During the holidays, many parents reported that children in junior high school often surf the Internet until midnight, and it is difficult to communicate with adolescent children without listening to their parents, especially the contradiction between parents and children. In fact, adolescent children are largely rebellious. When parents find such problems, they don't have to feel as terrible as wolves and tigers, but try to understand the characteristics and mentality of children in this period and face adolescence with their children.
"Although I am at home all day during the summer vacation, my son and I communicate for less than half an hour every day!" "In addition to attending remedial classes every day, my daughter chats with her classmates on the Internet and makes phone calls, ignoring her parents at all. It's annoying to talk too much!" Now that more than half of the summer vacation has passed, the reporter learned from some parents that during the summer vacation, because children spend more time with their parents, various parent-child contradictions are particularly obvious, and the rebellious behavior of adolescent children is becoming more and more obvious. The emotional crisis between parents and children seems to be greatly aggravated by the arrival of summer vacation.
Recently, the reporter interviewed Mr. Tang, a psychological counseling teacher in Hainan Middle School, about the rebellious psychological phenomenon of adolescent children and the ways to deal with some common problems. Teacher Tang graduated from Huazhong Normal University majoring in psychology and has rich experience in psychological counseling for teenagers. She pointed out that rebellious psychology is a psychological state in the process of teenagers' growth, especially among teenagers aged 14 to 18. Teenagers in this period are antagonistic to their parents and other educators, and they also understand the rationality of doing things according to the wishes of adults, but they deliberately go against their parents' wishes and only care about the pleasure of confronting their parents. They are happy to see their parents angry and sad. Parents often encounter this situation.
Personal hobbies focus on guidance and avoid rough interference.
Case: When Xiao Xing was in junior high school, he liked information technology very much, but his parents simply prohibited him from "playing computer" and asked him blindly how much homework and exercises he had to do when he came home from school, which caused Xiao Xing's dissatisfaction. Because his parents didn't let him do what he wanted at home, he deliberately didn't study hard and his grades plummeted. Knowing that this is wrong, Xiaoxing is still bent on his own way. He even likes to see his parents feel uncomfortable and anxious. After the third grade, facing the entrance examination, under the sincere and decent guidance of the teacher, Xiao Xingcai gradually gave up rebellion and returned to normal, and was admitted to the city's key high school. In the second semester of Senior Two, she cooperated with her classmates to engage in computer software and won the Hainan Youth Science and Technology Innovation Award.
Teacher Tang's comments: Rebellion is manifested in all aspects of teenagers. For example, in learning, if parents impose their personal wishes on their children, the children will not only disobey their parents, but also retaliate and deliberately not study.
It is obviously inappropriate for Xiaoxing's parents to handle this case. Parents should give correct guidance and encouragement to their children's hobbies and exploration of modern science and technology. They should not restrain their children in a rigid, simple and rude way. They should break through the fixed mode of traditional education, and family education should keep pace with the times. Parents should pay more attention to social development and children's ideas, pay attention to communication with children, and ask teachers after understanding their ideas. Both sides should cooperate with reasonable guidance, link the child's personal hobbies with his long-term life goals, and promote the healthy growth of the child.
Novel dressing stimulates parents.
Case: Xiao Chen, a high school student, dyed a yellow hair with a few red hairs in the middle, and also likes to wear novel clothes. He knew that these were unacceptable to his parents and teachers, but whenever he saw the expressions of his parents or elders and laughed at him, he felt as if he had won the battle.
Teacher Tang's comments: rebellious psychology is also obvious in the dressing of teenagers. With the enhancement of self-awareness and curiosity, teenagers spare no effort to pursue individuality and make themselves different. Teenagers like to "follow the trend", pursue fashion and express their individuality, but they lack the ability to comprehensively and comprehensively identify things. They don't necessarily know that fashionable things are not necessarily good things for them. Some teenagers often follow something unconventional and self-prominent, but they go against the trend, which is not good for their self-image. This requires parents to establish correct values for their children, cultivate their healthy aesthetic consciousness, draw boundaries for their children, and let them think about what is true beauty and what is the direction of life they should pursue.
The wounds of the soul are healed with love.
Case: Zheng Xiao, a high school student, broke up with his parents, and Zheng Xiao followed his father. He used to have a good personality, and his father married a third party to intervene, which made the child traumatized. Without his mother, Zheng Xiao couldn't accept it, so he deliberately rebelled against his father. He insisted on doing what his father wouldn't let him do, smoking, drinking and gambling. He also made bad friends in the society. In order to prevent his father and stepmother from living a good life, he "rectified the wind" everywhere.
