I read and reread Han Meimei's letter. I am both surprised and sad. Two emotions are intertwined in my mind. I don't know how to choose at the moment. I am glad that Han Meimei loves me deeply, but because of this, I am in great pain. Why does God torture us so much? Why can't he give me a stable love?
There are a few tears in Han Meimei's meaningful handwriting, and our love between the lines is fully revealed in this letter. Tears kept pouring out of my eyes, and I kept restraining myself and reminding myself to stay calm. My love with Han Meimei is like a flash in the pan in the evening of June next year. After that wonderful night, it must be zero.
On this day, I was absent-minded and kept praying to God, hoping that Han Meimei would get better as soon as possible. I also want to go to Victoria Harbour with her, watch the sunset with her and spend the rest of my life with her.
But now all this is impossible. God destroyed my humble and insignificant wishes. How I wish Han Meimei would send me a letter saying that she is happy after marriage, so that I don't have to taste the heartbreaking pain in vain.
Sister Chunxiang saw my abnormality and asked me what was wrong. I told her about Han Meimei. I know she is the only person I can trust to pour out my heart, because she will keep these secrets from anyone.
"Hua Lin, I can't give you better advice, but I hope you can see her one last time. Anyway, at least you won't have any regrets in your heart. I still remember when my brother died in my arms. I was very sad, but I was glad that I was always with my brother. He was so calm when he left. He smiled at me and said to me with satisfaction, let me live well, he will always watch over me in the sky. So Hualin follows your inner choice. If you love her deeply, go and see her for the last time. "
Sister Chunxiang looked at me with some sadness. She understands my mood and my inner struggle at the moment. I know I can only choose between this job and Han Meimei. I will regret giving up this job for a while, but I won't see Han Meimei for the last time. I will definitely regret it for the rest of my life.
After my repeated entreaties, the supervisor agreed to my resignation. He repeatedly asked me to stay, and even prepared to give me a month's holiday to deal with this matter. But for me, there is nothing in Hong Kong worthy of my deep nostalgia. I am like a bird without feet, flying and singing in the sky of Hong Kong. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to go back to the mainland and my hometown.
I walked slowly on the way back to the rental house. The bauhinia flowers on both sides of the road are still in delicate purple flowers. The wind blew through the treetops and the branches on both sides kept shaking. The flowers on the tree were blown away by the wind and danced in the air, just like my love with Han Meimei, separated in a storm, and the concrete floor on both sides of the road was a mess.
In fact, human destiny, like flowers, grows wildly in an uncertain space, flourishes and withers involuntarily. When I crossed the busy street and entered the rental house, I thought so.
1994 In the spring, I went to the mainland by boat. I looked at the other side of the ocean and sighed in my heart that I was leaving Hong Kong. Goodbye to Hong Kong, goodbye to Chunxiang and goodbye to Zhang.
I have seen the majestic Tsim Sha Tsui, been to the cheerful old church and tasted the unique style of Victoria Harbour. I think I'm glad you came during my three years in Hong Kong.
1994 I arrived in Beijing after many twists and turns in March. I found Han Meimei's home according to the address in the letter. I stayed outside the house for a while, and when I went in later, my heart was pounding and I said something to her.
I was so excited that I rang the doorbell three times. A woman of about 50 years old heard the sound and rushed to open the door.
"Young man, who are you looking for?"
Aunt looked at me with puzzled eyes and asked me questioningly.
"Aunt, hello! I want to find Han Meimei! "
Aunt drew a white handkerchief from her trouser pocket and wiped the tears from her eyes. She said to me with red eyes.
"Young man, are you white? Alas, Mei Mei, she left last week, and she told me about you when she left. "
I walked groggy in the old alley of Beijing. Passing the soup powder shop, I saw a girl wearing a red cotton-padded jacket again, with shoulder-length short hair. She smiled and waved to me. She has been in love with me seriously, and she firmly believes that I will create a legend.
In March, the first snow in Beijing gradually melted, and Han Xiao asked me to meet at a noodle restaurant at the weekend. I arrived at the noodle restaurant half an hour early, and my mind kept echoing what Han Meimei said to me, and I kept blaming myself. If I had taken the initiative to express my love and my true thoughts to Han Meimei earlier, I wouldn't have missed it again and again.
Han Xiao, dressed in a straight black suit, gradually came into my sight. His hair is parted on his head and he is carrying a brown business bag. His tall and thin figure stood out from the crowd, which made me recognize him at a glance.
"Han Xiao, I am here!"
Han Xiao came in the direction where I waved, and he looked at me with a smile and said.
"Hua Lin, how are you?"
"Not bad."
