Why do some women always get eaten to death in relationships?
Because they have no framework.
What is a framework? Frame is the ability of two people to influence each other. Including a person's three views and influence.
If you still don't understand, let's give an example:
Negative example:
Man: "I don't like spoiled girls very much." Can you cook? " (Propose the framework)
Woman: "I can cook fried rice with eggs." (falling into the frame)
Man: "Great, try your cooking sometime." (losing its dominant position)
Positive examples:
Man: "I don't like spoiled girls very much." Can you cook? " (Propose the framework)
Woman: "Yes, if you behave well, I will reward you for eating my best braised fish." (anti-frame)
Man: "Really? Then I must perform well. " (falling into the frame)
It turns out that smart women "tame their husbands" like this.
If you don't want to lose the initiative in the relationship, you must put forward a framework in the chat to make men conform to your rules and improve their social status.
If you don't have your own framework, then I'm sorry, you can only be led by others forever and abide by the rules of others' games.
Your frame determines your position in love.
1. Without a framework, dreams will become nightmares.
You must have heard this story:
A boy made up his mind to marry a girl;
How crazy a boy is about a girl and even eloped with her;
After several years, I was still inseparable. ...
Unfortunately, beautiful fairy tales always happen to others. When it's your turn, the romance in the dream can only be turned into a chicken feather in reality.
Many girls, before starting a relationship, always have all kinds of romantic fantasies in their minds-such as imagining each other's appearance: how tall, what they look like, how they feel, and so on.
However, in reality, look at the male companions around you. How many of them are completely in line with my previous imagination?
"Looks are not important, the key is to be good to me." This is the first time that a girl has failed to establish a framework: the first compromise, the compromise with society, the environment and herself.
I saw a message on the internet, and the netizen said, before we got married, I asked him, "Who will do the housework after marriage?" He said, "Of course, whoever has time will do it." I was quite moved at that time, because too many men around me always felt that housework should be done by girls. Just think about your boyfriend. I found myself cheated after I got married. Whoever has time to do it means that he will never have time, so he will never do it. ...
It's like this: men don't do housework at home, but they create more trouble for women. There are countless complaints.
Girls who are driven crazy by heavy housework can only complain.
That's why there is such an explosive topic as "men who don't do housework are pigs" and "not doing housework is the most terrible male subject in marriage", which attracts people's attention and causes countless women in the workplace to sing bad songs. This is the second time that a girl has failed to establish a framework: compromise on emotion and marriage.
Indeed, the girls' third compromise was shocking:
A friend told me that once she quarreled with her boyfriend because of a trivial matter, and angry words poured into her boyfriend's heart like the water of the Yellow River. The other person was all thumbs, so she got angry and made a rude move.
Everyone understands the truth that "domestic violence is only once, countless times", but the truth is the truth after all.
She lowered her head and explained to her family and friends, "I am also wrong about this matter. Just communicate well in the future. "
After that, in her marriage, there was nothing better, only worse.
Many sisters and aunts who came from the ups and downs of marriage told me the secret of maintaining a long-term marriage, and that is patience.
Proper patience is reasonable; However, blindly compromising and losing one's own principles and bottom line will not necessarily lead to sweeter feelings, mutual understanding, consideration, tolerance and gratitude. More likely, the other party is fearless and dismissive, so that the two gradually drift away and even turn against each other.
What do these questions mean?
We can draw a conclusion:
No matter before starting a relationship or after entering marriage, many girls have not established their own internal framework.
2. The secret of the framework
What is the internal framework?
The general understanding of the framework is that after a thing is well defined and the definition and process are divided, others are not allowed to challenge and change it; Simply put, it is the bottom line of your own principles, untouchable, unchangeable and unchallengeable.
In the real society, it is not easy for many people to establish their own internal framework, which is difficult to operate and implement. Why?
Because it must clarify several important premises:
1. Who am I?
2. What kind of long-term relationship do I want to establish?
3. What kind of energy do I need to pay before and during the establishment of this relationship?
4. What are its principles that can't be touched?
When doing emotional counseling, we often encounter such emotional problems:
For example, "Why did I treat him so well and he left me?"
Because you never express your needs, you just give unconditionally, and over time the other party will completely ignore your feelings.
Even if you don't want to do something, you will choose to obey because of the other party's request.
In the long run, you invest a lot more than the other party, and the sense of demand naturally increases, and you are even more vulnerable.
At the same time, as the dominant lover, he simply can't appreciate the fun of feelings, and feelings naturally come to an end.
This is a typical performance of not establishing its own framework.
For example, "I never quarrel with him. Once there is a contradiction between us, I mostly tolerate, compromise and compromise, but why did he break up with me? "
It is inevitable that two people will have big and small problems when they get along.
For emotional problems, you never put forward your own views, avoid the heavy without a bottom line, and pretend to be tolerant without a frame. Even if we gradually forget this small contradiction with the passage of time, we will leave a knot in our hearts and even scars.
The emergence of problems does not necessarily lead to emotional collapse. However, if two people don't solve the problem, the potential crisis is actually bigger-small problems turn into small contradictions, and small contradictions eventually turn into unstoppable and irreparable struggles.
