Opened a shop in a park business district in my hometown, 10 year. Some aunts often come to my shop. Some are mothers-in-law and some are in-laws. They have the same mission: to look after their children. They often chat, all kinds of content, all kinds of questions, and have one thing in common, such as this little ancestor in kindergarten, and I am liberated. Why do most aunts say that? To sum up, there are several reasons.
One: Many mothers are forced to look after their children. The child just got married, the economy is tight, and the mortgage and car loan have to be paid back. Having children costs more. It takes two people to make money. What if the child is not watched? I'm still worried about the cost of hiring a nanny. The easiest way to save money is to ask my mother to look after the children. My mother doesn't help, as if she is duty-bound and can't help them. However, mom also has her own home and does her own thing. Some of them have old people to worry about, some give up their jobs to support young people, some rural mothers have to plant spring crops and autumn crops at home, and there are poultry and livestock at home. My husband is too busy to handle it, and he often complains that he really can't put it down at both ends. After three or four years, I have to hurry back to take care of my family.
Two: Many mothers are at odds with young people. Mainly reflected in the concept of parenting, taste, consumption, work and rest, health habits, and so on.
An aunt said: "I said this temperature is suitable for milk powder, but my daughter just said how many degrees the computer said." I am not scientific. Do you think computers know how to take care of children? " I don't understand science. How did your brothers and sisters grow up? Is it windy? Sometimes I really want to leave. "
Having said that, an aunt immediately replied, "yours will do." Two young people in our family smile at it with their mobile phones every day, but we rarely have smiling faces. " You said all parents would not come back until one or two on Saturday night. In the morning, I can't wait to cook. I can't wait to knock at the door. I got up. My daughter-in-law pulled her face to the ground and said that I was clamoring for her to sleep. Why didn't I get up so early on Sunday? You said it was nine o'clock. Is it still early? I get up at six o'clock. I didn't plan to take the children shopping when they got up. But they may not get up when you go back at twelve o'clock, or they may just wait for you to go back and collect the dishes. Sometimes they are too lazy to heat their own meals, so they just go downstairs to eat rice noodles, which makes me have to eat leftovers by myself. Do you think I have to knock them up and eat them before I can clean them up together? I don't care whether you are happy or not. When the children go to kindergarten and see what you do, I will leave quickly. "
Just after I finished here, an aunt over there couldn't wait to pick it up: "Yesterday, my daughter-in-law bought a skirt, which was thin and short and cost more than 1000 yuan. You said that skirts with tens of dollars are all over the street. Don't they all wear the same? " Even if you are proud of your work, it is not bad to buy one or two hundred or three hundred. A skirt costs more than 1000 yuan. With so much money, I might as well hire a nanny, so as not to worry about me. Tell her to take money to buy food. She also said it was used up again. So soon, she thought I had hidden her money. To tell the truth, I don't know how much money I invested. Hey! When the children go to kindergarten, I will be liberated, out of sight, out of mind. "
"ah! Well, we are all here to suffer. " An aunt next to her began to pour bitterness again: "My son-in-law has been spoiled since childhood and has a high demand for life. I think he can choose meals that change every day. He sometimes said that my chicken stew was too old, sometimes that the salt was too salty, sometimes that the dishes were unscientific, and sometimes that the rest of the dishes could not be eaten. Alas! Finding fault with all kinds of things is simply finding fault in eggs. I said I can't wait on you. Let your mother wait on you. He also said that I didn't keep pace with the times. You said I was not wronged! If I am a senior chef or nutritionist, can you afford it? I've had enough of waiting on your family. Bao Xiaoming will go to kindergarten next autumn, and I will be relaxed. "
Three: Many daughter-in-law or son-in-law look down on their spouse's mother. An aunt was about to cry when she said it: "My daughter-in-law, graduated from a famous university, and her parents are both in business, which is only a few dollars. She is an only child and suffers from princess disease. She is like a proud little hen every day, and she doesn't even want to look at me. My son is not bad either! Our husband and wife, last stand, sent our son to college. Still a book! When they got married and bought a house, we made do with selling iron and paid them a down payment. Now my old man is still working as a mason in the village to pay his debts! Why should she look down on me? One minute, she said I didn't use salt to wash dishes. The next minute, she said that my clothes were not washed by hand and had no color. The next minute, she said that I didn't wear them properly, and I didn't speak well. I lost face when I went out with her, as if marrying my son would hurt me, which made my son in a dilemma and often made excuses not to go home. What do you think I'm doing? Old people have to be masons at home, cook and wash clothes by themselves, and take time to grow vegetables. I have to look at my face and suffer when I work hard here. You don't know, it's cold for me, but I'm warm to her puppy, hugging and kissing. I often give the puppy a bath, blow-dry, all kinds of toys, clothes and dog food, but I don't seem to care so much about my children. I always feel that taking care of them is my business. I also want my baby to go back to his hometown when he goes to kindergarten. The golden nest is not as good as my own kennel! "
Four: There are old people to take care of in my hometown.
