One day, I had to urinate urgently and hurriedly ran into the bathroom of a luxury hotel. When I walked into the urinal, I saw a few big words on it: "Don't use it!" I laughed in my heart. I am a qualified person who has slept in five-star hotels. What kind of scene have I never seen? After that, it automatically senses and sprays water automatically, with a large amount of water! My whole body was soaked, and I suddenly realized: "Damn it, a comma will kill you!"
4. I went to the ATM to deposit money at noon, and the beautiful woman in line asked me from behind: "Is this a deposit?" "Yeah, yeah ""I just want to withdraw money, and you have to save it anyway, why don't you give it to me, so you don't have to queue up." I thought about it and thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.
5. Don’t be a racist, be like Uncle Mario - he is Italian, but made in Japan, speaks English, can run as well as a Jamaican, and can jump higher than a black man. He loves collecting gold coins as much as the Jews...
1. The turtle was seen bathing in the river by the toad,
The turtle: I have never seen a beauty like me. ? Your eyes almost pop out of your head.
Toad: Sister, stop teasing me, haven’t you seen the goosebumps all over my body?
2. When Huang Ying saw the weasel looking for food, she said, "You are a thief, you have been sneaking around all day long, and the Huang family has been completely disgraced by you."
As soon as he finished speaking, Weasel was knocked to the ground, and Weasel cursed: "Silly X, don't you know that we are now cracking down on pornography and illegal activities!"
3. Dragonfly has a girlfriend - Cicada. Dragonfly’s mother asked: What does she do?
Dragonfly: That’s a singer!
Dragonfly Mother: Singer?
Mother Dragonfly: That’s a singer!
Dragonfly Mother: Singer?
4. The ants and crows on the tree had a quarrel!
Ant: Come down if you have the guts!
Crow: If you have the guts, come up!
Ant: OK! Wait here, I'll show you!
Crow: What do you want to do?
Ant: I will call all my brothers to shake you down and kill you!
5. Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. Beetle A: If I want to win the jackpot, I have to buy toilets within a radius of 50 miles and have enough to eat every day!
B: You are too vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will keep one alive and eat fresh one every day!
6. The male butterfly sings to the female butterfly: "You are my lover, like a rose and a woman!" After singing, it flew to pick roses again.
What followed was a scream, and the female butterfly sang: "My dear, fly slowly, be careful of the roses with thorns in front of you!"
7. A pair of ducks came to the river While playing, I saw a frog couple hibernating in a cave by the river. Duck: Look, how happy. Female duck to male duck: Don’t look at it, he is a big boss, he lives in a villa and spends his honeymoon, we will never even think about it in this life!
8. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river. He caught nothing and went home.
The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but still found nothing and went home.
On the third day, the little white rabbit came to the river. A big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:
Use fucking carrots again Use it as bait and I will crush you!
(1) A village chief came home drunk and entered the pig pen by mistake. He lay down next to the sow and said: Wife, pour me a glass of water. If you don’t fall, what are you doing to be coquettish? He touched it with his hand and said: Buy a leather jacket, or a double-breasted one.
(2) The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Do you want metering, backlighting, or full light?" Shanyi said shyly: "I don't care, can you leave a pair of pants for auntie?" "
(3) One day, the barber beat up a man selling candied haws on a stick. The police went to the police station and asked the barber: Why did you hit the man selling candied haws on a stick? The barber said ***, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted outside: "The perm is burnt."
(4) A man went to the toilet for constipation, and suddenly he saw a man rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant Jiaojia said, "Brother, I really envy you for being so fast."
"What are you envious of? I haven't even had time to take off my pants yet!"
(5) A foreigner was visiting Laiwu and met an old lady playing with a cat. He came up and asked: What are you doing? The old lady replied: Gu Ning Mao Ni! The foreigner was shocked and quickly spoke the old man's foreign language! As a gift of chocolate, the old lady thought it was dried sweet potato and said: "I have it in Laiwu: I have it in Laiwu! The foreigner fainted!
(6) The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy, pretending. She couldn't say anything sweet to me, so Bee said: Humph! You're still talking about me, so why not use the two antennas on your head to send me a text message?
