Question 1:
1 Here's the case. Hello, teacher. Because my father and I have been working in different places, children have been growing up with grandparents since birth. He is five years old this year. I found that he is very dependent on his grandmother psychologically now. As long as he doesn't see her, he will cry for her, making me feel that he is seriously insecure. I am worried that the sense of security is not well established at this time, which will have a far-reaching impact on the formation of personality in the future. How to improve this situation? Make him feel safe.
The headmaster replied: First of all, I must say that the formation of security attachment should be between 1 and 3 years old, so you really missed a very important time for a child, so you can understand why the child is so attached to grandma. Just like many children will have a doll that they have been carrying since birth, it is not easy for you to let the child put it down easily, because it is a very important inner dependence to accompany his parents and a dependence to satisfy his sense of security. So don't force the children at first. The child left you for so many years and suddenly became very close to you. I think this is very difficult. But you have to be patient and confident, because the blood relationship is here. After all, you are the mother of the child. As long as you have enough patience, you can still accompany your child to grow up slowly and supplement the maternal love he lacked before.
Here are some suggestions. No. 1, don't forcibly drive away grandparents, that is, don't say, "My child is too dependent on my mother, so in order to make the child rely on me instead of my mother, I will expel my mother from the life of disciplining the child, so that I can better accompany the child." No, you will only make children feel more insecure! You can ask grandma to take you and your children with you and carry out some parent-child activities between grandparents and grandchildren. In this process, the existence of grandma will make your child feel safe, and then in this process, you will continue to show your love for him, and then you will slowly make up for what was missing, and he will slowly accept you more and more. This process will be very long, and then this process will take a lot of time, which may make you very depressed. Maybe you will think that I have been so kind to him, and he still wants my grandmother not to want me. I think you need to accept that you need to give your children some time. After all, he gave you five years, right? Then why don't you give him some time now? Then I hope this question can help you, that is, increase the time of parent-child interaction. This interaction time starts with grandma's presence, and then gradually when your mother-child relationship is getting better and better, you can gradually let grandma leave, or grandma can participate in half, 1/3 of the time, and participate in very little time, and then grandma will not participate. This is a gradual process.
Question 2:
I want to ask how to communicate with children in grade three. The children are under great pressure and their grades are on the verge of passing. They must learn to write every day while they are at school. They are under a lot of pressure. After returning home, they just play mobile phones every day, and the time for doing homework only accounts for 2/ 10. I think this addiction to mobile phones will have a great impact on his whole study and life, but I think it will have a bad impact on children. What should I do?
The headmaster replied:
The third grade is a special period. The third grade and the third grade themselves are faced with great learning pressure, especially when children's grades are not very good, which may be more stressful than ordinary children. At this time, when he can't find a sense of existence or meaning in his study, he is more likely to indulge in games, because games are nothing more than two functions for many people. One is to satisfy the sense of accomplishment that cannot be satisfied in real life. Second, well, first of all, I think you are great. You know, the third year of a child is a special period. I suggest you try not to scold him or push him further, because his grades are already like this. You can't force him to get good grades. First, you can find someone to help him improve his academic performance. Secondly, I think if the child has worked so hard when boarding, you should not force him to do more things when he comes home. You said he spent 2/ 10 time studying. You may expect him to spend 5/ 10 time studying, but when he is boarding, he may spend 100% time studying. I hope you can give him more space to relax when I go home. But at the same time, I feel that relaxing is not just playing mobile phones. I think children are addicted to mobile phones nowadays. In addition to the two reasons I just mentioned, that is, virtual sense of accomplishment and virtual interpersonal relationship, there is another reason, that is, they really don't have much hobbies and spare time. I think if the child comes back, you can take the child and her husband to some outdoor activities or find something for him to do. You shouldn't force him to study, because learning can't be compared with mobile phones, right? To tell the truth, everyone will think that learning is better than mobile phones, but if you can have some other outdoor activities that are beneficial to the body and mind, or some parent-child interaction, these things are great for children even if they are not used in learning. I think you can replace your mobile phone with outdoor activities and parent-child activities that are beneficial to your body and mind, starting with this matter. Don't try to use homework instead of playing mobile phone. One more thing is very important. The improvement of children's grades may really not be achieved by playing mobile phones less during the learning process. That's not true. A child who is on the verge of passing the exam, I think his learning ability is problematic. His cognition, his memory, including his comprehension, may not be as good as you think. Maybe he needs help in these areas, so I think you can do something.
There is also a three-year-old child who is addicted to mobile phones. He said that my son didn't want to live on campus at first, but he was worried about mixing with classmates with bad conduct. Then this is also a child who is addicted to mobile phones. I think he asked a question. You and your husband need to reach an agreement on this teaching child first. You don't want him to play with his mobile phone. Your husband bought him a mobile phone. This is a problem in itself. When you bought him a mobile phone, you didn't let him play. You can either accept his cell phone. In this process, the first thing you need to do is to discuss with your husband how to take care of the children. Then there is another reason. The child is addicted to mobile phones because he really lacks normal interpersonal and social activities and normal parent-child activities. Do something in this regard.
