I was born in a village in Guodu Town, Chang 'an District, Xi 'an. Excellent academic performance since childhood, a little introverted. I clearly remember that in the second half of the second semester of Grade Two, I found myself thinking about some strange and meaningless problems, such as a series of China idioms, such as extensive and profound. I think about this today and that tomorrow, and I keep changing. See the next page when reading a book. But I still can't help but want to go back to the previous page. I clearly finished one question in the exam, but when I finished the next question, I always thought about the previous one. When I was doing a math problem, the simple 2+3=5 kept me looking. I feel uneasy, but I know that 2+3 equals 5, but I can't do it without looking. If you don't watch it, you will feel anxious in the process, and your chest seems to be suffocating and depressed. And in this process, the nerves are very tense. Finally, I had to watch it. My thought at that time was, I can't die without watching. I used strong will to control and fight, but I didn't succeed once. I thought I was spineless, worthless and miserable. Then one afternoon, I suddenly heard a classmate say that 1+ 1 equals 2. Since then, I have struggled with the idea that 1+ 1 equals 2 for nearly three years. I don't want to know why 1+ 1 equals 2. I always want to repeat 1+6550. As long as I am awake, I repeat this idea almost all the time. I am tired and miserable. Of course, there will be many other compulsive thinking, which will change constantly. During this period, I also have some compulsive behaviors, such as always wanting to go back and have a look after locking the door, and I feel uneasy, but I actually know that the door is locked, but I can't do it without going back and there is a glass of water on the table. As long as the water is not in the middle of the table, I am worried that this cup of water will fall off the table. Actually, I know it won't, but I still can't help putting this glass of water in the middle of the table, and I'm always worried that the fan on the roof will fall and hit myself, blink, drool and so on. A series of meaningless questions, of course, no day is happy in the process.
Another thing to say is that I used to be an excellent child in my parents' eyes. Since I got obsessive-compulsive disorder, I don't want to do any farm work because it's too painful and annoying. I didn't have the heart to work and started talking back to my parents. My parents think that I have become disobedient, but every time I regret not listening to my parents, it is very uncomfortable, and inexperienced people will never understand. At the same time, I didn't tell my family that I had become "abnormal"
One: I remember the first time I got up the courage to tell my father that I had been thinking about it all day. Father said carelessly, you think this question is meaningless and a waste of time. You'd better read for a while when you have time. In fact, I know these reasons better than anyone. Once my parents and I went to see my brother. At that time, I found that this hospital was more interested in science, so I went in for consultation. At that time, the professor said it was a typical obsessive-compulsive disorder. Only then did I know that there was a disease called obsessive-compulsive disorder. I prescribed two boxes of drugs called fluoxetine hydrochloride tablets. After taking it for less than a week, the effect is good, but it is too expensive. Then I stopped. After a while, the symptoms came again. So I went to the hospital alone. The doctor said I can't stop taking the medicine casually. I said this medicine is too expensive. Is it cheap? It better be the cheapest. The doctor said it was clomipa hydrochloride's business card, but it was made in China, which had great side effects on the liver, easy to dry mouth and constipation, and affected the quality of sleep. At that time, I had no choice but to choose this medicine. I felt sorry for myself when I walked out of the hospital with it, but I had to take this medicine because of the poor conditions at home. Tell me how I feel about taking medicine! When I first started eating, I felt the effect was obvious. The doctor said that I would gradually increase from small to large, and then gradually decrease to a certain extent until I stopped taking the medicine. When it was increased to 5 tablets, it was just right, but as time went on, it was found that the effect was not good at first, and the side effects were really too great. Every night, I dream that I am surrounded by many bugs and constipated. I asked the doctor, and the doctor said that I often take a medicine for a long time, and my body will produce antibodies. Of course, the effect is not as good as before. I have taken this medicine for more than half a year. At that time, I felt that the symptoms were only temporarily covered up by drugs and did not solve them in essence, so I ended my treatment in this hospital.
Two: Later, I heard on the radio (I couldn't sleep at night) that there was a hospital that treated obsessive-compulsive disorder very well, so I told my sister that she understood me very well and took me to that hospital. The doctor said that obsessive-compulsive disorder was cured in one month, and the medicine prescribed by the hospital was not registered, saying that Cordyceps sinensis was very expensive. At that time, I thought it would be cured in a month, so I was very happy and hopeful, but at first it had several effects. After a month, it's still the same. I asked the doctor. The doctor told me to be patient, but I persisted for another month. So I gave up. In the meantime, I feel sorry for my family, because my parents also want to cure the disease quickly and want me to go to college. The poor conditions at home wasted so much money. More importantly, I can't see the hope of life. Very painful. This is worse than death, really! It was this feeling that I would rather be a migrant worker all my life. As long as I was mentally healthy, I thought it didn't matter if I didn't go to college. Even if I went to Tsinghua Peking University, it was a lie to say that I didn't want to die. But I couldn't do it. I had to hold on even if I was in pain, because I still had my parents and family, but I always believed that everything would pass.
Three: Then my father took me to the hospital in the district. The doctor said that he was neurasthenia and used some Chinese patent medicines. But he said that he should strengthen exercise, and he would never think about it when exercising. Transferring to another hospital is the best treatment. So I get up and run at 6: 30 every morning. It snowed heavily in winter at that time. What did the students say when they got up so early? Before dawn, I thought to myself, as long as obsessive-compulsive disorder can get better, I will be willing to suffer again and again, but I found that running really worked at first, but it was not obvious after a long time. After all, transfer is an indirect escape.
Four: Dad took me to see the traditional Chinese medicine in the town again. The doctor also said that he was neurasthenia. He grabbed some medicine and drank it, but it didn't work. After drinking for a while, it still didn't work, so he gave up.
Five: Then I went to another hospital in the town. This doctor is very famous in our local area. He said I was obsessive-compulsive, but it was difficult to cure. Western medicine and Chinese patent medicine were prescribed, and needles were stuck in the head, saying that it would take at least one year to reduce the dose. It worked well at first, but it became less obvious after a long time. I gave up again.
Finally, my father said that I could not go to a mental hospital. I think it's strange. Father said nothing, so I went. I clearly remember that I ran into the hospital. The doctor said that I was neurasthenia and prescribed western medicine and Chinese patent medicine. The effect was particularly good at first. After two weeks, it was not obvious, so I gave up. At that time, I already felt that obsessive-compulsive disorder could not be cured by taking medicine.
I remember an exam in senior three. I really couldn't bear to do the problem. It was too painful. So I went to Internet cafes to search for information about obsessive-compulsive disorder (before that, I often went to bookstores to look up information about obsessive-compulsive disorder), and suddenly I found awakening therapy, which was founded by a teacher. At that time, I saw a teacher's article, and I had a * * * voice in my heart. I believed it, because the teacher was also an obsessive-compulsive disorder patient before. I feel that Mr. Yixiu has spoken his mind, which is also the voice of patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder in Qian Qian. After almost three months of awakening treatment, I fully recovered. Later, I made a profound study and research on neuroticism. In the words of a modern Zen master, "I said I can help you, because I am not just an expert who sits in the study all day and learns through thinking and imagination." I am not an outsider. I have gone the same way ... I have experienced the same misfortune, suffering and nightmare. No matter where you are, I have been there; No matter where I am, you can. Everything I do is to help you get out of the cage of neurosis! "