How to make the person you love fall in love with you tells us that behind the mystery of love, seemingly unpredictable love actually has scientific basis and logic. A large number of studies by social psychologists and scientists have confirmed that the occurrence of love is the result of the interaction of many factors such as chemistry, biology and psychology.
If the occurrence of love can be explained, then through its basic principle, is there any way for us to make the person we like fall in love with ourselves? Lill Langz, a famous expert, brought the book "How to make the person you love fall in love with you", which will help you find the answer you want.
This book brings together the research results in many fields, such as interpersonal relationship, gender relationship, communication technology, gender differences and so on. It not only explains the "occurrence of love" based on science, but also obtains how to harvest the ideal love in our hearts through language and nonverbal behavior.
Lill Luntz, the author of this book, is an internationally renowned expert on interpersonal communication and gender emotion. She founded and led the "gender project" project level, and has been engaged in the research and consultation of intimate relationship for a long time.
How to make the person you love fall in love with you has gained 85 scientifically proven love skills, and the author's analysis of love psychology is of great learning significance. This book gives a detailed and interesting explanation of love and love psychology from many aspects, including: 1) the nature of sexual attraction discovered by science; 2) Six key factors to make others fall in love with you; 3) Similar personalities and complementary needs; 4) The principle of reciprocity in love. It is a practical guide to love skills and provides you with effective suggestions and methods in love.
Of course, love is a very subjective behavior. This book may not make you fall in love as if you were possessed, but it is also a wonderful thing to understand the nature of love, learn operation skills, understand the scientific basis behind crazy love and blushing heartbeat, and improve the chances of the right person falling in love with us.
First, the nature of sexual attraction of scientific discovery
1. About PEA (phenylethylamine)
When you fall in love with someone, why do crazy people bump into deer? Scientists speculate that it is because after sensory stimulation, the nervous system will secrete a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA), which will make people feel ecstatic after entering the blood. This touching feeling is called love.
Will we wake up one morning and suddenly our minds are full of phenylethylamine? Of course not, phenylethylamine is secreted by the human body after encountering specific stimuli, emotions and internal organs respond accordingly. These specific stimuli can be her scent or his naughty expression.
However, the fanaticism maintained by this chemical will not last forever. Generally, within one to three years after you fall in love with someone, the phenylethylamine secreted in your body will be exhausted, but it is enough to make people really love each other vigorously, or say "I do" at the wedding and start to reproduce.
2. Early sexual impression inscription
Why do some seemingly insignificant things become specific stimuli that make us excited about someone?
In our childhood experiences, what we see, hear and feel will be deeply hidden in our subconscious. Researchers call it "subconscious sculpture". This kind of "early sexual impression" will stimulate you when you see similar people or things in adulthood.
"Early sexual impression" has both positive and negative aspects.
Zhengke may be your mother's favorite perfume, your father's naughty smile, and your favorite teacher's dimples when he smiles. These impressions are engraved in the subconscious. When we grow up with similar characters, we are easily attracted, producing phenylethylamine, which makes us fall into a heartbeat.
The negative impression comes from the negative experiences of childhood, such as your father's drunken gaffes, which will make you dislike the men who drink in this area as an adult, or it may be the perfume smell of your surly menstruation. When you smell a similar fragrance on a lady, you will hide your nose and run away like a pesticide.
Early Sexual Impression is called "Love Map" by the famous sexologist John Moni. He believes that everyone has his own "love map", which is indelibly embedded in our hearts and becomes a part of the subconscious. At the right time, someone suddenly touches the gap in the "love map", and your blood vessels will suddenly secrete a lot of phenylethylamine, which will make you fall in love instantly.
Second, "the six elements of you that people like" (practical skills)
Maybe you have the right person now, and the phenylethylamine in your body makes you long for a romantic love with her, but at this time you are at a loss how to win her favor.
At this time, you need a specific set of skills to help you win the heart of the right person. Many scholars continue to study love, and these research results are counted into six factors, which have become the key reasons for people to harvest love, including:
first impression
② Similar personalities and complementary needs.
③ Self-esteem
④ Equivalence principle
⑤ The strategy of attacking in the early stage of love.
⑥ The secret of desire
Then, if you want to be a successful love hunter, you need to master the skills of hitting these six bull's-eyes. Below we will analyze these six factors one by one.
1. First impression
(1) Two Preparations for First Meeting
People get along with their partners for a long time, and many things will be forgotten as time goes by, but the day they meet is often printed in people's minds. Even after a long time, talking about that day, the content of your conversation, each other's clothes and even the collision of eyes are still vivid. This is the magical power of first impressions. Therefore, in order to have a perfect first meeting with the right person, you need to make two preparations: appearance preparation VS psychological preparation.