(7) {Peer} A dung beetle and a mosquito fall in love. The dung beetle asks, "What is your profession?" "Mosquito: "Nurse, give me the injection, how about you? "The dung beetle smiled and said, "It's fate, fellow traveler, I am a Chinese medicine pill maker. "
(8) Husband: What time is it? Wife: Ten o'clock, Husband: On the hour? Wife: It's too early, no one else has slept! I asked ten o'clock on the hour? Wife: Eleven o'clock on the hour
(9) Two people were fighting and a pillow was thrown downstairs. A beggar happened to be passing by. He was very happy and flew off a quilt. The beggar was ecstatic, wiping tears and rushed upstairs to shout. : Brother upstairs, if you do good things, leave the woman behind too.
(10) Wife: Do you want to do some activities in the evening? Husband: I always think about it. Wife: Then don’t say you are tired after get off work. Just be in good spirits at night and stop messing around. Husband: It’s necessary. Wife: I’ll change all my clothes and wash them that night.
(11) A young woman accidentally slipped and fell on her clothes while taking out the trash. In the garbage heap, when he was about to get up, he was hugged by an old man who was picking up rags. The old man said with emotion: People in the city just don't know how to live, so I don't want such a good wife.
(12) One big toe suddenly turned blue. The doctor diagnosed it as cancer and removed it. A few days later, the second toe also turned blue. After the removal, three days later, the entire sole of the foot turned blue, so I had to seek help from a large hospital. The expert’s final diagnosis was that the socks were discolored.
A farmer drove his donkey into the city. The donkey ran a red light and was fined 10 yuan. The farmer drank the donkey and said, "You think you are a military vehicle?" He dared to run through a red light." After walking a few steps, the donkey knocked over another fruit stall and was fined 200 yuan. The old farmer became even more angry: "You think you are the industrial and commercial city management, and you want to overturn the stall. "The old farmer led his donkey home. He passed by a green grassland and the donkey gnawed on the grass. He was fined 30 yuan. The old farmer was furious and cursed: "You think you are an inspection team going to the countryside. You can eat wherever you go!" "The old farmer scolded the donkey and asked him to go to the river to drink water, but the donkey became stubborn and raised his neck and refused to drink. The old farmer suddenly got angry and said, "You think you are a rich man, but he won't drink without a lady." "The donkey turned around and ran away. When a fishing net was dried on the shore, the donkey broke. The fisherman claimed 500 yuan for compensation. The old farmer said in tears, "You thought this was China Telecom. It costs so much to get online." The donkey turned around and kicked the old farmer. After kicking him, the old farmer reluctantly cursed: "Do you think you are the team leader? You can kick whoever you want." The donkey was so angry that he stopped paying attention to the old farmer and remained silent. "You think you are in the QQ group?" I can’t speak all day long!
2. The boss called the secretary: I will accompany you to Beijing in the next few days. Please prepare.
The secretary called the husband: I will accompany the boss in the next few days. Meeting in Beijing
The husband called his lover: My wife is not at home with me these days
The lover called the counselor and student: The teacher is busy these days and there will be no classes
The student called his grandfather: There will be no classes these days. Grandpa, please play with me
Grandpa called his secretary: He can’t go to Beijing, and his grandson wants me to accompany him
The secretary called her husband: The boss suddenly had something to do and would not go to Beijing for the meeting
The husband called his lover: My wife is not going, let’s talk about it next time
The lover gave it to the tutoring student The teacher called: Classes will continue as usual these days!!!!!!
The student called Grandpa: 555 The teacher said classes will continue as usual these days
Grandpa called the secretary: Still Go to Beijing, be prepared
3. A beggar knocked on the car window and said: Give me some money: Give me some money.
The gentleman lowered his head and said: Give you a cigarette: Give you a cigarette.
The beggar said: I don’t smoke: I don’t smoke, please give me some money. I have beer in the car. I'll give you a bottle of wine.
The beggar said: I don’t drink:
The gentleman said: I don’t drink, please give me some money. I'll take you to the mahjong parlor, I'll pay you, you can bet, and if you win, it's yours.
The beggar said: I don’t bet: I don’t bet, please give me some money.
The husband said: I will take you to the sauna to enjoy "one-stop service", and I will cover all the expenses.
