In our traditional values, "filial piety" is a very weighty word. From ancient times to the present, we have emphasized the importance of filial piety with "filial piety of all virtues first", and even left "the monarch told the minister to die, and the minister did not die because of disloyalty; A father tells his son to die, and it is unfilial for him not to die.
For women, under the influence of the long-term concept that men are superior to women, there is a code of conduct of "listening to the father at home, marrying the husband, and obeying the husband when he dies".
It can be said that in the past, before a woman got married, everything of a woman had to obey her parents, and everything of a woman also belonged to her parents. It is disrespectful and unfilial to pursue her own interests.
In my opinion, "filial piety" is indeed a very important point in personality, even if a person trades his life for his parents' happiness when their parents are in danger.
However, once the "filial piety" has become a moral kidnapping, a means for parents to ask their children to seek benefits for themselves, and a shackle that imprisons and hinders their children from pursuing their own happiness, then this kind of "filial piety" will become stale.
But unfortunately, this kind of "filial piety", the kind of parents who imprison their children with "filial piety", still exists today.
02.
Xiaoxue was born in the countryside and his family was not rich. Besides her girl, there is a younger brother who is five years younger than her.
Xiaoxue is very sensible since she was a child. She works hard to help her parents do housework, take care of her younger brother, and study very well. However, even so, she didn't go to school after graduating from junior high school. In the words of her parents, "girls will get married sooner or later, and it is meaningless to invest more money."
As a result, Xiaoxue, who graduated from junior high school, started working to make money, just like many girls of the same age around her.
At first, Xiaoxue worked as a waiter in a small restaurant not far from home. Although she worked hard, the fact that she started making money made Xiaoxue extremely excited and happy. She works hard, too.
In this way, after working for three months, Xiaoxue bought herself a mobile phone with the money she saved to reward herself for her hard work these months.
However, when her mother saw Xiaoxue's mobile phone, she reprimanded Xiaoxue, thinking that Xiaoxue squandered money, didn't know how to be frugal and didn't know how to repay her family. Finally, mother asked Xiaoxue to give her future income to her mother for safekeeping, which was regarded as her mother's help to Xiaoxue.
03.
In this regard, Xiaoxue did not feel anything wrong. After all, it is really inappropriate for her to buy a mobile phone without making much money. It is also good for her mother to help her save it.
After that, Xiaoxue began to give all the money to her mother according to her mother's requirements after each expenditure, and then asked her for it when she wanted to use it.
In a blink of an eye, a few months passed, and Xiaoxue kept listening to friends who worked outside the home saying that the income from working outside the home was very high, which made Xiaoxue begin to move. So after consulting with her parents, Xiaoxue embarked on the road of going out to work.
Is it really better to work outside than before? People who have not experienced it may not understand.
Although Xiaoxue found a well-paid job through a friend's introduction, she can barely eat, but the busy work every day is completely the repetition of eating, living and factory. This kind of hardship and depression makes people occasionally look up at the sky and have an unreal feeling.
But even so, Xiaoxue persisted because she knew that all her efforts were for a better life in the future, which made her very satisfied.
04.
Of course, every time she gets paid, Xiaoxue doesn't spend money indiscriminately, what's more, she is busy with work and has no time to spend money. Even if there is an opportunity, Xiaoxue seldom buys anything for herself. Even when cooking in the canteen, Xiaoxue always wants the cheapest food.
And Xiaoxue's income will be transferred to her mother's special bank account every month when she leaves home on time.
In this way, Xiaoxue worked hard outside for several years, changed jobs several times, and her income kept getting better because of her efforts.
On the other hand, how can every woman not long for love when she reaches a certain age? In later work, Xiaoxue also met her boyfriend Xiao Chen. After two years of love, they began to talk about marriage.
Both parents are very satisfied with the person chosen by their children, especially Xiao Chen's parents look at Xiaoxue, a girl who is willing to endure hardships, work hard and be filial and sensible.
However, the matter of talking about marriage is not as smooth as expected, because of the amount of bride price demanded by Xiaoxue's parents. Xiaoxue's mother hopes that Xiao Chen will pay a bride price of 6,543,800 yuan+8,000 yuan in addition to the down payment for buying a house.
05.
Xiao Chen's family is not rich. A few years ago, Xiao Chen's brother spent a lot of money on his wife. It is difficult to come up with enough money to pay the bride price now. In the end, after many consultations, the parents of both sides decided that the bride price was1.2000.
And ready to get married, Xiaoxue naturally doesn't want to get married empty-handed, otherwise it will be unreasonable, and this may affect her future marriage.
Therefore, Xiaoxue thought about taking part of the money saved by her mother as a dowry to make the newly formed small family live better.
Xiaoxue inquired about her mother and learned that there were still 200,000 yuan in her mother's bank card. Although Xiaoxue feels that the money she has worked so hard to save over the years is far more than that, she feels that it is nothing for her mother to participate in the family. So Xiaoxue proposed to take out 65,438+million as a dowry and leave the rest to her parents.
However, to Xiaoxue's surprise, her mother became very angry after hearing this, accusing Xiaoxue of leaving her parents alone when she was getting married, and said that the money had been saved for Xiaoxue's younger brother to buy a house when he got married.
Even though Xiaoxue said that she only took 50,000 yuan, her mother refused, saying that Xiaoxue turned her elbow out before she got married and began to be unfilial.
06.
Xiaoxue finally married empty-handed, and her husband's family didn't look good when they found out. On the one hand, Xiaoxue feels that she can't lift her head at her husband's house. On the other hand, her own family makes her cold.
After that, Xiaoxue's parents often asked Xiaoxue for this and that, and often asked Xiaoxue to help his younger brother. Xiaoxue's heart began to get farther and farther away from her parents, and Xiaoxue began to refuse unnecessary things.
These performances make parents very unhappy. Xiaoxue's mother always said Xiaoxue was unfilial in front of relatives and friends, and even preached that it was useless to raise this daughter. When you marry someone, you become an outsider. "
The above is an experience of Xiaoxue. I don't know what people think of who is right and who is wrong.
Psychologist frank cardelle once said: "The most unfortunate fact in life is that most of the first major hardships we encounter come from family."
We may generally think that kinship is the deepest emotion in the world and can comfort everyone, but the fact is not so perfect. There are always some families and parents who use and ask for affection, especially for their daughters.
07.
In fact, family ties should not be like this. No matter how good the family relationship is, it also needs a sense of boundary, which cannot be a reason for asking too much. The sense of boundaries here means respecting everyone's equality and not taking family as a bargaining chip.
I think "filial piety" in kinship is a virtue, and we should advocate filial piety to our elders. However, if "filial piety" is regarded as a responsibility and obligation and a tool to squeeze children, it will become imprisonment and injury.
And if this "filial piety" is added to the preference for boys, then this requirement is even more cruel.