Think about it, how many feelings have faded, starting with "nothing to say". Your figure and face are just stepping stones to love. Although the impact force is strong, the rear strength is insufficient. When your passion fades, he has nothing to say.
Unfortunately, however, 80% of girls are not good at chatting with boys. Obviously, chatting with their sisters is very enjoyable and endless. How can it be so difficult to chat with someone you like? I may accidentally talk about the coming male god.
Girls, don't panic. Here I give you four words: calm down. Don't hold your horses, as long as the male god is still alive, we still have a chance. As the saying goes, green hills are not afraid of burning without firewood. It doesn't matter if the male god ignores your love, it doesn't matter if he gives you a valentine card, and it doesn't matter if his confession is rejected. As long as it is handled properly, the male god will still be yours sooner or later.
"When you chat happily, it's hard not to feel sweet." So I won't say much, just give you dry goods! ! !
"Part I: Choosing the Right Topic" First of all, we should realize the reality that men and women are interested in completely different topics.
A survey of 2000 men shows that boys can only pay attention to girls' topics for 6 minutes; On the contrary, boys can keep their concentration for 25 minutes by chatting with friends of the same sex. Many girls are about to cry. Do you have to be Bai Wan to chat with the boy you like?
Don't worry, not all girls' topics are not interesting to boys. Then, mine your sisters. What kind of topic can't make men concentrate most? According to the survey, having these five topics will make boys immediately close their ears and refuse to communicate with you. Welcome sisters to sit on their chests.
1. Star gossip
When the topic involves people and things that you don't know, you are not very interested. Especially stars are far away from us ordinary people, so for rational boys, stars are not much different from other people they don't know. What scandals they have and what they have done have nothing to do with them. So you have to tell boys gossip about stars, and most boys turn a deaf ear.
2. Weibo and friends circle sent by others
Friends circle and Weibo are a way for girls to get to know others, and they can learn about others' every move from social media. But boys don't pay much attention to this kind of thing. For information that is too subtle and irrelevant to them, they just feel too verbose and mostly ignore it. It's from others. It's related to yourself.
3. Colleague gossip
What's the difference between girls and boys? That is, girls attach importance to sharing their feelings and emotions, while boys only care about the process and results. Gossiping about colleagues is actually a topic to express their feelings, but these are meaningless discussions for boys. He will think, since you are so curious about it, why don't you ask yourself?
go shopping
It's not that boys don't shop or go shopping. It's just that boys and girls discuss shopping in different directions. Girls pay attention to feelings, and they will show a style that looks thin and white to the skin; What boys care about is function, in other words, cost performance+practicality. So, you can buy whatever you want, so there is no need to discuss it with boys.
Step 5 greet all day
Most girls like to ask boys "What are you doing", "Have you eaten" and "What did you eat"? You can even ask about the taste of each dish in detail. For girls, of course, out of concern for each other, I hope to get to know you thoroughly. But for boys, this is the least nutritious topic.
"The second part"
The formula of "closed+open+self-expression" after we find the right topic, we should learn how to chat with each other. We should teach you a formula. The combination of "closed" and "open" and self-expression is the best way to chat. Let me explain to you what is closed and what is open.
In fact, to put it simply, if you ask a question and the other person can only answer "yes" or "no", it is called "closed question"; The other party is free to answer "open questions".
Therefore, in the process of chatting, combine "closed" with "open", first use closed questions to confirm the topic, then use open questions to open the dialogue between you, and finally use self-expression to enhance intimacy.
For example, if you want to know each other's hobbies, you can ask questions with closed topics first:
"From your appearance, you should be good at sports, right?"
I just saw your circle of friends. Do you travel a lot?
If the other party agrees with your question, you can directly throw an open topic at this time:
"What sports do you like at ordinary times?
"Where have you been? What do you think is the most worthwhile place to go?"
In this way, the other party can have a conversation with you around this open topic. If the other person directly says "not bad, just so-so" before you ask the initial question, it means that he is not interested in this topic, don't be too persistent, and change the subject as soon as possible. Many times, there are awkward chats between you. Isn't it that you are always trying to talk about a topic that the other party is not interested in?
