During the ten years from high school to work, the state of depression changed from occasional to frequent, from self-harm to decision to fight against oneself, and then from self-righteous recovery to intermittent emotional outbursts and self-destructive impulses.
Whether overcoming depression, facing an unchangeable family, or being a mother, I hope my child can have a wonderful childhood and give her a family as much as possible; This process requires hard work and careful consideration. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that only by breaking the psychological balance can we make profound changes.
Mr Toad See a Psychologist is a self-help book according to the official label of psychological self-help. This kind of reading and understanding really helps me to some extent:
1, my childhood, the reasons behind my parents' behavior towards me.
2. The reasons behind my behavior (inferiority, depression, fear).
3. Enter the "adult self-state" and look at the importance and growth of things rationally.
The logic of the whole paper starts with a person who is not so good as me. This man is toad, and there is a strict and critical father in his circle. There is a submissive and timid mother; A wise, dignified badger who is always in the state of his parents' self; Some rats care about their friends, but love others; There are also moles that are considerate and kind, but introverted and do not understand expression; And Heron, an important protagonist's psychological counselor.
After ten times of consultation and communication, toad's state and heart have undergone earth-shaking changes, which is transformation.
First consultation: go to see the consultant first.
Toad came to psychological counseling in order not to worry his friends, thinking that the teachers of psychological counseling are just trying to make money (well, I'm sorry, this is like my misunderstanding of psychological counselors, after all, their hourly salary is very high). Heron said that there is no charge this time, and psychological counseling needs spontaneous cooperation. This is a cooperative process. After toad wanted to understand, he decided to cooperate and have psychological counseling at a fixed time every week.
The second consultation: the causes of depression
When they met for the second time, toad was no less anxious than the first time. On the emotional thermometer of 0- 10, toad scored only 1-2. On the topic of suicide, toad was caught off guard and talked with Kan Kan. I feel worthless and make a mess of my life. Everyone is very unfriendly to me, but it's not my fault. I felt at that time, just like my father scolded me severely when I was a child.
In that long list of toad expressions, I unfortunately had 80% feelings, which others may not understand, but I really had a hard time at that time, but fortunately, it is rare now.
The heron leads to the first state of self-state: the child's self-state, which means that he behaves and feels like a child, which is different from "naivety" but "like a child". There is no distinction between good and bad, but it is used to describe a person's actual state.
The third consultation: the fable of growth
In the process of consultation, Heron was absorbed in asking questions to let Toad express his thoughts and opinions, and let Toad explore and examine himself in many ways (I think this is the establishment of self-insight).
Because of the need to explain children's self-state, Heron changed from the original listener role to the teacher role. Children's self-state is divided into the following two parts:
Natural children: joy and affection, anger, sadness and fear (the basic emotions of children);
Adaptive child: I am where I am, and I rely on myself.
The fourth consultation: exploring childhood
The homework left by the previous consultation made toad feel more complicated than ever, because he remembered his lonely childhood, in which there were not many love or happy memories.
Accepting emotions seems to be an essential step in every self-adjustment.
In the battle of growing up, in the face of unavoidable bullying and injury, obedient behavior (dependence, apology, consent, please) is the theme of this time.
Obedience may make some people learn to regard dependence as a way of life. The essence of growth is to reduce and eventually break such dependence and become an independent person.
Fifth Consultation: Expression of Anger
In this consultation, toad also scored his emotions, and the score has reached 5-6. It seems that this battle of self has achieved initial results.
After recalling and thinking about his past, toad found that he would not be angry, but others were always angry. The answer given by the heron is not that it won't get angry, but that it will get angry without aggression. What is that?
Do you remember playing with your temper? This is a typical example. Other people's children rolling on the supermarket floor are actually angry, but there is no way to express them directly, because they are facing their closest and most dependent parents.
The sixth consultation: secret agreement
Before the sixth consultation, the powerful badger and toad had some unpleasant stories, so that toad was about to explode. Unlike the previous obedience to badger, Toad dared to whisper that it needed to be considered.
Look, toads are different. Cheers are given here. I think this is a milestone on toad's road to saving himself.
Even so, in the sixth consultation, toad seems to be going to compromise and reach my useless knowledge with badger. In Heron's eyes, toad is playing a game called PLOM. Poor little old me, translated as poor and weak, I unconsciously cooperate with each other to create unhappiness for myself, and the loser in the game is the winner.
From personal experience, this is a common state in the process of depression.