The beggar said: I don’t do prostitution, please give me some money: I don’t do prostitution, please give me some money.
The husband said: Then you get in the car, and I will take you back and let my wife see what a good man who doesn’t smoke, drink, gamble, or go whoring is like!
4. Mr. Zhang, who graduated from the police academy, has been married for two years. He always feels that his wife is a little strange and suspects that she is having an affair. One day, Mr. Zhang always found that there were text messages from strangers on his wife's mobile phone, and the content of each text message was the same: "Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me." !
At 11 o'clock in the evening, Mr. Zhang solved his cheating wife and the man he met in one fell swoop.
Mr. Zhang scolded: "Do you think I can't understand that text message? Read it backwards and it means "I will help you take off your bra at 10:30"
5. Dragon Boat Festival Turtle Wanting to eat rice dumplings, I asked the snail to buy rice dumplings. After 2 hours, the snail had not come back. The turtle yelled: If you don't come back, I will starve to death! Damn it, I won't leave!
One day, the cow asked the donkey which of the two worms under the word "Stupid" was male and which was female. , still couldn’t answer. Niu scolded: What a stupid donkey!
2. Seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a thirty-meter chimney. It took a month and cost 300,000 yuan, but it was finally completed at the end of last year. Today, I was scolded and told that I didn’t have the money to pay for it. The drawings were wrong.
3. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived.
4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I held my shoes against the pole. A fucking bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave it to me. Two sticks!
5. One day, Turtle Dad, Turtle Mom and Turtle Son’s family decided to go on an outing. They brought a Shandong pancake and two cans of sea chicken to Xiangyang. Mingshan set off. After ten years of hard climbing, they finally arrived at Yangmingshan! They sat on the ground, unloaded their equipment, and prepared to eat.
Turtle son: "...I'll go back and get it"
Turtle father: "Good son!" Go and come back quickly! Mom and dad are still waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Come back quickly! "
Turtle son: "You must wait for me to come back! Don't regret it! "
So, the turtle son embarked on the road home...
Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, and the turtle son has not yet Appeared.
Mom Turtle: "Honey..., why don't you start dinner?" I was so hungry that I said..."
Dad Turtle: "No way! We promised our son! Okay..., wait for him for another five years, don't leave him alone! "
In the blink of an eye, five years have passed, and Wugui's son is still missing. Turtle's parents don't care anymore! The two elders decided to start.
Take out the big cake and prepare to eat...
Suddenly, the turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree...
Turtle Son: "Damn it! I knew you would eat it secretly! Did you trick me into going back to get the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty-five years, and finally I've waited
I think I've waited! I hate it Others lied to me!
6. Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?
Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are called Xin. Some people lack water in their lives, so they are called Miao, and some people lack wood in their lives, so they are called Sen.
Xiao Xin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?
7 , A couple of male and female friends were sitting on a park bench and talking about love. The woman suddenly wanted to fart.
The man said: I am learning Gu Niao style. Do you like it or not?
The man was indeed willing to listen.
So, the woman farted loudly under the cover of the bird's cry "cuckoo cuckoo"
Woman: Doesn't it look like a cuckoo?
Male: The fart is too loud.
8. The turtle is injured. Two hours have passed. Come back. The turtle yelled: If you don't come back, I'll die! At this time, a snail's voice came from outside the door: You said I won't go!
9. One person raised one! The pig was bored and abandoned it, but the pig knew the way back and abandoned it several times to no avail. One day, the car made many turns before abandoning the pig. Late at night, he called his family and asked: "Is the pig back?" "Answered: "I'm back! "It's back!" It roared, "Let it answer the phone, I'm lost!"
10. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out of the nest and climbed on the elephant one after another. The elephant shook its body and the ant fell down. At this time, an ant fell from the elephant's neck and shouted "Strangle it to death".
11. One day in computer class, a row of classmates’ computers crashed. So a student stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer has crashed, and our entire row has crashed." At this time, many students said: "We are also dead." At this time, the teacher asked: "Who is not dead?" Only one student stood up: "I am not dead yet!" The teacher asked in confusion: "Everyone is alive." The classmates are all dead, why are you not dead? "
12. When a monkey eats peanuts, he first stuffs the peanuts into his butt and then takes them out. The administrator explained: Someone had fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened, and now it must eat within its capacity.
13. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid kid?"
Dad: "Silly kid, how can you be a stupid kid..."
p>
14． Tell a story "Once upon a time there was a eunuch......................"
Someone I couldn't help but ask: "What's next?"
Continue telling the story: "What's next? No more..."
15. There was a man who had just learned a foreign language. He was walking on the street that day and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man hurriedly said: "I'm sorry." The foreigner also politely said: "I'm sorry too." After hearing this, the man hurriedly said, "I'm sorry." The foreigner was dumbfounded and asked, "What are you sorry for?" What are you sorry for? "The man said helplessly: "I'm sorry.
"
16. Tang Monk wrote a letter to Sun Wukong
Dear Sun Wukong:
I wrote this letter very slowly because I know you can't read quickly!
We had two rains this week, the first one lasted four days and the second one lasted three days!
How are you doing in Huaguo Mountain?
I have a very bad life in heaven. I can’t poop, urinate, tear, or snot, because there is no gravity... Do you think it’s bitter?
We are? The beef noodles here are delicious. If you come another day, let’s go to the restaurant on West Street to have hot pot together!
Your sister Guanyin is about to give birth. Because I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, I don’t know about you for the time being! Do you want to be an uncle or an aunt?
Have you received the clothes I sent you? When I wanted to send them, I cut off the buttons and put them in my pockets!
It’s very late, I’m writing this. Come to my place when you have time. Remember not to drink too much water, otherwise it will be difficult to urinate here.
I originally wanted to send it to you! It’s money, but the envelope is already glued!
17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been acting strangely recently. I eat cucumbers and cucumbers, and watermelons and watermelons. Why? How can you return to normal? The doctor was silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.
18. Someone lost a dollar on the street on a business trip in Shanghai, and the police said, "We will help you find it." "The man went back a month later, and the money he had lost on the street was taken away by someone for road construction. He couldn't help but sigh, "Shanghai is really awesome."
19. One day, an ant was basking in the sun. Seeing the elephant walking slowly, he hurriedly stepped forward and stretched out his front legs. The rabbit next to him hurriedly asked what are you doing? /p>
20. The earthworm family was very bored today. The little earthworm cut himself into two parts to play badminton. Mother Earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four parts to play mahjong. Dad Earthworm thought After thinking about it, she cut herself into minced meat. Mother Earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" It will kill you if you cut it into pieces like this! "The earthworm's father said weakly: "..., suddenly I want to play football.
21. The tortoise and the hare race... The hare ran quickly in front. The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly. The tortoise said to it: "Come up, I will carry you. Then... the snail came up. After a while... the tortoise saw an ant again. The tortoise said to it: "You come up too Bar. The ant came up. When the ant came up and saw the snail on top of it, it said "Hello". Do you know what the snail said? The snail said: "Hold on, this turtle is running very fast.
22. One day, there was a fire in the house. Mom and dad escaped, leaving only one son still in the house. Mom was outside the house. I was very nervous and shouted: "Son... what are you doing... what are you doing?" ...." The son replied: "I am wearing socks...". The mother said: "There is a fire, what are you wearing socks for?" "Five minutes later, the son has not come out yet. ...The mother shouted nervously: "Son, what are you doing? Come out quickly, it's on fire, why are you still in there...? The son said: "I am taking off my socks." ........
23. A man went fishing by the river and first put on a piece of leaf. No fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. The fish took the bait~~ He was so angry that he took out 100 yuan and dropped it into the water and cursed: "*-#What to eat? What do you want to eat!
24. My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he I forgot to bring my handkerchief, so I kept sucking the snot into my nose. There was gt written on the blackboard; the Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough!" Enough! Stop making noise! You guys are so noisy! "The whole class was silent. The teacher said again: "Who is eating noodles secretly in class and making such a loud noise? "
25. The patient said to the dentist: "You are really good at making money. You made three yuan in just three seconds."
"
The doctor replied: "If you want, I can pull it for you in slow motion. "
26. "Narcissism" means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in my next life and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means eating two dishes in a restaurant, eating the first one first: " Is there anything more delicious than this in the world? Eat the second course "Damn! It really does exist!" "Speechless" was the judge asking: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I won’t print real money
27. The Weaver Girl came down to earth. The Weaver Girl goes to the ground to take a bath and meets the Cowherd, which tells a shocking love story. This incident tells us: there is no chance to take a bath at home, so you must go outside to take a bath...
28. Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he asked Xiao Ming: "How do you say ants?" Xiao Ming A confused look on his face...: "The ant... didn't say anything..."
29. A person keeps farting at work, and his colleagues can't help it. Said him: "Can you not make a sound? Can you not make a sound?"
29. A male colleague kept farting at work. His colleagues couldn't help but said to him: "Can you not make a sound?" Sound? Then they saw him sitting there shaking. His colleagues asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I am silent, it has been set to vibrate!" ! "
30. Mosquito mother: "Child, what's wrong with you? "The little mosquito cried: "Today the little flies bullied me, saying that I was bloodthirsty and a vampire. "Mosquito Mom" ??don't pay attention to it, their family is not a good thing, they all grew up eating shit
31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou pottery pot. Yesterday I went to the treasure appraisal column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week!
32. Son: "Mom, I didn't do well in the math test today. "Mom: "Why, what question". Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said 6." Mom: "That's right, what next?" Son: "Then The teacher asked me 3*2=? "Mom: "It's all the same!" Son: "That's what I said...
33. When a prisoner is executed, the bullet is "someone" "Produced by the county, the quality was not good. The first shot was not fired, and a second shot was fired... and a third shot... At this time, the prisoner cried: "Strangle me to death." Yeah, that’s scary! "
34. The father told his son a story: "My uncle asked Xiao Yang to chop wood. Unexpectedly, Xiao Yang chopped down his uncle's favorite peach tree. His uncle was very angry but did not scold him. Him, do you know why? "The son replied: "Probably because Xiaoyang still holds an axe. So I dare not scold him
35. Dung Beetle and Mosquito fell in love for the first time. Dung Beetle: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Mosquito: "Nurse, give me an injection." Jinglang held Mosquito's hand and cried: " It's fate, I am also a medical student, a Chinese medicine practitioner, and I make pills
36. Men always can't find girlfriends, so they have no choice but to go to fortune telling. The fortune teller said: You, you are destined to have no women in the first half of your life; no. The man's eyes lit up: Then I should have one in the second half of my life, right? The fortune teller said: Hey, you will get used to living alone in the rest of your life
37. Someone was eating and there was no beef in the beef ramen, so they pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef ramen? ? The boss said calmly: Don't take it too seriously. Do you expect to get a wife out of the wife cake?
38. Three mice were tasting American wine, Japanese wine and Chinese wine respectively. The mouse that drank American wine walked 3 steps down; the mouse that drank Japanese wine walked 2 steps down; and the mouse that drank Chinese Erguotou The mouse, holding a kitchen knife, shouted: "TMD cat?"
39. When eating in a restaurant, a customer waited for a long time, stopped the waiter and asked: "Why do I return the braised fish I ordered?" Okay? Please wait a little longer, sir." What? Wait a little longer? "The customer said angrily: "Are you going to catch fish now? "
40. Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang.
He is dead.
The day of the funeral.
His family cried and said: '
Shuangyi.... Double one.
Passers-by were puzzled. Question: "You are so cool. What is so cool?
The family members cried bitterly: 'It's so cool... it's so cool!!!'
41. A man wanted to jump off a building. , my wife, who had just rushed back and was wearing Taobao Hot Mom, shouted: "Husband, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" "When the man heard this, he jumped down without hesitation. The person standing nearby and discussing said: Director and section chief ****. When they were in the elevator, the director farted and said to the section chief: "The section chief said: " "You farted": "I didn't." Soon after, the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting, "You can't even fart, so what else do you want?" "
43. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat took all kinds of harsh care of the mouse. The mouse quickly became fat. The mouse was very moved: "Why? I am so dear! "The cat chuckled: "You'll know when you get a little fatter.
44. Whenever I look in the mirror, I feel ugly in the mirror. Every time I look in the mirror, I always encourage myself by saying to myself: "I am very creative. Being ugly is not my intention. God will not lose his temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creations." I want to live bravely and use my endless creativity to bring out the beauty of this world. In fact, I am really creative...
