"This, this is how to return a responsibility? Isn't it high emotional intelligence to talk and have eyes? How can it be unpopular? What is high emotional intelligence? " You may have a series of questions.
In fact, the problem is that many of us don't understand the definition of "emotional intelligence" at all, and think that it is high emotional intelligence to convince the other party or make the other party speechless. In fact, no one will like this aggressive atmosphere. If you don't talk, you are just tired of communicating again. This "high emotional intelligence" look is really annoying.
What is real emotional intelligence?
Academically speaking, EQ includes four aspects: environmental adaptability, emotional adjustment, will control and goal clarity.
Environmental adaptability is easy to understand. People are social animals, exist in the environment and interact with it, so we should try our best to adapt to the surrounding environment. Emotional adjustment wants to cooperate well with others, so that we can know our emotions and learn to express them properly. Will control can also be understood as persistence, which means cultivating the spirit of concentration; Clear goals mean people should have short-term or long-term goals. Without goals, there is no motivation in life, and people with a sense of goals are more likely to succeed.
Simple analysis, if this definition is put into life practice, then the real meaning of EQ lies in: being yourself happily; Make others feel comfortable; Always move forward with a firm goal.
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We train emotional intelligence, not to distort ourselves to please others, but to be ourselves happily.
Cai Kangyong, a well-known host in Taiwan Province, once said in the "Cai Kangyong EQ Classroom": We pursue high EQ, not without emotions, but with appropriate emotions; I don't twist myself to be liked, but because I am comfortable being myself, so people around me are relaxed and liked.
So what is the appropriate emotional expression? In life, we don't take the initiative to find things, but we don't flinch when we meet things, nor do we blindly wronged ourselves, and we repeatedly give in to achieve the so-called superficial harmony.
Jing M.Guo, a well-known writer in mainland China, is often criticized by the public for his thin figure. Once I participated in a variety show, several tall and strong male players greeted the host and judges after performing the show. The first sentence is: "I heard that Teacher Jing M.Guo came today. Why didn't I see him? " There was a burst of laughter under the stage, and then the contestant said defiantly, "I want to ask how thick Mr. Guo's thigh is." Jing M.Guo listened calmly, picked up the receiver and said slowly, "I remind you that humor makes people happy, not attacking others at the beginning. It is ok to entertain the audience happily, but the next time you meet a boy who is small and thin and not as strong as you, you don't have to say so. " This answer was decent and polite, did not embarrass the scene, but also hit back at the player's spit, which attracted the admiration of a group of viewers. The host continued to ask several male players, and finally he had something to say to Teacher Guo. One of the contestants said, "I hope Mr. Guo will study hard in the future and make some contributions to the shipping industry of the motherland like us." Not only did this sentence not apologize for the rude ridicule before, but it was said inexplicably. Jing M.Guo is not a scientific researcher, so there is no need to contribute to the shipping industry. Jing M.Guo replied, "You have practiced very well and excellently, but I think you should be a positive force, not someone thinner than you. I can't see him as soon as I come up. Where is he? You do a good job in fitness, and everyone admires you, but it doesn't bring you superiority. I have a sense of humor, but I don't like people I don't know to make such jokes. " This answer first affirmed the performance of the contestants, and then expressed their views and dissatisfaction, which won unanimous praise from netizens, saying that Jing M. Guo's words were quick, reasonable and correct.
Cai Kangyong thinks: "Traditionally, our definition of high EQ is to erase our emotions and then make others feel wronged. But I don't agree. If someone laughs all day, you will think that this person is horrible and hypocritical. This is not what emotional intelligence should look like at all. The most important thing about true emotional intelligence is that you feel comfortable. "
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People with high emotional intelligence always make others feel comfortable.
He Jiong, the host of Evergreen, has always been admired by the public for her high EQ. Huang Lei, a good friend, said, "He is a person who makes everyone feel very comfortable." Movie star Wang also said in the program: "Any teacher is safe, even if he accidentally says something wrong, he will take care of it."
