Analysis and interpretation: Some people say that marriage is like making tea. When we first met, it was like the first tea, too strong to melt. The newlyweds are the second tea, and they are happy and sweet. The days that followed were three teas, bland and tasteless, and gradually originated from boredom. There is nothing to add, only the world is hard to join, only those demands, suspicions and complaints are hard to swallow. Tea can be poured out and brewed again, but marriage is not enough. When couples in marriage are relatively silent, perhaps marriage has begun to wander in the "gray zone" of happiness and misfortune-sub-marriage state.
There is a so-called "sub-health" in the medical field, which refers to a state between health and disease. Of course, the "sub-health" in marriage is to get married first, but it seems a little far from the marriage we want. Someone has given the definition of Asian marriage: it refers to marriage in the legal sense, but there is no corresponding complete family life; Marriage is in crisis, but no suitable mediation channel has been found; Due to various reasons, the marriage situation is difficult, and there has been an embarrassing situation of living in two places and never leaving. In a sub-marriage family, the parties seem to have a complete family structure, but only they know how many shortcomings and happiness there are in marriage, but how to find a solution is at a loss.
To find a solution, we must first find the reasons for sub-marriage. The reasons for sub-marriage can be roughly divided into two categories. One is congenital deficiency, that is, marriage enters marriage at the beginning because there is no love or other purely utilitarian purposes. This kind of marriage can't escape the embarrassing state of sub-marriage without love. Of course, there are also a few people who make fundamental changes in their marriage through their own efforts. The so-called marriage before love is really rare. Sub-marriage from congenital deficiency is not the focus of our discussion and attention. What we should attach great importance to is that the dull marriage life after marriage makes the husband and wife drift away. There are four main reasons for the formation of the second marriage.
The first reason for sub-marriage: extramarital affairs. After marriage, the life of husband and wife is as dull as water, lacking * * *. Some people are lonely, others are unwilling to be lonely, so they have an affair with others, but it is not that the marriage is dead, just because the original marriage seems to lack * * *, and the affair is just for some * * * and adventure. The so-called love for the new is never tired of the old, and the affair is just for fun. The extramarital affair between husband and wife will eventually end, and it is over, tired, and there is no choice to divorce.
Countermeasures: Extramarital affairs may be because the husband and wife have no love, but it is more likely that they are just because the husband and wife are no longer * * * and the marriage is too dull. Of course, marriage is dull, but it can't make people feel suffocated. Couples should learn to create some surprises and * * * feelings in plain life. Dull and easy to make people numb. When temptation comes, people with poor self-control are likely to play with fire. Marriage needs to be managed and romance needs to be discovered. Couples should be good at understanding each other's psychological trends, and don't wait until something happens to cry. If there is an extramarital affair, if it proves that it is only a disaster caused by loneliness, you might as well learn to introspect first. The cold war is not a good way to deal with the problem, but we dragged our marriage into a sub-state.
The second biggest reason of sub-marriage: the separation between the two places. The separation between two places seems to be one of the reasons for extramarital affairs, so it overlaps with the first point to some extent. Why discuss it as a separate reason? Because the influence of the separation between the two places on the relationship between husband and wife is not only to lead to extramarital affairs, but more importantly, to make the husband and wife drift away emotionally, psychologically and physically. An indispensable and important function of husband and wife in marriage is communication. Without communication, couples will inevitably feel really lonely and urgently need the care and comfort of others. Psychological emptiness urgently needs the enrichment of others.
Countermeasures: In order to maintain a stable relationship, couples should always keep in touch, such as making phone calls, writing letters and sending emails. Happy time with memories is also a good way. People can easily get used to the habit of contact. If you are used to not contacting, then you won't have the desire to contact at all, so it's not far from Asian marriage. In addition, it is more important to create every possible opportunity to meet regularly, no matter how difficult it is. Even close couples can't stand the long-term separation, and they will be hungry both psychologically and physically. Remember: nothing is more important than the relationship between husband and wife. Aren't all struggles and things aimed at making love and marriage sweet and happy?
The third major cause of sub-marriage: life disaster. Life can't always be smooth sailing, the body may have major diseases, life may have major changes, and the career may encounter reefs. The ups and downs of fate and life have dragged down the couple, and the marriage is still maintained, but everything seems to have changed, as if there is no original feeling.
Countermeasures: No matter whether one spouse or the other spouse has life changes at the same time, it not only tests the feelings of husband and wife, but also tests their wisdom. Sometimes, feelings alone can't completely solve problems. Without feelings, wisdom alone can't do anything. In the face of disaster, fate is ups and downs. "Husband and wife are birds of the same life and support each other when they are sick." First of all, we should strengthen each other's feelings, and then learn to face them calmly and rationally, so that marriage will be dragged into a sub-state, which will not help reverse the disaster, but will more likely make the situation worse and worse.
