And my lover support four children on a meager salary, especially after having a younger son, the days are very tight. At that time, Lao Zhao and his lover's parents were in the countryside. Later, they sent their two daughters back to their hometown and asked their parents to take turns to help until they were about to go to school. So my daughter is very close to her grandparents.
The two daughters didn't go to kindergarten and grew up in the countryside. They learned nothing, but they did a lot of farm work. So when I first entered school, the gap with other children was obvious, and I always failed the exam. In Lao Zhao's view, this is all caused by her daughter's lack of hard work.
This kind of psychology has caused obvious differences in the status of sons and daughters at home. My son didn't do well in the exam because of carelessness; My daughter didn't do well in the exam because she didn't work hard and was stupid.
It has been like this for a long time.
Lao Zhao has absolute authority at home. Children are not sensible when they are young. When they saw their father angry, they only knew that they were afraid. In addition, the daughters spent little time with their parents since childhood, which gradually caused great psychological pressure on their children: the two daughters have been shivering at home for fear of making any mistakes and being taught a lesson by their parents.
This attitude of Lao Zhao has gradually caused a gap between his son and daughter. Originally, a family of six was crowded in a small house, but every day they looked up but didn't look down, but they were secretly divided into two factions: the two daughters had a very good relationship, but the two sons often watched jokes.
The children grew up, went to school, took part in work, and got married one after another.
After getting married, Lao Zhao began to think about his grandson again. Children catch up with family planning, and a family can only have one child. It is purely a matter of "gambling luck". Lao Zhao looks forward to having grandchildren every day. The boss is "disappointing" and the family is a daughter. Fortunately, the youngest obeyed the old man's wish: he gave birth to a son. Lao Zhao was very happy: it seems that he has made up his mind to have another one. How correct this decision is.
As for the two daughters, it doesn't matter whether they have boys or girls. Anyway, they have sons with foreign surnames, so they can't pass on their clans to their own families, and they can't inherit them.
Children are different. In Lao Zhao's eyes, the youngest son is the best.
Of the four children, only the youngest son is a college student. More importantly, he gave birth to a grandson for himself. The boss didn't catch up with the good time, and he joined the work after graduating from vocational high school; Both daughters have no talent, and they are both junior college students.
After work, all four children stayed with the old man.
On weekdays, the two daughters communicate a lot. The two sisters get together from time to time to sum up and play together. The children of the two families have played together since childhood and have a good relationship. On the other hand, the two sons, the eldest and the fourth, have little contact with each other, let alone their daughter's home. Four children, it seems a little close.
If there is any contact, it is mainly at Lao Zhao's house. No matter what prejudice the old man has against the children, the four children will go back to get together with the old man every once in a while. I don't have much time, just twice a month. Catch up with the old people for birthdays and Chinese New Year holidays.
When he just retired, Lao Zhao had no feeling about whether the children often came back. After all, I'm not too old. I just retired and have many old friends and buddies. Slowly, with the growth of age, old friends meet less and less, and at most they just make a phone call to talk to each other.
That's what people do. When they reach a certain age, they become more and more dependent on their families.
Lao Zhao and his wife are both in their seventies. What Lao Zhao usually does most is not to accompany his wife, but to call the children in turn and ask them to come back.
Sometimes I get bored with my children. Once the boss told Lao Zhao:
"Dad, you and my mother are not very good? It's nothing. Let's go out for a walk. I have too many things to do and I am too busy. "
Laozhao said with a sigh:
"I told your mother all my life, there is nothing to say.
Ok, just remember to come back for dinner when you have time. Before coming back, call ahead and get it ready for you. "
In your daughter's case, whoever evades a little will generally attract Lao Zhao's temper. So sometimes two daughters often complain when chatting privately.
"What do you say you owe dad in my life? Early know, don't give birth to us is not finished? "
One day, Lao Zhao was idle at home, chatting with his wife. At some point, I don't know what suddenly occurred to me, so I called my wife and found out all the passbooks at home.
Lao Zhao's family has several passbooks. According to Lao Zhao, it is to separate the money and "spread the risks". They spread the passbook on the table and found a calculator.
My wife asked:
"This is the thought of what? Is it fun to look at the numbers? What can I enjoy with that little money? "
Laozhao didn't look up and replied:
"What do you know? No matter how little is a number!
You don't care about anything all day. Do you know how to give more money to the elderly now? We have to settle accounts. "
At this age, my wife is actually quite satisfied, and there is nothing more demanding. In this life, people have to eat, drink and live? How much can I eat with money? Can you still be hungry without money?
Lao Zhao ignores his wife, so forget it. After a long time, he said to his wife:
"These two bankbooks are all your names. Go back and wait for the expiration date. You can put them together and save them in your name. I included interest. Don't touch it unless you have to. All our big expenses will come from here in the future.
The rest, I have collected together, and I have put them all back together.
In the future, it is enough to combine the passbooks and save three copies. One for the boss, one for the youngest, and the other for two maids. I have calculated all the figures. "
My wife took it and looked at it, and gave it to the youngest and the oldest. One of the two daughters * * * 40 thousand yuan. My wife didn't understand what this meant and asked:
"How to divide it?"
