"Why is it low back pain?"
This question hanging on the hot search list has made many people deep in thought.
Some people say: "It's because of sitting posture";
Some people say, "I pay great attention to my posture on weekdays, but why do I still have low back pain?"
What's more, mothers are complaining: how can children have low back pain when they are still young?
In fact, behind the long-term pain, in addition to visible physical problems, more are invisible psychological problems!
Physiotherapist Nick once mentioned: "Many times it is not a physical illness, but an emotional illness."
What is the relationship between pain and emotion? What's behind it?
1. Invisible child
For parents, the first reaction to seeing their children sick is to take them to the hospital.
But when you run around the hospital, after a period of treatment, you find that your child's condition has not improved, you should start to consider:
Are the child's physical problems related to his inner trauma?
There is a girl named Jiang Jing in the TV series "Female Psychologist", who lived under the mental control of her mother for 30 years, and finally suffered from bulimia nervosa, often overeating and vomiting.
After a long-term medical treatment failure, she turned to psychologist Daniel Horton for help.
In the clinic, Daniel Horton asked her, "Do you remember when you often overeat and vomit?"
The girl recalled: "When I felt nervous, especially when I repeatedly played the wrong piano or behaved abnormally."
Why does Jiang Jing suffer from bulimia nervosa?
The answer is obvious.
The traumatic experience of learning piano in childhood that was not recognized by her mother left a mark on her. When the present scene is "associated" with the past memory, it forms a trigger to activate trauma, leading to overeating and vomiting.
Jiang Jing's mother is a perfectionist. Because of the failure of her marriage, she poured all her expectations on her daughter and became very controlling.
My daughter likes drum sets, but my mother insists that she learn piano.
It is very painful for my daughter to learn piano. She practices more than 10 hours every day. No matter how tired and miserable she is, her mother won't let her stop.
Long-term training has covered her hands with cocoons. What is even more frightening is that after making mistakes again and again, she has to face the emotional collapse after her mother lost her temper alone.
Nowadays, whenever Jiang Jing talks about practicing the piano with his friends, he will feel uncomfortable in his stomach, as if the pain of suffocation and depression has been engraved in DNA.
Jiang Jing was angry with her mother, but subconsciously she longed for recognition and was forced to meet her mother's expectations.
Gradually, depressed, she will fill herself with food crazily every time she is stimulated;
But I hate that I can't resist, and then I spit out the food.
What did Jiang Jing throw up?
It is a resistance to mother's control, and it is self that is not seen by mother.
Therefore, she can only get her mother's attention by being "sick" and expect to gain control over her life after being "seen".
The body is like our notebook, hiding all the wounds and memories of growing up.
Especially the trauma from the family, even if the child grows up, it will cause some persistent physical pain or pathological changes because the trauma has not healed.
The relationship between parents and children is naturally like a U-shaped tube.
Once there is a problem in the relationship between the two, all the "toxins" will also flow into the child's body along the pipeline.
Therefore, parents need to always be aware of what the real deep-seated emotional appeal is under the appearance of children's "illness".
2. When the pain is remembered by the body.
"The body will never forget" said: "Time will not cure everything, and our bodies will remember those wounds."
The pathological changes caused by trauma are not conscious, but more a manifestation of the child's inner subconscious.
The human body has self-awareness, memory cells and its own language.
Therefore, the body will not lie, but will truly express what we experienced in childhood.
Just like a child who was often slapped in the face when he was a child, he will subconsciously resist others touching his face when he grows up;
Children who live in reprimand for a long time will become insecure when they grow up, and once they meet someone stronger than themselves, they will shrink back.
Our bodies spend their whole lives looking for the needs that we desperately longed for in childhood but could not meet.
There is a tourist named Meiya.
As a mother, she is worried about her 5-year-old child suffering from onychomycosis all the year round.
During the consultation, it was found that since they got married for two years, Meiya and her husband have been in constant conflict, often quarreling in front of the children, and they also started to smash things to make the children cry.
It can be said that children are the first victims to witness the "husband and wife war".