A gentle-looking aunt nearby said, "Well, that's right. Young people have a somewhat different view of things from our generation, which is what they call the generation gap. Things are different in our family. I used to be a middle school teacher and my daughter-in-law was one of my students. We still get along well when she grows up. Even if we have different views on something, we can understand and tolerate each other. I have an old mother to raise in my hometown. She is almost eighty years old. Husband is not very good at cooking, and the old man sometimes cooks for her son. I feel sorry for that, too. What should I tell my sisters when I fall and bump? I wanted to take Bao Xiao back to her hometown to attend kindergarten, but my son and daughter-in-law could not bear it. I also went back to my hometown when Bao Xiao went to kindergarten. "
Five: it's too hard to look after the children. Today's children are extremely precious, unlike when I took care of them myself, I not only looked at this child, but also served two older children, both inside and outside. Efforts have not been recognized by young people. Most young people feel that work is hard, and it is not hard for mothers to take care of their children. They think it is natural for mothers to take care of their children. Some mothers are even tired and sick, just want to escape and return to their hometown as soon as possible, where they have a sense of belonging and pride in being the owner of my site. Doesn't distance produce beauty? Only by keeping a distance from young people can we live in peace.
Let's say "Mom, you have worked hard, thank you!" "
Hello, I'm a hoe seeder. I'm glad to answer your question.
First of all, when the mother comes to look after the children, she is not only distressed by the children, but also full of joy at the arrival of her grandson, and seems to have assumed a responsibility that must be borne. During this time, my mother was very busy, watching the little life grow up day by day. Finally, one day, the little guy went from babbling to running all the way, into kindergarten and elementary school.
From then on, when the mother's burden was unloaded, she relaxed and suddenly felt that she was not practical at the children's home. It is not that children are unfilial, but that children are used to their own living environment and seem to have no roots in another environment.
Then, in the son's house, the daughter-in-law is no matter how good, after all, she is not a daughter, and there is always a veil in her heart. In a daughter's house, no matter how filial a son-in-law is, after all, he is not a son, so it is inevitable to consider his discretion when speaking. After a long time, my mother is tired.
There are also small couples, and it is inevitable that sometimes they will lock a few mouths for life. Mom will be anxious when she hears this.
Therefore, my mother still wants to go back to her hometown. On the one hand, people are quiet, on the other hand, she is her own master and free.
My mother once said to me: the children's home is not the parents' home. Parents' home is always children's home. Then respect the old people's ideas and visit them often.
Many parents take care of their children in the city and go back to their hometown. I summarize the reasons as follows:
1, longing for fresh air and free country life.
The old man lived a life of wandering clouds and wild cranes in the country. He had to make sacrifices for his children and go all the way to the city to take care of them. The main difference between rural areas and cities is that there is no communication between neighbors. In rural areas, villagers love to visit each other, so the whole family is not plugged in. In the city, it's just a nodding acquaintance between neighbors, and the old people don't adapt.
The city is full of traffic, factories and shops, so the air is not good, and the rural air is fresh, which is a natural oxygen bar.
2, different living habits, the golden nest and the silver nest are not as good as their own soil nest.
Old people and young people have different concepts of time at first. Old people go to bed late and get up early, while young people go to bed late and get up late.
Different eating habits. Old people like soft food, while young people like hard food.
Old people help to look after children, some leave their wives at home, and children are not considerate. Children and housework are left to the elderly, which is tiring and expensive.
Grandson is old, finally free, and returns to the earth nest to be the master.
3. Mother-in-law or son-in-law and mother-in-law can't get along.
Daughter-in-law is clean and doesn't like her mother-in-law's sloppy; Or the mother-in-law is cleaner, and she doesn't like her daughter-in-law throwing things around, doing nothing and bullying her son.
Son-in-law doesn't like her mother-in-law to spoil her children and protect her daughter; Mother-in-law doesn't like her son-in-law to be lazy and do housework.
For my grandson, when he grows up, out of sight, out of mind, hurry home.
I am a basin of autumn colors @ a basin of autumn colors. I regard time as a poem and think about it every day.
Why do some parents return to their hometown after seeing their children? What is the reason?
Now, if both husband and wife are dual-employed, they need an old man or nanny to take care of the children. Under the national conditions of China, most of them are taken care of by the elderly, replacing this caregiver. From birth to kindergarten, primary school and middle school, most children still have to go home. Why?
His hometown is where he has lived all his life. There are people, things, lifestyles and habits he is familiar with, and he is more comfortable there. When I am older, I am talking and laughing with my peers, and it is more relaxing to participate in square dance.
