For women, getting married means entering a new stage of life, and at the same time, they have to face the choice between family of origin and the newly-built family. Many times, if a woman gets too close to her mother's family after marriage, it will easily cause dissatisfaction with her husband's family, and even divorce in serious cases.
How to grasp this boundary is actually hard to say, because everyone's growth environment is different. Take my friend Xiao Qi as an example.
Xiao Qi married her husband Zheng Jing three years ago. Both of them are very motivated. When they first got married, they had no house or car. After three years of hard work, they just bought a big three-bedroom apartment in the city.
I thought they could live happily ever after. As a result, Xiao Qi said that she wanted a divorce and asked why. It turns out that Zheng is not satisfied with always spending money to support his family.
Xiao Qi has a monthly salary of 20,000 yuan. Apart from the monthly expenses of fourth-tier cities, there is still a lot of money in his hand. Six months ago, her hometown moved to build a new house, and she took 30 thousand yuan for her family. At that time, Zheng was very unhappy, and her mother-in-law even satirized it as a "baiwenhang".
Last month, Xiao Qi's younger brother didn't work well. He has no money and is afraid to tell the old people at home. On the phone, he chatted with his sister about his recent situation. Xiao Qi also came from suffering. Knowing that it was not easy to struggle in a big city, I remitted 5000 yuan to my brother and told him to work hard. This incident was later known by Zheng, who asked for the money back without saying anything.
Zheng actually said, "He is your brother, not your son. Why do you support him? "
Xiao Qi felt that he earned his own money and had the right to make a decision. The two men had a cold war for a month and were deadlocked on this matter.
I grew up with Xiao Qi. Many people may think that Xiao Qi is really wrong in this matter, but if we know about Xiao Qi's family, I think many people will understand.
In rural areas, most families have a feudal idea of favoring boys over girls. Many girls in our village haven't read much. What adults often say is: "What's the use of women? It is better to get married early. "
Xiao Qi's family was poor, and his parents were farmers who had left their homes, so most of the money he earned was spent on his children. Xiao Qi wore new clothes when he was a child, and his brother wore old clothes worn by Xiao Qi. When he was in junior high school, many people in the village advised Xiao Qi's parents to let Xiao Qi go out to work with the girls in the village to make money to supplement his family. However, Xiao Qi's parents insisted that women continue to study, even though they did not hesitate to face the expensive expenses of later college.
And Xiao Qi's younger brother, because of poor grades, dropped out of school early and went to work. Half of the money that Xiao Qi spent in those years was earned by his brother.
To tell the truth, growing up in such an environment, Xiao Qi will be a real baiwenhang if she completely ignores her family background after getting married. What's more, she only gives generous help occasionally, and will not move all the money at home to her parents.
Zheng was very poor when he proposed to him. He swore to his parents that he would treat Xiao Qi well all his life and take Xiao Qi's parents as his own. But in the end, he made money, gained confidence and forgot what he said.
My husband's family has been doing ideological education for Xiao Qi for a long time. In a word, the married daughter pours water and then gives her salary to her family, but she just doesn't want to live.
What's more, her mother-in-law actually asked Xiao Qi to take out 654.38+10,000 yuan to marry her brother-in-law, with a monthly income of 20,000 yuan, so she can't just take advantage of her family.
Helping families has always been a very profound topic. No one knows what role this family has played in a woman's life. Just because of a sentence of marriage, it objectively denies that Defomo should not get married. So, because a man refuses to be a family member of his origin, is a selfish person who has broken up with his family a good partner in marriage?
In fact, I think it is inappropriate for a wife to subsidize her family with her husband's money. No one's money is blown by the wind, and her husband has little to do with his family. It's really inappropriate to use her husband's money to help.
But there is nothing wrong with a wife taking proper care of her relatives with her own money without affecting the quality of her married life.
Parents have worked hard to raise their daughters, and younger brothers have worked hard to help their younger sisters study, not to get married and forget old feelings.
Relatives are family members who never leave, family members who always have her share in times of crisis and happiness, and family members who care about this life.
If, just because you are married, the money you earn becomes marital property, it is a bit excessive to expect a woman to cut off her family's back road.
In fact, sometimes I feel that it is very rare to be a woman in this life. When I spend money, I am at my mother's house, and when I make money, I am at my husband's house. What's the advantage of being the first to ask her family for help? Everyone thinks we should honor our husband's family.
No matter what, no one will tell their parents, and even "moral standards" such as water spilled by married daughters are a great violation of in-laws' filial piety, and everyone will scoff.
But what's wrong with women? It's not that I don't want to help, sometimes I really have no choice. The man I met refused to take care of my family. Is it necessary to use divorce as a price to help your family?
When a woman gets married, she should put marriage first, and the money she earns is marital property, so she can't take care of her family. So should men do the same? If she is married, she should put marriage first, regardless of whether her parents are dead or alive, regardless of whether her brother is dead or alive. Obviously, this will not work.
Everyone has a grateful heart, and this rare filial piety should be supported by people inside the marriage, not opposed.
Marriage is not the fulfillment of one's own small family, but the fulfillment of two big families behind him.
Both parents have made great contributions. As children, husband and wife should be loyal to their parents.