45. Let’s go together, friends! When climbing a mountain, a girl shouted loudly in front of the beautiful mountains and rivers: Motherland! A boy who had a crush on her quickly followed up and shouted: Motherland! My mother, my mother-in-law
46. In the past, I bought I got two puppies, and I called you "Facial" and I called myself "Butt"! But after "Facial" unfortunately died in a car accident two days ago, I think of your "Cheek" every time I see "Butt". "! If your "face" was still there, it would be as big as your "butt" now!
47. After Tang Monk drove away Wukong, he encountered a monster again, and he had to recite a tight spell to kill Wukong He was called back to save his life. After a while, a voice came from the air: "I'm sorry." The user you called is not in the service area. Please try again later.
48. The mouse was in a hurry. When he saw the bear, he was so frightened that he squeaked. The bear looked at the mouse and said, "Aren't you shedding your hair?" The mouse shivered and stopped talking. The bear asked again: "My hair won't fall off, how about you?" The mouse trembled and said, "It won't fall off..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped his butt! [Mouse used as toilet paper...
49. I was chatting with my friends just now, and one of them mentioned you, do you know? I argued with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like a gorilla. That was too much! I don’t treat you as a pig at all!
50. Panda celebrated his birthday and told everyone: I made two wishes, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a colorful photo
51. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail. Butterflies are not as good as snails. Butterflies are not as good as snails. Butterflies are not as good as snails. Butterflies are not as good as snails. Butterflies are not as good as snails. Suddenly, an ant walked up to the elephant and said, "You stand up. You stand up." If the bell rings, I will stand up. Ant, sit down. The elephant asked puzzledly what the ant wanted to do? what you up to? You stand up, then sit down. The ant replied that I lost my underwear, let me see if you stole it.
53. The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey is in heat. An employee of the production team called the captain of the production team who was on a business trip out of town. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat, but the male donkey is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first, or wait for you to come back?"
54. Little dung beetle: Mom, why do we eat dung? Mother Dung Beetle: How could this child say such disgusting things while eating?
55. Shooting stars in the night sky, I quickly make a wish, hoping that you will become more beautiful.
Unexpectedly, just after making the wish, the shooting star turned around with a "swish" and said to me, "Brother, do you want to make things difficult for me?" As soon as I heard this, it flew away with a "swish".
56. Give me a canteen steamed bun as a fulcrum, and I can tilt the earth! lt; I understand, the steamed buns in this cafeteria are too hard... gt;
57. When I saw "The food in the cafeteria can only be fed to pigs, but it is given to us?" I thought said a word. A classmate went to the canteen to get food. When the meal was served, he asked the cook: "Master, how come there is rice in the sand!!!!"
58. A must-read story for girls: The bat was reincarnated in God. . God said he could promise you three conditions. The bat said, "I was black in my last life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body with wings. I'm used to sucking blood. I'm used to sucking blood." God said, "Okay." Well, I promise you, "Do you know what he will become in his next life?" Tampon I don't know what he will become in his next life.
59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase fish all day long, and I eat and drink all day long. Come here! Toilet fly: If you don't agree with others, what's the use of eating well? How many bare-butt beauties have you seen?
60. When I was a sophomore, all the girls in the dormitory liked Zhou Huajian’s songs, and everyone borrowed a tape to listen to. One day, the girl on the upper bunk wearing a hot-selling women's clothing on Taobao asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: On my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then they all rolled onto the bed.
61. A boy nicknamed a friend of his classmate, Fat Pig. The girl came to the teacher crying, and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The next day, the teacher told the whole class: "A boy It's so rude. You can't just call others whatever they like, right? "
62. A police dog saw an ordinary dog ??coming on the road and ran away fiercely. Question it: I am a police dog, what are you? Ordinary dogs looked at it with disdain and said: Idiot, see clearly, I am in plain clothes!
The seven fairies were bathing in the lake, and Bajie could not see them.
Tang Monk shouted seriously towards the lake: Master, be careful of the crocodile!
Seven fairies washed ashore naked.
Bajie sighed: The leader’s IQ cannot be surpassed!
