I. Cases
(1) Brief introduction of the helper:
The helper, female, age 19, is a freshman majoring in financial management. Because I broke up with my boyfriend of four years some time ago, I can't accept it. I feel very painful and blame myself. Mainly in the form of talks, there are also two days of telephone calls. The student is a friend's junior, and all the places are in my dormitory, accompanied by that friend. For the nature of psychological counseling and the omission of the introduction process of confidentiality principle, the helper trusted me very much, because she always regarded me as her sister before breaking up. (they all live in school dormitories, their family conditions are not very good, and their parents are divorced. )
(2) Excerpts from the consultation dialogue:
Helper: Sister, I just broke up with him a week ago.
Me: Then can you tell me what you think or want to say now?
Helper: After breaking up, I thought I would have a good life, but after a week, I found that I couldn't do it.
Me: How long have you two been dating? Do you date in college?
Helper: No, we have been together for four years since freshman year.
Me: Do you want to come back? Or you have tried to save your relationship for four years.
Helper: I tried. It's no use. Last time he insisted on not being with me.
Me: Can you tell me how you feel now?
Helper: I am very sad now. I can't separate us Sister, do you think he still loves me? If he doesn't love me. What should I do?
Me: It doesn't matter whether you love us or not, but you should understand the essence and significance of this relationship. After all, you are all young.
Helper: I can't sleep at night now The happy days when we were together always come to my mind. What can I do to get rid of them?
Me: Now think about it, are you always happy when you are together? Have you ever been unhappy? Or did you find his shortcomings?
Helper: He has no faults. He is very good, and he is also very good to me. This is my fault. I am too headstrong. So he can't stand me.
Me: Doesn't he have any shortcomings? Think about it. Is he really perfect?
Helper: Yes. Yes, it's all my fault.
Me: You have a bad temper. Four years have passed together. Do you really think it's your temper?
Helper: Yes, I'm too headstrong to lose my temper if I have nothing to do. He said he can't stand me now.
Me: Think about it. He knows what your temper is when you choose to be together. He chose to say it because you have a bad temper. Think for yourself.
Helper: When we were together, he also said that he wanted me to change my temper. I tried my best to change it.
Me: Didn't you choose to be together because of your personality? If it is changed, it will not be the original. You think it's just your temper?
Helper: Sister, is it because he really doesn't love? But I know that it is true that we have been together for four years.
Me: For today's students, four years together is true. But that can only be said to be once.
Helper: What should I do? Sister, I really can't live without him now.
Me: No, it's only temporary. After all, you have been together for four years, and now you suddenly live alone, which is somewhat uncomfortable.
Helper: But, since he chose to break up, why did he speak ill of me in front of his friends?
Me: I remember you just said that he has no shortcomings, but think about it, since he is so good, why don't you say that you are not good to your friends? In fact, you know that he has shortcomings, but you don't want to admit it yourself.
Helper: Well, after hearing what you said, maybe I really don't want to admit it.
Me: You know, you are still young. Over time, you will eventually find that even if you have a four-year relationship, you will end up with nothing.
Helper: Sister, what should I do now? I can't forget it.
Me: I won't tell you how to do it, because it was my idea after all. I just want you to know that it's only a matter of time before you really live a good life alone. You still have many friends, many people who care about you.
Helper: I really don't know how to live now. We are so good, why are we doing this now?
Me: When you are together, are you two intimate, passionate and responsible? If you just pursue passion blindly, the four-year relationship may have disappeared long ago, but after a long time, you are used to it.
Helper: Sister, actually I didn't tell you something just now. My family didn't support me when I chose to go to college, but I insisted, so I said I would use my part-time job to pay my tuition. He gave me a freshman 15000 yuan with his family's bonus. Sister, I know he loves me.
Me: Maybe that was before. Now that you mention it, did you quarrel about money?
Assistant: Yes, I did. He asked me not to talk about money, but I kept talking about it. Maybe he can't stand it.
Me: Sister, let me ask you a question now. Will you tell me the truth?
Helper: Well, all right, sister, you ask.
Me: Now that we are separated, you can't accept it. Is there any other reason besides love?
Helper: What do you mean?
Me: He has been paying your tuition now. When we broke up, your tuition was,
Helper: No, my mother has agreed to give it to me now.
Me: Yes. That's good. Don't think too much. My parents divorced and now live with my mother. How's it going now?
Helper: Sister, after telling you so much, I'm beginning to understand a lot. I know I may not be able to get through at the moment, but I will try. I know you said last time that I have grown up and my parents have the right to love, so I won't be affected. Sister, don't worry. Can I talk to you later?
Me: of course, sister, thank you very much for trusting me and telling me this.
Helper: Thanks, I'll be fine.
