"I don't know how to think, it's not normal thinking logic at all!"
"The last time is the way it is. Did you fall into the same ditch? "
"Why is it so difficult to advance such a simple thing?"
"Incredible question, no one found it?"
…………
Endless "complaints" are incredible, indescribable and unpredictable to some behaviors of Party A. ..
After consulting for a long time, you will get used to these "slots" and understand the normal logic behind these slots.
The reason why there are such doubts and sighs stems from the inconsistency between the two sides, such as goals and positions; Due to the lack of interaction such as communication and information acquisition; It also stems from the lack of empathy.
Yes, counselors need empathy.
Through a model, this paper analyzes why consultants need empathy and how to play empathy.
There is a very important tool in psychology called Johari Window, which is a model put forward by psychologists Joseph luft and Harry Ingham. It is considered as "one of the most interesting models to describe human interaction". JohanariWindow divides human information (or consciousness) into four types:
The first is the information that you know and the other party knows. This is the * * * knowledge area in cooperation, and the information enjoyed by both parties is completely symmetrical.
Second, the information you don't know, but the other party knows, is called your own blind spot.
Third, the information you know but the other party doesn't know is called the other party's blind spot.
Fourth, both sides don't know the information, which is the blind spot of cooperation between the two sides.
The production of cooperation is based on the knowledge, goals and trust of both parties, so the process of establishing long-term and stable cooperative relations is also the process of expanding the knowledge field and narrowing the blind area. This process needs each other's understanding, feeling with each other and establishing contact.
This is also the process of exerting empathy.
To tell the truth, it is difficult for both sides to enjoy the complete symmetry of information, especially people from two companies with different fields, cultures and business models.
So, let's first make some assumptions about the information in the * * * knowledge area.
* * * Information in the field of knowledge refers to predictable and negotiable information, and both parties are willing to share, communicate and negotiate openly. This information can help the two sides to reach an agreement more easily in communication and cooperation, such as the background and context of the matter, the goals of both sides and the common goals of both sides, such as the acceptable ways of doing things and cooperation, such as their respective experiences and advantages, as well as their attitudes towards cooperation and their efforts and willingness to make better cooperation.
Knowledge and cooperation are guaranteed.
For example, after the project is signed, the contents of the contract and SOW (Statement of Work) become a part of the * * * knowledge area, which is both public information and the boundary between the two parties.
However, whether the information cooperation based on the * * * knowledge zone represents security, everything is fine, but it is not. In reality, the boundary of * * * knowledge area is easily broken.
To give a few common examples, Party A's budget suddenly shrank, and Party B's service resources had to be adjusted, resulting in unexpected interference. There are always some unpredictable things that lead to different information held by both parties, and their understanding of information is biased, thus narrowing their knowledge. Of course, in rare cases, it is also possible to expand.
At this time, a value system is needed. When the balance is broken, both sides can agree with the facts, put down comments and promote communication.
This value system is empathy.
No matter what happens, we always believe that both sides have done their best.
This is a good example of a protective value system.
With this kind of empathy, even if there are temporary doubts and conflicts, the goal is the same, because where the relationship is, the trust is there.
The public sphere, knowledge, experience and experience of consultants are unforgettable lessons for themselves, but they are invisible or difficult to understand for partners.
That is, your own open area, the other side's blind area.
Because Party A doesn't understand this aspect, it will question it, and because Party B has experienced it, it will persist and be deadlocked. The former will complain, the latter will be arrogant, conflicts will arise and cooperation will stagnate.
For example, the customer insists on A, and the consultant puts forward that B is the appropriate choice according to his years of experience and painful lessons.
Choose a obediently, and you will see your other half fall into the foreseeable pit, and the result is terrible; Disobedience leads to a long-term dispute.
At this time, the most effective way to solve the deadlock is to share knowledge, find each other's blind spots and make up for those missing parts. Sometimes it is necessary to deduce different schemes and even set up a small experiment to verify the feasibility.
The value system at this time is: I understand what you don't understand and I understand what you don't understand, so I am willing to help you move from the unknown to the known.
With this kind of empathy, when the same thing happens again, the difficulty of solving it will be greatly reduced, because every time you solve a problem, it will help build trust and expand your knowledge.
Consultants often fall into this pit, because they don't know what they don't know, so they follow normal logic, make assumptions based on experience, and work according to assumptions.
However, it is often challenged, with different solutions, working methods, cooperation methods and even expression languages, and there are problems everywhere. No matter how you adjust it, it is hard to get to the point.
Party A will be confident and think the simplest thing, but the result is always lower than expected.
Over time, both sides will lose their sense of security and have anxiety or resistance.
Because consultants are blind areas, areas that Party A has not disclosed or does not want to disclose, such as hidden problems, such as subtle political relations, such as misunderstood contexts, such as personal demands and so on.
The consultant is caught in a blind spot, unable to find the reason and direction, both confused and full of questions.
I once met a typical example. When reporting, the other party was always dissatisfied and put forward many detailed "suggestions", which were several levels different from the overall orientation reporting theme. Later, through constant questioning and confirmation, the other party revealed the true demands. Because the business departments don't cooperate, it is necessary to "publicize" the action items with the help of consultants and make the final decision on the occasion of senior leaders.
When blind spots are uncovered, there is usually a feeling of sudden realization. From the other side's point of view, he suddenly understood the rationality of his starting point and appeal.
The value system in this case is: I believe there are always some things I don't know, but I am willing to listen.
With this mentality, counselors can give full play to their strengths, and guide the other party to express and communicate by asking questions, reviewing and analyzing the root causes, so as to release more information.
As a result, the knowledge field of * * * has gradually expanded, and these expanded knowledge fields will also become part of the consultant's "common sense".
I don't know, but I'm willing to look for possibilities with you.
This is the value system at this time, expressing an attitude of willing to grow together.
Because of this empathy, there will be more understanding and tolerance on the road of trial and error, mistakes and attempts, rather than the possibility of losing trust and cooperation because of the unknown.
The current era is full of uncertainty. Many times, Party A asks a consultant for help because he doesn't know what he doesn't know, but the consultant will also face many unknowns. It is necessary to transfer experience, learn knowledge, deduce plans, explore things that are still uncertain by both parties, and turn ideas into possibilities and possibilities into results.
For a typical example, in recent years, because of the development of data and intelligent technology, many enterprises hope to find value from data, but all ideas based on data have the nature of exploration, exploring what data are available, exploring what technology to use to find value and evaluate value.
Party A provides raw materials (data), while Party B provides processing methods (capabilities), creating possibilities through exploration.
If a small attempt succeeds, it is innovation, and the expected result is not obtained. Also verified the idea and learned the experience, both of which are very valuable.
Therefore, although they are all in blind areas, there are still many things to do, especially in an era full of unknowns and uncertainties.
To sum up, the establishment of cooperation lies in that both sides have * * * knowledge and goals, * * * knowledge is constantly expanding, and the goals are realized step by step, and both sides have trust, but this process may be full of conflicts and disputes. The most effective way is to establish understanding and connection, that is, empathy.
Teresa Wiseman, a famous psychologist, put forward four characteristics of empathy: accepting opinions, not commenting, seeing other people's emotions and trying to communicate with others.
This kind of empathy is exactly what consultants in cooperation need.