This consultation was on the verge of breaking the psychological balance, which also triggered a strong ideological impact on toad himself and his heart.
The strong badger is in the state of parents' ego and picky parents, while the toad's parents are extremely strong. Although he never criticizes others, he always judges and punishes himself.
So, while reading, I also asked myself, can you stop self-criticism? Can you be nice to yourself? Can you start loving yourself?
The Seventh Consultation: Mr. Toad's Choice
Mr. Toad looks much better and becomes interested in the things and people around him. Boating, having dinner, and friends also showed his changes. What's more surprising is that he really stood up to the badger and said what he really thought.
Although sometimes the sad mood will still come, it will not be led by the nose again. This should be the most wonderful state-the self-state of adults. In this state, we can plan, consider, decide and act, we can act rationally and reasonably, all our knowledge and skills are used by ourselves, and we are no longer driven by our parents' voices in our minds in the past, nor are we trapped by childhood emotions.
However, in a successful life, parents, adults and children are all necessary and valuable for survival, but only in an adult state can we learn new knowledge about ourselves. Parents or children know what to do almost without thinking. Just like acting, we need to make our own decisions when we enter adulthood.
No one can make us feel anything. In the final analysis, we "choose" our feelings, we "choose" anger, and we "choose" sadness.
Past experience tells us that in similar situations, we can react automatically without thinking.
This chapter is my favorite chapter. Helped me answer the emotional problems of many people in my life, such as women who feel sorry for themselves.
The eighth consultation: telling the story of life
This consultation story is very long. This is the story of toad's life. He likes to see her listen to him wholeheartedly. How important it is to have such a good listener.
All life experiences have created the present toad. Just like each of us, our differences are pieced together by these different experiences.
The Ninth Consultation: Life Coordinates and Psychological Games
This consultation should start from childhood.
Childhood experience is so powerful and vivid that it shapes every child's unique view of the world, and it will be like this for the rest of his life unless you make up your mind to change it. Isn't that what I want to do? )
Life Coordinates: Once we decide which attitude and viewpoint to use in childhood, we will stick to our choice all the time in the following life. These attitudes and viewpoints become the basic structure of our existence. Since then, we have built a world, constantly confirming and supporting these beliefs and expectations. This makes life a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The tenth consultation: winning the game and losing yourself.
In the last consultation, the heron talked about a book, The Game of Man (which has been included in the book list), which described 100 kinds of psychological games. Such as drinking, I'm really unlucky, PLOM and so on.
I'm really unlucky-people with low self-esteem usually think that life is not good for them, but it is better for others. They think that they are victims of life and will report a long list of unfortunate events to you at any time. More seriously, they will try to remember those sad and unhappy things, but forget or ignore the good times, thinking that their lives are not good and they can't control their lives, which makes them anxious and feel that they are not good enough.
Such people can easily become depressed patients. However, there are many examples in my mind, and the number of patients with depression is huge.
Love me no matter what I do-I told you you would do this to me, which proves that I am really bad and stupid.
NIGYYSOB (I got you, you bad guy)-This game is becoming more and more common, especially in organizations. It is easy for the authorities to punish employees as stubborn children (personally, this is very similar to PUA).
At the end of this consultation, Toad and Heron quarreled because he always asked questions.
The 11th Dialogue: The Last Interview
Although Toad thinks that ten consultations start from the second time, I prefer to treat the last time as a conversation in front of adults rather than a consultation.
After ten consultations, toad changed from dependence to confrontational dependence, and finally entered an independent state.
This time, it's about emotional intelligence:
People with high EQ have strong self-awareness and understand their emotions. They can manage their emotions and recover from sadness and misfortune. But perhaps the most important thing is that they can control their impulses and know how to delay their satisfaction, so as to avoid rash decisions and inappropriate behaviors.
People with high EQ can identify with others' feelings and establish good relations with others by understanding and responding to others' feelings.
Emotional intelligence will take you from an independent individual to a * * * relationship, but * * * reflects maturity and self-acceptance, including seeking common ground while reserving differences and accepting others.
At this point, Mr. toad has recovered. In this self-battle, he won the victory and started a new life and career. His mind seems to be reborn.
Getting out of depression is a difficult and long process, and it is a constant collision between yourself and your heart. Of course, in serious cases, I need drug-assisted treatment. I hope my sharing can bring you inspiration and strength, and I hope you can see the beauty and hope I see.
? Note: This article is mostly excerpts for reference only.