The results show that clothing plays an important role in men's first impression. The researchers asked some men to chat with six women. Before and after these women put on makeup, these men will have very different views on them.
For women, a man's figure and appearance are the key to his first impression. Men who are strong, energetic and well-dressed are often more likely to win the favor of women.
In addition to appearance preparation, before harvesting love, you should be mentally prepared to "always be ready to find love", because you never know when the person you like will appear. It would be a pity to miss the right person because of a momentary negligence.
(2) Eyes ignite passion
The Journal of Personality Research once published a study in which 48 men and women who didn't know each other were put together to chat and asked for some eye contact. After the experiment, the participants who stared at each other quickly developed a strong love and liking.
Researchers have confirmed that when chatting, greatly increasing the time of eye contact can make people feel emotional quickly. If you want phenylethylamine to fill his or her blood vessels, please increase eye contact to 75% or more of the conversation time.
When you chat with the right person, the following four kinds of eye contact can help your's love warm up.
1, Long gaze: Chatting with the right person will greatly increase your's eye contact and firmly lock each other's eyes, which can create an ambiguous atmosphere in which you are already in love.
2. Electric eye: Eckhart Hess, the father of pupil measurement, once did an experiment: he took out two almost identical photos, and after a pupil was enlarged several times, both men and women reacted more strongly to the photo with the pupil enlarged.
Studies have shown that after pupil dilation, it will produce the effect of "electric eye", which will be more charming and attractive.
Under what circumstances will the pupils dilate? When people see something they like, their eyes will be attracted and their pupils will be dilated. Therefore, when facing the right person, staring at the most attractive place on his face will enlarge your eyes into "electric eyes"
3, reluctant eyes: keep your eyes on the other person's face for a while, this reluctant gaze can arouse the other person's original uneasy heart movement, and it is easy to stimulate the stupid ethylamine in the other person's body, which is fascinating.
If you need to look away, please show reluctance and create a feeling of slowness and attachment.
4. Visual Journey: When two people have a good impression on each other, the uneasiness of love will drive people's eyes to shift from their faces to hair, shoulders, neck and other places. Such a visual tour will make the atmosphere more beautiful and romantic. But remember, be sure to lock your eyes in a safe area. If you show disrespect, you may capsize.
(3) It takes skill to strike up a conversation
When we decide to strike up a conversation, the most likely obstacle is to think too much. "Are you too active?" "Is the makeup imperfect?" Shyness makes us so nervous that we often miss the best opportunity to strike up a conversation.
For male porn hunters, when you meet someone you like, you should actively and quickly send her signals of your interest, such as eye contact, nodding your head and smiling at her.
Your first sentence should be related to the girl's situation, such as praising her clothes or watches, asking for directions, or asking her what time it is. The simpler the opening remarks, the better the effect. It should be noted that if opening your mouth is complaining, or opening your mouth is conceited, your image in her mind will be greatly reduced.
For Huntress, you can also choose to take the initiative. Research shows that about two-thirds of romantic encounters are initiated by women.
Don't worry that men will think you are too active. Researchers have shown that many men always think that they are the first step in a relationship when responding to women's nonverbal courtship.
Second, similar personalities and complementary needs.
People are often attracted to people with similar views and interests. Similar performance brings people closer together and makes them feel safe. Do you have any similarities? This will be a condition for her (or him) to silently consider whether you are suitable for a long-term partner.
1, the key points of similarity between lovers are as follows:
1* * Same hobby: Do you like to do something together? Do you like jazz or skating, movies or books? Fortunately, hobbies can influence each other and cultivate together.
2 Similar three views and beliefs: If you and the other person have strong values, you are more likely to spark love. Similar values and beliefs can reduce many differences and bring us closer together. If you want to synchronize your values, you need to identify with her and change yourself to adapt.
③ Whether the understanding of "love" is consistent: Some people think that two people should maintain a sense of independence when they are in love, while others think that two people should stick together and spend more time with each other when they are in love. It is actually very necessary to determine how you understand "love". If two people have the same understanding, it is best. If it is the opposite, you should consider whether you can change yourself to conform to him (or her).
2. Complementary needs
Complementary needs are to seek complementary qualities from your partner while emphasizing your sexual orientation, which can make your life more perfect.
Such as: introverted men and talkative women, men who can't cook and women who are good at cooking, men who know nothing about financial management and women who are good at planning, and so on.
