Chinese New Year is nothing more than this: I keep visiting relatives and friends every day, and almost every meal is a dish. Later, almost everyone was afraid of it. My father-in-law also likes to persuade dishes, and often can't help but say that he will put a dish in everyone's bowl-you just crustily skin of head finished eating fish balls, chicken wings and duck legs, and he stuffed another braised egg. Sometimes the younger generation can't help frowning and protesting: "I don't want it, I really can't eat it." He glared: "Why? This tastes good! Eat quickly! "
This scene of persuading dishes can also be regarded as an intergenerational conflict at the dinner table. In many places, people of the middle-aged generation and above often take food advice as a kind of considerate care for relatives and friends (especially the younger generation) at parties, while the younger generation rarely does so. The former often assumes that people have the same taste for dishes (I think it tastes good, and you will have the same opinion), while the latter thinks that everyone has different taste preferences.
I still remember when I graduated from high school more than ten years ago, a group of people went to a classmate's house in the country to play, and his mother was also very enthusiastic-one of the manifestations of hospitality was to persuade her to eat. She cooked a table full of dishes and kept picking up dishes for each of us while eating. The speed was too frequent, and before we could react, the rice was completely covered with chicken, duck and fish. That classmate also noticed our embarrassed expression, and then quietly said to his mother: You let them come by themselves, and others may not like what you clip. Some girls in the city are very particular and even care about whether your chopsticks are clean. Since then, she has stopped trying to persuade her to eat, and she is a little uncomfortable when greeting us.
Now I'm afraid it's a little sad to think about her mood at that time, because her kindness was not fully accepted. Although most people don't care whether chopsticks are clean or not, everyone does have different preferences for dishes-at least some girls can't eat a large piece of braised pork, wondering whether they want to eat it out of courtesy or resolutely put it back. The key is that the two sides can't agree on what is good.
American anthropologist Margaret? Meade once said in the book The Generation Gap: "The adult generation always assumes that all generations have the same views on truth, goodness and beauty, and that human nature-that is, inner knowledge, thinking, feelings and behavior-is basically eternal." But the problem is that the younger generation often has different views on these. Therefore, parents in China often find that their selfless dedication to their children (as they often sadly declare: "I am doing it for your own good") can't be appreciated by children, because in the eyes of young people, the "goodness" given by parents is not what they want-just as you think that children love braised pork, but they don't like it, but take your goodness as an imposed burden.
The traditional East Asian culture also emphasizes the interdependence between people, rather than the individual's independent choice. In this cultural atmosphere, selfless dedication to others is a highly respected value, and everyone in society is regarded as an ideal moral order. However, in an era of increasingly diversified and fractured social values, this order has been crumbling.
In my childhood, this sometimes unbearable enthusiasm can be seen everywhere in the countryside. Every time I visit my sister-in-law's house, after dinner, she always stays warmly, saying that the pillow mat has been laid and the guests are not allowed to approach. On several occasions, she really tried her best-she even locked our bicycles and released her German shepherd to stop us from leaving. When an unsuspecting person sees her pushing and shoving with my parents, I'm afraid she will think it's a fight. Although I wanted to go home at that time, I was always ready: it was impossible to go to her house. As for the suggestions of food and wine on holidays, people can see them everywhere. People think that people must get drunk to show hospitality. Even if the other person repeatedly says that he really doesn't want to drink, the answer will always be: "I don't care about you!" "
According to the western concept, this is a kind of performance that people and I don't care-it seems to be "for your own good", but it ignores the independent personal will of the other party. On the other hand, the very clear interpersonal boundaries in the West often make East Asians feel indifferent and lack intimacy. Kenlang Tuju, a Japanese scholar, once recalled that 1950 visited an American friend when he arrived in the United States at the beginning of the year. When the host asked "Are you hungry?", although he was really hungry, he said "not hungry yet" out of the implicit manners of the orientals. He thought that the other party would persuade him a few more words, but the other party just said "really" casually and stopped persuading him. Afterwards, he found that American courtesy is to let the guests choose everything for themselves. "It seems that only in this way can they prove that they have the right to choose and are free people." At that time, he was uncomfortable and unaccustomed. He thinks Americans are far less caring and considerate than Japanese, and he doesn't like the phrase "Help yourself" that Americans often say. In his view, this sentence is too blunt and straightforward, almost disrespectful to him. But in the eyes of Americans, the greatest courtesy to a guest is to respect his own choice. If you don't like it or choose it, he will never force it-because in the American concept, forcing others to do what he thinks is a violation of others' autonomy.
In China, the differences between these two cultures are often manifested in generations and replaced by a time difference (tradition and modernity). Indeed, great changes have taken place in China society in recent years. Ten years ago, a colleague of mine went to Zhengzhou for a meeting and was warmly received by local suppliers. He never drinks white wine, so he gave him a few drinks. After pleading, he turned against each other and finally broke up. Now I hear that "it's much more civilized". If you really can't drink it, you won't be forced. The younger generation will generally let everyone do it themselves. This is in line with the social reality of increasingly diversified values and respects the independent choices of different individuals, but there is no doubt that the sense of distance between people has also expanded invisibly, and people have gradually become "lonely rights holders." It's hard to say which idea is better-perhaps what China people who are experiencing modernization really need is to strike a new balance between the two.