Teenagers don’t know what it’s like to be sad. They are in their prime, when they should be gaining knowledge on campus, or looking forward to a bright future under the care of their parents. However, some of them went to places they shouldn't have gone, and met the fate of being behind bars while they were still ignorant. The journey of life has just set sail, and it is stranded in a black corner, like a scar that is difficult to heal, remaining in the trunk of life forever, and some even die young. According to the author's investigation into two "juvenile parricide cases" that occurred in Xichuan County, Henan Province, the causes of the cases are shocking and shocking!
Case 1: My mother was so upset after being scolded that she poisoned my mother and sister to death
14-year-old Yang Hao was born in a mountain village in Shengwan Township, Xichuan County, Henan Province. He is the only boy in the family. His kind parents have regarded him as the apple of his eye since he was a child. They hope that he can study hard and grow up to become a talented person, hoping to bring glory to the Yang family. When he was in elementary school, Yang Hao lived up to his parents' expectations. His academic performance was always among the best, and he was highly praised by teachers and classmates. He was rated as a "three good" student many times. After entering the first grade of junior high school, Yang Hao's academic performance plummeted. This was quickly discovered by his son's parents, and he encountered repeated criticism from his mother. From then on, this matter weighed on my mother's mind.
At noon on April 13, 2007, when Yang Hao's mother was scolding him again, he was angry and resentful and suddenly had a terrible thought: "Mom is so annoying, tell her to die." Let's go!" So he bought a cooking oil can filled with rat poison two days ago, causing his mother and sister to be poisoned when eating the fried rice. His father was poisoned and died after being rescued in the hospital.
This case was heard in closed court. The Nanyang Intermediate People's Court made a first-instance verdict on the "child killing case" in southern Henan that shocked China and the world, and sentenced Yang Hao to 13 years in prison for intentional homicide.
Case 2: "Frustrated" became depressed and became ill. His sister was killed and his mother was injured.
Zhao Xu was a native of Taohe Township, Xichuan County. Before the incident, he was a high school student in the county. , only 17 years old. Zhao Xu's family is not rich. On weekdays, whenever Zhao Xu wants something, his parents will try their best to satisfy him. They never let him get involved in the farm work at home and focus on letting him study hard. His parents only have one burning desire in their hearts. : I hope my son can go to college and get out of farming.
In July 2006, during the college entrance examination physical education exam, Zhao Xu was discovered by the invigilator when he was looking for someone to take the exam. He felt that there was little hope and all hope was lost. Zhao Xu told his mother that she said he had no talent and wasted ten years. Zhao Xu, who originally wanted to be forgiven by his mother, could not bear the psychological pressure. From then on, he became withdrawn, depressed, and wanted to cause trouble all day long. On September 10, 2006, Zhao Xu, who was returning to school, had a quarrel with his younger siblings over trivial matters after returning home. He then beat his younger siblings to death by pinching their hands, strangling them with ropes, and slashing them with knives. After his mother found out, Zhao Xu also hit his mother on the back of the head with an ax in an attempt to kill her mother and then committed suicide. Under his mother's strong persuasion and pleading, Zhao Xu put down his ax and ran away. Two days later, Zhao Xu was captured by the public security organs. According to the appraisal by the Criminal Procedure Medical Appraisal Committee of Nanyang Psychiatric Hospital, Zhao Xu suffers from schizophrenia and is a person with limited liability capacity. The Xichuan County People's Court found Zhao Xu guilty of intentional homicide and sentenced him to six years in prison.
Misplaced "spoiling" leads to rebellious psychology
Loving children is human nature and is also the proper meaning of being a parent. In the above two cases, due to the incorrect "love" of the parents, the children took the path they should not have taken. No one wants to see such a result, but it does happen.
Through the investigation of the above two cases, the author found that in addition to the fact that the current education system neglects quality education, legal education and psychological education, the reason is also the lack of appropriate treatment methods. There is little foresight that some seemingly ordinary conflicts may develop into serious problems, and there is a lack of specific monitoring and corrective measures for some children with special personalities and abnormal behaviors. The performance of family education is mainly due to the following reasons: First, the naturally revealed wrong view of loving children. These parents believe that loving their children means making them successful, living a comfortable life, and trying their best to meet their needs.
