I have no choice but to be a monkey's chicken
When I entered the first year of high school, I have been thinking about a problem. If I meet Zhang Lishan, a psychology teacher on campus, should I call her teacher or mother?
I once talked with my college classmates about my impression of the teacher's children. They said that the teacher's children gave the students the impression that they were privileged and domineering ... but why did I "behave with my tail between my legs" at that time, afraid of being discovered? Like all gossip, it spreads very fast among people. In the face of high school students' doubts, I either dodge or acquiesce, and I have never been cocky.
I remember it was the first class on Monday morning. It's wet and cold in late spring and early summer. The teacher has a good relationship with my mother and is also an aunt of mine. Last Thursday, she asked everyone to bring another textbook because she had to prepare for the exam. Perhaps the interval was too long, and many students forgot to bring them, and I was one of them.
I don't know whether the weather is depressing or the teacher is too disappointed in us. She broke out without warning. The object of her outburst is neither the whole class nor people without books, but me. "Kenvi Guo! Why don't you take it? How many times have I stressed, why not take learning seriously? " The dark clouds outside the window seem to float over my head and into my heart. Surprise is followed by grievances, grievances are followed by doubts, and doubts are followed by outbreaks. "Get out!" I slammed the door and left without any excuses or questions.
Later, my aunt came to me privately and said, "Jessica Hester Hsuan, we are one of our own. You have to support me, support me. I have to watch you for your mother's sake. When I make mistakes, I must be more severe. Do you understand my pains? " Listening to my mother talk about interpersonal relationships since childhood, I know in my heart that teachers have "many benefits" in doing so: first, children and classmates make mistakes together, showing a sense of justice of "putting righteousness above family"; Second, you can show my mother that I care more about your children; Third, children often don't "rebel" with teachers, which leads to teachers' humiliation. I naturally became the monkey's chicken. I didn't even mention it to my mother so as not to be caught in the middle.
Hua Yao is one of the best high schools in Tianjin. I was very scared when I first entered senior one, mainly because my grades were not outstanding. At the beginning of school, I tried to keep the same ordinary identity as my classmates, but I didn't want to be found by the teacher in class. That day, he talked about his career and the treatment of school teachers, and added, "If you don't believe what I said, you can ask Kenvi Guo, whose mother is also a teacher in our school."
In the exclamation of the whole class, I went bankrupt after a long period of painstaking efforts. Since then, I feel that everyone's eyes on me have changed and the pressure on my grades has increased. Fortunately, my mother has never given me any pressure in this respect. Even if my grades are not satisfactory, even if I fail in the exam, the scene of the storm has never been staged in my home. I believe I helped myself to bear more by increasing my pressure. I really should thank my mother here.
As a teacher's child, my biggest embarrassment still appears in club activities. My mother set up a mental health organization when I was two years old. My brothers and sisters in the community once sent me to kindergarten and preschool occasionally. I also went to the Youth Palace to do public welfare activities with them. When I was a teenager, becoming a community leader was my biggest dream.
When I was a freshman, I joined as I wished. My mother told me clearly that I can't be a leader, no matter what my ability is, otherwise I will lose the fairness of the club. I wasn't convinced that I couldn't be the head of the team, but the seniors who graduated enlightened me whether I could grow up in the club, which was related to my professionalism and had nothing to do with my position. My mother requires every department of the club to have its own products. As the director of the Secretariat, I founded Footprint magazine to communicate with the seniors who have graduated.
According to the order, we are the third magazine to be published and printed, and there are two magazines from other departments ahead. However, because their editor-in-chief was busy with exams abroad and didn't come to school, the deadline was delayed, and the sponsors were a little anxious. So the head of the delegation discussed with me, the footprint was published first, and everyone in our department began to work overtime. But at the same time, the students of those two magazines complained that I was the teacher's child, which took up their publishing time and funds. ...
I feel very wronged. While continuing to encourage the staff to continue to work overtime, I complained to my mother, but she asked me to find a solution myself. I asked the students who contacted the sponsors to stand up and explain the situation, which clarified the misunderstanding. This is my most embarrassing impression of identity. At the same time, I also understand that for my mother, if this matter is not handled well, the credibility as a teacher will be greatly reduced.
