In the consulting room, Ms. He (a pseudonym), a visitor, looked sad. Referring to her husband's affair, she became excited and cried and asked the counselor, "Teacher, he told me that he didn't love the third party and only had me in his heart, but why didn't he let go of the other party?"
Ms. He is 35 years old and slim and beautiful. Her husband is the same age as her. They are free to fall in love, married for 6 years, have a 5-year-old daughter and a happy family of three.
Husband works outside to earn money, and his career is stable. Ms. He takes care of the children and housework at home. They cooperated very tacitly. They also plan to get pregnant at the end of this year and have another child to accompany their daughter.
Everything was planned well, except that her husband had some problems.
02
About a month and a half ago, Ms. He saw many things bought by single women on her husband's treasure list, including clothes, bags and daily necessities. The address is the same, but the recipient left her husband's phone number and name.
She is a little puzzled. Her husband doesn't like online shopping, which is more troublesome. He downloaded the software by himself. What about so many online shopping orders?
She thought for a long time, and there is only one possibility. He has someone outside, but he just guesses, asks directly, and doesn't know how to speak. In case of misunderstanding, it is not worthwhile to hurt their feelings. She suddenly thought of the delivery address, so she wrote it down and planned to follow it.
That weekend, my husband said to work overtime, get up early and go out in a suit and tie.
My daughter is still sleeping. She asked her neighbor Aunt Zhang to look after the children, tidy up at will and follow her.
Just out of the community door, I can't find my husband. So she took a taxi directly to her husband's company. As a result, the door of their company was closed and no one worked overtime at all.
She remembered the address she had written down before and asked the driver to drive by. She just wants to take a chance and doesn't even know what she wants. As soon as she entered the gate of the community, their car stopped next to it. She was very nervous, afraid that her guess was true.
03
She followed the address number and wandered around the door for a long time. She was so nervous that she didn't know whether to ring the doorbell or not. After about ten minutes, she rang the doorbell and even thought about the reason. If she presses the wrong number, she lies and says she is wrong.
It happened that I pressed it twice and the door opened. She looked at her husband, who was standing in front of her in his household clothes. She's completely confused. A woman's voice came from inside and asked who it was.
Ms. He ran out, and her husband hurriedly pulled her to explain. The woman heard the voice, saw her, and sneered at Ms. He. "It's really yours. Can you find it here? "
The husband told San Xiao to shut up, and Ms. He carried them behind her back and shed tears reluctantly. When they got home, the husband began to explain crazily that it was not what she thought, but just taking part in accidental amusement. He does not love women. Give him time and he'll clean it up.
After being sad for a long time, she calmed down and gave him a week to deal with it. Turn on his cell phone again, it's calm, without any trace. She thought it was over, so she didn't mention it again, and she didn't want to talk to her husband more.
04
Who knows it didn't take long to find out that he didn't break it at all. The quarrel broke out again, and the husband explained as for the first time that he did not love mistress, but loved her and the children.
In the same way, it sounds ironic. Ms. He threatened to divorce, but he refused. He refused to let him call San Xiao to break up.
Ms. He doesn't understand what her husband really wants. I don't want a divorce, I don't want to swear at San Xiao, and I don't like San Xiao. Why are you struggling?
She can't judge the value of this marriage, but it breaks her heart to think that the family may break up. What should I do?
The consultant believes that:
When a person wants to cheat, there are many reasons. It is human instinct to like the new and hate the old. The novelty of extramarital affairs makes many people fall into it uncontrollably.
Since you can't get the feelings you want in marriage, why not choose divorce but betrayal?
The answer to this question is simple, because of greed. Divorce is expensive and involves too much energy. He doesn't want it.
After your husband married you, his feelings have been very good, so he knows very well that you don't want to ruin this marriage because of an extramarital affair.
So every time he is caught by you, he will sincerely apologize and win your forgiveness. He has a good control over your psychology. He knows that you depend on him and don't want to leave him.
Softness is sometimes not a good thing. Being caught and used will be your weakness.
How to deal with this bad relationship? Suggestion:
First: adjust your mentality and cheer up.
Mind can't be chaotic. After all, things have already happened. If you have cried and vented, you must adjust your state to face it.
Second: Calm down and analyze the causes of marital problems.
Everything happens for a reason, and people who cheat are naturally wrong. It is important to calm down and straighten out the marriage problem. No matter whether the marriage is saved or put down, only by finding out the reasons can we release our hearts.
Third: adjust the way of communication, listen to his real thoughts, emotionally, know how to break up and safeguard your legitimate rights and interests.
If a person makes a mistake, we can give him a chance to make it up. If he makes the same mistake again, it is not a mistake, but his choice.
As a victim, his attitude should be firm. If he doesn't correct it, he won't give up. Those who refuse to turn over a new leaf are not worthy of your repeated forgiveness. In addition, we should protect our rights and interests and strive for our own things.
Fourth: After experiencing a setback, we should learn to sum up lessons, remain independent and re-plan our future life.
Marriage is a very important thing in our life. Marriage changes, unstable mentality, understandable, but can not be brought down. The person who made the mistake was the other party. Don't punish yourself with each other's mistakes.
Summarize the lesson, understand where the problem lies, and let yourself be less hurt on the emotional road in the future. Keep your life independent, don't depend on anyone, and re-plan your future life. One can still live a wonderful life.