xuan Si: Of course, the elderly need to fall in love, and they should be responsible for their marriage and emotional relationship. If you are not a fish, you will know the happiness of fish. If the children are not the elderly themselves, how can we know the situation and true feelings of the elderly?
Problem: Many people choose free love, but in the end both parents disagree. Is there any solution?
Xuan Si: Put aside your prejudice and listen carefully to the reasons why your parents refused. Communicate with your parents, maybe your parents saw the blind spot you ignored.
Question: in recent years, watching the students around me on and off, very few of them came to the end, and some of them treated them with an emotional attitude. I found myself having a phobia of love. Dad said that he would fall in love after graduation, and it is estimated that he would go on a blind date after graduation. Even if he doesn't intend to, when he is old, his relatives at home will be busy introducing him.
Xuan Si: When you are afraid of separation, you won't enjoy your life together. When you treat feelings with a game attitude, feelings will treat you with games. The way you think and act determines what kind of life you will have.
Question: Hello, teacher. Do you think online dating will eventually become a reality?
Xuan Si: Yes and no. Most of my friends who have experienced online dating are happy now, but some of them are very unfortunate and have had bad experiences. Online dating is just a way of communication, and where the result goes depends on both sides.
Question: Hello, teacher. Falling in love has a shelf life just like getting married. After the shelf life, the passion is gone. What does the teacher think of the shelf life?
Xuan Si: Love is not passion. Passion has a time limit. If we meet once a week on average, it will be dull for about one year and three months. At that time, you will start to see each other's shortcomings more and more. Love contains friendship and responsibility, is the link between divinity and passion instinct, and is a higher emotional state.
Question: Excuse me, teacher, why do I have so many female friends around me, but I can't find one who has feelings?
Xuan Si: Broaden your social circle, explore in a wider scope, and you will always meet women who make you feel sad.
Question: The older generation didn't fall in love, but they had a good relationship after marriage. what do you think?
Xuan Si: This problem is very big and complicated. Not all the older generation have no love, and not all the older generation are happy. This question is discussed separately.
Question: I feel that boys will always take the initiative and girls will always benefit, except when they want to break up, hahaha.
Xuan Si: On the contrary. You just didn't notice.
Question: Hello, teacher. I have seen your programs, especially "8090" hosted by Cao Ying of Hunan Satellite TV. I like it very much, but it's a pity that it has stopped broadcasting now! I also have friends around me who tell me about their emotional problems. I will advise them to relax, or they don't want to let nature take its course. But when it happened to me, I knew it was not that simple.
Xuan Si: That's true. Because when it's none of our business, we can all stand by and be relatively objective and neutral.
Question: Teacher Tao, under the bombardment of various love and marriage columns in the media, more people may see the real side of human nature and exchange all kinds of material conditions for love. If it is you, can you still believe in love without any additional conditions?
Xuan Si: I believe, I am sure, because I am still such a person, so are some friends around me. What kind of life others choose is their choice. It doesn't matter. What matters is what you want.
Question: Is love a patent for young people? Why do 30-year-olds say love is ridiculous? How far is love from reality?
Xuan Si: You can observe carefully. People who say that love is ridiculous are probably not very happy now.
Question: A friend said that she was in college, fell in love with a boy from school and wanted to fall in love. It's normal for college students to fall in love, but her parents say that she is still young and should focus on her studies and not let her fall in love. Paradoxically, she doesn't know whether to listen to her parents or herself. What should she do, Miss Xuan Si?
Xuan Si: Listen to your heart.
Question: Why didn't anyone tell me about falling in love at school? Why love is advocated everywhere now, whether it is high school or junior high school or even primary school. Tell me from the beginning that falling in love is wrong. Now practice has proved that my biggest regret and mistake is that I didn't fall in love at first. Now I hate some people and envy some people. My heart is very unbalanced. What should I do?
Xuan Si: Let's start dating.
Question: I feel that I am in love with a girl, but I don't know if she loves me. How do I know if she likes me?
Xuan Si: Ask her directly.
Question: Excuse me, when you are chasing someone hard, you are right, that is, others don't like you and have no feelings for you. Do we insist on pursuing love?
Xuan Si: If pursuit can make you happy or meet some of your psychological needs, why not?
Question: At one time, we believed in love and regarded it as everything. Then one day, we were scarred and said we didn't believe in love, but at that time, people who really loved us appeared, but we didn't know how to love again. So I want to ask, how can we avoid these tragedies in love?
