But aside from these physiological needs or life needs, what has supported two people to be together for decades in this society? Love? Trust? Recognition? Support ... in other words, if I can't get these from you, does that mean I don't need you?
At the end of August, the summer heat gradually disappeared, and under the influence of the typhoon, a large number of dark clouds climbed the horizon of the town. Although it is still morning, it is already dark and gloomy.
As soon as I entered the office, I saw Mr. Chen slouching on the table without saying a word, and several other colleagues kept a rare silence in their own way. Our office is full of young people, and everyone is noisy on weekdays. It is obviously not normal to be like today. Afraid of saying something I shouldn't say, I didn't dare to ask more, just sat down and did my own thing.
After about half an hour, Mr. Chen's voice faintly came from behind me, with an indescribable fatigue: "Masako, I broke up with Xu Weiming." The tone is one of the few firmness after making up your mind.
I turned around and looked at her in surprise through the glass partition. Her eyes are red and swollen, her eyebrows are slightly wrinkled, and her face has wrinkles just printed there. The red and white ones look worse.
"What's the matter?"
"I feel ... boring." She looked at me with a forced smile, unconsciously holding the little monk ornaments on the table, paused for a while, and then lowered her head and said; "Son, you talked about, you should know. It's just ... I think I'm fine alone, as if I have him or not, and I feel quite far away. "
Quite far, not that Xu Weiming is far away, but that two people are actually far apart in space-long-distance love.
"Have you really decided?" I'm a little puzzled, because many girls say they broke up and nine times out of ten don't want to be separated.
"hmm." Hearing this, she nodded firmly.
"All right, two people across several cities, running around at both ends after three days, is neither realistic nor realistic. Divide it, don't think too much. " I don't have a better way to break up, I can only stay with her or go out for a walk and give it to time.
Lao Chen is 28 years old this year. Although we call her Lao Chen, she doesn't look old at all: her skin is fine and white, she is petite, with yellow natural curly hair and a pair of big glasses with black frames. She is like a little Teddy, living a good life and being innocent. Her full name is Yang Chen, after her parents' surnames. Xu Weiming is very similar to her, but her parents' surnames are all added with one word. They met when they came to the company for an interview last year. Because of the name, they also hit it off. During the interview, the two took care of each other and added WeChat to each other before leaving. Teacher Chen said before that she didn't really feel anything at that time, just thought that this young man was very capable and nice. Of course, more people think that they only have this side, and after the interview, they will travel all over the country, and there will be no contact, let alone satisfaction.
At the end of the year, Mr. Chen received the employment notice from the company and was hired by a good company in the neighboring province. During the Chinese New Year, they just sent a WeChat to be polite. On Valentine's Day evening in February 14 of the following year, Mr. Chen was already lying in bed playing with his mobile phone, but Xu Weiming suddenly called to express his confession. Although Mr. Chen is single and has many suitors around him, to her regret, several boys called her to express their love. So when Mr. Chen received this call, he was surprised, but there was also a trace of dissatisfaction and loss, and there were some contradictions in his heart. She turned down Xu Weiming, saying that she could start with friends. Xu Weiming also said that he was in a hurry, so he could take his time. After more than half a year of phone calls and WeChat "harassment", in early September, Lao Chen agreed to contact the two.
Love is completely different from previous love. After agreeing to be Xu Weiming's girlfriend, Mr. Chen bought more clothes, went to the gym, ate fewer snacks and desserts, and paid attention to the change of male style. Even the wallpaper of mobile phones and computers is pink, blue and green in love. Although Xu Weiming is not with Mr. Chen, he sends some gifts from time to time: necklaces, chocolates, books, special snacks and even skirts and shoes. Although Mr. Chen always complains that Xu Weiming is too straight and loves to spend money, he is really happy and can't wait to show it to us when he receives the gift.
But after all, they are far apart, and both of them have just joined the work, and sometimes they don't see each other once every ten days and a half. Mr. Chen slowly began to complain that when Xu Weiming was on a business trip, there was not even a phone call for several days. Later, whenever Xu Weiming was on a business trip, there was no news for several days. At first, Mr. Chen will be very anxious, especially worried, always chanting that he doesn't know where he disappeared and whether he likes someone else. After work, Mr. Chen's phone messages were bombarded, and sometimes 1 1 got a simple reply, and sometimes it sank into the sea. When Xu Weiming is not busy, he calls Mr. Chen almost at any time during the day and night. Mr. Chen goes back to WeChat during the day and stays with him for three or four hours at night. Gradually, old Kerwin Chen got used to this drastic change in Xu Weiming. She always said that her love developed according to Xu Weiming's schedule. Xu Weiming is single when he is busy, madly in love when he is not busy, scary for a while and scary for a while. For office weekend invitations, Kerwin Chen Sr always asks Xu Weiming if he has time. Only when Xu Weiming is busy will she go out with us.