It's been 25 years since He Jiong debuted, and in the complicated entertainment circle, it can be described as the magical existence of zero bad reviews. In the face of all kinds of people, from the big names in the entertainment circle to the young newcomers who have just debuted, he has an attitude: gentle and humble, neither humble nor supercilious. When guests speak well, they will sum up their praise and add icing on the cake. If the guests say something wrong, they will save the scene in time and ease the embarrassment. His sincerity and kindness are always reassuring.
Zhang Wei was one of the guests in a food program in which He Jiong served as mc (host). Jackson Wang, one of mc, said to Zhang Wei after reading the food in the refrigerator, "Don't you feel very unhealthy?" Indeed, Zhang Wei's refrigerator is full of fast food, fried food and high-sugar snacks. Then Jackson Wang said there were no vegetables in the refrigerator, and there was a lot of bacon. Zhang Wei explained: "I have vegetables in it, and tomatoes are just like that." You can't see what's in my refrigerator and think that I eat eight bags of bacon a day. " Jackson Wang immediately said innocently, "I'm really worried about you. Brother, I don't think you can live like this. " After trying to explain, Zhang Wei finally responded naughtily: "No, all right. But because you are not my father, it doesn't matter. " Say that finish restored the appearance of the paragraph hand xi xi ha ha, leaving a dull dazed Jackson Wang. Then He Laoshi hurried out to make amends and said to Zhang Wei, "You remind Jia Er of his brother in Australia, so Jia Er has a sense of responsibility to you. He has never given such sincere life advice to any guest. " Zhang Wei also echoed: "Yes, I know people are doing it for me." He Jiong's words not only explained Jackson Wang's kindness, but also magically established the emotional bond between them after resolving the embarrassment. Later, Zhang Wei also explained this dialogue in other variety shows. At that time, he was in a bad mood and basically wanted to meet everyone. But Jackson Wang's enthusiasm touched him, and they really became good friends.
People with high emotional intelligence have the ability to feel. They respect others and try to understand and tolerate others, so they always make people feel very comfortable and comfortable. Everyone's ideas are unique. We can disagree with others' views, but we should respect everyone's human rights and personal dignity and be more patient on this basis. After all, making friends is better than making enemies.
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People with high emotional intelligence pay attention to cultivating themselves.
Xiao Dan, my former colleague, has always been unpopular among colleagues in the department because of some shortcomings in his personality. Although I don't like her, I admire her sobriety and independence. In the loneliest and most excluded days, I thought she might not make it. However, I found that she didn't pay attention to such trivial office grievances. Everyone has shortcomings. She doesn't hurt anyone anyway. Who likes to embellish behind her back, she says what she says. She has her own dreams, she makes plans silently, and she pursues them persistently and intently. Today, she is 27 years old and works as a technical director in a company in Shanghai with an annual salary of 500,000. And those who make irresponsible remarks behind my back are still in the same place, holding a meager salary, far away at the other end of the circle of friends, looking up at her with envy.
Each of us has limited energy every day. If you only focus on external noise or indulge in certain emotions, you will consume the energy needed for your own learning and progress. Instead of using the same time to accumulate resentment, damage body and mind, and accomplish nothing, it is better to concentrate on yourself and practice yourself. Take some time to think about what your dream is and how to improve your current living standard. Then set a goal, break it down into annual plan, monthly plan and daily plan, cultivate good habits and get closer to that shining dream step by step.
The so-called true high emotional intelligence is manifested in the insight and understanding of the external world, while the internal performance is calm, cheerful and self-consistent. People with high emotional intelligence can make themselves live more comfortably, and will not be trapped by negative emotions, so as to better manage a comfortable relationship in love, affection and friendship.
Those people around us who seem to be "high emotional intelligence" but hate it are just using low-level flattery as hypocritical liars to gain temporary benefits. I think we'd rather be straightforward and silly than accept smart people with complicated scheming, right? Of course, we can learn from those smart people's reaction ability and ability to control words, but we must be clear that this is only a skill of emotional intelligence.
No matter when and where, we should have a correct attitude, express ourselves sincerely and bravely, be gentle and polite as far as possible, stay awake and independent at home, and keep moving towards our goals! This is what a high EQ should look like.