In the eyes of westerners, love is love, very simple. Moreover, the Spanish middle class takes marriage very seriously. Jess was surprised that China would be so "open". Jess thinks that pop music should not only have beautiful melody, but also have healthy content. It should promote some feelings between men and women that are worth promoting. If every bride can "think of another man for the last time" when "tomorrow is someone else's bride", which is unacceptable to the groom, how can such a marriage be maintained in the future? If such songs can be widely popular and sung, how can the civilization of society be improved? If everyone is like "heart rain", how can the family be harmonious? Family is a member of society. If the family is not harmonious, the society will fall. This is a Spanish pop song about China. When you continue to watch, can you think about a problem in your mind first? If you are a man and are taking part in an important competition, at this time, your wife is going to have a baby. Will you quit the competition and accompany your wife to have a baby? If you are a woman, do you think your husband should come back at this time? If you have thought about it, please read on with your own answers.
Not long ago, NBA fans all over the world were talking about one thing. The top player of the Rockets, McGrady, suddenly quit in the middle of the game between the Rockets and the Jazz, causing the Rockets to lose to the Jazz. What is the reason why McGrady left halfway? It turned out that before the end of the first half of the Rockets-Jazz game, one of McGrady's assistants called Nelson, the director of rocket news, and said that McGrady's fiancee Harris had unbearable abdominal pain and was taken to the hospital for delivery, and their son was about to be born. Nelson told the trainer Jones the news. After the first two games, Jones took the wheat to convey the news. Anxious McGrady immediately put on his jersey and rushed to the hospital. More than an hour later, his son was born and the rocket lost. Although McGrady knew that he was extremely important to the team, and his departure was likely to cost the Rockets a victory, he chose to leave without hesitation. Family always comes first. At this time, no matter how dangerous the rocket is, it can only take a back seat.
Nobody blames McGrady. In America, it is natural to have children with your wife. Rockets coach JVG didn't blame their top star either. "We lost not because he was away, but because we were incompetent in attack. We are all professional players, so we have no excuse. " In American society, the mainstream view is always that family is more important than work. When there is a serious conflict between work and family, work will give in. Friends who are familiar with the NBA also know that as long as the players in the NBA team take time off because of major family events, such as the birth of a child, the serious illness or death of a relative, even if they play in the finals, the team will be allowed to take time off. There is no doubt about this.
But what is the situation in China? In China, there has been a great example of Dayu's "passing through the house and not entering" since ancient times. The mainstream ideology also preaches the consciousness of putting the country first and taking the public as private. Violators will be considered selfish and lack noble moral sentiments. As far as the sports circle is concerned, it is not uncommon for athletes whose wives still insist on fighting on the field after birth, and it is not uncommon for athletes to endure grief after the death of their loved ones. Therefore, many fans of the China Rockets think that the situation of the team is so critical. As the number one star, McGrady should go all out to win and lead the team to finish the game. He should not be immersed in love for a while. Now, let me test your concept of marriage and love first. Please think about it in your mind first. Do you support Mai to leave? Or are you against wheat leaving?
Why are people all the same, but there are so many differences in the concept of marriage and family? McGrady has a famous saying: "I am a prisoner at home, and I am willing to be such a role." Imagine how happy I am as McGrady's wife. But, in China? How many men can do this? Can say such a thing? How many women can enjoy this honor? Since many factors such as culture and moral tradition determine people's different views on family and marriage, have you ever thought, my friends, that the concept of marriage and family we are following now must be correct? Is it invincible? Is it a person?
(2)
"Love is the foundation of marriage, and marriage without love is immoral" has become a ruler for us to judge marriage at present, but there is a fatal paradox hidden in this sentence: what is the relationship between love and marriage, and who should obey whom? If marriage should be subordinate to love, what else should marriage do? However, if love is subordinate to marriage, doesn't it need human beings to control their love? However, does love really have self-control? Can you freely ask yourself to love someone, or not to love someone? We might as well discuss first, what is love, and whether this lingering emotion of "love" is qualified for the role of "the foundation of marriage"?
Love can bring deep happiness and many thrilling psychological feelings, which makes it an emotion pursued and recognized by human beings. For centuries, love has been a hot topic in philosophy, religion, psychology, sociology, aesthetics and many other fields. Although people in different cultures have different opinions on love, there are many similarities in love. Love is a strong admiration between men and women because of their love for each other, including both mental and physical aspects. Once love is born, it will collide with dazzling sparks and produce great energy. Love is joyful, naive and happy, but once it breaks, it will bring deep pain, and even a short parting will produce different painful feelings.
The West began to study love from ancient Rome, while China, from the Book of Songs, appeared poems praising love. Let's take a look at some famous people's comments on love in China and the West:
Feuerbach: Love is being a person.
Shakespeare: A person clearly knows how stupid it is to indulge in love, but after laughing at the shallowness and boredom of others, he will slap himself in the face and still fall into the gentle embrace of love. Because the wonderful relationship between men and women is a match made in heaven.
Rousseau: If love makes people anxious, then respect is trustworthy; An honest person doesn't just love and disrespect, because we love someone because we think that person has the qualities we respect.
Goethe: In love, the most precious thing is not possession, but mutual respect and admiration.
Freud: Healthy and normal love needs the combination of two emotions, one is the love of two hearts, and the other is carnal sexual desire.
Cervantes: lust only seeks pleasure. After the pleasure, the lust fades, and the so-called love is over. This is a natural dividing line that cannot be crossed. Only true love is infinite.
