In the talk show Hollow Man, Jiang Sida interviewed a well-known divorce lawyer. She handled at least 400 divorce cases and witnessed the change of marriage from seven-year itch to three-year itch.
There is a passage in the video that deeply hurts me.
Someone put forward such a request at the time of divorce:
Divorce is fine. Give me the diamond ring.
We also have a roll of toilet paper. Do you want to share it?
Divide!
Once so in love, now only disgust is left. At the time of divorce, the ground was covered with torn faces, ugly and heartless.
A marriage, so beautiful at the beginning, why is it so embarrassing in the end?
1
"Widowed child-rearing"
There are more and more voices of modern women against marriage. As can be seen from big data, at present, more than 73.6% of divorces are initiated by women.
The lawyer said that in China society, women are becoming more and more independent, and she is no longer attached to men.
I have the confidence to ask for a divorce. Living alone is a big deal.
In marriage, some men are far less mature than women ideologically and psychologically. Women will think, "Why should I marry someone? I take care of my husband and children. 」
Sometimes, we joke, "My first child is my son, and my second child is my son's father". How much helplessness is contained in this self-deprecating ridicule.
Many women will become powerful at an alarming rate after giving birth.
Not only can they quickly adapt to the role of being a mother, but they can also work harder and make progress in their careers.
I have a friend who works harder and harder after giving birth, but once he couldn't help saying to me, "It's better to have a husband than not to have one."
In the morning, she gets up to cook and he sleeps.
In the evening, when she was asleep with her children reading picture books, he watched TV;
The most unbearable thing for her is that she has to wash his underwear and socks. ...
My friend said that she was really tired.
Modern women are becoming more and more independent and enterprising, while their husbands are stuck in their laurels and even become "giant babies".
When "widowed child-rearing" becomes the norm in the family, we can't help asking, "Why should we continue to suffer from this torture? 」
Therefore, divorce has naturally become our choice, for independence and for stop loss.
2
"The house is yours and the child is mine."
There is a sentence in the interview that makes me very sad:
The biggest difference between divorced men and women is that some men want the company equity most, while women want the custody of their children most.
Lawyer Yi told a case he had done:
The man not only won the house, but also won the custody of the child. But he was not satisfied, and he continued to appeal on the grounds that it was only the last car.
At the moment of divorce, he just wanted to squeeze every penny of the other party's property.
He will never know what children mean to his mother.
I saw a case in Weibo. After the wife sued for divorce, the husband took the child and demanded to have the lucky money of his 5-year-old son completely.
At that moment, he became a stranger:
My wife was so swollen that she couldn't walk when she was pregnant. What does it have to do with him?
During delivery, his wife's labor pains exceeded 12 hours, and he could not empathize because of umbilical cord prolapse and laparotomy.
In the evening, the child was ill, and his wife was anxious to take the child to the hospital. He was out socializing without knowing it.
Therefore, adhering to the style of losing face in front of interests, he regards children as a bargaining chip for divorce: he thinks that robbing children means getting more benefits.
You finally find that it is not the divorce itself that makes people miserable and desperate, but the ugliest side of the person they once loved most at the moment of divorce.
three
"The biggest harm to children is not divorce."
The media always tends to report the harm that divorce brings to children, so we subconsciously think that divorce is irresponsible to children. If a family is divorced, then the child will not get complete love.
Therefore, many families on the verge of disintegration will struggle to maintain "for the sake of children".
But the child knows everything. He knows very well that his parents have become "enemies" and no longer love each other.
In fact, the biggest harm to children is not divorce, but fighting, quarreling, cold war and alienation between parents all day. ...
Zhihu netizen @ Tingting recalled that the divorce of 13-year-old parents was a "relief" for her.
They often quarrel, so I can't take care of everything, or I will suffer. Especially the Chinese New Year, it is simply the end of my world.
Someone asked me, don't I envy family reunion during the New Year? I want to say that people who have never eaten chocolate will never know how delicious it is and will never think about it.
We don't encourage divorce, but when the marriage is fragmented, divorce is the best choice for children.
Faye Wong and Li broke up peacefully, and after the divorce, they still wished each other happiness, while Li would always accompany the children. Their daughter lives a happy and confident life, and they never lack their father's love.
