The phone suddenly rang in the middle of the night, and I ran headless to the phone. Pick up the receiver and the other party hangs up. Damn it, even if the number is wrong, at least there is an explanation. I feel empty at the moment, and I don't know whether to put the phone down or whether I still have other ideas.
hide in bed, I really feel cold.
this autumn seems to have come very early.
The rain washed away everything in summer, and made people's hearts wet.
these days, I can't help being promiscuous.
Like all the plots in the last novels, I was awakened by the phone on a rainy night for no reason, thinking of my long-lost lover. Think of insomnia. Last autumn, she called me once and asked me to find her. I didn't find her sitting alone on the steps until I got to her door, her eyes red. Before I could ask what was wrong, she rushed over and hugged my neck and said, "It's terrible to have no home." So I wiped my body with a snot and tears.
I only remember that her watch was attached to my neck and it was cool.
I, unknown so, just hugged her and told her, "You won't be without a home."
I learned later that she just locked herself out by mistake that day.
her name is Xiaohui. She has a pair of ordinary eyes, ordinary eyebrows, ordinary nose and mouth. Standing in front of you is such an ordinary girl; Walking into the crowd, it is difficult to find her at once.
but I still love her deeply.
Now I take out her photo, which is the only photo she ever gave me.
Turn on the desk lamp again and take a closer look at this familiar face.
In the photo, she is wearing a white T-shirt that I gave her. That's the only dress I ever gave her in the three years since we met. Only forty dollars. Bought it at random at the end of the season when the lion dragon was on sale.
but after buying it, she refused to wear it for a long time. I always thought she didn't like it. Under my threats and inducements, she finally admitted "reluctant" because I gave it to her.
I am often touched by such a girl. But I don't know how to repay her affection, and I don't know how to express myself clearly. Maybe I never thought about saying anything-for her.
I took this photo for her later. The moment I pressed the shutter, I asked her to say "eggplant", but she just said "radish". So she in the photo, always pouting at me.
the old days were beautiful.
In the dead of night, I rubbed my photos for a long time, unwilling to put them down. A drop of tears fell on the photo, and it was too late to clean it.
I think it is absolutely right to describe myself with the phrase "I feel completely out of place". No matter when I am excited or when I am calm, I don't quite know how to explain myself. At the most extreme moment of my emotions, there is always a piece of music in my ear from time to time. Looks like BEYOND's. Only a prelude.
it happens every time, even I don't know why.
after knowing each other for three years, Xiaohui finally broke up with me.
the reason is only: she can't find a feeling to rely on around me.
I know I want to get it back, but I don't know how to get it back.
I don't think she really wants to break up with me, but I didn't ask.
There is only one sentence at the end: "If you want to break up, fine."
at that moment, she looked at me for a long time. The disappointment in my eyes made me feel that I was a heinous sinner.
when she turned and strode away, I knew I could never call her back.
people who love each other or not can always be like two opposite trains, only passing by. When they were in love, they forgot to talk. They are waiting, waiting for each other to say it first. Poor man, why should you be so arrogant? Why be so stubborn?
Our story should have ended here, drawing a dull and helpless full stop. But no. More than a month after the breakup, she had a car accident. I've always been used to this kind of thing happening in other people's world. But it really happened to me this time, in front of my eyes. Took her away, my Xiaohui. This girl whom I once wholeheartedly wanted her to be my wife.
after a brother in her hospital told me about it, I knocked him down with one punch. Then I helped him up. "I said, dude, today is not April 1st. Don't make fun of me, okay?"
He slowly told me the date of Xiaohui's funeral. All I know is that my legs fell to the ground and I don't know anything else.
Xiaohui and I have been together for three years, more than a thousand days, very long.
I have been with Xiaohui for three years, which is nothing compared with the years I want to spend with her. Too short, too short.
people as short as her home don't even know that she has a boyfriend like me.