Although young, he has cast a shadow on his mind and is threatened by "family security".
As Meiya said, children will cry in the first half of the year, then they will become quieter and quieter, and finally they will even express their inner panic in a "sick" way.
Why?
Because a child who is often neglected and is under the "high-pressure emotion" of his parents all the year round will be in a state of mental tension, which will affect his health for a long time.
Winnicott, a child psychoanalyst, said: "Parents are the second layer of skin protection for children in their early years."
This skin is not only physical, but also psychological.
Parents who have bad feelings and often quarrel will not only make their children feel insecure, but also make them feel unloved.
In the long run, it will only bring deep fear and anxiety to children, and these negative emotions will be permanently stored in TA's body with the unhealed traumatic experience.
Children's immune system will also become more and more fragile because of the constant stagnation of trauma. Once it reaches the limit, it will break out and the immune system will be "completely destroyed", thus showing the disease of "incurable for a long time".
And this is the inner "distress signal" that children send to their parents. He is eager for his parents to really see TA and give it full and moist love!
The earlier and more serious the trauma experienced by children, the more obvious and lasting the physical symptoms.
If parents do not deal with it in time, it may also lead to permanent trauma between generations.
Only when love and healing appear will the body stop calling for help.
And those children who seldom get sick or no longer get sick often, it is precisely because their hearts are fully nourished that energy can flow smoothly in their bodies.
The body is the participant, experiencer, tentacle and witness of each of us, and it will truthfully record all the experiences that have been influenced by past experiences.
And always remind us what is the most urgent problem to be solved at the moment.
3. Give your child a healthy heart.
"The Truth of Life" mentioned: "Each of us will experience all kinds of accidents in our life. Many people habitually seek help from the outside world, just ignoring the fact that the body can help you the most. "
The body doesn't lie. It is the spokesman of the child's subconscious. When a child is traumatized, the body will bear the pain for him and protect himself for him.
How to let parents see their children's emotions, allow children to express them correctly, and let the love between parents and children flow naturally and smoothly?
First of all, we must be clear about the mode of getting along with children and see if it is more harsh than tolerance, and pay more attention to the outside than the heart.
If so, you can minimize rational expressions, such as "You should be XX, you must be XX, you can't be XX ...";
Comfort more emotionally, such as "son, you are very uncomfortable, anxious and upset now, right?"
Secondly, when children feel pain repeatedly and always make the same disease, reflect on whether they have not given their children enough spiritual nourishment.
Have a good family atmosphere, and mom and dad get along well;
Accept children unconditionally, and children are not afraid of making mistakes;
Always affirm them and see their efforts;
Parents often give their children positive physical contact (hug, touch, etc.). ) ......
Finally, parents should be themselves.
Do you realize that you regard your child as an independent individual? Or do you regard TA as a "container" to realize your unfulfilled dreams?
Leaving parents' problems to children will only make children feel at a loss, and finally they can only use "illness" to protect themselves.
Of course, in the face of imperfect parents, if we can't reconcile with them, we can also learn to reconcile with ourselves.
A tourist once said: whenever she sees her mother, she always subconsciously suppresses her anger and dissatisfaction. At this time, her body will feel severe pain.
The body can't be bought, so people must pay attention to the signals sent by the body, because the body knows that you are in pain and hurt at the moment.
After this layer of thinking, visitors give up the idea of reconciliation with their mothers, and no longer get unsatisfied love from their childhood mothers, but love themselves and satisfy themselves.
Gradually, when she was no longer persistent, her hatred for her mother disappeared.
So many times, we can try to say to the inner anxiety and fear of the body:
"Thank you for protecting my childhood trauma for so many years.
Now that I have met you and know you, I want to be good friends with you. You will always live in your heart, no longer dark or afraid.
Please rest assured that I will always come to see you with love and warmth. "
When one day, parents can better know how to love their children, then children will have fewer diseases.
And when we can re-read ourselves, know ourselves, know our bodies, our lives and our physical wisdom;
We will find that the truth can be found behind every disease.