This can easily cause children to slip into a "vicious cycle" and fall into a "vicious cycle." Secondly, the improvement of family economic conditions provides material security for doting. Because doting requires a certain material foundation, especially "material desire", it is most likely to make people lose the direction of life, the ideal view of nature and the first sense of morality. Third, both families have a family model of one man and one woman, which is the most "optimized" space for "spoiled" survival. The preference of the whole family can easily make children develop an egoistic mentality. Fourth, parents lack correct guidance from scientific educational theories. Minors are in the period of physical development, and their cerebral cortex is dominated by excitement. Their behavior is easily influenced by emotions. It's hard to have some control. When a child is growing up, external imposition often brings about the opposite result, which invisibly brings huge psychological pressure to the child. Long-term psychological pressure will inevitably bring about psychological and even personality deformity. When they have different ideas from their parents or fail to meet their parents' expectations, they have hidden their parents' love deeply, replacing tender love with a fierce kindness or suddenly converting love into a harsh way of discipline. It is difficult to tolerate and accept this kind of "love", which will aggravate the inner restlessness and uneasiness in adolescence. The child cannot tolerate this kind of "love" and cannot accept this kind of "love". When they encounter bad emotions, their outlet channel is very limited, which causes them to have mental health risks. They may be burdened by strong study pressure, or may be pessimistic and depressed because of their bleak future, which can easily lead to low self-esteem, autism, anxiety, irritability, etc. Psychological disorders, and once personal catharsis cannot resolve the depression in their hearts, the originally lively children will become withdrawn, depressed, have wild thoughts and obsessions every day, coupled with the influence of other external factors, it is likely to induce vicious crimes, which is also the above An important reason for the tragedy in the lives of the two juvenile prisoners in the case.
Rational correction of family education prescriptions
Psychologists believe that in the face of children’s mistakes, parents’ endless accusations will bring resentment to the children, which will make them feel rejected. The feeling of being manipulated by others. On the surface, they seem to give their children a lot of "love", but in fact, this "love" limits and deprives their children of the opportunity to adapt to society. Western scholars call this kind of love "stifling love." Children do not value family affection or life, and their extreme self-centered behaviors are becoming more and more obvious.
The family is the first classroom for a person’s life and growth. An overly doting family environment will lead to the imperfect development of a child’s personality. Over time, it will sow the seeds of selfishness and willfulness in the child’s mind. , their values ??and cognition are prone to deviations and slippages. There are many such people, which is a great sorrow and serious disaster to our society and families. Therefore, parents not only have the responsibility of "raising", but more importantly, they have the responsibility of "teaching". If a child is allowed to bear the dual life of himself and his parents, his life will become heavy or even distorted, which is unfair to the child. Children have the right to pursue their own dreams and have no responsibility to fulfill their parents’ ideals. A great educator from the former Soviet Union once said: "Sacrificing everything for your children, even your own happiness, is the most terrible gift that parents can give to their children."
Parents should be rational. first. As a parent, you must learn from the above two cases. According to the child's personality characteristics, adopt flexible educational methods when encountering problems, be good at persuading and guiding, and do not blindly blame or complain, and do not place too much hope on the child's immaturity. On the shoulders of children, children are required to live out their adult personality. To overcome the adverse reactions caused by "emotional short circuit", pay attention to your own mental health care. Secondly, when encountering "problem" children, you should communicate more, encourage more, and criticize less, build up the child's good self-confidence, and avoid inducing emotional loss of control due to excessive psychological contrast. Third, strengthen the regulating effect of reason on emotions. It is impossible for a family to cover everything, especially as a parent, you must educate your children to maintain appropriate calmness and sobriety, and give your children a certain amount of free development space with a normal heart. At the same time, with the participation of relevant government departments, everyone should work together to manage and strengthen the ideological, moral and psychological education of young people. Parents should also conduct systematic training and provide more rational analysis and business guidance. Therefore, the author calls on parents to learn more about educational theory, use correct and scientific methods to educate their children, and be able to determine the correct outlook on talent and education in the growth process of their children. Face their own children and their own mediocre status, mediocre children Also children.
A few days ago, I was talking about studying with my neighbor's 6-year-old daughter, Sissi, and she blurted out the words "It doesn't matter if you don't study well, the key is to marry a good husband in the future", which really surprised me. Not small. We are surprised by how "well-informed" young people are and how "ideal and ambitious" they are. This has to make us parents "worried"!
Let’s listen to these “reasons for being late” from children!
"My mother overslept!"
"Grandma made breakfast late!"
