Why does my husband often not go home at night?

Most men and women who don't go home will encounter this problem. Before marriage, I was inseparable, and after marriage, I gradually became the most familiar stranger. They don't go home for dinner. They have countless parties and dinners outside, and there are countless occasions that they can't get away from. It seems that every time the reason is so justified, because you need him, the pillar of this family is working hard outside. You trust him and depend on him, but unconsciously feel that you are getting farther and farther away from him. Why? Girls who are not married will also think about this problem. When two people are together every day, will they feel bored and want to run away? Home is a place where there is no distance. If two people live so close, if they suffocate, their hearts will get farther and farther away. No one wants to face this kind of problem. But I don't know what to do. She said, I don't want to live like this anymore. Qin Si said, "My husband and I have been in love for 3 years, married for 4 years and have a 2-year-old daughter. I feel like I'm living an abnormal life. My husband never eats at home and goes home after 10 every night. He said that he would have dinner and play with his friends every day after work and didn't want to go home. He doesn't know why. My husband's company is less, and I am afraid that it is not good for my daughter's physical and mental development. I don't want to live this life. " Falling in love with a person who doesn't go home often comes into contact with similar topics in the psychological counseling studio. Why did the other party choose this way? Why did her husband have an affair? I received a consultation call yesterday, saying that her husband often didn't go home at night, and there was no topic for mutual communication. I don't want to look after myself. What I want to ask is what happened to her husband, and is there any possibility of redemption between them. In the past, the two have always loved each other and cared for each other, especially enjoying the love and care of their husbands, and I don't want to give up. I remember a song called "Falling in love with someone who doesn't go home". Is there such a thing in life? I wonder when your husband did this. If the relationship is alienated when you are in love, you can't blame him alone. Who knows if you need distance in your bones, you will choose such a man. Sometimes I wonder why such a man will meet you, and maybe he will have some unexpected self-knowledge. From the beginning, you didn't like clingy men, so you took a fancy to him. After having a daughter, because of your deep attachment to your daughter, your ability to get close to others has been improved, and the sense of isolation in your early relationship with your parents has been repaired, but the man has not changed, as if you changed the dance steps and he was still in the original rhythm, and all the problems should be borne by * * *. If the husband only behaves like this after marriage, especially after having children, then the main problem may be that he can't adapt to such a role change. On the one hand, pregnancy has changed your body shape, and some sensitive men may have a sexual psychological tendency, as if they were "castrated" (psychoanalysis). Many psychologically fragile men cannot rekindle their love and infatuation with their wives' bodies until their wives completely stop breastfeeding for 2-3 years. Another possibility is that your husband had a traumatic experience of being separated from his mother in his early years. Your childbirth and breastfeeding may awaken the complex that he has not handled well, and a childlike defense will reappear in his relationship with you. To deal with the former situation, you should strive to improve your figure, modify your appearance, let youth and vitality escape from every pore of you, stimulate his desire for you, and cure his "psychological impotence". In the latter case, you need to remind him from time to time that you really need him. Active attachment may help him slowly repair the early wounds. You need to find a good aunt to replace you. When he comes home, you should concentrate on attaching to him, so that men can feel that he is your closest relative, not a child. Of course, even if you do this, you can't eagerly expect a man to change quickly. The reason is that people are complex, and once they act too much, they will be lazy. This man may be appreciated and supported by his male and female colleagues, so you should learn to persist gently for quite some time. Home is actually just a mouse's box. I remember when I was a counselor, there was such a world-famous psychologist named Skinner in my textbook. He invented an experiment called Skinner's Box. The experimental results are as follows: 1. Put a group of mice in a box with a button in it. Every time the mice press this button, they will get an electric shock. After several rounds, no mouse will press this button again. In order to avoid accidentally touching the button, the mice all hide far away. 2. Put a group of mice in the box and a button in the box. Every time the mouse presses this button, it will get food, so the mouse keeps pressing it. Even if there is no food, they will press it, because this button brings them happiness and may bring them back. They are full of expectation and hope. Even when they are asleep, they are all around the button. They like this button so much, they are so kind to it, they don't want to leave it, they want to get close to it. Buttons give mice not only food, but also psychological stability and beauty without food. Third, put a group of mice in a box with a button on it. Sometimes the button gives out food, and sometimes the button gives the mouse an electric shock. When the food appears and when the electric shock occurs, it is uncertain, random and random. Rats become anxious, nervous, fearful and uneasy. Because sometimes food is served, they want to get close to this button because of food, and the button ensures its survival; Because the electric shock brought extreme fear, they tried to stay away from the button, but then they had to turn back. In the process of interweaving hope and fear, their hearts are suffering. Many consulting cases can be used for reference, especially the marriage problems of two people. We don't know when one party is dissatisfied or disagrees with the other, especially when there are problems in personality and communication. We don't ask our husbands why they often don't go home at night. First of all, it is clear that husbands who don't want to go home are all mice in the first box and the third box. If you want your husband to go home, don't shock him and punish him. At all times, make your family a second box, and your husband will regard it as a harbor for body and mind. The most harmonious family must be a wife who is a little stupid and as weak as her husband. Many times, confusion is a blessing, and confusion is also a kind of love. Perhaps, the problem is not the husband, but the lack of warmth. What if my husband often doesn't go home at night? It's not that there's anything wrong with my husband. What's important is whether I can calm down and think about it myself, whether my husband doesn't want to go home or because he has a home. This is a question worthy of reflection. If there is a problem between us, what I want is not to blame and complain, but to sit down calmly and listen to each other's voices, and also to give myself time to listen to my own words. If it is really difficult to get out of your predicament, you can come out in time and seek the help of a professional psychological counseling studio instead of blindly doing things that hurt each other. Don't wait for the other person to be tired, and choose to give up when you are tired. Let the psychological teacher accompany you to straighten out your emotions, so that you can know what you have done in your emotional life, what kind of emotional life you need, and how to manage your happy life, instead of torturing each other in a daze. What you want is not electric shock and punishment. Home is the only warm harbor in real life. I believe that no one is unwilling to go home and no one is willing to leave home. I believe that everyone in life is caring for and managing their warm and comfortable nest in their own way. When there is disharmony or estrangement between them, they are in no hurry to know what happened to each other. It is important to turn around and think about what happened to you, why did the other party make such a choice, and what made them alienate themselves? What kind of self will make the other person reluctant to leave? When you know a lot of problems in your heart, you believe you will know what you should do, and don't always give yourself a hard time. You're wondering why you're slowly alienating each other. I believe that love can bridge the gap between us and make our love flow, because love will make you grow and mature as soon as possible. Part of the text source: Li Zixun Editor's recommendation: What are you looking for in love? What's the difference between men's and women's sense of humor? Test recommendation: Do you have many feelings in love?