When children grow up, they feel that their contribution to this family is not too great, because most children can take care of themselves after entering junior high school. Even if parents go to work, they can still come back by themselves as long as they arrange lunch for their children at noon. So at this time, the old man feels that he is still returning to himself and his life circle is more comfortable.
In one case, when taking care of the children, the woman comes to the city to help take care of the children, and then the other person stays at home. Then the children grow up, and the old man still wants to go back to his hometown to support the elderly with his wife. It's good to have a companion every day. Be reasonable, children have to go to work, children have to go to school, and the elderly don't spend much time with them every day. Might as well go home by yourself.
Some are always nostalgic. The so-called fallen leaves come back to the roots, that is, the older people get, the more they miss the place where they lived. Therefore, many old people are still willing to return to their original life circle when they were young.
In fact, until the 1990s, there was no in-laws in China, or the habit of parents-in-law to help their children with their babies. Generally, men go out to make money, while women take care of their children at home.
Because, for a long time, men in China were able to support their families by working alone.
However, in the 1990s, this situation changed. Only when husband and wife go to work can they support a family of three or four. When they go to work alone, the family may not even have a full meal.
Therefore, as a last resort, the younger generation asked their parents to take care of the baby, which became a condition that must be discussed before marriage. Otherwise, no one will bring a baby to work, and there is no money to bring a baby at home.
Why, now the relationship between parents is generally worse than that of sons, daughters and sons-in-law:
First, 50% of parents-in-law have made it clear that they will not help their children with their babies or provide any financial help. In short, if I don't take care of you, you don't have to worry about my pension when you are old. But in fact, you have to rely on children when you are old.
Second, the remaining 50% is actually reluctant. Finally, I retired to help my children take care of their children, how to travel, dance square dance, chat and play mahjong, and even go to college for the elderly.
One is not, and the other is unwilling to come. Of course, there are some old people who like to spend time with their children and grandchildren, but there are too few, perhaps less than one third.
As a result, I managed to send my children to kindergarten at the age of 3, and to primary school at the age of 7 at most. My parents-in-law hurried away and enjoyed their old age.
I have to say that all people born after 1960 are actually self-centered and generally selfish, and will not have a family-oriented heart. After we were born in 8090, it was naturally the same.
This directly leads to the scarcity of the second child, the common first child and the increasing number of children year by year.
More than ten years ago, my mother came to Shenzhen to take care of my brother for several years.
Mom can't help it My brother and sister-in-law are all at work, and no one is taking care of the children. I can't afford a nanny.
Originally, I wanted to put my child in the village for my mother to take care of, so that my parents could not be separated. However, the mother is old (70 years old), the child is young (just one year old), and the sanitary conditions in the village are not good. It is too much for mothers to take care of them day and night, and it is not good for children to leave their parents. No way, mom left her hometown and came to Shenzhen separately from dad (dad refused to leave because he wanted to farm).
My mother stayed in Shenzhen for more than three years, my brother's children went to kindergarten, and my mother went back to her hometown.
Mother went back to her hometown not only because her father was in her hometown, but also because it was the place where her mother had lived all her life. Everything she knows, her feelings and her roots are there, so she can't leave. It is even more impossible when you are old.
Besides, children have children's lives, and mothers belong to their mothers. With older children, the mother feels that the task has been completed and it is time to return to her original life.
Parents take care of their children, reduce their family burden, and let them devote themselves to their careers and work, while enjoying family happiness. After the children go to kindergarten or elementary school, most parents go back to their hometown, and only a few continue to stay with their children for the elderly. The reason for this is the following：
First, a child's home is not his own.
After the children get married, parents should withdraw from the position of the head of the family, because the small family is not their own home, and the son and daughter-in-law are the heads of the family. All parent-child relationships should be centered on the feelings of the young couple, and the emotional harmony of sons and daughters-in-law is the basis of the harmonious relationship of the whole extended family.
Young people who work hard in other places or cities have to ask their parents to look after them because of economic or other reasons. Generally speaking, mothers look after their children more. Sometimes it takes three to five years to leave home and leave your wife alone.
I finally hope that my grandson will grow up and of course go back to his hometown. There is a saying: fallen leaves return to their roots, and it is difficult for old people to leave their homeland. There are everything she knows, relatives and friends she knows.
Second, there is a generation gap between two generations living together.
There is still a generation gap between the old and the young, and living habits and schedules cannot be synchronized. There are also some concepts that are very different and cannot live in harmony and communicate. For example, young people like to sleep late and get up late, while old people like to go to bed early and get up early. Old people think that we should do what we can, not extravagance and waste, and save if we can, but young people think that life should pay attention to quality and life is too short to be sorry for ourselves, so it is natural to go to restaurants often to improve food. At the same time, the concept of educating children is also very different. The old people are separated by several generations, and think that trees are natural and can be taken good care of. And young people believe that to educate children scientifically, people are unlearned, jade cannot be cut, and abrasive.
