Parent ego state (P for short) represents parents' values and exhortations, and it is the standard formed by parents when they teach their children their attitude towards life and the standards of right, wrong, good and evil. Showing a tendency to protect, control, care, criticize or guide. They will copy the policies and standards and make comments like, "You know the rules, Tom. The rules must be observed. "
Adult self-state, referred to as A, reflects the objective evaluation of environmental requirements, and is the result and process that children can distinguish the concepts instilled by their parents from those they have experienced and establish the concept of thinking. At the initial stage of its formation, it is tentative, and slowly grope for experience through "trial and error" to establish its own cognitive attitude. Show rational, calculating, respecting facts and non-emotional behavior, and try to update decisions by looking for facts, processing data, estimating possibilities and discussing facts.
Children's self-state reflects the feelings formed by childhood experiences. It may be instinct, dependence, creation or rebellion. Like real children, people with a child mentality want to be recognized by others and prefer direct rewards. You can tell this mentality from the emotional tone, just like an employee who makes a suggestion to his supervisor and says, "You are always picking on me!" " "Accustomed to the tone of voice.
These three egos are essentially different from psychoanalysis. What's the difference? The three components of self-personality mentioned in the blog post can actually be observed. For an adult, it can be clearly observed and judged whether one of his performances is based on the paternal self, the adult self or the child self. When an adult may dance with joy or cry, it is under the control of a childlike self. If he is strict and demanding, he can be said to be controlled by a parental self. If he is calm and decent, he is considered to be under the self-control of an adult. Bourne thinks that the human ego is actually observed, while the ID, ego and superego mentioned in psychoanalysis are subjective. He thinks this is different. However, it is generally believed that they are still related. In a sense, his formulation explains the relationship between the id of psychoanalysis and the actual social role of superego, because there is still a certain relationship between parents' representation of superego, adults' representation of ego and children's representation of id. In a sound and mature personality structure, the three forms of self, P, A and C, should occupy equal weight, and they are interrelated without overlapping. His personality is characterized by balanced development of body and mind, socially recognized standards of right and wrong, independent judgment, frank personality and warm feelings. Bowen believes that in a normal person, these three components coexist and behave properly in different situations. If a person can't behave properly in appropriate occasions, it means that there is psychological pollution.
Forms of psychological pollution:
P pollution
A person's thoughts and behavior are controlled by his paternal self, which occupies an unshakable dominant position in the adult self, and P infringes on the field of A, which is also called prejudice. His personality characteristics are: ignoring the facts and the logic of things, blindly taking preconceived ideas as the basis, taking completely irrelevant arguments as arguments to maintain the status of paternalistic self, stubborn and stubborn.
pollute
This is the pollution of adult self caused by the emotion formed in children's self or the untimely expression of old experience at present, that is, the field of C polluting A. This is because the fear formed by the painful interpersonal experience in the past has not been eliminated, leading to the attitude of rejection and distrust of others. Feeling is that under extreme pressure, things like derogatory sense, frustration and criticism that have been experienced reappear, even in the case of "nobody", which leads to ignoring the reality, daydreaming, which is an escape psychology caused by external pressure.
P pollution, a and c deficiency.
Parents' egos pollute adults' egos and exclude children's egos. The typical characteristics of this kind of people are strong sense of responsibility at work, suppressed by strict and responsible parents in childhood, and there are few happy childlike selves in the childlike self. This kind of person has a strong sense of achievement, morality and responsibility, and is too cold, serious and difficult to get along with, giving people a sense of indifference.
C pollution, a and p deficiency.
Children's egos pollute adults' egos and exclude parents' egos. This kind of person suffered many blows and failures because of his parents' early death, divorce or lack of their love, and no one taught him the code of conduct allowed by social life, which made him experience the cruelty and ruthlessness of life, harbor a kind of hatred, have no sense of shame, regret, embarrassment or guilt, and easily embark on the road of crime.
A does not work
The performance is to reject the adult self. This kind of person is usually a psychopath, and the adult self doesn't work, so he is divorced from reality and directly appears his father's self and childhood self. He is moody, vacillating, unprincipled, and has great emotional ups and downs. His behavior is completely influenced by the stimulation at that time, and he is willful and withdrawn. 1. The clue of father's self-state:
(1) Language Clue: For once, you should ... you can't ... you must ...; I wouldn't listen for the life of me. Always remember … how many times have I told you? If I were you ... when judging others, the common phrases are: stupid, naughty, funny, annoying, bad, absurd, nonsense, sad, no, baby, lazy, how dare you? Great. Okay, okay, what's going on? I won't. Wait a minute.
(2) Physical clues: frowning, pouting, pointing with index finger, shaking your head, looking "surprised", pointing with your feet, hands akimbo, arms crossed on your chest, shaking hands tightly, sighing, patting people on the head, raising eyebrows, clearing your throat as a warning, and looking up at the sky with a disapproving expression.
2. The clues of children's self-state:
(1) Language Clue: I hope, I want, I won't, I will, I don't care, I guess, when I grow up, the bigger, the biggest, the better, the best, I don't know, I don't care.
(2) Physical clues: tears, trembling lips, pouting, losing temper, screaming and whining, rolling eyes, shrugging, drooping eyes, trembling, teasing, being cheerful, laughing, raising your hand to speak, biting your nails, picking your nose, turning uneasily, smirking, etc.