I don't want Han Xiao to see my swollen eyes. I think I must pretend to be happy today. My old friend has only met once, so I must not let him worry about me.
Han Xiao looked at me for three minutes. He looked at me quietly and spoke slowly for a while without saying a word.
"I've heard of Han Meimei. People can't come back from the dead. If she is still here, she certainly doesn't want you to give up on yourself. She told me that you are a legend in her heart and she will always protect you in another way. "
"Han Xiao, I haven't seen you for years. How are you? "
"Hua Lin, please rest assured that I am now the business manager of the chemical plant!"
"I transferred to a business post two years ago. After doing business, I found that I like this identity. "
"I'm so happy for you. It is not easy for people to find what they like in this life! "
"Yes, I don't like chemistry. My dad forced me to choose this major I think I will have children in the future. I must respect his choice and let him live in the way he likes. "
"I always feel that people in our time are burdened with too many things, family expectations, other people's opinions, and a steady and steady outlook on life."
"Han Xiao, I think you have changed a lot. You are no longer the romantic young man who loves reading La Traviata novels. "
"Hua Lin, I have to say that people will grow up many times. Every time they grow up, they will shed their skin and cocoon. A caterpillar struggled in a hard cocoon and let a butterfly dance behind it. "
"When I came out, I found that life was very realistic and monotonous. This is the oriental culture. People in East Asia are good at enduring and overcoming difficulties. They are busy in the factory every day and don't have to think about anything. "
"Isn't this the life of most of us? Some people struggle all the way and finally succeed in getting the position they want, but in the end they forget their real purpose of holding this position. In short, people are advanced animals that can't stand the temptation, and they have become chess pieces manipulated by fate under repeated interest attacks. "
"Han Xiao, your point of view is very special."
"Nothing special. Before I left the society, I always thought I was unique. I often feel that I am the protagonist. After leaving the society, I clearly realized that I was just a dust in the world. There are thousands of people in Qian Qian who have a similar life background with me, and there are thousands of people in Qian Qian who live the same life with me. Sometimes I often wonder, is it not good to ask myself to be too independent in thought and too independent in my life? "
He raised his glass to propose a toast to me, frowning slightly with a hint of sadness, and then gulped down the white wine in the glass.
"Han Xiao, I always feel that everyone is different, just like there are no two leaves with the same texture in this world. Although people in this world are generally similar, they are actually different. "
"Only by maintaining your own opinions and thoughts can you not be dragged by this materialistic world, and you can appreciate Tao Yuanming's mentality of" picking chrysanthemums under the hedge and seeing Nanshan leisurely "in the noise. In Hong Kong, I have seen many different people and things, and I have also seen the grand occasion of the integration of Chinese and Western cultures. "
"However, according to the current situation, I really can only live according to the minimum requirements of Maloser's hierarchy of needs theory, so for me, it is better to get a stable salary than to keep a different idea. If there is an opportunity in the future, I hope to let my family live a good life. "
"Hua Lin, I hope all your wishes can come true."
We raised our glasses to respect each other. Although it has been three years, we still talk about everything as before. A true friend will not leave you with the passage of time, but will stand up to help you and encourage you when you encounter setbacks again and again. I think it's good to have a friend like Han Xiao in my life.
In the evening, the sky gradually darkened, and the surrounding area gradually lit up with shiny neon lights. Against the background of white snow, the whole city was even more dazzling.
I'm a little sad to drink. Some people and things have become the past, and only then can we know how to cherish them. The opposite Han Xiao is still talking about Kan Kan, telling his ideals, his love and his life plan.
I envy him a little. He is married and still keeps an enterprising heart. I don't know why, maybe it's because human feelings have changed too much, and I gradually have differences with him on many things. He is an idealist, but I have to be a realist. The world is not romantic, on the contrary, sometimes it is cruel.
"Hua Lin, you know? I like the kind of woman who is full of poetry books. At night, under the illumination of Bai Yueguang, she strolled in the garden with a Book of Songs. I met her from the other end, and we stood in a quiet garden, looking at each other and chatting about poems and songs. This is beautiful! "
On the way back to the rental house, Han Xiao looked at me with a slightly drunk face, saying that he waved and motioned for his dream lover.
"So are you going to marry the person you love?"
"No, I don't like her. She was introduced to me by my mother. "
"Then why did you marry her?"
"Because my mother likes her, because of her. . . . . "
"Because she likes you very much, right?"
Han Xiao nodded silently. He looked at me gloomily and kept muttering.
"You know what? I'm getting married, I'm getting married, I'm getting married, how happy I am! "
Han Xiao staggered on the road. I grabbed him with one hand to prevent him from falling. He began to sob quietly. He said some nonsense that I didn't quite understand.