On the day of the funeral, I could only follow her relatives at a distance. Tears poured down my eyes, and I finally understood why Xiaohui was so attached to me. At that time, I was so heartbroken that I wanted to hold her in my arms again. Hold her hand again and let her obediently follow me.
but reaching out, I can only hold the illusion. Xiaohui is gone.
in the days after the accident, I had the same dream every night. I dreamed that I said to Xiaohui who closed my eyes: When I wake up, I want to understand everything, Xiaohui. Can I tell you everything in my heart? So Xiaohui woke up and I woke up. When I woke up, I found that my pillow was soaked.
In the darkness at the moment, I am holding her photo. My feelings are misplaced again. I lay down and set aside a place beside me. Let my Xiaohui sleep next to me.
My ears keep ringing, and it's still the music that is going to break me down. Looking at the distance.
in the room next door, there was the snoring of the old man.
I choked up, and I heard myself singing to the music in my ear: how much I need/hold you forever every day/forget all the pains and sorrows in the world/hear your call/expect me to see you again in my life even though we are far apart ...
My good brothers, maybe you have experienced more than me. But, listen to me, okay? Cherish it if you can. What she wants from you may be just a sense of belonging. If you love her, tell her what's on your mind. Let her have a support from the bottom of my heart.
Because love can't stand waiting.
always miss my Xiaohui.
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When I was awake, you made me find the sky blue, which was reassuring, and the color of life. You let me see the width of the sea, wide enough to accommodate dreams, and the appearance of life has become so simple. I'm not alone in the lonely night. The loved ones look strong, and they fall asleep crying or laughing. The most beautiful face is the sun tomorrow morning. I am not lonely in the lonely night. I have no regrets when I have loved. I can wake up laughing or crying. There is someone living in my heart (for a long time).
I have the wings you gave me, flying freely in the clouds and water. My soul is as blue as the sky and as wide as the sea, and I am not afraid of loneliness!
-Chen Xiaodong's Lonely Night I'm Not Lonely
There is no letter from you, no phone call, no news from you. It's just a few days, but it's unbearable. I have always said to myself: Don't be impulsive, don't be emotional, and you are doing this for everyone's good. Think about it. If you continue, the ending will be good. If the ending is a breakup, what will you do and what will she do?
In reality, I have many friends. This is because I like to look at things from the perspective of others, and the first thing I think about is the feelings of my friends. Perhaps it is for this reason that many friends say that I am suitable to be a businessman.
Just because I care too much about others, I slowly forget to leave a bottom line for myself and forget my goals. When I failed to get into high school, I went to a technical school, learned to be a self-person, and put my feelings first. People with good academic performance always pointed out their friends' mistakes mercilessly, and gradually I was almost rejected by others except one or two friends. I began to review myself and put other people's feelings first again. In this way, I was gradually understood and became a popular person. Many times I am a highly regarded person in school, and I never like to be bound and refuse to take all the positions.
I put my heart into others' consideration, and finally I got many friends, but when the night came, I calmed down, but I couldn't find my goals and ideals. Only by playing in love can I think and think in these days. Since junior high school, girlfriends have made a lot of friends, but none of them can last long. The shortest one is probably only three days, and the longest one is only three months. Why? This is because I am looking for excitement. Only it can help me find myself, suppress myself, and finally lose myself. It may have something to do with my growing environment, and so on until I was promoted to junior high school for three years.
I met her, an ordinary girl, a kind and caring girl. This is my longest love. We have been together for about two years. She has changed. She doesn't want to be an ordinary girl anymore. She wants to go abroad and see more about this colorful world. And I have found my own dream. I hope to live a free life, a life without any constraints, do what I want, and not lose myself for worldly interests. As long as I am happy every day, my goal can be as simple as that (of course, I know that reality does not allow me to do so).
I really couldn't accept her change and finally ended this relationship. Since then, I haven't thought about anything for myself. As long as people around me are happy, I will be happy. As long as people around me are uneasy, I will be uneasy. Fortunately, I have many friends. With different people, I can always feel their different environments. I just can't find my goal more and more. I don't have my own weights mentally and spiritually. The pillar is only the people around me. I don't mind what unhappy things happen to me without memory.