3. The clues of adult self-state:
(1) Language clues: Why, what, where, when and how, my personal opinion is ... my personal opinion is ... what I mean is ... by what means, relative, true, false, possible, objective, I think, I understand and so on.
(2) Physical clues: When listening to others, blink your eyes every three to five seconds, which can be identified by different movements of your face, eyes and limbs, and your expression is frank.
In a word, P represents parents' attitude towards their children, which is either coercion, coercion, inducement, etc. Bring the other side to its knees; C stands for children's innocence, curiosity, indecision, willfulness, dependence, frankness and helplessness. , and they dare not give a clear answer or resistance, and have no clear understanding of their own abilities and values; A is characterized by introspection, objectivity, fairness, reasoning, consideration for others, consideration of cause and effect, integration of various conditions, clear organization, ability to find problems and propose feasible solutions, calm-headed, impulsive and practical. Through the above clues, we can analyze and judge the dominant self-state of visitors and objectively understand the characteristics of their personality structure. 1, the characteristic of parallel propagation is that the modes of P-A-C interaction are complementary. As long as the stimulus and response are parallel, the direction of the arrow is irrelevant. This form of interpersonal communication is harmonious and smooth, either with the same opinion or with one willing to fight and one willing to suffer, and the communication can go on indefinitely.
Types of parallel communication
PP vs PP: that is, both sides evaluate and judge things in an orderly or arbitrary way. Exodus stimulates: I want to solve this matter completely at once. Reaction: It should be! We must nip in the bud.
AA vs AA: both sides treat it rationally. Example: It looks like rain. Response: That's what the weather forecast says. CC to CC: Both sides are complaining about their feelings, not out of rational judgment. [Example] Stimulation: Father is the director. Reaction: What's the big deal? My father is a director.
PC to CP: One side treats the other side with the attitude of elders and authority, and the other side can accept it and get along well. Example: What's the matter? I can't do such a small thing well! Response: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault, and it won't happen again.
AC vs. CA: on the one hand, it is childish, on the other hand, it is rational. Husband: The competition for this position is fierce. I really want to give up. Wife: think carefully and think about your own advantages.
PA to AP: Although one party is rational, it is worried that it can't control itself, so it requires the other party to play the role of P and always supervise and guard against it. A husband was going to give up smoking and said to his wife, "If you find me smoking again, throw it away." The wife found out that her husband was smoking again, and she said that she couldn't smoke, while throwing away the cigarette. The husband smiled shyly.
2. Cross communication
The characteristics are as follows: in the P-A-C interaction diagram, stimulus and response are in a cross state, and Party B's response after Party A sends out information is beyond Party A's expectation. This form of interpersonal communication will cause unpleasant feelings, tension or communication interruption.
Types of cross communication
PC to AA: One side wants others to treat him rationally, but the other side must treat him with high pressure or orders. Student: This time, the evaluation is three good. Am I qualified? Teacher: Your academic performance is so poor, do you still want to evaluate the three good ones?
CP talks to AA: One side is reasonable and practical, while the other side likes temperament and sensibility. Example leader: What are the difficulties in life? Employee: Come on, hypocrisy, what formalism?
PC-to-PC: One side treats the other side by command, and the other side is not convinced and returns with the same attitude. Husband: Your cooking tastes terrible. You need to improve your cooking. Wife: You do nothing, and you have no right to gossip!
CP to CP: Both sides are more emotional, like to brag and show off, like to argue with each other, naive, and have overlapping communication. Student: This lecture is so bad that I don't like it. Teacher: I'm leaving. Come to class by yourself.
Step 3 improve communication
The transition from cross interaction to parallel interaction
(1) uses its own A-state to stimulate the other side's A-state and form AA communication.
(2) First, use parallel communication to ease contradictions (for example, comfort each other with their own P state or cater to each other with their own C state). ), and then stimulate each other's A state with their A state.
Example 1: Student: Teacher, am I qualified to make this evaluation? (AA) Teacher: This time, you don't even have to think about evaluating three good things! (PC) Student: What are the criteria for evaluating "Three Good" this time? (AA) Teacher: The criteria for judging the "Three Good" are ... (AA)
Script analysis
Script analysis is to let visitors perform their experiences from childhood to adulthood. Through the analysis of yourself and others, we can understand our attitude towards life, life scripts, ways and contents of accepting love, and then prescribe the right medicine, establish a healthy attitude towards life and let ourselves live happily and freely.
Review of interactive analytical therapy
First, the terms used in theories and methods are easy to understand, with clear definitions and simple and practical techniques, which are suitable for individual consultation and group consultation; Secondly, it can make visitors realize and understand the early decisions they made in childhood because of internalization. The theory and method of interactive analysis can be easily combined with other consulting theories, such as gestalt therapy and behavioral therapy, and the effect is good.
Interactive analytical therapy has been criticized for overemphasizing the role of cognition. In addition, although interactive analytical therapy also emphasizes the reciprocal relationship between counselors and clients, it is different from Rogers' humanistic theory. In the actual consultation process, visitors still can't get rid of the manipulation of consultants, and the interactive analysis theory rarely pays necessary attention to the personal quality of consultants in the consultation process, which is also the deficiency of interactive analysis therapy.
Reference: Theory and Methods of Psychological Counseling-East China Normal University Press