The fourth reason of sub-marriage: domestic violence. Of course, hard violence of punching and kicking still exists, but what is more likely to exist in marriage and family now is the so-called cold violence, which is hidden, but it may be more harmful. There is no doubt that cold domestic violence will bring crisis to the family. When the parties in marriage are in cold violence, there will be no feeling of love. Marriage is just a form of marriage. "We don't talk almost every day. I sometimes want to communicate with him, but he looks cold and I can't speak at all. In this way, my spirit is really going to collapse. " A woman who is suffering from "cold violence" said.
Countermeasure: Why is there a cold domestic violence? The main reasons of family "cold violence" are the traditional gender discrimination that favors boys over girls, the disharmony between husband and wife, different family and social backgrounds, extramarital affairs, and women's loss of fertility. Both men and women in cold violence will suffer physical and mental injuries, especially women, which are as serious as the health damage caused by direct physical torture. As the saying goes, language is the key to the soul. In the face of contradictions, we must face up to them, and there is no way out to avoid them. When contradictions accumulate to a certain amount, qualitative changes will occur. Cold violence is like a "time bomb" buried beside a couple. If it is not found at any time and eliminated in time, it is likely to detonate, and the consequences are unimaginable. "Cold violence" is a mutually destructive practice, so it must be solved. Let's calm down, analyze the reasons and try to talk. If couples don't want to talk, they can communicate in other ways, such as texting or writing emails. If there is something that neither of us wants to talk about, we can leave it for the time being. Say some irrelevant questions first, and then communicate sincerely step by step. Finally, try to say goodbye temporarily when necessary, but we must seize the opportunity and time.
What if marriage encounters an affair? Friend: Real life is colorful and complicated. In a materialistic world, anything can happen. If a man or woman in marriage can't stand the temptation, or has the idea of liking the new and hating the old, is weak-willed and irrational, it is easy to fall into the rose trap of extramarital affairs or let a third party take advantage of it. . . In real life, a normal marriage should have love and morality, and husband and wife should respect each other and have the obligation of mutual loyalty; Any form of infidelity between men and women in marriage is immoral behavior that does not respect the spouse. Generally, men and women in derailed marriages are somewhat embarrassed about their families and children; As spouses, if you still love each other and don't want to divorce, then tolerance is the best way; Tolerance is a virtue, and the tolerance of a spouse can reflect a kind of generosity, and the success rate of saving her husband (wife) will be greatly increased. Maybe TA is wandering at the crossroads now, and pulling a TA at this time may return to the family; It is possible to push TA to "that side" with a push; For the sake of TA who is still in love, (for the sake of children) and the integrity of the family, the spouse should try his best to help his other half.
Of course, if TA is stubborn, we should carefully consider whether she is married or divorced with her spouse.
What should I do if I encounter asexual marriage? See if my feelings can stand the long test. If it doesn't work out, let's just stay together. In both cases.
Don't be silly, get a divorce! I put up with it for almost ten years for the children. Finally, because he lied to me and lied to my relatives and friends, I am now accused of contract fraud and have to divorce.
How to solve the seven-year itch in marriage? People outside can't help you with these things, and you have been thinking about the itch for seven years, which is obviously caused by some other ideas in your heart!
What if the marriage encounters cold violence? Don't look at those insincere answers that are copied and pasted. There is always a reason for cold violence, and finding the crux can solve the problem. I really can't separate. When young
What should I do if I meet a mistress in my marriage? Take a comprehensive measure, look at your feelings, see how long you have been married, see your marital status, and see if you have children. ...
If the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and he truly repents, then he will spend his old age with his heart.
If he doesn't repent and you can't get it back, then consider defending rights.
Show your husband your card. If you can afford it, separate it. Once a man cheats, he cheats twice. There is no need to give him a chance.
What if marriage encounters cold violence? To be honest, this is a bit difficult.
First of all, I don't want to criticize what's wrong with cold violence from the moral high ground, and break up when I meet it, because it can't solve practical problems at all.
Secondly, there are two kinds of cold violence. One is that you don't want to talk, and it's useless to talk. The other is to punish each other in this way and make yourself Japanese.
Therefore, according to the specific situation, specific analysis. What kind of situation is your other half? You should know more or less. The specific problem may not be clear, but the other person's mentality is always clear. Don't want to say or want to punish.
If you don't want to talk about it, it's hard to say or it's useless to talk about it. Then the key to the problem may be the event that triggered the cold violence. Then I think we can talk about this problem alone and try to talk with each other. You don't want to blow it up, don't worry, speak slowly.
If you want to punish, then I think this method is a bit dark, but to be honest, there must always be a way to vent. Everyone will say that this is not good and that is not good, but people always have to vent, and negative things must be exported. So I think I can take the other person to vent, let the other person vent slowly, release the negative things in my heart, and then talk about specific issues.
But on the whole, cold violence always feels like a dead mouse grinding a gun when getting cold feet, so it is not easy to solve. If it can't be solved, then consider divorce.
What if the marriage is betrayed? Of course, there should be more loyalty, more tolerance and more dedication in my marriage, but these are actually very empty concepts, and no painful feelings come true and strong. When the pain exceeds the endurance, breaking up is also a relief. But what I want to say is that liberation is not the end, if you feel pain.