Question 3:
Children don't like studying very much. How can they make him love learning? If they take it to the bookstore, they don't want to see rice circles. They are always pessimistic. They always think that something bad will happen to them, that is, they will have some fear of difficulties and bad ideas. Every day, what should I do about this thing and that thing? Oh, I'm so scared. "
The headmaster replied:
At this time, in fact, your understanding of children may still be afraid. In my opinion, children are anxious. I don't know how old the child is, that is, the child who is always afraid of this and that. I popularize a knowledge here, always afraid of this and that, and always ask many strange questions. When he answers 100 times, he will ask10/0/times, indicating that the child is anxious, but as for the child's learning motivation, this piece is a big space to sort out, but there are several major points here. When children have no motivation to learn, there are basically several points. First, there is no sense of meaning: anyway, if you can't learn well, you will have no sense of accomplishment after learning. Second, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in it at all. Third, I hate a teacher, because interpersonal relationships and emotions affect my study. For a child who is not interested, you say that he doesn't like studying. I think you can find him some interesting materials. Young children are easily influenced by material things. For example, many people like composition books, but many children like reading story books. In fact, story books and composition books are both books, and they are all cultivating children's reading habits. In the process, I think parents are dealing with their children's reading habits. Don't attack and say, "What books do you like to read? I don't like reading any books "because when you attack him, you shouldn't read this book, and he doesn't want to read the whole book, but you can say: Alas, you read these books today, then do you want to tell me this story and exercise your child's expressive ability? This is actually the premise of writing a composition.
Question 4:
My child 14 years old has a good academic record. He just entered the first grade, but he dropped out of school because of severe depression. He tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building, which frightened us. Now I'm careful, I'm careful. He also insisted on taking medicine, but I was afraid of being in a hurry. I hope he can return to school as soon as possible. Then, since he became ill, his sister gave him an iPad, and he became addicted to it. He doesn't want to see the sun, and he is not happy when he sees it.
The principal replied: First of all, I think this parent is not easy, because it is really more difficult to have a child with depression, autism or ADHD at home than other parents. My heart is with you. I hope you cheer up. You must believe that you can help him. You may encounter many setbacks and frustrations in this process, which is why there is no way to help him, but he is really special. He is in this pathological state, not to say that the child is unwilling to do so. His illness prevented him from performing his social functions normally. I hope you can give him more understanding and support. As for him playing iPad, I think so. If you want to take him out of the house, in fact, it is good for depressed children to bask in the sun more, because it can promote the secretion of saliva and is good for his health. You can ask him to go out with you with an iPad, and then you say, Mom wants you to take nice photos of me with an iPad. You find that some iPads have other functions besides playing games. I think it's enough to take advantage of his love and guidance for iPad and then take him out of the house. This kind of child can't stand it without thinking. How about taking it step by step? Bless you, and I believe you can, because if you intervene and treat early, there is a great chance that you will recover. On the other hand, you must pay attention to the safety of children.
Question 5:
My mother is 37 years old and my son is 9 years old. She divorced her ex-husband. She takes care of her children on weekends, and their feelings are delicate. My mother is willing to accept his feelings and tolerate his shortcomings and imperfections with more patience. But the ex-husband believes that accepting his shortcomings too much will make the children too weak and should be educated by the law of the jungle. I shouldn't choose.
The headmaster replied: stick to what you do and you are right. Your son is also a rabbit in the jungle, so why not let the rabbit eat carrots and grass freely?
I think different children have different ways of education. For a naturally sensitive child, cruel fascist education is not suitable for them, and it will not reach the kind that parents want. I can train him into an iron giant through fascist education, and it is very possible to train a nervous breakdown and weak little white rabbit who can stick to what he wants to do.
Question 6:
Children are a little lazy, and personal hygiene is easy to be lazy, especially those who don't want to write more on their homework. However, he is not afraid of trouble and can focus on every detail for a long time. Can you graft these hobbies into your study and life?
The headmaster replied:
This is quite difficult for me. What he likes to do actually has a strong internal motivation: he is particularly willing to do it because I like it too much, but it is difficult to turn what he doesn't like into something he likes. To tell the truth, you don't like a person unless one day you find his special advantages, which may take a long time. However, if intrinsic motivation doesn't work, there are two things to try. On the one hand, he will feel that it is rewarding to do it, so maybe he can do it. It's when I have no fun, but I have a sense of accomplishment in doing so, and he may be willing to work hard. The other one, I read your description. I think your child may be very smart and have a high IQ. I feel that I have met many children who like Lego and then paint and make handicrafts. I have a delicate mind and strong hands-on ability. Lego also involves spatial logical thinking and so on. Then I think you can actually stimulate him, saying that ordinary people can't do this, and only very smart people can do it. Do you want to try a challenge? I think at this level, it is actually in a sense. I think it's possible. If used properly, it is possible to help him.
-Nanxi finishing 20 19.6438+02.438+03