How to Guide the "Competitive" Children —— Answering a Mother's Consultation

Hello, Miss Wang! My children are so competitive. I don't think this is a good thing. How can I guide them? Hello! Although your consultation is simple, I can see that you are a conscientious person, which shows that you are very good at observing children when you get along with them on weekdays. It's not a good thing to see children being too competitive. However, I don't know how old your child is, and I can't say exactly. I'll give you an answer about your "children are too competitive". To solve the problem of children's competitiveness, we must first understand the reasons for children's competitiveness and explain the truth. Some children are extremely strong and confident. They always think they are right and stick to their own opinions. Adults should understand children's psychological changes and consciously pay attention to and accept children's reasonable independent requirements and exploration behaviors. Sometimes children refuse to accept what adults say, which leads to deadlock. In this case, adults should understand why children are unwilling to accept it. This reason may come from various aspects, such as the content required is appropriate, but not timely, and the child lacks emotional preparation; Children's understanding of the requirements is biased, or adults' guidance is not enough; The child is not interested in the requirements or has had a pleasant experience in the past. At this time, as you should be educated rationally. Don't be too abstract and abstruse when reasoning. Try to use easy-to-understand language, pay special attention to feedback and allow children to argue and refute. It is not difficult to see that in daily life, it is a problem for children not to make progress, and it is also a problem for children to be too competitive. It is naturally a good thing for children to be self-motivated, but it is not necessarily a good thing to be too strong and extreme. There was a child who hid his competitors' exercise books in order not to let them surpass him in learning. It is not difficult to see from this child that a strong child is enterprising and fighting spirit in his studies. However, in the later days, because of high expectations, the probability of frustration is also high. Therefore, when the child is too strong, especially when he is blind and confident, you should pour some cold water appropriately to stop the child from being too strong. In addition, when children's competition is frustrated, you should follow up in time, comfort them in time, strengthen guidance, let children understand that "winning or losing is a common thing for military strategists" and establish a correct concept of competition. I have such a child beside me. He plays games with the children. In the game, he can only win, not lose, and cry when he loses. In fact, he is great in all aspects, but he can't afford to lose. Therefore, for such children, parents throw cold water on their waists and even ignore them. In addition, when getting along with children, don't compare your own children with other children, just look at your own progress. If you compare with others in front of your child, it will easily lead to your child's competitiveness, which will lead to jealousy. In addition, I think children are too competitive and have a lot to do with the family growth environment. Many parents tell their children not to compare with others, but only with their own progress. In fact, this instills the concept of winning or losing in children, which is why children want to win and are afraid of losing every time. I think parents still have to ponder the guiding skills. Children will learn what our parents taught them. Winning or losing is not important, but the process of participation. It is not a bad thing for children to have a strong sense of competition. As a parent, you should give correct guidance and make children realize that winning or losing is common. Of course, the mentality that can't afford to lose also has a fatal weakness. Nowadays, children's psychological endurance is poor, and they can't stand blows and setbacks, which restricts their healthy growth to some extent. As a parent, you can train your children to resist adversity. We all want our children to be excellent, and our children also want to be excellent, and they all have different degrees of competitiveness. As long as this competitiveness is healthy, it is normal. Children's competitive spirit is transformed into jealousy, which is related to children's personality and often related to the incorrect education of parents or teachers. For example, some parents always compare their children with other children consciously or unconsciously, and often compare their children's shortcomings with the advantages of other children. This kind of horizontal is easier to hit children's confidence and enthusiasm, so some will slide into the mud pit of jealousy. Also, it is easy to make children jealous if they can't face the reality. Because any competition is bound to win or lose, people's ability is large or small, and they have to be convinced when they should be convinced. Who wants to be a loser if parents say their children are worthless as soon as they give up? So the children had to stare at their eyes and talk big, or deceive themselves in the imaginary victory, or make some small moves to suppress the winner. In fact, to solve the problem of jealousy, we must first improve the healthy "competition" consciousness of parents and teachers. With a correct understanding, it will naturally create a positive and generous atmosphere. In addition, don't give your child unrealistic indicators. Only when you look at children realistically can children look at others realistically. For some children who are particularly jealous of others, we should work patiently, guide them to be tolerant, and let them learn to help each other and make progress together with their classmates. Don't beat and scold your child when you see him "too competitive". When children insist on their own opinions and don't listen, parents should be calm and don't intimidate their children. Because of compulsory education, children are passive and unconscious, and long-term use will cause children to be timid and lie. Parents can use interesting toys and new things to distract their children and calm them down. Children should not be criticized in public. For a competitive child, never expose the child's shortcomings or deficiencies in front of relatives and friends, let alone criticize or even insult the child in public, which will make the child's self-esteem lose, because the competitive child has a particularly strong self-esteem. Different children are suitable for different ways of education. In any case, as long as you give your child full love and use appropriate methods, you can get better results.