I have never been very optimistic about this relationship. After all, two people are separated by several cities, so it is not easy to meet. Many emotional phone wechat can't be detected, and many things that can be solved by hugs can't be started. Although Xu Weiming's hot and cold attitude is caused by objective factors, girls are more likely to feel insecure, which makes people feel contradictory, bored and powerless.
Mr. Chen's state is even more terrible. Xu Weiming chats with Xu Weiming when he is not busy, and Xu Weiming chats with him when he is busy. When he first came to work, Lao Chen Yizhi continued the habit of reading a book every week at school, sorted it out on weekends and shared it with book lovers; What do you want to eat? Go to most cities to buy it at night. I wanted to go out for a walk, so I left on holiday. Now she seems to be imprisoned, and she doesn't know it. She always felt that Xu Weiming still had a little time, so she couldn't delay it because of her own trifles.
I don't know if she is happy or not, but this matter is just dragging on.
The change happened last month.
In the middle of last month, Mr. Chen's grandfather was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and the elders at home kept her in the dark in order to let her work with peace of mind. It was not until grandpa entered the operating room in the afternoon that she accidentally called home and said that she wanted to say a few words with grandpa. The mother on the other end of the phone sobbed quietly, and she knew that grandpa was ill. The next day is Friday. As soon as she got off work in the afternoon, she rushed to the railway station and set foot on her way home. When she arrived at the hospital on Saturday, grandpa was awake and could say a few words simply. Mr. Chen said that Grandpa was most worried about her. He thought she was in her mid-twenties and had no boyfriend. It will be harder to find her when she grows up. She didn't dare to tell grandpa that she had talked to Xu Weiming, perhaps subconsciously feeling very insecure. That night, when she got home, she received a phone call from Xu Weiming. On hearing Xu Weiming's voice, she cried. She told me that she was actually scared. After all, her grandfather was old and had such a big operation. But in front of Xu Weiming, she didn't dare to say that grandpa was ill, for fear of giving him trouble, and she knew it was useless to tell him, which might make him worry. After Xu Weiming comforted her a few words, both of them were silent. After a while, Xu Weiming said that she was in a bad mood, told her to stop thinking, have a good rest and hung up the phone.
"It was the shortest conversation between us and the one I wanted to talk about most." Lao Chen later told me, "I wanted to invite him over several times at that time, and then I thought about it, fearing that he would not come."
On Tuesday afternoon, when Mr. Chen was at work, he received a phone call from home, saying that grandpa was in poor health and had better go back quickly. She said that on her way back, she called Xu Weiming first, but no one answered. Later, she sent WeChat and SMS, saying that grandpa was ill, and now the situation is very bad, and asked him if he could come over. But the news went out, like a stone sinking into the sea, and there was no reply. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, she didn't receive a word from Xu Weiming. Until Friday night 10, Xu Weiming sent a message saying that he was busy with a project recently, and the boss was staring at it and didn't pay attention to his mobile phone.
Fortunately, Grandpa had a narrow squeak just now, but when she saw Xu Weiming say this, she suddenly got bored. She said that on Tuesday night, she cried all the way back to the hospital and ran up and down in fear for three days.
"When the tight strings in my mind are loose, the whole person is relaxed. When I see his news again, I suddenly feel bored, as if everything about this person is not important to you."
A few days after coming back from the hospital, Xu Weiming contacted Mr. Chen intermittently. Chen Ye said that she understood Xu Weiming's difficulties. He didn't go to work long, and it's normal for him to be busy with the projects that his boss attaches importance to, so he can understand.
"But there are some things, that is ... I won't tell him again, because it's useless and unnecessary. I found that if something really goes wrong, I want to do what I want to do alone, and when I can do it well alone, I feel that I don't need him. "
After experiencing life and death and high mental tension, a person can always think of unexpected things when he relaxes. This can be called an epiphany. When nothing happens and everyone is fine, the surface of harmony can always be hidden. Only in all kinds of contradictions and problems can we see a person's sincerity in good and evil.
I understand what teacher Chen said: when you can live a good life alone, you should be worried and afraid of you; I can't be better with you. I don't need you anymore. Have two people lost the foundation of being together? Sweet words and gifts are one of the expressions of love, but they are not equal to love, let alone two people can be together after doing these things. If we regard life as a game, perhaps the greatest significance of two people together is to make each other better. The problem between Mr. Chen and Mr. Chen is not who is the bad guy and who should bear the responsibility of breaking up, because each has his own life and some helpless reasons, which are understandable. I think their problem is that they don't love each other so deeply. From the beginning, their long-distance feelings were too thin and malnourished, and they couldn't help it. Mr. Chen's dependence on Xu Weiming may be more just chatting, while Xu Weiming's dependence on Mr. Chen may be just the heartache when he first met and interviewed.