Four-year-old Youyou came to his house when she was menstruating. Less than a few minutes after he entered the door, the loudspeaker began to broadcast. Whether you want to hear it or not, there are many channels anyway. Menstruation knows almost everything between his father and his new girlfriend, such as how the quarrel broke out recently. What bad words did both of them say later? How did they finally get back together? Looking at the surprise of menstruation, he proudly added: "The night before the quarrel, everyone had a big meal together, and dad got stomach trouble after eating it." He can even tell menstruation that Aunt Zhang, Uncle Ji and Uncle Xiao have all been to his house recently, among which Aunt Zhang stayed for a long time.
What a good memory, isn't it? Yes! Know too much? Sure! Is this the normal performance of a 4-year-old child? Exactly!
When you are happy for his growth, there are more and more troubles. Unlike babies, such a big child already has certain communication skills and can describe what happens in life. Experts pointed out: "By the age of four or five, children can really talk to adults, which is certainly a gratifying leap. But, on the other hand, if you talk too much, it will be gone. He will reveal all your secrets indiscriminately. Children of this age don't know what to tell others and what not to say unless you tell him specifically. " Let's start now, try our parents' "five-step method" and press this "small horn" down.
Step 1: Explain clearly-explain in detail in a language that children can understand.
"Many parents just tell their children that these things are private," said Becky Brown Braun, a child development expert in California. In most cases, what is privacy? The child doesn't understand at all. "So, if you want to speak effectively, you should explain this concept in words that children can understand, and you should be specific and detailed when you speak. You can try to say to your child, "Privacy is something that only your own people know, and you shouldn't tell others. For example, don't tell others about the quarrel between mom and dad. "
Step 2: Learn to judge privacy by yourself-play a game of asking questions.
When the child has understood the meaning of privacy, then it can help him distinguish which things belong to privacy and which things can be told to others without scruple. Clark explained: "It is absolutely impossible for parents to tell their children whether everything can be told to outsiders. Therefore, the best way is to help children develop their own judgment. " .
She suggested an effective way: make up some "silly" plots and then discuss with the children whether they should tell others. For example, ask a child, "I told my father that we would build a house on the moon for the whole family to live in." Do you need to tell anyone? " Then, encourage him to ask you questions. For example, he would ask, "Mom, I can tell the teacher that you think her shoes are ugly. Will she stop wearing such shoes into the classroom? " You can answer him like this: "Teachers have their own preferences. I just expressed my opinion, which is not necessarily correct. Besides, if you tell the teacher this, it will definitely make the teacher feel embarrassed and embarrass her. Think about it. If someone says to you,' You are dressed too ugly', will you feel uncomfortable? It's better if you don't say this. "
Step 3: Learn to ask parents for advice-when children are not sure.
Even after countless role-playing games, children may still be uncertain about some things. So, tell him, "If you don't know whether you should tell anyone about this, you can ask me first." However, to your embarrassment, he may not whisper, but ask you like a loudspeaker broadcast: "Mom, can I tell Aunt Qi that the fluttering little brother has a strange head shape?" Regardless of the result, you should praise privately: "It is right for you to ask your mother if she can speak, instead of telling Aunt Qi directly. I want to praise you, but it's better to ask me in a low voice next time, lest my aunt know our little secret. "
Step 4: Give him a signal-when he wants to "make a mistake"
Sometimes, when adults say they are excited, they will put their foot in their mouth, and so will children. Therefore, in order to prevent the child from telling others all the ugly things at home as soon as he opens his mouth, he can make a "secret code" with the child. For example, when you think a child is going to talk about an inappropriate topic, you can give him a look and give him a signal not to screw things up, such as gently kicking his leg under the table or making a "shh" gesture with your finger on your lips. This has brought many benefits to the child: when he was reminded, he appeared to be quietly, but secretly pulled him back from the edge of the cliff at an unknown speed, thus making the embarrassing situation disappear.
Step 5: Remedy in time-avoid wrong escalation.
No matter how much you emphasize and limit, children sometimes just can't control their mouths. Instead of nagging repeatedly like Tang Priest chanting, it is better to tell him directly: "It is not appropriate to say these things" or "It is not said in public." If the child's performance makes other people feel uncomfortable, you can correct the child immediately and apologize to the injured humanity on the spot. But don't lose your temper with children's unintentional mistakes. Such a fuss is likely to make people present more embarrassed.
skill
Three-step method to control boasting
Sometimes a child's desire to speak is like a flood, which can't be stopped. However, have you noticed that he is bragging about not paying taxes with his own imagination? At this time, he might as well use the "three-step method" to solve it.
Step 1: Explain what bragging is. He likes to tell things with real examples, so he tells him, "You were very hungry yesterday. Just tell your good friend Ding Ding that you ate 20 chicken wings, 4 dishes and 2 bowls of rice by yourself. This is a big talk."
Step 2: Find the flaw. He used his imagination to tell you something that never happened. For example, he played Superman once today, saved a puppy, and then he gave it to Uncle Wang. And you happened to meet uncle Wang today, knowing that it was his imagination. Then tell him that you want to be Superman, but Superman won't tell anyone unless he does something. What he didn't do won't flatter himself. But let's draw the story together.
Step 3: Encourage retelling. Inspire him to tell what happened and the fairy tale books he read together in his own words according to the true colors of Lushan Mountain, which will make him feel the real existence.
In fact, the best way to avoid embarrassing incidents from happening again is to pay attention to your words and deeds and remember that walls have ears. Even if a 5-year-old child is playing with his favorite toy in the room and doesn't seem to care about you, if you tell your neighbor on the phone how handsome the courier is today, his ears will definitely stand up. I don't need to say what will happen next.
Distinguish between positive secrets and negative secrets
Although children seem to be telling secrets all the time, children of this age have begun to hide your secrets. So you're right about these secrets?
Smiling face: Be sure to use real-life examples to let children understand the difference between good secrets and bad secrets. For example, you say to your child, "It's a good thing not to tell others about your birthday present for grandma in order to give people a surprise;" But it's wrong to mark the carpet without telling me. "
Weeping face: I'm worried about what "big" secrets my children will hide. In fact, most of them are words like "I hid a toy under the bed" or "I made you a gift in kindergarten".
Smiling face: It must be understood that keeping secrets will help the child develop self-control and limit his impulse to talk nonsense.
Crying face: forcing children to keep secrets. For example, if you think your child will tell you a wonderful party, don't tell him.