In fact, not all teachers' children are like me. My situation, personality and mother's education determine the way I deal with problems. Although I am "timid", there is no storm, and my relationship with my classmates has always been very friendly.
I am not so lucky to have a younger student. His father is also a school teacher. During a lunch break, in order to compete for the basketball court, he shouted to the seniors: "There are people in my school, come and try me." As a result, he was beaten by senior students, and he and his father were instantly pushed to the forefront of school public opinion ... This child not only deceived his father, but also deceived himself, and has always been the laughing stock of the students.
Of course, there is someone with a lower profile, a classmate in my class. I didn't know his mother was teaching at school until I was a sophomore. However, he is modest, has excellent grades and a wide range of hobbies, and has a good reputation among his classmates. Even if there is any mistake, people will not talk too much about him. I think this is a high-level realm.
Come back to me, the day the college entrance examination ended, I felt extremely relaxed, not only because of the end of the college entrance examination, but also because I can finally live for myself and no longer be concerned. I'm sure mom is relieved, too Despite all kinds of pressures, on the whole, being a teacher's child has advantages and disadvantages. Reduce some unnecessary troubles in school life, and teachers will take pains to urge learning. The most important thing is to adjust your mentality.
Now my mother and I occasionally think of what happened at that time and make fun of each other. Even now, I haven't decided whether to call her teacher or mother, because I don't seem to have seen her at all, so I bow my head and hide when I see her ... haha.
Completely separate the child's grades from his "ability". Parents and children are two independent individuals, and no one can represent anyone.
I won't "protect" you by weakening the consciousness of home.
As Kenvi Guo said, after the college entrance examination, we both breathed a sigh of relief. I especially thank Kenvi Guo for his low-key and forbearance. Anyway, being in the same school with my son is very stressful. First of all, my pressure comes from being an influential psychologist, inspiring too many students and having a halo of educating people. So is my son better than others in all aspects? Kenvi Guo's words and deeds seem to be closely related to my professional ability.
Secondly, I am easy-going at school, and many colleagues will take the initiative to help me "take care of the children": "Your mother is so excellent, you must give her a chance!" ! I put pressure on my children out of thin air, or provoked an adolescent boy. What can I do once my teacher and I stand on opposite sides?
In order to prevent my colleagues from making "unintentional mistakes", I took the opportunity of the plenary session to popularize mental health for teachers and convey my view on parents and children: children and parents are independent individuals, and everyone should take care of their own lives, and no one can represent anyone! I sincerely explain my views to all the teachers in Kenvi Guo. My concern for Kenvi Guo is not only limited to his academic performance, but also his personality shaping, personality cultivation and interpersonal harmony. ...
Although I have made a lot of preparations at the macro level, I am still cautious in the specific operation. First of all, when choosing a class teacher, in order to avoid the teacher's involvement, I chose an unfamiliar male teacher and didn't specifically ask others. Secondly, choose classes suitable for children's learning level. Most teachers especially want to arrange their children in key classes with strong teachers. However, if the child's grades are not top-notch, it will not only cause the child's inferiority, but also stimulate rebellion or inferiority.
After the general direction is clear, I will persevere in dealing with various problems. After the senior high school entrance examination in Kenvi Guo, I asked him to seriously consider whether to go to Hua Yao or other schools in high school. Write the pros and cons separately, and emphasize that if you choose Hua Yao, I will not "protect" you as long as he has conflicts with classmates or teachers. In order to avoid future conflicts and hurt the feelings of mother and child, we should learn to manage our emotions, learn to communicate with teachers and classmates with different personalities, and improve our interpersonal skills. I believe this in itself is an education for children.
At the same time, the psychological education institutions of mind analyze the occupations of parents of visiting students and find that "teachers" rank first. This data not only shows that teachers are more concerned about the harmonious development of children's body and mind, but also highly sensitive to their growth. Once problems are found, they will receive scientific psychological counseling in time. It also shows that teachers, as a high-pressure profession in society, will be biased in educating children. We analyze the psychological growth environment of teachers' children from macro and micro dimensions.