More complementary needs require you to pay more attention to each other, that is, a certain trait in you is exactly what he or she needs.
Third, self-esteem massage.
Self-esteem massage is a process of expressing praise and recognition to R (or her) by understanding him (or her), and nourishing and growing each other's spirit in this way.
A high-level self-esteem massage includes four elegant steps:
1, silent praise: let the other person know that you have been deeply attracted by it through your happy expression, glowing eyes, nodding and smiling and other body language.
2.* * Emotion: Listen to him or her carefully, and insert * * emotional sentences during the dialogue, such as "I know how you feel", "I know what you mean" and "I can imagine". This way full of * * * will make the other person feel that his self-esteem has been appeased and taken care of. When you express your feelings, you need to remain calm and confident, not pander.
3. Recognition: There are many little things in life. If you pay enough attention to each other and give recognition to some small things, it will bring him (her) great joy, such as "You did a good job" and "It's great that the shredded potatoes can be cut so evenly". Recognition of small things will convince the other person that you have been paying attention to him, and the feeling of living in the center will be very satisfied.
4. Give inner praise: Praise is the most direct and effective way to care for self-esteem, but it should also be given in different ways according to different scenes.
Implicit compliment: Use euphemism, such as "a smart person like you ……".
Praise on the bull's-eye: You need to tell each other what they are most proud of, which requires you to know something about each other.
Heizaizan: It is not suitable for overuse. Words like "You are really as beautiful as an angel today" can make the other person happy, but frequent use will lose its effect and make the other person disgusted.
Quick praise: it's your approval as soon as he finishes a task. This is time-sensitive. After this moment, the other person can't get your praise, which may disappoint him.
After receiving compliments, your response is also very important. Reflecting the sunshine of praise on the editor will make you feel happy together. For example, after he praised you, you praised him as "you are so kind" and "so cute that you can notice this." Wait, good interaction can keep love warm for a long time.
Fourth, the principle of love reciprocity.
Why talk about equivalence in love? The principle of reciprocity is a balanced relationship between men and women in marriage and love, which consists of appearance, property, status, knowledge, character and character.
Why is equivalent primary edge important? Because a marriage with balanced interests will make everyone happy, when the comprehensive conditions of husband and wife are equal, it is easier to two of a kind. If there is an imbalance in intimate relationship, both parties will feel inequality, or they will soon be dissatisfied, or they will try their best to equalize their scores.
It is very important to increase your score in the marriage and love market by improving appearance, property, status, knowledge, character and personality, because balance means that the better you become, the better people you meet.
1. Appearance: Beauty is an objective existence and a subjective judgment. Everyone may have a different definition of beauty. But by becoming confident, women can change other people's impressions of you.
A TV station once did an experiment: two similar-looking women, their car broke down on the road, and the program group asked them to stop for help, but passers-by reacted to them in the opposite way. One got enthusiastic help from many men, but the other was neglected.
The only difference is their body language. The one who got help held his head high and smiled, and looked confident. The one who didn't get help had a sad face, his hands clasped his chest, his expression was unhappy and he lacked confidence.
Facts have proved that building self-confidence and using beautiful body language will make it easier for you to win the favor of others. After becoming confident, you can really look more beautiful and moving.
2. property or material: if you want to pursue a rich Mr Right, you should show your wealth ability from hairstyle to shoes. Men suggest to prepare a custom-made handmade suit, and women prepare a masterpiece by a famous designer.
3. Status or fame: When chatting with rich people, it is best to have a low and pleasant voice, clear speech and a conversation style that conforms to their fashion perspective. If the topic of art is fashion, then talk about the old commodity price. Talking about current affairs, with a strong subjective tendency, old-fashioned; Praise the fashion, make fun of the old school, etc. It's easier to bring you closer to each other.
4. Knowledge or learning: Another powerful asset is your knowledge and learning. Wisdom and professionalism born of knowledge can make people admire and love you.
5. Social grace or personality: Having grace and good personality can increase your personality charm and make you more competitive in love. All the skills in this book can help you better establish these two aspects.
6. Personality: It is a person's most important intangible asset. Responsible, loyal and easy-going, these are the connotations of a person. Every excellent quality you cultivate is actively tasting beer for you, forming intangible benefits and making others fall in love with you.
Science makes love no longer mysterious, and the sweetness and long-term love cannot be separated from specific factors. It is so important to choose a suitable person and make love equal and balanced. Do these principles and logic make you clear the fog of love?
Well, I wish you an early hug.