Without the inner bottom line and framework of self, it is impossible to promote benign communication. He doesn't want to communicate with you either. Without emotional understanding, he naturally can't last long.
It can be seen from these two questions that many people often overlook a key point: the way people around you treat you often stems from your "requirements"; Before you know it, you will find that you have sent out corresponding signals and let others deal with you according to these signals. You know, no matter whether the relationship is benign or malignant, you have created a way for others to get along with you.
Therefore, in order to maintain a benign long-term relationship and avoid contradictions, it is most important to establish your own internal framework.
If a woman doesn't have her own frame or the frame is weak, she will be easily touched by a man, thus challenging your bottom line again and again until she is defeated, leaving no residue.
Countless bloody realities have proved that people without a framework are unattractive, and it is even more difficult to save love.
3. How to set a favorable framework for yourself?
To avoid entering the mode of the film "28-year-old Minors", Nini played the 28-year-old and played the 34-year-old Mao, who debuted for ten years.
The wish every day in cool summer is to enter the marriage hall with "Prince Charming" Mao Liang as soon as possible;
However, due to the busy work, Mao Liang has no intention to take care of the cool thoughts in summer;
Xia Liang was desperate at my best friend's wedding. She put a low profile and took the initiative to force Mao Liang to get married.
Forced marriage failed, in exchange for a word: you and I are not ourselves, let's break up!
It is undoubtedly a good thing for girls to boldly pursue the boys they like, which at least shows that women have the following advantages:
Take the initiative (girls dare to take the initiative. Targeted (Girls know what kind of people they like. Reflection (Why don't women chase men as barrier yarns? Love is not that simple. Facts have proved that blind pursuit and confession without their own framework is not separated by a layer of yarn, but by a mountain.
Later, the plot of the movie came to a big reversal: I was heartbroken in the cool summer, but unexpectedly, my brain returned to 17 years old, but my body did not change. Little Xia Liang met and fell in love with the young Yan Yan in the body of Daxialiang. At this time, the small young mentality and indifferent attitude towards her rekindled interest in her.
So, what are the criteria for girls to attract boys?
Not chasing, but "squatting"; Attract, but don't confess.
Men are all bitchy animals, and the prey delivered to the door on their own initiative is far less precious than what they painstakingly pursue.
Therefore, try to get along well with each other, let them have the desire to get to know you and get close to you, and take the initiative to be curious about you.
Legend: "You and me, was it true at that time? We were children at that time, but we really fell in love, right? "
I believe I am more valuable. My friend's colleague, 38, is unmarried and is a standard "older unmarried young woman".
I heard the other day that she was introduced to a blind date again. The other party is in his forties, divorced and has a small career.
Supposedly, this time she should have an advantage, slightly better than the other party in all aspects.
Surprisingly, after the two met for a meal, the man actually thought she was old!
Omg, which woman can stand such an evaluation? Why don't you go back?
The terrible thing is that the other person thinks she is old, and the most incredible thing is that she thinks so herself.
At this moment, I finally understood an old saying: mud can't help the wall.
In this way, after being hit directly or indirectly again and again, she became more and more inferior, and finally she could only sigh helplessly: I will die alone!
Why is a 38-year-old "unmarried young woman" dating a divorced uncle in his forties rejected and bullied by the other side?
In her subconscious, as early as in his forehead posted a few labels:
I am weak; I am old and ugly; I don't deserve to be loved; Everyone bullied me! When you use this label to show people, others will not bully you. Who else will bully you?
If you want to be respected by others, you must first respect yourself.
Improve your discrimination. You once said: 99% of people need to be reborn after the age of 20. You need to rebuild your three views and rebuild your life keel. Only in this way can you live a happy and valuable life in this cruel and opportunity-filled world.
So, what is one of the most important signs of happiness?
Yes, improve your discrimination.
A man's online conversation about picking up girls aroused my interest-
M: Actually, I like you. I don't deny this feeling. I always thought that no woman could impress me, but you are an exception.
Female:
Change back to a smiling face.
M: I like being with you, but it's none of your business. This is my own business. After this period of time, it may fade.
Female:
An expression of grievance.
M: I don't lack women. I am short of women with feelings. I have feelings for you, but you have no feelings for me. So I choose to go back to my world and waste my life with women I don't feel. You can only look, not approach, I don't accept a woman who I like but doesn't like me.
Female: ...
He remained silent and updated a message in the WeChat photo album. He took photos with several women in a nightclub, and one of them was kissing him.
Then, he left a message to hint at her how much I wish the woman who kissed me was the one I loved, but the one I loved didn't have enough courage to occupy my heart.
God really rewards people who have ideas. Sure enough, the girl raided his door at midnight. ...
Legend: "Do you think our love can make us never part?" "I think our love can do anything."
Faced with these skills summarized from countless emotional cases, how can a woman fall madly in love with you if she doesn't have her own internal stable framework and improve her discrimination, and always "the enemy is stronger than you" and "evenly matched"? Let alone maintain a long-term relationship.
"True love = hook him up forever."
Without framework, discrimination and emotional intelligence, how can it be easy to hook up?
Whether it is "teasing" people or being "teased", the internal stability framework can play a role.
Only in this way can we get what we want-let men fall in love with you crazily, have a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship, and enjoy the right to love and be loved to the maximum extent.