Teacher Tang's comments: For teenagers with broken families, we should pay more attention to guiding them to cultivate a good attitude. The guardians of these children must pay attention to the changes in their mentality. Because these children are generally nervous and have weak emotional endurance, they are more prone to rebellious psychology than other teenagers. Therefore, the guardians of these children should always care about their growth, give them more love, and use love to melt the gap and trauma between them. As stepmother, they may need to pay more; In addition, when divorced couples get along separately, don't vent their resentment on their children, try to maintain each other's image in the eyes of children, and let children understand that parents' separation is an adult's business. Although everyone loves children in different ways, we should avoid planting bitter seeds in children's hearts and help them develop a healthy personality.
Help children "psychologically wean"
Case: A parent complained bitterly that his child went to the third grade after this summer vacation. Somehow, during the holiday, she either did her homework or played games and chatted online, ignoring her parents. Worst of all, two days ago, he and his wife wanted to have a good communication with their daughter. Who knows that without saying a few words, my daughter retorted, "I just don't know what is good and what is bad." I also typed a few words "Do not disturb" on the door of my room with the computer, which made me speechless.
Teacher Tang commented: Middle school students are in the "psychological weaning period" and have an independent tendency. At this stage, children's emotions fluctuate greatly and change greatly, which is difficult to control. With emotions, they are not only unwilling to confide in their parents, but also complain that their parents don't understand themselves. If their parents don't handle it properly, such as questioning their children's performance or being indifferent, their resistance will increase. As parents, we should put down our airs, get along with our children on an equal footing, be their bosom friends, and strive to be the object and comforter of their worries. Help children successfully pass the "psychological weaning period".
The causes of rebellious psychology
Teacher Tang pointed out that teenagers have rebellious psychology. First, because teenagers' psychology changes with their own changes at this age, the emergence of second sexual characteristics has impacted their mentality. They are often at a loss in the face of their own changes, resulting in impetuous mentality and confrontational emotions; Second, the psychological state of teenagers presents the particularity of teenagers' psychology. They feel like adults at this time, so they often show a naive independence when facing problems, and they will be in a period of resistance when they are immature.
Teacher Tang also said that because of the enhancement of self-awareness and curiosity, coupled with the influence of society and media, teenagers are interested in many things, so they have to satisfy their self-awareness and curiosity by expressing their personality and chasing the trend; In addition, some disadvantages of social and family traditional education hinder their own development needs and become the source of rebellious psychology; In addition, all kinds of pressures that teenagers are facing now, such as collective pressure, study pressure and boring life, are also fertile ground for rebellious psychology.
Communicate sincerely and meet the challenge.
The emergence of teenagers' rebellious psychology has disturbed the normal family order and created more and more troubles for themselves. How do parents cope with this challenge?
Teacher Tang said, first of all, we should understand the physiological and psychological changes of teenagers as soon as possible, realize that these changes are not a big problem, accept these changes frankly, learn to talk with them from the perspective and position of teenagers, and reach an understanding through dialogue; Secondly, it is necessary to find out the reasons for their rebellious psychology, and then, as mentioned in the above cases, aim at the right medicine. Thirdly, when there is a fierce rebellious mentality, learn to enlighten them calmly, or consult a psychologist appropriately, and gradually solve the problem with an understanding attitude.
Disciplining children in early adolescence is not treason!
Studies show that parents should keep their children out of trouble, and it is best to keep an eye on them when they are in middle school.
According to Ronald L.Simons of the University of Iowa and his colleagues, although criminologists believe that children with behavioral problems are likely to become criminals when they grow up, only 50% of them will become future criminals.
Simmons' research team tries to find out why some problem children become problem teenagers, while others don't. They followed up 65,438+049 boys and 65,438+057 girls and their families for four years. The average age at which these children began to participate in the study ranged from 12 to 13. The researchers visited their parents and children and observed their family situation.
There is a hypothesis that difficult children will be more and more influenced by bad companions when they grow up, so the parenting style can be adjusted accordingly; However, researchers have different views.
In fact, researchers have found that setting stricter restrictions and dogmas on difficult children will only make them more likely to start dating bad friends earlier. These rebellious children usually lose their temper, talk back, threaten other students, be selfish and complain. Simmons said: "Their behavior almost turned their parents into bad parents, and finally parents had to relax their discipline on their children."
On the contrary, children with good behavior are easy for their parents to achieve the purpose of discipline. Such parents are kind and support their children. They will set a standard code of conduct for children, pay attention to children's behavior, implement rules, explain the purpose of making rules to children, and avoid unreasonable punishment.
Parents with children whose behaviors conform to the norms will give their children more freedom during their adolescence, but parents in problem children will be stricter. However, at the end of the study, parents of problem children spend less energy to control their children than parents of normal children.
The researchers observed the behavior process of these two different children, and the results showed that most of them were in middle and high grades.
Simon said: "The research results show that parents' discipline in children's middle school is very important, and children's behavior during this period can be used as a guide for adolescence.