"If you don't like her, why marry her? In this way, you will both suffer for life. "
Han Xiao looked at my eyes in a daze. His eyes are full of helplessness and resistance. This is obviously not the life he wants. An idealist is arranged by his family, so he has to follow their advice and choose someone he doesn't love for life. How painful it is.
"White, you don't understand. My mother raised me with great pains. I don't want to disappoint her, you know? "
"Then you will sacrifice your happiness? You can repay her kindness in other ways. You are an independent person. You are nobody's slave. You don't need to be tied down by a marriage you don't even want. It is extremely irresponsible to you and that woman. "
Han Xiao silently waved to me, and then walked into the dark alley. I looked at his back and felt a lot. Han Meimei left this world, and now Han Xiao has entered an unhappy marriage. The two people I care about most are already so unhappy. It's really hard in my heart I want to leave this place completely and leave this place where I lost my love. I think it's time to go back to Hong Kong.
1On March 20th, 994, I set foot on the land of Hong Kong again. I walk on Cotton Tree Road in Admiralty. Two rows of hard and tall trees on both sides of the road are covered with huge red flowers. This is really weird. At first glance, they are all red flowers, and there are no green leaves. The red flowers are so hot and brilliant, just like a passionate girl dancing samba.
Suddenly, a huge red flower fell from the tree. I immediately picked it up and held it in my palm to watch it again and again. What kind of flower is this? When the flowers bloom, there are no leaves. They bloom vigorously and fall quietly. So is human love? It started vigorously, but ended in a loss. Is this that people don't cherish or trees don't retain?
While I was in a trance, a woman in a red skirt picked up the camera and patted the big red flower that fell. She takes care of every detail and treats every flower as her favorite thing.
"Hello, can you tell me what kind of flower this is?"
I strode forward and asked, but the woman didn't answer me immediately. She waited for about 3 minutes before speaking slowly.
"This is kapok, also called hero flower. I saw kapok in Minnan Daily before. This flower is orange-red in spring; In summer, green leaves are shaded; Autumn leaves are bleak; Cold trees with bare branches in winter. In early spring, in February and March, the withered branches of kapok first ignite flames, and then new buds sprout. Kapok tree has backward flowers and long oval gourd fruit. When ripe, the fruit splits and the cotton wool in the fruit falls with the wind. Blossoms of cotton wool float in the air, like the six below in the snow, and have a special taste. So then I fell in love with kapok out of control. "
"You are really something. You have thoroughly studied these flowers. "
The woman in the red skirt held her long hair in her arms, and she smiled and said to me.
"When you like an object or a person, you will spend a lot of time to understand, study and ponder. Every spring, kapok blooms like a brave life. We are all trying to live the life we want, just like kapok blooms like an orange tree in spring. In Hong Kong, where leaves are withered and no other flowers are in bloom, only kapok stands in the cold wind and blooms enthusiastically. I long to be like kapok.
The woman in red skirt immediately picked up the camera and continued to shoot kapok. The orange and bright color of this tree make me very happy. No matter what I have experienced, the living will always continue to work hard in this world. I strode forward. I am so firm and confident for the first time, because I am sure that only I can be the master of my life.
As I approached the rental house, the Nokia bell rang in my pocket. I picked up my mobile phone and took a closer look. It's Sister Jane.
"Hello, is this Hua Lin?"
"Yes, Sister Jane."
"I heard that you are going back to the mainland for development. Now our branch in Dongguan, China is short of a production manager. My supervisor and I often talk about you and think you are excellent! "
"Thank you, Sister Zhen, thank you very much for your appreciation."
"Hua Lin, Sister Jane is not as bad as you think. Many times, I will say something ugly and speak ill of others. I know I did something wrong, but I never really hurt anyone. After you left, no one wanted to listen to my old woman anymore. I always feel that your days have brought us a lot of happiness! "
"Jane elder sister, in fact, I know you are just a knife mouth, but not everyone will know you better. Everyone only likes to see the superficial side, and there are always many insurmountable strangeness between people. "
"Well, anyway, I hope you can promise to help in Dongguan, for my old woman's sake."
The wife in charge talked with me for about an hour, and I basically confirmed my intention to go to Dongguan. I have no better plan anyway. Although I have a diploma in mechanical engineering from Beijing Institute of Technology, it has been useless for many years. It doesn't matter whether you have a degree or not. If I lose my education, I should start over.
About the author: Song Wanming, a writing enthusiast, an old driver in the intellectual property industry, a lover of patent analysis and early warning, and an optimistic young man.