Xuan Si: Honey, the first thing you need to do is to get rid of your rubbish idea now. Your life will be rubbish because of this rubbish idea. Remember, consciousness creates our life. Do some related psychological exercises and modify your subconscious love map. You will find that love has no boundaries, no age, no culture and so on. Love is love. When love comes, you can feel the existence of love.
Problem: I'm not good at communicating with the opposite sex. I find that I like the same sex more and more. Is homosexuality a psychological problem?
Xuan Si: If you are sure that you are gay, of course there is no problem. The question is whether you know the real reason why you choose the same sex.
Question: teacher, love, a happy little thing. But in the fleeting time of the past, how many love stories can we meet that can leave us with a lifetime of good memories? If you love too much, you will be numb. You would rather be single than in love. How can I open the Qian Qian knot in my heart?
Xuan Si: Love is a wonderful thing, the best thing in the world, because only love can make you go to heaven and hell for the same person. If you can open your heart a little more, anyone and anything can leave you with different special memories.
Question: When people ask why they don't fall in love, they always say it's inappropriate. In fact, it was not appropriate until we talked about it, and now we don't even have the courage to talk.
Xuan Si: That's the problem. Then you should try to understand what scares you. Are you afraid of men or relationships?
Question: It's very early to fall in love. We have been chatting since we were students. How much can you believe in this emotional situation? Can we have a heart-to-heart talk?
Xuan Si: Love doesn't have to be heartbreaking. No matter how many times you have been in love, you can be passionate about love at any age as long as you are willing to re-invest. Love is not the exclusive right of young people.
Question: I am 2 1 year old. Most of the girls around me have boyfriends, and those who don't have boyfriends have had them before. I have never been in love and pursued a boy I like, but people don't like me. I can't figure out what I did wrong.
Xuan Si: Think of people who like you but you don't. This is life.
Question: How to control yourself from thinking?
Xuan Si: When we try to control something, it is often that thing that controls us.
Question: Hello, Teacher Tao, what is love to you? Can the so-called love really last? In life, how to maintain feelings?
Xuan Si: Haha, for me, love is a beautiful feeling, a heartbeat, but now that you know that the other person has many bad things, you are willing to accept all of them. You are willing to put your little gambling book with his and throw it on the roulette wheel of fate to bet on the same future and destiny. Of course, if you can accept that the final outcome of any relationship is separation, love can last forever.
Question: I confessed to the boy I like the other day, and he turned me down. It's hard for me to accept this result and it's hard to forget him. I still want to be with him. What should I do, give up or continue to pursue?
Xuan Si: Everyone has the right to express and pursue freely, and everyone also has the right to choose or refuse. If you can't forget it, just remember that many times when you can accept the existence of a fact, that kind of entanglement will naturally dissipate.
Question: Hello, I am an older boy. I once had a friend who couldn't find a way to get along with girls (emotionally, the opposite sex usually has a good relationship). Feel me, it's true, too real. It's hard for the other party to remember mine, okay? No matter how hard I try, I always make girls feel nothing. What should I do?
Xuan Si: Cultivate your personal charm and make yourself stand out. Or wait patiently for that ordinary strange girl to appear.
Question: Youth is the season of fertility, but human love has little to do with fertility. "rushing to have children with youth" probably touched the real edge.
Xuan Si: The original purpose of human love is to have children.
Question: Good teacher, I don't want to fall in love for love's sake. Grandpa Mao said that love without marriage purpose is hooliganism, but no one knows the ending at the beginning of love, so it is inevitable that I dare not blindly start a love. Teacher, should we fall in love boldly, or should we consider it all before starting?
Xuan Si: My personal opinion: Love is not for marriage, but marriage must be the inevitable destination of a beautiful love.
Question: Hello, expert, I am a workaholic. Always thinking about work but not wanting to fall in love. I just want to buy a house and become a success by my own ability, and I want to fall in love. Is there something wrong with my mind? Or am I right?
Xuan Si: If this idea doesn't bother you and make you live in pain all day, it's not a problem.
Question: Hello, teacher. My wife passed away on April 15. I miss our relationship very much. I can't let it go and my job has no status. Please help me.
Xuan Si: Honey, the loss of a loved one is a huge trauma, and it takes time to heal slowly. It's normal to have any reaction at this time, and it's not normal to have no feeling. Accept your present situation, allow yourself to be sad, try to be a bystander, feel, experience and observe your sadness, or ask professionals for help. My new book "The Magic of 33 Days of Love" also has psychological exercises of farewell ceremony, which may be helpful to you.