Laozhao should way:
"This is not written clearly?
Two sons take the big head. My hometown is my grandson, so leave more. Although the two girls are married, many of them are inseparable. I think they are our own children, so we must save some.
There is also our house, which will be left to the fourth child and passed on to the grandson. "
After that, Lao Zhao read it again and was very satisfied with his distribution. Later, I added:
"This thing, back to the children. I will write a piece of paper and we will all sign our names. "
My wife vaguely felt that something was wrong, but she couldn't say anything was wrong. She tentatively said:
"Do you want to reconsider?"
Chen eyes once again, impatiently say:
"What do you want? When you are an aunt, you can divide the property as you like. Do you have to discuss with your child? "
When the children were confused, Lao Zhao caught up with them and announced his thoughts to them.
In Lao Zhao's view, this is a family fortune that has been saved with his wife for a lifetime. How to deal with it is up to him. From this point of view, there is no problem-everyone has the right to arrange his own property, and others have no right to ask.
When the children heard Lao Zhao's arrangement, Lao Zhao asked, "Do you have any opinions?" No one answered. Looking at the children's performance, Lao Zhao said unhurriedly:
"Say yes first, this is a notice, not your suggestion. Not talking is agreeing. You sign your name on it. "
Pass it to the boss first.
The boss took it over and over again, but the pen never left behind. Lao Zhao kept urging, but the boss didn't respond. Lao Zhao is a little angry:
"Is it so difficult to sign? Sign it for me quickly! "
The boss listened, but put down the pen and paper:
"Dad, I don't sign. Why give Lao Si so much? Even if the money is included, the house was given to him by one person. Why? "
After two "why", Lao Zhao felt that his son was questioning himself. As the head of the family, being questioned by children has greatly hurt self-esteem:
"Why? You have the ability to give me a grandson? The house is for my grandson, that's all.
What about you two? "
After that, I ignored my eldest son and asked my two daughters.
The second daughter whispered:
"Whatever you say, it has always been like this since childhood?"
The daughter's words are undoubtedly full of complaints. Laozhao temporarily pressed down the fire and looked at the old four:
"What do you think?"
Seeing that my brother and sister didn't sign, Old Four didn't dare to stand up for himself and didn't respond.
Looking at four children, Lao Zhao nu way:
"What's the matter? I'm old, can't talk? Are you all thinking about rebellion?
I'm telling you, it doesn't matter whether you sign or not. Sign it. Dad respects you. It doesn't matter if you don't sign! That's settled. "
After that, Lao Zhao picked up a paper full of property distribution and angrily returned to the house.
The four children didn't say a word. After a while, the boss got up and went out without saying hello. While muttering 1:
"How to get so disorderly teng ..."
The two daughters looked at each other and went out together.
Old four wants to say hello to his father before he leaves. As soon as he opened the door, Lao Zhao said impatiently, "Get out! No one will come in the future! "
Conclusion Is it wrong for Lao Zhao to arrange property? From a legal point of view, there is no problem: your own money is your own decision. If you want to find "flaws", it is nothing more than the topic of sharing property with your wife, and it is nothing more than the identification of this paper signed by the two. This involves how to make a will and how to ensure the validity of the will. This article will not be shown for the time being.
Just like the boss said "a mess", just like the two daughters said "it has been like this since childhood", this is the atmosphere of this family at present. What's the point of a family atmosphere full of complaints, injustice and negative energy?
Lao Zhao is right about one thing. He knows it very well: the head of the family. He knows that he is the head of the family and the most important role in maintaining family relations. However, I didn't think clearly what kind of way and attitude to play this role well. Take one thing that Lao Zhao thinks he has done well: he gave some to his two daughters. And the result? Aren't the two daughters complaining? Divide the money, but also complain, what is the significance of this kind of "goodwill" distribution?
Is the child's reaction wrong, representing disrespect for parents? I'm afraid it's not that simple to understand. Who doesn't have any emotion, psychology, emotion, and even a desire for money?
It seems that when it comes to disputes over the distribution of property between children and parents, it means that children are greedy for money, filial piety and mercenary. In reality, the practice of an old man like Lao Zhao has caused bad feelings between his children, and there are countless cases. It is nothing more than alienating the relationship between future generations and even going to court-this is the result.
Therefore, the distribution of family property is a process and means, not an end or result. I hope that the elderly must understand this, and don't think that it is enough to divide family property according to their own wishes.
If the purpose is to leave it to a child, no problem, make such a plan: the child can do whatever he likes, and it doesn't matter. But at the same time, we should be prepared in this respect: don't expect and impose it on "weak" children, and let them support them willingly. If the purpose is to use money to meet their pension needs, it is a completely different usage: to motivate those children who really support themselves and are good to themselves. It is the most appropriate way to reflect fairness with property distribution and inspire children to establish correct values-this is the starting point to remind the elderly to consider such problems from a personal point of view.