Another problem that needs attention is that even if the other person is very interested in your topic, it is best to extend one question, preferably no more than five questions. Generally, the "self-expression" part can be appropriately added in the third or fourth question.
If we want to open other people's hearts, we must first open our hearts to each other. In exchange for your own information, let the other person feel your trust and intimacy, so as to open your heart and use your own information as a reward.
For example, you can talk about some embarrassing things about yourself in sports:
"I tell you, I just started to run in the front of the 800-meter junior high school exam, and I was the last one every time, because there was no strength in front and no strength in the back, hahaha."
Showing yourself something embarrassing won't affect your image. On the contrary, it will show your lovely side, narrow the distance with each other and pave the way for your next question.
However, it should be noted that self-expression should also follow the "interaction principle of interpersonal communication", that is to say, self-expression also requires two people to be equal. You can't ask the other person to shake all his foundations just by telling him your embarrassing story.
Therefore, even if you want to know some privacy issues of the other party, you should first use closed topics to test whether the other party is willing to continue this topic, so that the other party will not feel offended.
The third part
How can you be sincere without routine?
The topic of chat is said, and the formula of chat is also said. Then I'll give you a few communication tips, which can be the driving force to promote your relationship when your relationship is tense or stagnant.
1. Express criticism in a positive way.
One of the most important factors for a person to chat is to know how to praise each other. There is also a so-called "sandwich chat method" in psychology, which takes praise as a skin, with some criticism in the middle, just a little.
After all, no one is perfect. Everyone has his own shortcomings and shortcomings. When communicating with problems, you should praise each other's advantages first. For example, "it's very thoughtful of you to tell me in advance that I might be late today, but can you not be late in the future?" I want to stay with you for a while. " Impulse is the devil. Don't scare others away before you lose your temper, so focusing on the good side of the other person will make you more satisfied.
2. Say "we/ours" instead of "me/mine"
Accept and let him know that you are suitable for him;
Subordinate, in this world you are partners who belong to each other;
Altruism, you are willing to pay for it;
Before two people get together, be sure to confirm the responsibility of your relationship, because you will be the co-founders of this relationship.
3. "Did you have a good day?"
My former college classmates went to Germany to study after graduating from college. Later, I made a German boyfriend. I once asked her what is the difference between dating a German man and dating a China boy. Her answer surprised me. She said that her current German boyfriend is very considerate, because every day we are together, he will ask me: Are you okay? How was your day?
Honestly, are you okay? How was your day? These two sentences are the same as what we said earlier, "Have you eaten?" There is no meaningful dialogue. But after hearing what she said, I began to reflect. Admittedly, these are the simplest greetings, but we can understand each other's feelings. Often we ignore each other's feelings in a relationship. Therefore, if you want to enter his heart, you must learn to listen to each other's voices and feelings.
4. Say "yes" sincerely.
When two people are together, whether you are the dominant party or the accommodating party, you should always respect each other. Especially the active party, I hope that when you say "yes", you will sincerely admit the gap between the two of you, not blindly compromise. Otherwise, it is impossible to reach a healthy relationship by blindly accommodating.
Passing happiness
Like a person is to make the other person feel happy, so if your love can bring happiness to the other person, it is the highest sense of accomplishment of a relationship. When you convey to him that you are happy with him, he will also feel happy, because happiness is contagious, don't you know?
Good chatting is not so much a social need as an emotional need. Because no matter how interesting the soul is, it will also be defeated by poor communication methods. If you want to make your chat interesting and interesting, and be a smart girl who can coquetry and understand him, he will fall in love with your chat.
In a relationship, find a comfortable way to get along, cherish each other, open your heart, tolerate differences, and always have something to say, so that you can love longer. Life is short, I hope you can find someone who really loves you, someone you love and someone you can talk to. Free yourself, get close to each other and enjoy the longest fireworks happiness in the world.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.