Five-year-old Tong Tong was brought up by her grandmother, so she has deep feelings for her grandmother. This time her grandmother was ill in hospital. Tong Tong is always depressed. See grandma can't talk, can't eat by herself, just keep losing fluids. Tong Tong was very scared and asked her mother, "Will grandma die?" Mother told him that the doctor and aunt would try to cure grandma, and grandma would recover slowly.
Once in kindergarten, the children played games under the guidance of the teacher, who told them that "the earth goes around the sun and everyone will grow up by one year". But Tong Tong hid in the corner and cried. The teacher asked him why. He said, "I don't want to grow up. Grandma will die when she grows up and I will die when I grow up. " The teacher told him: "People will not die so easily when they grow up. You see, small animals will grow up, small saplings will grow into trees, and children will always grow into adults. " But birth, old age, illness and death are normal phenomena. Grass will die in winter; The leaves on the trees will fall out in winter. "Tong Tong or nodded.
After three weeks, Tong Tong paid little attention to her grandmother's illness and stopped asking about her death. Later, my grandmother really died and my mother was very sad. Tong Tong comforted her mother: "Mom, don't cry, don't be afraid. It is normal for people to die. "
This is an experience of Sun Yuanyuan, a teacher of Golden Thumb Kindergarten. Later, Tong Tong's mother told Yuanyuan that she now treats her children as adults because some things can't be hidden from them.
Teacher Yuan Yuan said that if a child has experienced the death of a loved one, as a parent, he may deliberately avoid or beautify the incident for fear that the child can't bear it psychologically, but he should abide by one principle: don't be divorced from the facts, otherwise it will be difficult for the child to believe you, and it will be difficult for you to solve the doubts in the child's heart, which will easily make the child have more other ideas. It is better to face up to reality and give children a scientific and reasonable explanation.
Honesty is the best way to explain death to children.
In the face of death, many parents like to cover up the facts with fairy tales, such as "I went far away" or "I went to heaven" instead of death. Parents think that this coping style can protect their children in a painless world, but Xu Hui, an associate professor in the Department of Psychology, School of Education, Zhengzhou University, thinks that this is not an appropriate way, because it is likely that children will find it more difficult to face the real side of life in the future. Moreover, after a long time, children will complain to the deceased: What took you so long? Of course, death can't be compared with "sleeping", "sleeping quietly, sleeping for a long time and never getting up again". Such a description can easily confuse death and sleep, which may make children afraid of sleeping, and even fear that once they fall asleep, they can't get up.
Xu Hui believes that it is more appropriate to tell children the truth naturally and kindly, answer their questions honestly, express your feelings, encourage children to vent their emotions in the right direction, and keep memories and souvenirs of their loved ones.
Different age groups adopt different explanations.
Of course, explaining death to children and soothing grief cannot be done in an adult way. The cognitive level of children of different ages varies greatly. When using the concept of death and grief soothing skills, it should be adjusted according to children's cognitive, personality and emotional development. Xu Huijian suggested:
(2) Children aged 3-6 are generally aware of the consequences of death. Parents can use plants as a metaphor. Flowers and plants generally grow in spring and summer and wither in autumn and winter. All life is the same, and there will be growth period, prosperity period and death period. We should try our best to avoid using horrible sentences and expressions, and it is best to subtly guide children to form a rational and peaceful attitude towards "death" with gentle tone and simple words. Because sometimes children are not scared by "death", but by adults' reaction to "death". Adults should properly handle their emotions, behave calmly and naturally, and must not be heartbroken or even hysterical, so as not to make children feel that death is terrible.
In addition, it should be noted that the focus of discussion should also be on the beautiful side of life, rather than death and disease. In this way, children will gradually understand the meaning of death, which can reduce the occurrence of fear.
(3) For primary school students, you can talk about some specific concepts of death. Parents can tell them, "This man is dead, his life is gone, his heart has stopped beating, and he has stopped breathing." Encourage children to describe their feelings, anxieties and problems. Children will describe their emotional reactions in simple words, such as sadness and fear. Parents should not use the extreme words of "panic", which may increase their children's grief. In order to ensure that you can understand your children, you need to listen carefully and establish friendship with your children.
If the child has an adverse reaction, accept him and explain the facts.
If children have some psychological or physical adverse reactions after the death of their loved ones, parents should properly handle them. Yue, director of Zhengzhou Association of Psychological Counselors and a second-level psychological counselor, suggested:
2。 Some children tend to blame themselves, especially those who are often criticized and accused. They will think that their relatives left him because they were naughty or did something wrong. At this time, they must clarify and explain to their children.
3。 Don't let children always be exposed to information about disasters and injuries. At home, parents had better let their children have their own lives. If a family is in the extreme sadness of disaster and death all day, it will inevitably have an impact on the children, especially making them feel insecure. The loss of security has a greater impact on children.
4。 Some concrete actions can be taken to relieve children's inner pain, for example, planting a tree with children to express their nostalgia, or asking children to draw a picture or write a letter to express their love and sadness for relatives or small animals. In addition, we should also pay attention to the behaviors and language that children may have when they are young, such as sucking their thumbs, making a mountain out of a molehill, hugging adults and so on. Give your child more love, make up for what he has lost in his heart with love, and eliminate what he fears with love. For older children, we can adopt the way of "group decompression", that is, let children participate in group activities more, and it is best to discuss what happened with others who have had the same experience, and adjust their thoughts and emotions by listening to each other's experiences.