A friend recommended me a movie: The Life of Disliked Pine Nuts.
The heroine Matsuko in the movie is a tragic character. She chose one man after another to love, even if it is scarred, she should love and pay wholeheartedly.
She devoted her love all her life. It stands to reason that she always gets something in return for giving so much love, but her blind and unreserved love is not valued by the men she loves.
On the contrary, men are cruel to her: the writer scolded her, the writer's opponent cheated her, the hairdresser abandoned her, her students left her ..... and ended up being rejected by all men.
The tragedy of Matsuko is that he was born as a human being, but he lost the value and dignity of being a human being. So even if she pays more, she can't be happy.
Therefore, as a woman, we must first learn to cherish ourselves and make ourselves better, so that we can meet better people and be valued. Otherwise, you will only reap the riddled love and make yourself scarred.
Only those who lead colorful lives can grasp happiness. Giving love without a bottom line like pine nuts will only make men leave without hesitation in the end.
In love, if a woman can be self-reliant, self-reliant, and learn to manage herself, she will surely meet a man who knows how to cherish her.
As Su Cen, a famous emotional psychologist, said, "The best way to love someone is to manage yourself well and give them a good lover. If you don't try your best to be nice to someone, that person will love you desperately. Earthly feelings inevitably have a realistic side: you are valuable, and your contribution is valued. "
In interpersonal communication, only when you are valuable can you have contacts
I saw a story on the Internet: one of a classmate's alumni is a "social butterfly" and the other is a "bookworm".
"Social butterfly" is a know-it-all in the whole school. She is keen to join all levels of student unions and various societies in the school, that is, the kind of activists who everyone knows on the way. A "nerd" is the kind of person who wears black-rimmed glasses, seldom talks and is extremely boring in every class.
After graduation, the "social butterfly" went to a special media as a reporter, while the "bookworm" continued to stay in school until he was a postdoctoral fellow, and continued to have no sense of existence. After graduation for several years, everyone had a reunion and forgot to call him every time.
Since the year before last, the media where "social butterfly" is located has gone downhill. He wants to quit his job and start a business by relying on his accumulated contacts for so many years.
At first, his contacts were still useful. After a while, his previous contacts were not easy to use, and he failed to start his business twice.
When a "nerd" was a postdoctoral student, he was attracted by the partner's supervisor because he was working on a project and invited him to start a business together. The "nerd" focused on technology and created a patented technology, which became a hot commodity in the venture capital industry. Last year, their company was valued at 5 million yuan, and he occupied more than 6% of the shares.
at this time, everyone knows the news of his development. Friends who have lost contact for many years have been online. There are dozens of people who want to add him to his WeChat every day, all of whom claim to have seen that he will achieve something great.
This story tells us that when you are powerful and valuable, you can attract powerful contacts and get more attention and recognition.
Just like a "bookworm", he didn't spend a minute deliberately making friends with someone and maintaining a certain relationship. However, when he is good, people from different fields will naturally approach him.
On the other hand, "social butterfly", although he spends all his time socializing, he doesn't have the skills in the professional field, so he doesn't get the attention of others, and his business has been frustrated one after another.
In interpersonal relationships, self is worthless, and it is useless for you to spend more time and energy to maintain contacts. You have to have strength before you can have contacts. You are valuable, and you have the corresponding contacts.
among friends, only when you are valuable will you be valued by your friends.
A professor at Peking University said that interpersonal communication is a kind of value exchange, which is based on the value of both sides.
The same is true of friends. The relationship between Xiao Hong and Lu Xun is an example.
Before she became famous, Xiao Hong was just a marginal little person in the literary world, while Lu Xun was already a prestigious and important literary giant.
There are Cai Yuanpei, Hu Shi, Zhang Taiyan, Chen Yinque in his circle of friends ... Just pick one out and it will be a resounding sound.
Then why did Xiao Hong enter Lu Xun's circle? Why become a frequent visitor to Lu Xun's home? Why is Lu Xun willing to endorse her and introduce her to the literary world? Also spoke highly of her as "the most promising female writer in China today"?
Because of her talent and aura, because of her powerful words, because she can exchange literature and ideas with Mr. Lu Xun on an equal footing.
she is a very valuable person in herself. Even if she didn't reach the level of those masters at that time, at least she was found to have visible potential.
So, the way to make great people pay attention to it is simple, that is, to become great people.
If Xiao Hong is just an ordinary person with little knowledge and no insight, I believe Lu Xun will not lead her into his own circle. If you don't cultivate yourself and improve your value, don't expect someone to value you.
In fact, the same is true among friends. Only when you are valuable will friends value you. Otherwise, you may regard others as friends, but others just regard you as an ordinary "acquaintance".
Many people think that if you take a photo with a celebrity, shake hands with a big coffee maker in an industry, and give a compliment to a boss, they will be your contacts. Just say, XXX is my friend.
In fact, in their eyes, you are an "invisible man", and people can't see you at all.
When you are useless, you should improve your own strength first. Only by making yourself valuable can you get the attention of others.
sometimes it is better to turn yourself into a great person that others want to make friends with than to find a great person to be friends with yourself. If you are worthless, don't blame others for being snobbish. It is also necessary to be suitable to make friends. Otherwise, some people say, to know a person depends on his friends around him. Friends are like mirrors, and what kind of people he is will make friends.
in a word: making yourself better is the key to solving all problems! This is the cruel reality.
learn to create your own value when your ability is insufficient
There is a sad saying, but I have to admit: "Those who are particularly eager to get to know others are often the last people others want to know."
Just like Wei Yanwan in Ruyi\'s Royal Love in the Palace, she was born as a girl, but she always wanted to squeeze into the circle of empresses.
So she was eager to curry favor with the concubines who were above her, but no one looked up to her. Because she has no background and family background, to put it bluntly, she has no value.
Some other concubines have the support of the Mongolian father or the jade clan behind them. She wants to be in the upper position, and others don't look up to her at all, and they don't take her seriously.
Only when her own ability comes up and she reaches the position of princess, will someone pay attention to her and care about her views and opinions.
when your ability is insufficient, you lower your personality to please deliberately, and in the end you can only stick a hot face to a cold ass.
What we need to do is to cultivate our talents and make ourselves excellent and valuable. Then win the high-quality attention of others in a more decent and dignified way.
Otherwise, your value is not worthy of your ambition, and your efforts will not be valued by others.
only when you are valuable will your efforts be valued.