Goncharov: The foundation of love is not that kind of hypocritical wavering emotion-it is hidden in a magnificent palace and can't stand the temptation of a pinch of gold. It can't hear a few ambiguous words, that kind of strong love, and it is willing to go through fire and water.
Mencius: Eating color, sex also.
Lin Yutang: A wife without children is a mistress, and a mistress with children is a wife.
Zhou: Lovers are not bound to each other, which is a sign of their confidence in love. No one can live without anyone now, and no one can live without anyone in the end. This is true love.
Su Qing: Even for the sake of health, I advocate the importance of spiritual love.
Fu Lei: If you want to find a permanent partner, you have to think more rationally and don't be blinded by feelings. As soon as you get married, your lover's eyes change, and you won't believe it yourself. If you don't think of this in advance, it will bring endless pain.
Lao She: If love is not bitter, where can we feel the sweetness? If love has no tears, where does the smile come from? Love is mysterious, precious and necessary. Without it, there is only a piece of hay and yellow sand in the world. Crying for love is delicious and real! People can't get the freedom of love, and all freedom is false. If people don't have love of both sexes, all love is meaningless.
Hu Shi: The price of love is pain, and the way of love is to endure pain.
(3)
It is difficult to describe the judgments of love at all times and in all countries. However, a careful study of the love disputes between China and the West will reveal some subtle similarities and differences. Westerners advocate love, and people accept the beauty of love with reverence, except for restraining "sexual desire" as a thing in religion. However, in China, most people regard love as a very complicated psychological factor. They need to refuse, accept and escape. They look forward to the exciting side of love, but also fear the painful side of love, and even directly regard love as pain. This contradictory mentality comes from the traditional moral concept of China people. Love, from the time of Confucius, has been unable to be justified in the elegant hall. "Only women are hard to support", so how can the founder of Confucianism and the ancestor of China culture who look down on women advocate equal love? Therefore, China people's concept of love has been marked with deformity from the very beginning. How can a marriage based on this deformed concept of love be happy?
However, even if the western concept of love is more humanized and mature, the nature of this kind of love is doomed to make it impossible to bring happiness to marriage. As love guru Vasiliev said: Love is instinct and thought, madness and reason, spontaneity and consciousness, passion and accomplishment, cruelty and pity. All the characteristics of love determine its instability and uncertainty. Love, like other happiness, needs some stimulation. If there is no unhappiness as a foil, this kind of happiness will appear dull. Generally speaking, the love in Qingming Wan Li will soon disappear, and the feeling that the happiness of love leaves the foil will no longer exist. Therefore, love needs a little jealousy, suspicion and dramatic games, and a little sadness. If love wants to last for a long time and keep its passion, it requires that the spiritual world of the object of love is extremely rich and never stops. Both parties who love each other should have delicate hearts, rich imagination and the ability to observe. Otherwise, the passionate love will eventually fade away and be destroyed.
Love is periodic in time, which has been confirmed by more and more biologists and psychologists. Professor Hazan and Professor Dorothy of Cornell University in the United States conducted a two-year survey on 5,000 couples from 37 different cultural backgrounds, and concluded that for most people, true love can only last 18-30 months at most. After that, they either parted ways or lived a dull husband and wife life. There is evidence that love is triggered by "chemical cocktails" in the brain. These chemicals are dopamine, phenylethylamine and oxytocin, and their effects in the body can only last for two years at most. It can be seen that love itself is a phased thing. The excitement and happiness it gives people are always limited to a certain period of time, and the time also shows a downward trend from high to low. Eventually produce numbness and boredom. This is the essence of love that people have been pursuing for thousands of years. It is short-lived, changeable, turbulent and unstable. If this kind of uncertainty is taken as the basis of marriage, will marriage be safe and happy?
It is human nature to like the new and hate the old, but a happy marriage is bound to like the new and hate the old. This may be easy for women, but do you think it is easy for men? Judging from the situation in the United States, at present, the traditional mode of monogamy, that is, a couple living together, * * * the marriage of raising children is less than 10%, and single-parent families account for more than half of the real marriages in the United States, while cohabitation families, serial marriages, same-sex marriages, group marriages, open marriages and other marriage forms have accounted for about 40% of the number of American families, and there is a growing trend. Therefore, more and more people question the traditional form of marriage: What happened to our marriage?
In fact, the reason why people are confused about marriage is the long-standing thinking: "Marriage must be based on love". What I said above is an attempt to show that this is indeed a judgment worthy of scrutiny. Because the essence of love and marriage is incompatible, love needs constant change, while marriage seeks stability. How can two contradictory things be tied together without causing conflict? The victims of conflict are naturally human beings themselves. In the west, people are not bound by any traditional moral concepts, so a marriage without love will come to an end. In China, for various reasons, marriage can continue to exist even without love, because there are many things that maintain marriage, such as affection, such as responsibility, such as morality, such as family values and so on. This is a very valuable thing, even an ideological system that can be popularized in the western world to maintain and develop marriage. China people lack self-confidence and think this is not good. They think that what westerners say "love is the foundation of marriage" is correct. So China people are also very confused. Some men and women with happy families are confused. Without love, are we still a happy family and a happy marriage?
If the whole society can establish an idea that love is only the foundation of marriage, the maintenance and development of marriage should be the excellent qualities of Chinese culture, such as friendship, affection, responsibility, obligation, kindness and tolerance. Even without love, marriage can be warm and happy, so that we will not envy and sigh that other people's marriages are full of romantic love and doubt that we are miserable. Then, when we face marriage, will it be much easier and more firm?