I have a friend who used to be a stay-at-home mother. She couldn't stand the marriage that quarreled all day and chose a divorce.
After that, she learned new skills and found a new job. She never lost her life in the first half of my life. And children, no longer afraid of their parents quarreling, are getting more and more sunny.
One day, her child said to her:
Mom, I just want you to be happy. I can only be happy if you are happy.
She burst into tears.
Zhang Quanling mentioned in Qi Ba Shuo that,
Hong Kong released a data survey on divorce, and conducted a sample survey on 7,000 families. The final result shows that single-parent families will not cause obstacles to children's learning and behavior habits.
They are much happier than children with family conflicts.
four
"Loneliness in Marriage"
As mentioned in the video, the longer the working hours, the easier it is for couples to get divorced.
Because with the accelerated pace of life, everyone is as busy as a bee. Home, like hotel, lacks communication.
Most of the reasons for divorce are not domestic violence and infidelity that we think, but seemingly trivial things.
And "loneliness in marriage" is the last straw to crush marriage.
There was a protest against not working overtime in Shanghai the year before last. Forty lonely women complained to their husbands with signs:
They wear thin pajamas, just like waiting for their husbands to return at home. What is written on the sign is what they said, and how much helplessness and sadness are contained in every word.
On Zhihu, a netizen said,
My daughter was breast-fed when she was born, and she was still in the second month, so she couldn't afford a nanny. I have been alone with my daughter for more than ten days, and I have lateral incision inflammation and mastitis, and I have a terrible pain in the middle of the night.
So I woke him up and wanted him to help change the baby's diaper.
As a result, I only heard him turn his back and say coldly, "Other women can give birth, but you can't change diapers. You are the most hypocritical!" " 」
I didn't get it again and again, and I was completely stunned. After confinement, I chose a divorce.
In fact, a woman's heart is getting cold bit by bit.
How many men think that I don't gamble, cheat and try to make money, which is simply the best man. How can a woman be so dissatisfied?
They don't understand that for women, after loneliness, their hearts are dying, and divorce has become the most helpless choice.
five
"All my life."
I thought this lawyer would have a negative attitude towards marriage after so many divorces.
Unexpectedly, she said firmly, "We must get married." .
Although she often suggested that others sign the marital property agreement, she didn't sign it herself.
Because in her heart, she still firmly believes that marriage must be happy, and will still put the trust in feelings first like everyone else.
She admits that the best part of marriage is that when you want someone to accompany you, he is willing to accompany you.
In the Korean documentary "Dear, Don't Cross the River", the 98-year-old grandfather and the 89-year-old grandmother gave each other the warmest companionship in their lives.
On winter nights, grandma has to go to the toilet. The toilet is outside, even if grandpa coughs a little, he will always stay with grandma and won't go away.
Grandpa wants to eat grandma's side dishes. Even if she has a cold, she will go to the river to wash vegetables and cook. She said, "If you like it, I'll cook it for you. 」
In spring, they dress up beautifully in couples' clothes and go for an outing together; In summer, they play in the yard like children; In autumn, they clean the fallen leaves together; In winter, they make a snowman together.
Grandpa said that since they fell in love, he never felt lonely again. Grandma said grandpa always took care of her like a child.
After 76 years of marriage, they are as sweet as their first love.
At the end of the documentary, grandpa's health is getting worse and worse. Grandma took on the responsibility of taking care of grandpa. She fed, bathed and dressed grandpa until the last moment of his life.
For many women, what they want most is never how much money they want to earn.
She is willing to stay away from her parents and relatives just to have children with you;
She is willing to take care of you at all times when you are sick and make good daily necessities for you;
She is willing to face the chaos of life bravely with you and clean up chicken feathers;
She is willing to treat you wholeheartedly. ......
As long as you are the man who is willing to love, warm and understand her.
At the beginning of marriage, it must be beautiful and happy. Only in the process of marriage, both sides keep hurting it, it will collapse.
For a woman, divorce is never the end. You can't imagine how much she wants to grow old with you.
If you go back in time, will you still remember the promise you made to her when you registered for marriage?
"I want to accompany you for a lifetime! 」