Third, I'm not used to living in the city.
The old people live freely in their hometown, with a broad rural vision and close neighbors. As soon as they go out, the whole village can talk. In the city, people don't say hello to each other, let alone chat. Besides, the old man has lived in his hometown all his life, and there are always three friends and four friends who can often chat and play together. In the city, except for my son's family, there is no way to communicate with others, and life is rather depressing.
When my mother-in-law is in poor health, my father-in-law will help us take care of our children for two and a half years. My father-in-law wakes up at 5 o'clock every morning, sitting alone on the sofa, his eyes full of loneliness and loneliness, which makes people feel particularly sad and uncomfortable. Besides, we are uncomfortable and worried all day. There is nothing wrong with the hospital examination, but it is actually a feeling of depression. Later, when Bauer is two and a half years old, he will try to send him to kindergarten and let his father-in-law go back to his hometown. When my father-in-law returned to his hometown, he was refreshed and all his diseases were gone. My mother-in-law said that my father-in-law was as happy as a child all day and played around the village. The farm work at home is particularly hard. Now I am 80 years old and still very strong. He doesn't want him to farm.
So parents take care of their children, and most of them go back to their hometown when they grow up. The reason is not that children are unfilial, but that old people like the free life in their hometown. Even if the work is very tiring, at least I am mentally relaxed and free. Therefore, as children, we should not only be filial, but also be obedient. When they are old, they should try their best to satisfy their favorite life.
Where can an old man go without going back to his hometown after seeing his children? Since he came to help look after the children, he naturally went back to his hometown after seeing the children, instead of moving in with them. These are two different things. Of course, if the elderly don't go back to their hometown, their children won't really want the elderly to go back, and they will respect their opinions.
As for why the old man went back to his hometown after watching the children, I probably summed up the reasons:
1. Not used to life
After all, now is the electronic age, and the elderly don't know how to use many things. They still like to do things in the original way. In this process, some health problems may occur. If a child doesn't say it once, he won't say it twice, but he will definitely say it for the third time.
2. The other half is in their hometown
Some old people are not husband and wife to help take care of their children. Usually grandma or grandma goes to the children's house in the city, and grandpa stays at home to look after the house or work. The old man brought up his children and naturally went back to his hometown to accompany his wife.
3. Relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
This is the main reason, even if the old man wants to live with his son and daughter-in-law, there will be some contradictions when two women live in the same house. Some old people will feel that it is better to suffer indignities at their son's house when they are free to go back to their hometown.
4. Deciduous leaves return to their roots
This is the idea of most old people. After they finished the task of taking care of their children, they naturally went back to their hometown to live. That's their hometown, where their life circle is, friends, relatives and so on.
Summary: Anyway, it feels very comfortable to go back to my hometown. When I get old, the children want me to help them with their children. I am also eager to return to my hometown. I don't like living with my children. Too free.
Why do some mothers go back to their hometown after seeing their children? What is the reason?
I want to leave my hometown as a mother to look after the children, which is also a last resort. No mother wants to leave her home where she has lived for decades and go to a strange place. Life is not used to it. The problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are real, but leaving home is really a last resort.
Sometimes I feel that bringing grandchildren is not the happiness of my family, but the pain of my family. China's habit will keep her mother-in-law busy for the next generation all her life. Children born by themselves have to work hard to raise their grandchildren, and their age grows day by day and their health gets worse and worse. The child doesn't understand and is exhausted. Only they know in their hearts that this kind of nanny who doesn't want money is often picked and picked, and all kinds of questions are said. No matter how hard she tries to perform her duties, she may not be appreciated.
So when the child is a little older and goes to kindergarten or elementary school, your son and daughter-in-law don't need you anymore, just leave quickly! When you are old, it is boring to save it. It is most important to have a comfortable life for a few years.
Most mothers go back to their hometown after seeing their children in cities or other places for the following reasons: First, because most mothers see that their children are separated from their wives, once they don't need to take care of them, they have to go back to their wives to take care of them, because their land and houses are in their hometown in the countryside.
Secondly, most old people don't want to live with them, because their living habits and eating tastes are different from those of the younger generation, and they have lived in the countryside all their lives and are not used to urban life. In the countryside, they have nothing to do, they are all acquaintances. In the city, there is almost no contact between people across the street, especially the elderly, who feel like being locked in a cage, so they are willing to go back to their hometown in the countryside. This is called hometown.
Third, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good. When raising children with my mother-in-law, I have no choice but to live together patiently. Once the child can leave, neither of them wants to be strong. It is also helpless to live together after separation.