So, what makes us stumble in the process of communicating with colleagues? Basically, there are three reasons: I am always too sensitive to get along with my colleagues, I think about things before and after, I worry too much, I always compare myself with others, and then I constantly magnify my shortcomings, and even feel self-loathing and guilty.
1. Always get along too sensitively with colleagues.
We spend most of our day in the workplace, and the most frequent contact is with colleagues, so we will pay great attention to our impression in the eyes of colleagues. A certain degree of self-concern can help us establish a good image in the minds of colleagues; But if we care too much, it will make us sensitive. This kind of sensitivity will make us feel uncomfortable, sometimes timid and sometimes overreacting, and even our inner thoughts can't be expressed smoothly.
Phillips, too, always wants to show his good side in front of colleagues. When dressing up, I want to be casual, but I am afraid that my colleagues will say that I am too ordinary; I want to stand out, but I'm afraid my colleagues will say I'm too ostentatious. When he submitted his job, he did it faster than his colleagues, who said he was eager for quick success and instant benefit; I am slower than my colleagues, for fear that my colleagues will call me lazy. When talking to colleagues, I want to say a few more words, for fear that colleagues will say that they are too fond of performance; When you can't keep up with the topic, you are more afraid that your colleagues will say that you are unsociable.
Everyone wants to fit in, but at the same time, they have their own personality. Sometimes we can find a balance between the two, but many times it is difficult to have it both ways. On the one hand, we want to be different, on the other hand, we want to blend in with the crowd. We have been jumping back and forth between these two ideas, but we can't find a perfect solution. In the end, I was either isolated in the crowd or buried myself in the crowd.
There are always a lot of worries when thinking about the whole thing.
Sometimes we are too sensitive to communicate freely with our colleagues, and sometimes we miss the best opportunity for communication because of indecision and indecision.
Just like Phillips, sometimes faced with simple questions from colleagues, he is afraid that saying the wrong thing will affect his colleagues' views on himself. After considering how to reply, he missed the best opportunity to talk to the other party. Sometimes I received praise from my colleagues, but because I was shy, I didn't even say thank you. I just smiled awkwardly and reluctantly accepted it.
We always wonder why a good topic is broken when it comes to me. Why do I become silent as soon as I sit down at a hot meeting? Although there are some colleagues who feel stiff because of our poor communication, more often than not, we just worry too much, miss the opportunity to join the dialogue and can't keep up with everyone's rhythm.
I always compare myself with my colleagues and feel that I have many shortcomings.
So-and-so's performance has improved this month, and so-and-so's suggestion has been praised by the boss. We always have such colleagues around us, with high efficiency and high emotional intelligence. Often we compare ourselves with such colleagues, and the result of comparison is of course that we are losing ground.
Just like Phillips, designers who have served in the company for a long time always make fast and good designs, and the design requirements given by the company are clear and definite, which makes Phillips unable to do it himself. In contrast, Phillips thinks that he has not considered enough when thinking about how to design; When designing, in order to deliver the manuscript quickly, the design is often not detailed enough. After a while, Phillips began to feel less confident.
When we listen to other people's heroic deeds, we always sigh why we always lag behind others. Why can he do it? Why can he do it so well? Maybe he is really excellent, but we always sum up our achievements on our own shortcomings. We hope to do better than others, and it is in this comparison that we are disappointed in ourselves again and again.
02
How to improve allergic reaction in workplace communication?
In workplace communication, we are full of confidence in ourselves again and again and disappointed in ourselves again and again. While lamenting our own shortcomings, we never thought about what made us in the present situation. In fact, we are not bad enough, and we are not too weird to fit in with the group. We are just in an allergic reaction to workplace communication, and constant sensitivity makes us anxious and panic.
This allergic reaction, like a disease, spreads on us. On the other hand, since it is like a disease, there must be a remedy to improve it.
As the author said in the book, keeping things you shouldn't care about in your heart becomes trouble.
1. Practice dullness
We are sensitive because we are always observing people, things and things around us. The more carefully we observe, the sharper we will become, and excessive sensitivity will make us cautious. It is good to have keen observation in life, but being too keen will only lead to excessive fatigue. In order to improve this situation, we must exercise our passivity.
(1) learn "moderation"
Just as we can't do things perfectly, we don't need to establish a perfect image in the eyes of our colleagues, as long as we have a "medium" evaluation in the hearts of others. Learning the "golden mean" makes us more relaxed when dealing with people. Don't need too much entanglement, don't need too much worry, don't need 100 points, as long as 80 points is enough.
(2) How do others view themselves as "each other's problems"
We often guess what others think of us, but as everyone often says: what you think is what you think, and our views on other people's hearts are not necessarily right. In fact, other people's opinions about us are also their problems. That's all he thinks, and he won't tell you. So that we don't have to be bothered by other people's thoughts. Even if someone tells you what they think of you to your face, we don't have to worry. The later evaluation will make us correct, and the evaluation of life will make us progress.
It's good to have friction early.
If there is no problem with what others think of us, then friction with others is the problem before us. And many times, the reason why we are not good at communicating with people is to avoid friction with people. However, friction is not always a bad result, and sometimes it will enhance the understanding between people and prepare for smooth communication in the workplace in the future. Because friction with people is inevitable, we can't choose to avoid it, we can only choose to face it and solve the problem actively at the same time.