Second, the family background (consultants complain)
Father is 46 years old and mother is 42 years old. They all opened a small restaurant in their hometown. The relationship between counselors and parents is not very good, because there has been a debate about going to college this year. Family life is not very good. My father is introverted and seldom talks at home, but my mother keeps her word. Mom is a very strong person, and this divorce was first proposed by her mother.
Third, the psychological evaluation of the case (data mainly comes from QQ chat) obtained the following information from the chat:
(1) The problem that help seekers need to solve is that they feel pain and remorse because they can't accept breaking up with their boyfriend of four years.
(2) Self-experience and behavior (mainly complaints)
1, they have been together since high school, and now they are separated. They don't know what to do and have no goals.
I have been insomnia since we broke up, and I don't know what to do.
I read the text messages sent by the original two people repeatedly every day. The more you look at it, the more you blame yourself, the more sad you are, and the more you cry.
I called the man countless times to get back together, but the man insisted that the two sides were not suitable and should not be together.
I firmly believe that they still love each other.
6, can go to school normally, attend classes, but affect insomnia at night.
7. Take the initiative to seek treatment. Moreover, in the conversation, questions are also very active and enthusiastic, and there is no sense of distance.
8, behavior, normal communication with friends.
9. The symptoms of breaking up for one month are obvious.
(3) The severity of the problem: generally serious (refer to Xu Youxin's neurosis).
(4) Relevant information: (Friends and self-introduction)
1. Last semester, my parents divorced and now I live with my mother. (It is also unacceptable for parents to divorce.)
2. After breaking up, except for class and eating, I stayed in the dormitory at other times and didn't deal with people. (friend)
I have been blaming myself since we broke up.
4. Feeling bad and having a bad temper are the reasons for breaking up.
5. A week after breaking up, I heard the man's friend say that she was not a friend and began to complain to each other.
6. After hearing that, whenever I mentioned that man's name and related events, I felt uncomfortable and my mood became extremely bad.
7. I said that I no longer believe in love, and I will never fall in love again.
(5) Reliability of the above information: reliable.
(6) Evaluation of psychological level:
1, psychological activity intensity (5 points)
2, psychological endurance (6 points)
3, periodic rhythm (5 points)
4, the level of consciousness (4 points) often can not concentrate on doing something, resulting in sometimes doing something wrong.
5. suggestibility (3 points) is low and will not cause mood swings.
6, rehabilitation ability (7 points)
7. Psychological self-control ability (4 points) Poor self-control ability and uncontrollable emotions.
8, self-confidence (5 points) Low self-confidence, no self-confidence, always feel that they are not as good as others, that they can't do anything well.
9, social skills (7 points) social skills in general, can communicate with classmates normally.
10, environmental adaptability (6 points)
(7) The key point of psychological problems: The symptoms seem to be contradictions caused by breaking up with boyfriends, but the essence is that parents can't accept the previous divorce. According to her psychological level evaluation report, the helper has strong self-esteem and great dependence. After her parents divorced, she shifted all her dependence on her boyfriend. Now that we have broken up, dependence has disappeared. Psychological depression and pain.
Fourth, the formulation of the consultation plan.
(1) Methods and principles:
For reasons related to this counselor, I mainly use aversion therapy. This is a special behavioral therapy technique. It refers to combining the target behavior (or symptoms) that needs to be quit with some unpleasant or punitive stimulus, and achieving the purpose of quitting or at least reducing the target behavior through the role of aversion to conditions. The principle of aversion therapy is classical conditioned reflex. Based on the principle of avoiding learning, the disgusting stimuli, such as language reproach and imagination, are combined with the bad behavior of the seeker to form a new conditioned reflex to resist the original bad behavior and then eliminate it. Using this principle, imagination therapy is mainly adopted to make the consultant imagine the bad and inappropriate places of the man, and an imagination behavior is mainly adopted:
1, in the dormitory to give a quiet environment, let her calm down and imagine, if when shopping with her boyfriend, suddenly a girl wearing a lot of dew passes by, her boyfriend ignores her feelings and stares straight at the girl with eyes that she has never seen before. This kind of imagination is mainly to let the consultant know that the boyfriend is not as perfect as he imagined. Using aversion therapy can make counselors understand from self-blame that love is not a person's business. It is the result of the joint efforts of two people. It's not the counselor who wants to lose his temper.
Verb (abbreviation of verb) case summary:
In this case, the counselor can't adapt to the present life mainly because he temporarily lost his dependence. But now, although his parents have divorced, with the efforts of the counselor in the middle of this semester, his parents still care about and care about the counselor. In this way, visitors changed the original view that love is more important than affection in their later years, and counselors began to adapt to the days when they got along well with their parents. In this way, the consultant moved from one central point to another. Thereby slowly reducing the pain and self-blame of lovelorn.