Tang Monk and four others were traveling by plane. The plane crashed during the trip and there were only three parachutes.
So Tang Seng said, everyone should answer the questions, and those who couldn’t answer would jump down.
Tang Monk: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?
Wukong: One.
Tang Seng: Give you a hand.
Tang Monk: Wukong, how many moons are there in the sky?
Tang Monk: One.
Tang Seng: I’ll give you a hand too.
Bajie was happy on the sidelines, such a simple question.
Tang Seng: How many stars are there in the sky?
． ． ． ．
Bajie jumped down.
Not long after, the four of them took a plane to travel again. The plane crashed again, and there were still only three parachutes.
They continued to answer questions.
Tang Monk: Wukong, when was the People's Republic of China established?
Wukong: 1949.
Tang Seng: Give you a hand.
Tang Seng: Sha Seng, how many people died in the Liberation War?
Sha Seng: 2.5 million people.
Tang Seng: I’ll give you one too.
Tang Seng: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people?
...... Bajie had no choice but to jump down by himself.
The third time, the four of them took a plane and had a car accident on the way.
This time, Bajie said: Master, you don’t need to ask, I will jump.
Then he jumped.
Tang Monk retracted his hand: Amitabha, this time there are four parachutes
1. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver glared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also angry: Let me see where your fucking money comes from!
2. A boy and a girl sleep in the same room, and the girl draws a line: if she crosses the line, she becomes a beast. When she woke up, she found that the man had really failed to cross the line. The woman slapped the man hard: You are worse than a beast!
3. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest and came forward and said: "I am Liu Hongtao: I am Liu Hongtao: Damn it, it is still the seven of diamonds!"
4. Chai Chai was repaired by his father. He ran to complain to his mother: "Mom, what should you do if someone beats your son?" Mom: "I will beat his son to take revenge!" Zai Zai: "..."
5. An old lady is illiterate, but she likes to listen to the radio and must listen to the weather forecast every day. One day at dinner, she asked her family: "I have a question. Do you know where the local area is? It rains almost every day."
6. On the cliff, a little mouse waved The short front paws jumped again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her watched it stumble and said worriedly: Its father, it’s better not to tell it, it is not our biological child!
7. I went to Mount Taishan with my friends to watch the sunrise. My friend pointed at the sky and said, "I saw it!" "I saw it too!" At this time, someone in the distance picked up his pants and cursed: "You see it when you see it! What are you yelling about?"
1. Ghost: God, I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings when I am reincarnated next time, but I still want to suck blood.
God: Then reincarnate yourself as a wet nurse.
2. My friend was selling popsicles in the park for the first time during his work-study program, and he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted: "Selling popsicles~~~~ Selling popsicles~~". When the friend heard this, he felt happy and shouted: "Me too~~~~ Me too~~~~".
3. Not long after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. While burying the elephant, the ant cried bitterly: "My dear, why did you leave so early? I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life!"
4. A girl who has a crush on a girl The boy plucked up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she likes
"A boy who loves each other." The girl replied and asked the same answer several times
The boy said with a flat mouth: "Heads "It's flat."
The boy was discouraged and said: "A flat head is fine too." 5. One day, I was out of breath and couldn't catch the last train, so I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~
A passenger suddenly poked his head out of the car window and said to me slowly: Wukong, don’t chase me!
6. One day I took a biology test. One question was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. One student really didn’t understand and was so angry that he tore up his paper and was about to leave the examination room. The invigilator asked him very angrily: "What class are you in and what is your name?" "A classmate raised his trouser leg and said, "Guess, guess."
7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came to the stage to receive her. He held her hand and asked her whether she was warm or cold, and did not wait for a long time. Ken let go and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly: "Mallegbi." "Song Shou"
8. One person bought a parrot that could only speak two words. Who was it? One day the owner was not at home and there was gas and he knocked on the door.
The parrot said : "Who?
Answer: Gasman
Parrot: Who is it?
Answer: The gas changer
......
After the owner returned home, he lay in front of the door. The owner was puzzled, who was this
Door: gas changer
9. A man saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched it with his hand, put it in his mouth and licked a little, and said, it was really poop! He licked some more with his mouth and said, "It's really poop, but luckily I didn't step on it!"