Actually, after that time, I still talked about a lot of love, but I always ended up feeling that my heart was too light, too light. On February 15th, we met on this day. I fell in love with you online. Your sincerity moved me, trying to convince myself of all this. I opened my heart to accept your love. Ever since I met you, I have lived with a smile every day, not only on my face but also on my heart. Everything has become full of vitality because of your appearance. I have a very important weight mentally and spiritually, and the pillar is you.
as for some baggage, I don't care, because it's all light with you, but it's still a little depressing. I don't want my goal to be you, for fear that I can't find a center of gravity for myself in the days without you, and I'm afraid of losing myself again. Maybe these are all my excuses. The most important thing is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid of true love ...
When I'm infected with loneliness, I like to walk alone in the street. Tonight, I went to Tianhe City. I have never liked playing video games, but I went to play tanks. I played games again and again, feeling the vibration it brought me. My limbs were manipulating the frozen maneuver, but with the sound of my heart, could it make me vibrate? No, the soul still belongs to silence.
a person stays at the station, a person shuttles through the crowd, and a person wanders into the tunnel. Feeling the wandering songs and guitar sounds, suddenly, I seem to find something. Yes, this is the feeling, this feeling of not caring about secular vision and being completely self-centered. Is this what I am looking for?
No matter what environment you are in or what you do, as long as you put everything down in a limited time, cherish your feelings, let yourself ignore anyone and do what you want wholeheartedly, without any constraints or constraints.
Because this is your own emotion, not others', only you can enjoy the freedom and happiness from it. Even if you are going to return to reality the next day, as long as you are willing, no one can stop you from being yourself at this moment. My ideal is to be such a person, and my goal is to love you wholeheartedly.
Nothing can restrain this feeling at all, because only you and I can feel the sincerity of this love. As long as you and I are willing, no one can stop us from treating each other as half of our feelings. Why must we put ourselves down for the sake of secular vision? I see!
do you know why I asked you that question? Do you know why most online stories end in tragedy? If the story comes to an end at the most beautiful time, it may be the best ending. However, there is only one life, and we can't predict whether our decision is right or wrong, because we can only make one decision in a specific environment. We don't have a second or third life to compare all kinds of decisions, and we can't make them perfect before we spend them.
Just because life can't be repeated, everyone seems to exist uniquely; Everyone makes different choices and leads a different life.
I really hope you know that one of the outcomes after your choice is not to change anything. It will be painful for everyone to make this decision when we can't lose each other. I don't want our love story to become beautiful because of this lack of shaking. If the story that lasts forever lives in our respective hearts because of this beauty, I'd rather stop it now, because I'm not pursuing eternity, I want ordinary possession, not sad memories.
a phone call every day seems to be something we must do, as if it can make us forget the distance of more than 2, kilometers, and make each other feel that the phone is just blocking us. But in these few minutes, can I really pour all my thoughts and love words? ! Afraid it will only make us forget loneliness and loneliness for a while? ! However, these short greetings are a summary of all the thoughts of the day; Without your soft laughter, it seems that feelings have no foothold, and it seems that only your words can bring you a secure sleep.
Go to the phone booth in a hurry and dial the familiar phone number. "Du ... Du ... Du ..." Why didn't anyone answer? I was a little anxious, and finally there was a soft and warm tone in the microphone, which was a reassuring tone that I was familiar with.
After typing the whole phone card, I talked with my mobile phone for more than two hours. What did I say? I don't remember much, except that I was talking about myself, the past, memories, feelings and stories.
I haven't spoken to you on the phone for a long time. I'm afraid I forgot to say how to love you.
Tonight's storm is so strong that it is easy to think of the end of the world.
If you suddenly come to my home tonight,
I haven't seen you for a long time, what will you say to me?
If the storm changes, whose home do you want to keep? <
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Don't break up! Okay？
You broke up with me, looking so calm and without a trace of regret.
when you come to my side, I find that you are so beautiful when you are calm! I really want to hug you and kiss you … but I can't!
You know, yours.