From a macro point of view, teachers are under great pressure, and the effect of their work is shown through the students' achievements. There are many factors that affect students' grades, such as learning motivation, learning methods, learning goals, emotional management, interpersonal relationships and so on, which undoubtedly increases teachers' work pressure and puts all their energy and patience on their work. Facing children at home is simple and rude, and it is difficult to accompany them with your heart.
Especially the social evaluation of teachers is biased. The most "tear-jerking" story of a national excellent class teacher in her lecture tour is that she tried her best to change "problem students" and neglected her own children, resulting in her own children suffering from severe depression and committing suicide. The teacher turned grief into strength and continued to devote himself to education and teaching ... but how can a teacher who doesn't know how to love his children have the strength to help other children? This kind of public opinion orientation seems to show that leading one's own children will not win honor, while leading others' children is a model of moral nobility.
In addition, teachers are also anxious about their children's growth. When teachers face their children's peers, it is inevitable that they will fall into all kinds of comparisons, and children are too far away from Excellence; Children are strikingly similar to problem students ... they magnify their problems, but they can't give practical guidance in time. Parents' inner anxiety is transformed into children's inner inferiority and anxiety, which strengthens children's rebellious psychology. So, what is the psychological difference between the children of teachers and other students in the school where their parents work?
Microscopically, the psychological environment of teachers' children is "different": First, children are too familiar with the campus itself, unable to tell the difference between parents and teachers, and lack a minimum sense of awe in the role of teachers.
The son of a high school teacher came to consult me and was euphemistically "suspended" by the class teacher. Boys grew up on campus, called teachers, uncles and aunts, and knew the inside story of school management too well. After entering high school, a strong sense of "home" made him put himself in the wrong position, drinking five times and six times in class, which was above the authority of the class teacher. Because the class teacher and his mother had been partners, they tolerated the boy's misconduct again and again, but the boy became more and more unwilling to admit defeat, and publicly called the class teacher "sinister" and "utilitarian" ... In the face of his rebellious son in adolescence, his mother could do nothing. The class teacher complained about her "inaction", and there were also bad feelings between them, and the mother could hardly argue. The performance of the son caused the mother's interpersonal crisis.
Secondly, parents create an "artificial model worker" environment for their children, create various opportunities for their children to get "honor", and form the deterioration of the relationship between children and classmates. In daily psychological counseling, primary school students are very sensitive to which classmate is the teacher's child. Students are all discerning people, but teachers and children still mistakenly think that they can hide the truth. Such children's values are seriously distorted. They don't believe that the world has achieved results by its own efforts. Once they enter an unprivileged environment, they will be seriously unsuitable and reject the Excellence of others.
Third, when the "phoenix tail" lasts for a long time, it may cause children's inferiority. A boy has never been to school since he was promoted to senior three. He entered his father's key high school with a score of 60 points below the admission line. In order to create a learning environment for his son, the father put his son in the "top class", and as a result, his son became the penultimate one far behind. Teachers in all subjects teach their children "seriously" almost every day: "Your father is the backbone of the business, and you must do what he asks other students to do first, otherwise your father will lose face ..." The young man always feels that there is a fire in his chest and wants to shout to the teachers and students of the whole school: "I am me, my father is my father ..." The young man doesn't talk to anyone at school, and his spirit has already appeared.
So, how can teachers avoid adding chaos to their children's growth because of "identity anxiety"?
If possible, try not to be in the same school. If you have no choice, you must not have an intersection with your child and give your child a relatively independent growth environment.
Don't ask the class teacher too much, avoid the over-familiar class teacher's "intervention" too high, and amplify the advantages or disadvantages of the child.
Completely separate the child's grades from the teacher's own "ability". Parents and children are two independent individuals, and no one can represent anyone. I am very grateful to Kenvi Guo for keeping a low profile as a teacher's child. He is a student with high emotional intelligence and strong interpersonal skills. His friends are all over the campus, but he never participates in the election of student cadres or in various awards.
He told me that studying in Hua Yao Middle School is enough, and we can't expect too much. As children, even the results obtained through their own efforts are often mistaken for "privilege" by some teachers and students, so it is right for teachers' children to be indifferent.