Finally, add a sentence: "it is very laborious to avoid letting children break the law and discipline in adolescence." At this time, parents should help their children to go to the right path and avoid going astray by interacting with their misbehaving peers. "
Face up to the physiological changes in adolescence
Example: Ms. Li was surprised to find that her son, who has always been obedient and introverted, has been particularly keen to go out and borrow books from his classmates since the summer vacation. He has been silent and in a trance all day at home except eating and hiding in his room reading. A few days ago, while her son was not at home, she secretly saw a book on human structure and a book describing the unhealthy relationship between men and women from his drawer. What embarrassed her most was that there was a toilet paper ball under the bed that she forgot to throw. Ms. Li feels like she has been bombed and doesn't know what to do. In desperation, I had to come to the psychological counseling center for help.
Expert: Adolescent children's sexual awareness begins to awaken, and their curiosity is particularly strong. Eager to understand sex. Parents should not be afraid or shy away from this. They should read some books on adolescent health education consciously and purposefully, and then communicate with their children privately in a timely, moderate and appropriate manner. You can also talk about your physical development, help children understand their physical structure, physical health and psychological needs, and guide children to face up to themselves. Some ideas are normal, so we should restrain and guide ourselves so that the sexual psychological knowledge education of adolescent children can keep pace with their psychological development.
Laugh at adolescence
(Author: Yu Kang)
Adolescence is the only way for everyone to transition from childhood to adulthood. During this period, there will be great changes in physiology, psychology, physical appearance and personality, which also caused many problems. The most common, for example, adolescent girls have obvious chest development. Many girls are always shy because of this, and they can't lift their heads when walking. As time went on, these girls became hunchbacked. I think to solve similar youth problems, the first thing to do is to correct the concept of youth.
I am also an adolescent girl. I remember when I first entered adolescence, I was very grumpy. If someone is not satisfied with me, I will fly into a rage and sometimes even break things. At that time, my parents were surprised at my sudden change! Later, I became unwilling to communicate with others, so I kept everything in my heart or wrote it in my diary. Once my mother saw that I was unhappy for several days and my face was gloomy. She asked me many times and didn't say anything. I seize every opportunity to enlighten me and reason with me. Finally figured it out and said it. In an instant, I felt that the big stone in my heart finally fell to the ground, which was a lot easier and I felt the taste of getting it off my chest. So I want to remind parents to pay attention to the psychological changes of adolescent children at all times. If it is not corrected in time, it may have adverse effects.
Nowadays, the most common problem of high school students is puppy love. Most parents think that puppy love will affect their study, but some parents agree with this practice. There are many high school students around me, and when their parents have dinner and tea together, they all agree to let them be together. In such a society where everyone opposes puppy love, this special practice is really strange. I remember once I was walking with my classmates in a high school campus, and couples passed by us from time to time. I can't help but sigh; "If the parents of these students know that their children are in love at school, how will they react?" At this time, my classmate told me that she had a friend. Her parents' first reaction when they knew that she was in love at school was to invite the man's parents to meet at the hotel. Both parents were satisfied with their two children and formed their parents-in-law. I can't believe it. I didn't expect such enlightened parents in the world. I used to envy these students, but it's not a good thing to think about it later, because puppy love will distract students from their study. After all, we are still minors, and our thoughts are still immature. Parents' thoughtless and analytical arrangements are likely to ruin their children's lives.
When you go to the hospital, you will see 65,438+06,65,438+07 boys and girls accompanying you to have an abortion or something. There are not a few high school students who have sex now. Many young men and women in love often have sex as soon as they have passion. The first time was because I was curious and wanted to follow the example of adults and fall in love. After much experience, I gradually disagree. I remember a friend told me that men and women who have been in love for more than half a year will not feel embarrassed if they have sex. At first, I didn't believe it. Ask friends who have been in love for six months to one year, and the probability that they have had or almost had sexual relations with their boyfriends or girlfriends is 80%. I think every parent or student should pay attention to this problem! Especially those girls who pay their most precious virginity lightly, we should pay more attention, because we are still young and immature, and no one knows what our future will be like. Nowadays, few couples who are in love can finally be together. It is too hasty to learn adult sex when you are familiar with it!
There are too many crimes in society now. Among them, the first one is rape! In the past, it was mostly women who were devastated by these criminals. Now, criminals point their finger at adolescent girls. In my eyes, such people are simply worse than animals! Many girls and parents dare not report the case because of their shame after being insulted by girls, so that criminals get away with it again and again. We must not be soft on these people and must bring them to justice! Only by handling it well can we live a healthy and happy life every day!
In my opinion, in order to let teenagers spend their adolescence safely, there are several points to sum up: being good at using legal weapons; Communicate with parents and elders more; Don't learn to fall in love with adults easily, which is often harmful to teenagers. Only in this way can we high school students not panic when they encounter problems, but should calmly deal with them and smile at all kinds of problems in adolescence!