"On the way, I remembered that I forgot to bring my homework book, Dad Let me tell you, it's all because he didn't pack my schoolbag carefully that I was late. "
"Why are you late today?" This is probably the most common thing teachers see when they see late students. A word to say. While the question is simple, the answers are diverse. When students are late, parents are almost always to blame. This surprised and shocked me.
As a teacher, after work, I made a simple statistics. There were 62 third-grade students in the class I taught. The statistical time was 21 weeks (105 days). The statistics were all Reasons why students are late for school in the morning. In just one semester, ***237 students were late, with the most being late 16 times, and 38 students being late multiple times. The reasons involved father, mother, grandpa, grandma, grandma, grandpa, grandma and grandpa 197 times.
Thought 1: The child is shirking responsibility.
As a student, not being late, not leaving early, and arriving at school on time to study have been included in the student code and are one of the disciplines that must be observed. Being late once or twice is inevitable, and teachers can basically understand it. However, "My mother overslept!" "Grandma is late for breakfast!" However, the dismissive attitude towards "being late" and the "attitude" that "being late" has nothing to do with us makes us feel sorry for these "innocent" people. The child feels sorry. We can't help but worry about these "innocent" "successors". In fact, it is the children who put the responsibility for being late on their parents!
Reflection 2: Parents are allowing their children to shirk their responsibilities.
I remember when I was a child, when I was in school, if my mother was occasionally late for cooking and class time was almost here, we wouldn’t even eat and would run to school by ourselves, for fear of being late. For today's children, their parents get up early to prepare meals, and they have to wait for their mother to yell a few times before they bother to get up and wash themselves. It takes half an hour to eat a meal and 15 minutes to pack a school bag. In this situation, when I receive consultations from parents, the most common ones I encounter are questions from parents such as "Our children are not in a hurry to go to school or do homework. What can they do?" Think about it, who is "encouraging" the child to do this? It turned out that the child got up late, but the mother was complaining about the sleepy father, "Why didn't you wake up the child earlier? It's you who brought the child up"! Now it's better. The child is no longer responsible and anxious. "I got up late because my father didn't ask me to get up!" I looked at the time, ate a few bites in a hurry, and started on the road. Halfway through, I found the textbook Forgot to bring it. No wonder the children said: "My mother overslept!" "My father forgot to bring his textbooks!" Such things are common in every school, and they may happen to you! Dear parents, please never let your children pass such responsibility to you again.
Reflection 3: A person without enthusiasm will achieve nothing, and the basis of enthusiasm is nothing else but responsibility.
Responsibility is an important personality quality that enables a person to gain a foothold in society, achieve career success and family happiness. If a person lacks such a sense of responsibility for what he has done since he was a child, then I think this is a very terrible thing. Because this reason for being late will evolve into a shirking of work and life responsibilities in the future: poor product quality is due to the machine's problem, a failed surgery is due to the failure of the medicine, work is not going well because of colleagues' uncooperation, and family disharmony is due to each other's discord. Cooperate, wait.
In fact, it is very easy to cultivate children's sense of responsibility from an early age. Many parents may feel that this is very empty and cannot be inserted into the operation. We can do this:
1. Cultivate self-care ability and cultivate children's sense of responsibility.
When children are in primary school, the most important thing is to cultivate good behavioral habits. The focus should not be on learning piano or painting. When children are still in primary school, we should let them try to do their own things. They don't know how to learn to do things by themselves.
As parents, we must understand that only a person with independent consciousness and ability can become a responsible person. The reasons for the above-mentioned children are all caused by too much arrogance and substitution by parents. Let the children slowly lose their ability to take care of themselves and their sense of responsibility.
2. Develop housework habits and develop children’s sense of responsibility.
Parents can from time to time assign some tasks to their children that they can complete through their own efforts, so that even if the children are young, they can complete the tasks well. They will also have a strong sense of responsibility, do not rely on others, and are willing to complete everything by themselves. Letting children do some housework can not only help them realize their responsibilities to the family, but also cultivate their self-care ability in life and enhance their self-confidence and independence. In this way, when they grow up, they will realize their responsibilities to society and their families, and have the confidence and ability to do their own jobs well, instead of always wanting to rely on others. Therefore, it is very unscientific for parents to arrange housework.
Third, bear the consequences of things and cultivate children's sense of responsibility.
For example, if a child damages something, he must use his own efforts to compensate the other party. Even if the other party thinks that the damaged things are not worth a lot of money, or thinks that it is common for children to damage things and is not intentional, and the children are not allowed to compensate, parents should insist on the children to compensate so that the children can know who caused it. Who should be responsible for the adverse consequences?